If Women Aren't Confident...

[zekko]

I've read a lot of statements on this forum to the effect that girls are not confident, that they are really insecure, even the hot ones (especially the hot ones). That confidence is largely a characteristic of guys. So here's my question:
If women are not really confident, then why are they usually the ones to end the relationship?

My answer to this has always been that women are more emotionally in tune to the relationship, so they are the first to see that it is in trouble, so they dump the guy. But this doesn't take into account the idea that women are not really confident (not like men anyway). That is a new concept for me, and one I'm not entirely convinced of yet.

If women were truly insecure and not confident, wouldn't they be afraid to leave the safe haven of a relationship? Wouldn't they be afraid they might not be able to find someone better?

 

[radiodude]

The last 5 relationships I was in before I was married, I ended.

It had gotten to the point where I knew I needed to act when I, the man, knew things were not going to work out. Each time, the girl had some form of greater repsect for me than she would have if I just would have hung on and done nothing till she was forced to.

Was it easy? No. But it was worth it and did wonders for me psychologically. Manning up and doing something like that against all your other instincts is a good character builder.

This highlights a very imprtant thing about relationships and that is that the man is the leader. We make the large, over arching decisions, we drive the relationship. Or at least, we SHOULD and deep down women really do want us to.

It's very liberating and it builds your confidence and self-esteem. It also elevates you in her eyes.

In fact, one of those endings initiated by me led to a sudden physical encounter right there after I ended it. I gave her an ultimatum, she expressed her views on where things where going, I did the same and then we just had at it. Because, thats all the relationship really was. Physical. It had run it's course. But the ending encounter was quite a unique thrill. definately not something I'd want to do alot but fun and unique nonetheless.

Confidence in this sense, is knowing how and where to guide the relationship and when necessary, how and when to end it, first.

The fallacy is that women are not really confident. This is wrong. Women are confident about many things, just as men are. They are also insecure about alot of things, just as men are. We're all human. The key is you have to at least match her confidence or have more than her or you'll have a disaster on your hands.

 

[zekko]

The last 5 relationships I was in before I was married, I ended.

That's good for you I"m sure, but I was referring to studies that show that women are usually the ones to end relationships.

It's very liberating and it builds your confidence and self-esteem. It also elevates you in her eyes.

I'm sure it does. In the game of love, the dumper is considered the winner. The winner takes it all, as Abba says.

The fallacy is that women are not really confident. This is wrong. Women are confident about many things, just as men are.

I'm not sure I buy the whole "women are not confident" idea either. Yet you see this said a lot in pickup material. Supposedly they are generally confident about their looks or whatever, but they are easily brought down if you toss a neg or two at them. Supposedly their reality is based on their experiences of guys giving them validation all the time, and when that is taken away, they crumble. So their confidence is superficial only. Again, I'm not sure I buy it. If they aren't truly confident, why would they be the ones who usually initiate breakups?

 

[Desdinova]

If women are not really confident, then why are they usually the ones to end the relationship?

If a woman has no other options, there's a good chance that she will stay. Also, have you ever heard the bull5hit that women give when they end a relationship? Here's some examples:

- I need to do things for myself
- It's not you, it's me
- I just want to be alone right now
- I just want to be friends

And the list goes on. Here are lines that women will never use:

- I'm fvcking my co-worker
- I want to fvck my co-worker
- You're a fag
- You're a loser
- Your d1ck is ugly

Now, which list has the more "confident" way to end the relationship?

 

[tosh]

zekko,

Do you have a link to this study? I've always believed girls have power in the beginning game (up to the 1st ****) but then it flips completely and they have to work at keeping the man locked into an LTR.

I've had the same experience as radiodude in terms of who it is that breaks things off.

 

[Jitterbug]

Three things:

1: women have more options, way more, than men, when it comes to relationships (well, at least the dating part). They believe that they can find a new guy easily.

2: it's been pumped into their brains since day one that their sex is entitled to the power position in a relationship, that it's their birth right to have a relationship their way all the time.

3: Ending a relationship first doesn't translate to confidence. Most women weasel their way out of a relationship.

 

[slaog]

It comes down to value. If one person has a higher value both start to feel it and the person with the higher value might want to upgrade to somebody with similar value.


If a woman in a relationship suddendly has alot more options then she'll think of herself as being higher value. Its a mindset.

 

[zekko]

Do you have a link to this study? I've always believed girls have power in the beginning game (up to the 1st ****) but then it flips completely and they have to work at keeping the man locked into an LTR.

Honestly, I wasn't referring to any particular study. This is just something I have heard all my life. Here's a link to a well known study saying that women file for divorce most of the time:

http://fathersforlife.org/divorce/divmen.htm

It says women file for divorce 2:1 compared to men. This is not the same as saying women usually end LTRs, but that's what I've heard. I haven't seen any hard research on it though - it may be too hard to define what a LTR is for the purposes of a study. In any case, the original question still works - if women aren't confident, why are they more likely to divorce?

I have considered that maybe a lot of these men are cheating on the women, or abusing them, but I'm skeptical of that explanation. I think women are just as likely to cheat as men, and many women are likely to claim abuse even if it isn't strictly true. For instance, if a man gets angry and yells at a woman, she is likely to claim abuse. Whereas if a woman yells at a man how likely is he to complain about abuse?

 

[Proselytiser]

Because they have a group of friends to fall back on, because they have another guy to fall back on, and because they watch Sex and the City