If This Fair: Who She Calls First

[slickaz]

so as some of you know, i have been contemplating getting into an LTR with this one chic.
shes been very decent and straight forward with me.
also she cooks food and stores it in my ref so i can come home from work and heat it up if she's not around.
she cleans up etc and she's good in bed.
she hasnt said no to anything ive asked. etc.

so all round good to have as a gf.

and i play the DJ as best i can.

But, last night This happened:
i went back to Singapore for the weekend ill be returning on tuesday after work.
she rung me in singapore, and i couldnt answer the phone because i was doing work.
she rung me again and i text her back telling her that im unable to answer as im at work.
she didnt text back.
so when i was done, i text her and said im finished now you can ring me if you want.
she text back a very formal no emotion text "Im sorry, i cant call you now"
so i let it go.
i waited half an hour.
then rung her, as i was free and needed to talk, she answered and we fluff talked. i could tell she was upset, because she was being very distant.

and MAYBE I SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THIS, but
i asked her, hey what was with the distant text about not calling me?

<<i guess i thought im the man and i should ask if the girl im seeing is ok or not>>
then she said i cant talk right now im with my family, but yeh.and so i said ok np, ill talk later. the bye's were very distant also.

anyway i get a text half hour later "hey i dunno if i can call you, im gonna go to sleep k hun xoxo"
now i know her, and she only uses the word hun, when she's upset.
so i let it go i didnt text back.
3 hours later i get a text, can you please get online.
so i got on msn.
and she says "oh yeh i wasnt sleeping, i came from a shower and saw that my good friend Steve had rung me from overseas, so i rung him back and spoke to him for like 20 mins."

and i dunno what happened to me, but i guess that tripped of the idiot inside me, coz i said "oh im sorry, you can ring another dude and talk for 20 minutes but you couldnt text or ring me?"

she got defensive, but i realized i had slipped, so i regained by saying "its all good, i know you are mature enough to not use that as a "revenge" for me not answering you're call this arvo..."

she said no, i thought he called as an emergency, because he never just rings me like that.

background: she's told me about this dude before, he has liked her, but she always saw him as a best friend and never went beyond a purely brother sister type thing. He has a gf now.

my question is: Should i be worried that she is changing?
change comes to everyone i know, but how i stop her from becoming another lost retarded chic..
Also, should i have asked that question? about why she couldnt have rung me first?


PS: her excuse was, i didnt ring you first because i didnt know if you were free and if i rung you first id talk to you forever and wouldnt ring Steve to see if he's ok.WTF

 

[MisterMcGee]

Lol? There are ups and downs in every relationship. If she's a little peeved about something SMALL, then let her be. Be cool about it and a tad sensitive and respective but don't let it run laps in your head. You're letting her female tendencies get to you. I'm not saying ignore her ups and downs, just understand them.

 

[slickaz]

Thanks McGee..
but can you expand? how would you handle this?
i mean if i act as if it doesnt phase me, she thinks i dont care about her.
if i do it just enough, she doesnt know what to do.
if i over act then she gets mad.
yesterday was the first time in 3 months that she's snapped at me with "i always feel like im defending myself..."
i was like..wtf does that mean?! and she goes "i dunno..."
and changed topic.

i didnt want the first snap to be on the phone. lol.

 

[The Master Disaster]

It seems like she is angry with you because you're in singapore that weekend, not because you were unavailable.

I've seen this sort of thing a lot in relationships. Where one is off on some presumed "better place" and the other is left back, so the one left back has to find a way without coming out and saying it that he or she doesn't like it.

So she's basically angry with you for being in Singapore that is why she is bringing up another dude. Trying to get a rise out of you. When I read that, I even doubted that she even talked to this dude.

I think she just misses you bro. Nothing to get all perturbed about.

 

[slickaz]

Thanks TMD, yeh i think that might be the case to.

before i left she was all happy and jumpy. soon as i landed her voice is mellow and she seems pissed off etc.
i think it annoys her more that im so calm about it.

I do alot of travelling for work so i guess its no big deal, plus i dont really WANT to be around her 24/7 so for me this is nothing to worry about.

but either way, still, if a girl was to go off at you like this. how do you think you should react? i mean, another guy getting called first, be it a best friend even, i know it shouldnt phase me.
I think she tried to do ignore me for a little bit and hoped it would affect me. but that didnt work so she said she called that guy? i dont know.

im thinking maybe next time i should just let it go and say "oh cool, what did your friend say?are him and his girl ok?" and just deflect it.

 

[Jitterbug]

Honeymoon period over, or at least, very near the end.

She was being childish. I guess something upset her that night and she needed someone to give her a few words of comfort & validation for her feelings. Naturally she called you first, but because you were unavailable due to work, she associated that with you taking work more seriously than her, like women do. You should've called her back after work though, instead of texting her telling her to call you. The rest of it is you being a typical man who "doesn't get it" and her being a typical woman who thinks that her man should be a mind reader. Her bringing up Steve is a childish attempt to "get back" at you: "See! Someone else cares for me!"

