If you are in a relationship with a girl with BPD, get out. Now. (BPD horror stories)

[Brighty]

I cannot stress this enough. I know it's been said time and time again on this forum, but for any people that are in a relationship with a bipolar disorder girl or think there may be signs that your partner is BPD/suffers from depression, reading some of these stories from SoSuave users may provide you with some clarity. I'm going to quote a few here from various posters so that other people can see just how nasty things can get if you stay in and "try and fix her". Use this thread to ask any questions or offer up your own story and hopefully there will be some advice in here that can help out those who need it.

I reccomend newcomers or people wondering if their girl has BPD/severe depression reading all of these, but if nothing else I've divided these stories into 2 stories per post, so it's easier to read. Tackle this thread one post at a time if you want to. And always feel free to post your own.

I had one of them also. All I can say is wow, what a drama rollercoaster ride. You begin to question your own sanity, but at the same time you know you are sane? Off all the females I have ever dated, the BPD one the most difficult one to get over. It took alot of reading and very limited contact.

Just try Ignore her, let her leave messages. She will always contact you, so occasionally take her call (every month or so). While on the phone with her be polite, talk about superficial stuff in a positive manner, and then cut the call short. You need to do 'soft rejection.' They go through cycles of love/hate, hallmark of their black/white thinking. When she finds the next 'victim' you should be OK. They will always contact you from time to time.

These 2 books really helped me with interventions to diffuse her behavior from affecting my life. Check them out at Barnes and Noble

"Stop walking on eggshells.Taking back your life when someone you care about has BPD." Paul Mason and Randi Kreger.

'Intergrative treatment for BPD. Effective, Symptom-Focused Techniques, Simplified for Private Practice" John D Preston Psy.D

They live in a very sad world. Be emphatic to them from safe distance.

Cheers,
RD

Just to add to this.

I lived with a certified BDP for about 1.5 years. She was diagnosed with it and has been under therapy of some sort for most of her life.

Like many of you she seemed perfectly normal when i first met her. Pretty, well spoken, funny. And she came on like gang busters when I first met her. Sex right away, declaring her love for me within a week or two. Saying how i was her knight in shining armor. Hooked me immeaditely.

Soon I began to see many red flags. Drinking, many failed relationships, many different jobs, strange stories about her past, changed her hair style and color many times, could go from one hobby to the next like the drop of a hat and never revisit the old one again. She began to have depression, raging like you have never seen someone rage. I mean could literally go on for hours screaming over nothing. And then the next day be the sweetest person you would ever meet.

Soon when she began to doubt my true love for her she made up stories to attract sympathy. Saying she was raped in a parking lot, saying she was attacked when she took out the garbage and even had perfectly placed slice marks on her head to "prove it". Of course since I had found out so many of her past stories were lies, i really didn't believe these either and of course those turned out to be false as well. All to get my "attention".

After a while her daily drinking became so bad, her raging so bad, I was ready to move out and on with my life. Thats when she took a knife and in front of me slit her wrist wide open. Thankfully she sliced it parellel and not across, or she would have died right there. I mean her wrist was wide open, cut all her tendons, everything. She also o d'd on her her meds to try and kill herself.

She really tried to get help. I mean she realized what she had and didnt want to be that way but there was nothing she could do according to her.

Finally when i left for good, she hit and sliced herself and then called the police saying I attacked her-which I didnt. I was arrested, put in jail for two days, humiliated. I eventually got everything cleared but only after paying court costs, lawyer fees, and attending anger management class for 15 weeks at $50 a pop. If anyone knows me they call me the most laid back person they know. I never get angry, which is why that class was such a joke, and the instructor knew that after a week or two and gave me a glowing report to the judge.

She also stole my car, slandered me to everyone she knew. All because I left her.

There are a million other stories I could tell about her in the time we were together, but suffice it to say they are all very similar to the ones I gave here. Lets just call it a neverending soap opera.

I was sucked in. I thought I could "fix" her. When i got out of that relationship eventually it felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. Thats what they do, suck the life out of you and then move on since they always need new forms of excitement and drama to keep them from thinking about their own depression.

