If she says "Do You Love Me?"

[thefonz]

just say, "I love me too".....problem aborted

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by dearsappho
Granted Wyldfire, but making those gestures you speak of has lead her to ask me if I love her or not.

Thats why she feels the realtionship is one sided - simply because she knows Im avoiding the issue, not because I am being cold and aloof. On the contrary.

If I yield I will loose her and if I hold out it seems I will also loose her.

Perhaps I am unwilling to take a risk on her but Ive learnt that once a woman knows she has you in that respect, she will more than likely depart to seek approval/supplication from other men.

Why on earth do you think that you will lose her if you answer her question? That's rather silly. Telling someone you love them after they have told you the same thing is not going to make them run for the hills. As long as you aren't being needy and clingy after saying it you'll be fine.

I mean, do you honestly believe that no guy here with a girlfriend ever tells her that he loves her? It's one thing if you say it constantly and smother the girl...then it's bad. But if you say it once in awhile it's not a big deal.

If you have been with your girlfriend at least 6 months and you do love her then it's not going to kill things to say it. Don't do it when she asks, though. If you're going to say it, pick a time when you're about to leave so you don't have to stay there and end up acting all sappy.

 

[dj_spain]

You guys are stupid and immature.
She asks "do you love me?" and you answer with a C&F line.
If she asks you "do you love me?" SINCERELY, there is nothing wrong with saying "YES", if it is true. True DJs know that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by dj_spain
You guys are stupid and immature.
She asks "do you love me?" and you answer with a C&F line.
If she asks you "do you love me?" SINCERELY, there is nothing wrong with saying "YES", if it is true. True DJs know that.

If he does love her, then it's fine to say so. If he doesn't, then he shouldn't lie. If it's a case of him not loving her then he should say something like I advised him to say in my first post. She already feels like things are one sided, which suggests to me that she might not to waste her time with a guy that doesn't love her. If that's the case then he should be honest with her and not waste her time...especially if he knows he'll never love her.

 

[Nex]

Her - "Do you love ME?"
You - "Yeah... of course I love ME."



Her - "I'm serious!"
You - "Me too!"

Problem solved.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Her - "Do you love ME?"
Me - "If you buy me a T-shirt I can tell you".

 

[S0LID]

just go, awwwwwwwwwwwww and give her a hug, then say "bless you".

 

[sexual_intellectual]

Next time she asks you if you love her, propose to her, do it constantly and see how she likes it

You only say you love her when you feel that those words are true and unforced. She shouldn't need to hear "I love you" ALL the time.

If she does, there's an issue that she needs to bring up - ask her if she wants to talk, and sort it out.

If she's just insecure then its up to you - you'll have to be patient or without her... Your call.

 

[habdragon08]

Whip out a magic 8 ball, shake it

Whatever it says say

"all signs point to no"l

 

[StringShredder]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
If she thinks the relationship is one sided with her being the main contributor to it she will likely end it before too much longer. You don't ever want the other person to feel like things are one-sided. Right now, you are in a position where your girlfriend is ripe to be stolen by a good looking guy who is charming and confident. You're going to have to at least make some gestures that will make her feel like you're emotionally vested in the relationship, too.

So anyone tried following the advice of this Oprah wannabe? I'm like reading this anti-player crap, incredulous. Then I look to the left column, and ah, look who it is.

If a guy will steal that girlfriend, it will be because he's good-looking, charming, confident, and doesn't tell her that he loves her either!

One-sidedness never deterred anybody. Think of the people who pine away in unrequited love, sometimes for years and years, okay? It does not get any more one-sided than that. Also think of the people who stay in relationships in spite of verbal and even physical abuse.

In most relationships there is some kind of inequality.

And you have to remember that here the guy isn't pushing her away; just not giving in completely. Push-pull! It creates and maintains attraction, that is well-known.

You are trying to speak here on behalf of women. You can do that, but unfortunately the information is useless, because it's women's actions that are important, not what they say. The girl in question here may herself have the same conscious attitude as you, in fact. If you asked her ``would you stay in a one-sided relationship in which you have vested more of your emotional interest?'' She would probably say ``No, of course not''. But then she will do exactly that! See? Say. Do. Different things!