Not to worry. She's being a typical moody woman.

 

[slickaz]

Honeymoon period over, or at least, very near the end.

She asked me this last week once, she was like
"baby, do you think our honeymoon period is over?"
me"baby im wouldnt be happy if its over, why you askin?"
she"just checkin, coz i dont think our honeymoon period has started even" wink wink, smile and kissed me lots
i let that go.

but how i save it from ending? we dont spend alot of time together because im busy at work and have other plates that im sort of losing my grip on but i still keep one date a week with them.

She was being childish. I guess something upset her that night and she needed someone to give her a few words of comfort & validation for her feelings. Naturally she called you first, but because you were unavailable due to work, she associated that with you taking work more seriously than her, like women do. You should've called her back after work though, instead of texting her telling her to call you.

I understand i shouldve called but i couldnt call because she has just gone home to her folks and she doesnt talk like a "girlfriend" when she talks to me infront of her folks, its more like a friend, very formal. which annoys me. so i let her call me when she has noone around her she can be herself.
next time though ill just call her to sort it out.

The rest of it is you being a typical man who "doesn't get it" and her being a typical woman who thinks that her man should be a mind reader. Her bringing up Steve is a childish attempt to "get back" at you: "See! Someone else cares for me!"

Not to worry. She's being a typical moody woman.

how do i avoid this next time? or get deeper into the trap?
coz i noticed yday it only got worse and worse, and i tried saving it from going to a full blown argument it didnt work, then i tripped and told her this is not good for us, and she then changed tac and said she was sorry and that shes just moody etc etc which is when i used the "mature enough" line.

 

[Jitterbug]

She asked me this last week once, she was like
"baby, do you think our honeymoon period is over?"
me"baby im wouldnt be happy if its over, why you askin?"
she"just checkin, coz i dont think our honeymoon period has started even" wink wink, smile and kissed me lots
i let that go.

Funny that. They all do the same thing - asking a loaded, serious question then pretending to be all kissy happy to cover it up.

but how i save it from ending? we dont spend alot of time together because im busy at work and have other plates that im sort of losing my grip on but i still keep one date a week with them.

I don't know, mate. You'll have to ask older guys who have been in a happy, marriage for years. Rollo Tomassi is one, I think. However, I don't think the highs of the honeymoon period are meant to last forever.

I understand i shouldve called but i couldnt call because she has just gone home to her folks and she doesnt talk like a "girlfriend" when she talks to me infront of her folks, its more like a friend, very formal. which annoys me. so i let her call me when she has noone around her she can be herself.
next time though ill just call her to sort it out.

I know, but you're thinking logical. "It's the thought that counts", remember?

how do i avoid this next time? or get deeper into the trap?
coz i noticed yday it only got worse and worse, and i tried saving it from going to a full blown argument it didnt work, then i tripped and told her this is not good for us, and she then changed tac and said she was sorry and that shes just moody etc etc which is when i used the "mature enough" line.

You shouldn't take her that seriously. Moody women just want their man to acknowledge & validate their feelings. Your situation is the other side of the same coin that when she's happy and bubbly, she wants you to kiss her. You don't want to be her emotion tampon either, but just a simple "there there, my poor baby", a few words of comfort and something BS lovey dovey like "I'll kiss it better when I see you" would be enough to get them off the phone with you and go on to ring their girlfriends to vomit their feelings out.

If you take it seriously and are affected emotionally by that, then you're NOT her ROCK. Being a rock that she can lean on is what she expects of you. If her being emotional and irrational (which happens all the time to women) destabilizes you then you're failing in your role.

You'll also have to train this one (when she's happy and bubbly again and not so moody) on how to cope with such issues and what she can expect from you (establishing boundaries). From what you've told us about this girl, she seems inexperienced wrt relationships.

 

[WC2]

I personally think that she's just a little moody that you haven't returned her calls. It's just her way of getting you back.

For all you know, this story about her calling this Steve dude could be a concocted story as an attempt to get your nerves going. In other words, a test.

Put it this way: You can't really help what she's doing back home right now. What you can do is pass this test by showing her that you trust her and that you aren't really going to buy in to her attempts to get you going. If she brought this Steve dude up out of the blue, she probably is just testing you.

 

[slickaz]

Thanks WC. Yeh i think it may have been a sh!t test.

thing is she hasnt been in a proper relationship before. its always been very teenage school type kind of thing.
so i dont know if she'd be testing me. but then again, women are born with that in them already so she doesnt have to learn it to do it.lol

She apologized for doing what she did, alot after she realized that i didnt buy it with my "you're too mature to play revenge" comment. she said im sorry baby..i really am..
and i just covered it with an"its all good sweetheart dont even sweat it k..."
so then she got all happy etc.

In future though im just gonna go with,
be the source of her joy and pleasure, where she only feels happiness and excitement around me.
only control what i can control.

i think thatll cover me through most dramas..right?