I am telling anyone now, if you have any inkling that your gf or wife has borderline personality disorder, run like you have never run before. I have had numerous psychiatrists tell me BPD is the one disorder they are actually scared of. It is untreatable.

 

[Brighty]

Continued

Having had a girlfriend who has had depression, I know that when you yourself don't have depression it is really hard to relate to them. See, for them, its usually a chemical imbalance and they can't help but feel depressed. My ex would be depressed and not know what about, and for women its worse because they tend to think with their emotions more than logic, and no matter how much I convinced her that her life was doing great it didn't make a difference. It was horrible. Seriously, draining stuff.

Throughout our relationship she occasionally got depressed, but it was nothing serious and I always cheered her up and it never lasted long, so I didn't pay it any attention.

However, it all climaxed one night when I watched her try to kill herself when she was blackout drunk and I literally saved her life. She and I had gotten back from a party, she had been irresponsible and had way too much to drink and had been throwing up. We ended up going back to her room and she wouldn't stop talking and making zero sense, and we ended up getting into a fight because I was trying to sleep. I stormed out of the room and two minutes later I got a text simply reading:

"I'm done with life, bye."

I tried calling her, but she didn't answer, so I ran back to her room. I busted into the bathroom to a scene with pills scattered everywhere, one of her wrists cut with a shaving razor, and her about to imbibe all of her prozac/Tylenol. The worst part was that halfway through the ordeal of me sitting down there and trying to talk to her, she went from being upset to just showing no emotion at all, that she spoke to me in a completely calm and somber tone that this was what she wanted and she wanted to be happy this way. And then she smiled at me. I will never, ever forget that haunting, twisted smile, and even though the night was hazy because I was drunk, that smile will stick out in my mind until the day I die.

I'm strong willed and a tough guy and I'm good at hiding my emotions, but after that smile I broke down and started crying that night in front of her, realizing that there was no way at all to reason with her because she was so drunk. Like, uncontrollable crying, like I have cried like that since... I can't even remember. I had to take the pills and the razor from her and sit with her in the bathroom until 6am. She passed out in her bed at 6 and I stayed up right next to her until she woke up six or seven hours later because I was scared to death she would try something when I was asleep.

To see someone you care about so much do that to themselves, right in front of you, smiling about it and telling you in a calm voice that this is what they want, getting mad at you for not letting them "be happy and end it", and realizing that there is nothing you can say to reason with them because they are too drunk... I've seen fvcked up videos on the internet, but they pale in comparison, this is the most haunting, disturbing thing I have ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. No one should have to go through that. I'm surprised I didn't need therapy for it, to be honest.

The next day she didn't really even recall much of the night and told me she was so sorry. She implied, never said, but implied that I shouldn't hold her accountable because she was so drunk. The fvcking audacity of it. Every day after until I broke up with her I always feared in the back of my mind that it would happen again and soon I felt like I had to stay in the relationship to make her happy and soon I decided that it was my job to make sure she was happy, even at the cost of my own happiness. I haven't gone into this much detail about this event to anyone before, and retyping it makes me remember things I guess my brain naturally try and forget.

And you know what the fvcked up part is? There's still a little part of me that wants her back - I don't even know if its me wanting her back, its more along the lines of me just wanting to be with her, to protect her and make everything better even LONG after we've broken up. The intense emotions that I felt that night hit something in me and even though we're broken up I still miss her occasionally and I feel close to her, I can't decide if it was because I saved her life or just that all of the drama she brought with her has rubbed off on me and now that I subconsciously crave it or what.

Like I said, it is your mistake to make to be in a relationship with a girl like this, no one on this board can convince you and I know you won't listen to us about it. Hell, I didn't listen to these guys either when I first got in a relationship with that girl (the phrase "Nah, my girl isn't like that" ring a bell?). Still man, I wish there was something I could do or say to convince you otherwise. But there isn't.

This was my experience with a self-proclaimed BPD chick.