I'm a man and I can't say that I know anything special about men so that I could advise women about them. I know just me, which is a very small sample. Moreover, I would run into the same problem of expressing some belief about myself which is then contradicted by how I behave. The actions that someone takes are not a direct function of his or her conscious attitudes, especially when it comes to the emotional sphere.

Also remember that most of us here want to chase hot-headed young women. I couldn't care less about the 35 year old who finally wants a ``nice guy'' to settle with, in both word and in action. Maybe such a woman will drop the bad boy who avoids commitment and never gives a straight answer. Who cares?

 

[Void]

Originally posted by StringShredder
So anyone tried following the advice of this Oprah wannabe? I'm like reading this anti-player crap, incredulous. Then I look to the left column, and ah, look who it is.

If a guy will steal that girlfriend, it will be because he's good-looking, charming, confident, and doesn't tell her that he loves her either!

One-sidedness never deterred anybody. Think of the people who pine away in unrequited love, sometimes for years and years, okay? It does not get any more one-sided than that. Also think of the people who stay in relationships in spite of verbal and even physical abuse.

In most relationships there is some kind of inequality.

And you have to remember that here the guy isn't pushing her away; just not giving in completely. Push-pull! It creates and maintains attraction, that is well-known.

You are trying to speak here on behalf of women. You can do that, but unfortunately the information is useless, because it's women's actions that are important, not what they say. The girl in question here may herself have the same conscious attitude as you, in fact. If you asked her ``would you stay in a one-sided relationship in which you have vested more of your emotional interest?'' She would probably say ``No, of course not''. But then she will do exactly that! See? Say. Do. Different things!

I'm a man and I can't say that I know anything special about men so that I could advise women about them. I know just me, which is a very small sample. Moreover, I would run into the same problem of expressing some belief about myself which is then contradicted by how I behave. The actions that someone takes are not a direct function of his or her conscious attitudes, especially when it comes to the emotional sphere.

Also remember that most of us here want to chase hot-headed young women. I couldn't care less about the 35 year old who finally wants a ``nice guy'' to settle with, in both word and in action. Maybe such a woman will drop the bad boy who avoids commitment and never gives a straight answer. Who cares?

true.

 

[StringShredder]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
If he does love her, then it's fine to say so. If he doesn't, then he shouldn't lie.

Why the heck not?

What does it mean to lie? It means to say something about the world which is not in fact so.

There is no way to tell the truth or lie about your emotional state, because it's completely private and inaccessible to everyone else. It's a mental state that is of this world, but is really not in this world. It's self-contained and meaningless outside of the boundaries of your brain.

You can represent yourself however you want. All that is real to everyone else are your actions.

If someone tells me ``I love you'', I don't care about that because it's an unverifiable statement about a part of the world that is inscrutable to any currently available scientific instrument!

If it's a case of him not loving her then he should say something like I advised him to say in my first post. She already feels like things are one sided, which suggests to me that she might not to waste her time with a guy that doesn't love her. If that's the case then he should be honest with her and not waste her time...especially if he knows he'll never love her.

If he doesn't love her, why should he care about wasting her time?

Who cares about wasting someone else's time? Just worry about your own. What does it mean for time to be wasted? I would argue that time is wasted when it's spent in a bland emotional state. Someone being driven crazy over a guy or girl who will eventually ditch them is not wasting time; they have drama in their lives which is ultimately more satisfying than a dull existence.

We are here discussing how the guy who started the thread can maintain the interest of this girl. We are not here to help the girl. If she wants advice, she can post here or in a similar forum.

Think of yourself as a lawyer. You have to defend the defendant even if you know he is guilty of the crime. Even if this guy says he doesn't love her (which he didn't!!!) and you think it's wrong, the topic is nevertheless the question of how he can maintain her interest, so he can continue to reap the benefits of the relationship.

If we were in a forum about robbing banks and someone wanted to know how to crack a particular safe, you don't bytch about it being wrong to rob banks. Either you have the right info, or you don't. If you think it's wrong to rob banks, why are you there?