6 months ago I was lying in bed and I had a dream about a girl I used to know, years ago. At that time I had the feeling I was completely done with even thinking about this girl. But little did I know that the next day I would be on the computer, in a chat room, lonely. Much to my surprise a girl was actually in the room, and she needed attention bad. It was funny too because she had the same name as the girl I was done thinking about. Anyway I messaged her and got her digits, called her. She had a really sexy voice! I checked her MySpace too and she wasn't even that fugly! WOOHOO JACKPOT?

That was Mistake #1. Desire had it's hold on me. I didn't even think the girl might be bad for my health.

So we talk on the phone for awhile and she tells me about these "cuts" she has. She was a cutter. I don't believe everything I'm told. The more I talked with her the following days, the more she "opened up", or rather dumped her life issues on me. After a barrel of bullsh1t (must be taken in small doses!), I thought I might turn this sh1t test into some fun. So I told her I only wanted her to be my fvck buddy. She did not want to be "seen as a toy". I thought this was cute, seeing as we lived over 2500 miles away. In later days she tells me she had a 3-sum with her best friend and some d1ck. I got angry at that, because I still desired her.

That was Mistake #2. Do I just let myself accept the fact she is going to fvck other guys? Fvck I want the poon too! It was most likely a sh1t test and I failed it.

I got so pissed at what she said I was ready to give it up. But desire had it's claws in me and I kept talking. I told her stuff like she will catch a disease if she fools around, trying to scare her. At this point she set me as her #1 friend on MySpace (lol) but I was heated! I told her I was "dumping her ass" and removed her from my friends list. She calls me after that, crying and her best friend is on the phone saying she is going to cut herself. I thought, "O no, maybe this girl IS crazy!" I had posted my frustration with her 3-sum
antic in another forum. I also had the crazy idea of setting up a PayPal donation fund so people could donate money to help me "see my new girlfriend!" (but they thought it was a scam...). Anyway I told the girl about the PayPal thing and that I already made 30 dollars! The next night we are on the phone and she is drunk and tells me her mommy bought her a new dildo so of course she has to try it out. Things couldn't have went smoother. After all that I dug up a chick I used to know on MySpace (who's a real hottie) and I befriended her once again. Then I put her MySpace profile right above the crazy chicks. Ooo I could feel the heat of jealously radiating out of the computer monitor

That was Mistake #3. I pumped my own ego which was about to be debased, hard.

One night we were talking (again) and I called her ugly. This is when the tragedy starts. I needed some drama, I was bored as all fvck. She hangs up on me and won't pick up the phone! For some reason this bothered me. I guess I had become accustomed to her little games but the usual outs weren't working. I actually started to feel physically sick. I told her that... and then she decided to call me back, and even ask me what's wrong!

That was Mistake #4. I became too attached. I had never even met the girl in real life!

So then I was really pissed off. The girl had gotten the best of me (in all fairness I wasn't a hard kill). To get back at her I told her she wasn't worth flying 2500 miles to see when I could fly 1500 miles to see the hotter chick, the one I just added on myspace to make her jealous. At that point she clamped up. I wasn't gonna get her to talk openly with me anymore. Everytime I would message her she would just ... ... ... like a deedeedee. But we were still friends on myspace so I would check out her profile once in awhile. She had gotten a new boyfriend who was definitely in her looks range. And then we were done.

 

[Brighty]

Continued

Of the Cluster B women with the exception of the sociopath (who is the ultimate human predator and chameleon) they all give signs that you can look out for and yes some of the signs can apply to normal women as well but remember why these are personality disorders called "cluster b" and that is they are a cluster of symptoms.

The things to watch out for have been posted in most of the red flag lists on this site but I'll go through a few that are very common of Histrionics, Borderlines and Narcissists...

1. You are the most wonderful person she's ever met but she's only known you for 5 whole minutes!
2. Nobody understands her like you do.
3. She always seems to somehow command the attention in a room either by her behaviours or looks or both ie talking louder than necessary or being dressed phenomenally all the time with well utilized makeup.
4. Is very interesting to talk to initially but when you get more interested because of this apparent depth and start saying clever things thinking you are interacting with a clever human being they go right over her head and she deftly moves the conversation to something more simple for her immature brain to understand. Not insulting them by saying this but its true that they are half child half adult in their personalitys. They pick up whatever clever phrase or thing they say to you from the genuinely clever people they interact with. She'll even use your clever phrases in conversations with her next victim since they assimilate personality's of others due to lacking a strong sense of their own personality and self.
5. Confides something deeply personal real or imagined thats happened to her almost immediately without even really knowing you. This is done to evoke the captain save a ho response in caring men and also to command attention though this is typically outside the awareness of all cluster b save for the sociopathic female who knows exactly what she's doing.

I am a medical professional, she worked in the same hospital. She was 21 years younger than I, and a striking woman. She chased me for 2 years, leaving gifts on my desk, making me lunches, giving me her number multiple times. Yet a little voice in my head, said don't go there. Long story, but essentially she seduced me into thinking that she might be the ONE, great personality, killer figure, stunning looks. Now I am not exactly ugly, and am in good physical shape (I lift 5 days a week), but still to have this cutie single me out was more than an ego lift. And that is what the BPD count upon. But if I would have known then what I know, I would have realized that she had this whole situation well scripted in her head, and had plenty of practice in manipulating others.

Oh yea, "small" red flags, she was divorced twice and had 3 little girls by her two ex's. Ok, that should hav been reason enough to bail, but the BPD woman can be extremely convincing when she lies right to your face. The fact that the first time we went out she F****d my brains out was something that should have sent me packing, but alas it did not. Once she had me hooked (both physically, emotionally, and feeling responsible for the well being of HER kids...go figure), all the signals of her being mentally ill were readily ignored.

We were together for about 11 months when the raging started to become more frequent. She was a high level BPD, never cut, never attempted suicide, but she would literally cling to me every given moment. She became irrationally jealous of other co-workers and constantly complained that I did not spend sufficient time with her. She started coming to my gym, my grocery store and other places just "to see me" because she was "in love with her whole heart and soul". About that time I started to notice this other dude (some white trash home repair guy) became an increasing topic of conversation. She even TOLD me when he would be around, what they talked about, and that he was "just a nice guy" who she had no interest in.....considering he was a paunchy, balding piece of crap I was not too concerned, but knew something was up.

The last time we were together (Toby Kieth concert and a $600 dollar weekend) I knew something was not right but 3 days of unbelievable sex convinced me that no one could love like that and be cheating. That was the day before Valentines day. On Valentines day she gave me a card professing her undying love. Two days later I caught her going out of town with the dirtbag after telling me she was sick. My initial response was to call her and tell her to kiss my a**, but then I thought I could salvage the relationship. (Can you say Dumb A**)

When I first posted my whining tale Rollo ***** slapped me back into reality pointing out the many indications I ignored. But by that time she had so entwined my life (emotionally, physically, and financially) that I went into PTSD reactions. It wasn't the cheating, it was how calculating and scripted she had this situation pre-ordained. Sure, like the rest of you I had been used by chicks, cheated upon, whatever, and basically walked away and said "NEXT". But this time was different and I am not sure why. Maybe it was the age and ego. Whatever the cause it damned near killed me. Then, when she found out that I knew about her betrayal I became the enemy. She wrote letters to my administrator charging "harassment". Accused me of trying to steal her piece of s**t van, she wrote my licensing boards asking them to investigat "inappropriate patient contact". All of this of course was bogus and went absolutely no where. I initiated no contact for self defense.

I went to the police and told them of my concerns regarding possible aligations. They already KNEW about her as I was not the first victim she had seduced. Not sure if this will help any of the rest of you, but in summary here is what I have learned: If it seems too good to be true, trust me it is. Secondly, at the first indication that something is wrong with the woman, listen to your gut and run like hell. Third, there are a pile of these women out there, this is just not a random thing. And lastly, if you do get caught in their snare, maintain your dignity.

I wish I would have. Spook..

 

[Brighty]

Continued

I'd have to give you lots of background on what happened with the BPD I was involved with....lets see if I can get it down to a couple sentences.

7 mon relationship. Went south on me weekend of Easter. Went to see her Sat. before easter, I knew something was up. Broke up with her on Easter, she attempted a suicide hoover the next day. I contacted her therapist and her mother and let them know the situation. BPD went ape and NC on me after she found out I told her therapist. I was big time AFC through the whole thing. I sent her Mom a book on BPD.

Fast forward to a week ago. I got hoovered (sucked back in). BPD wanted me to finish a tv stand I was making for her. I knew this was BS and played along. Yesterday....I get this lovely nasty-gram:

"Well, I just found out you called my mom and sent her books???
I never cared about you enough to have been that upset about us breaking up. I was dating a guy named Tom from nearby town. That is who I broke up with on Easter morning. He spent the night Saturday which is why I wanted you gone. And if you noticed when you came over to grab your stuff on Easter Sunday, there were beer bottles on the counter.
I never wanted to tell you this because I thought it wasn't necessary to hurt you. But, now, that I find out what you did... I hope it stings.
And by the way, Dr. MTNKNG, lay off the computer. You have no right nor degree in determining whether or not to determine if someone is bi-polar. Honestly, you have issues and you need to see someone.
I hope that at some point in your life retribution pays a visit. Perhaps it will be in the shape of eternal lonliness or perhaps it has already returned the favor by making you childless.
Screw the tv stand. NEWVICTIM will make one. Would you like to call him too?"


Evidently her mother fessed up about contact and the book; didnt read the book and won't help. Nice. This is the mindfvck crap you'll need to deal with. She has a new victim that she probably picked up a few days after she attempted suicide. There is nothing healthy about dealing with these things. And you can catch some of their BS. Don't be afraid of counseling or therapy - this is strong stuff.

Fortunately, lots of the stuff I've been learning here has helped. Im not a DJ....but Im not a AFC anymore. This monster has pried me out of my stupidty.

regards

Eons ago, in a young Mr.P lifetime (11 years ago to be exact), I too was in the clutches of a BPD woman.

My quick story, I was with a woman for 3 years towards the end of graduating college. We did not get engaged, but was close, and planned to actually get married once I graduated college and secured a good job.

Over the 3 years, my confidence went from below average to begin with, to absolutely zero. If there's such a thing as negative confidence, that was me at the time.

I hated myself, because this woman managed to manipulate herself into my mind, and I truly believed that I was the sole cause of all the pain she experienced in her life. It was MY fault when she was miserable (which was very often), yet when she was happy..then I too could be happy. She would build me up one minute, then tear me down the next. I lived life walking on eggshells, existing out of fear, for whatever mood she was in.

Anyway, I graduated college and hit a point where I just broke free from her. Disappeared completely from her life. I travelled to Europe, had a great fling with a French gal, and never regretted taking my life back.

However..it took me years, yes years, to get my confidence back. For years, I still felt like the horrible man that had caused this wonderful woman soo much pain.

Last I heard, this woman was married and had several kids. I sometimes think about her husband, and if he too was railroaded into an existence that slowly dwindled to a living life of hell.

Back then there was no sosuave to help, nor did I feel like I could really talk to anyone about it. So, time healed everything...eventually.

So, this thread, and the experience in here, really should be a must read to any young guy starting out in life.

 

[Accension]

Essentially, the BPD girl is the male equivalent of the girl trying to fix the jerk..

I used to screw a BPD girl.
It's hard to explain all the stuff they do.
It can be summarized as extremely selfish manipulation to satisfy all their fuc> feelings in the same way a child may go mental if it can't get the candy.

This girl I screwed, everytime you'd talk to her she'd hijack the conversation.

Couldn't stand not being the centre of attention.
Of course, unless you look at this shi> objectively it's subtle in the same way a slowly boiling frog won't notice until it's too late.

My advice:

Look at her.
Play psychologist, but think of her as a child.
Her motives are in no way complicated, so don't do your head in.

Assess her and you'll find she's just a fuc>ing atrocious cun>.

1.Proceed to play her games.
2.Fuc> her.
3.And if you're lucky the bitc> won't pretend to be pregnant (they ALWAYS do that).
4.Run like hell without looking back.

 

[Johnny_Kage]

This is news? Yes get out....unless you want a major headache for a long time.

 

[Brighty]

Figured this would be worth a bump.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

WTF is this? Again???? Man, why don´t you post on another thread that was already created?