If she gives flakey answers like 'next week', should I get my book back and drop her?

[Confused]

Is it unreasonable that a girl with mid to low IL not to commit to a time for a date with you despite what is going on in her life?

Right now she is starting an important full time job on monday and her friends are leaving soon so they somewhat take priority. I can tell her IL in me isn't high like it used to be cos despite those other things she'd still want to see me or make time to see me. Now it seems like a negotiation of when she's free and if nothing else better comes on then she'll see me. These aren't the terms I want right?

I lent her this tourist book about the city last weekend and told her we'd do anything she wanted, I'm fed up of her games and non-commital answers. First I told her to commit to Friday 9pm last weekend, now yesterday when i told her what time i'd be picking her up she's backing out and now it's 'next week' and if I push for a time she gets all angry with me cos she 'doesn't know what she's doing' related to her work stuff. is this anger a tactic to get me to back down or am i being pushy?

Should I bother to try to contact her 'next week' for dinner and if she still gives me flakey answers ask for my book back and be done with her?

I want her to know i've had enough but I don't know how to phrase it without seeming angry, do I need to say 'well it's up to you to contact me cos i'm through chasing you, i tried to make it work but u just make it too hard for me' then walk. The problem is that she'll think 'yeah yeah, he'll be back, he came back before'

If i want it to work quicker would I just ask for the book back without even saying anything about i'm walking away? She'll just see it in my actions that I took the book back and am being cold?

I just want it to work quicker.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Now it seems like a negotiation of when she's free and if nothing else better comes on then she'll see me. These aren't the terms I want right?

I lent her this tourist book about the city last weekend and told her we'd do anything she wanted

If i want it to work quicker would I just ask for the book back without even saying anything about i'm walking away? She'll just see it in my actions that I took the book back and am being cold?

I just want it to work quicker.

Get your book back and don't do this sort of thing with the next girl or she'll have to do the same as this one did.

Lead girls or they'll lead you. It's not their fault when men won't act like men.

 

[Kailex]

Is this really about getting your book back or just an excuse to see her?

And if you say this:

'well it's up to you to contact me cos i'm through chasing you, i tried to make it work but u just make it too hard for me'

Aren't you still giving her the upper hand even if you are the one walking away? If you're walking away, make it definite. Don't just say that it's up to her.

 

[Confused]

Get your book back and don't do this sort of thing with the next girl or she'll have to do the same as this one did.

Lead girls or they'll lead you. It's not their fault when men won't act like men.

I was too pushy before always deciding where we'd go on a date never letting her choose, I thought it was a good gesture on my behalf to show I was less pushy?

 

[Trader]

Is it unreasonable that a girl with mid to low IL not to commit to a time for a date with you despite what is going on in her life?

Right now she is starting an important full time job on monday and her friends are leaving soon so they somewhat take priority. I can tell her IL in me isn't high like it used to be cos despite those other things she'd still want to see me or make time to see me. Now it seems like a negotiation of when she's free and if nothing else better comes on then she'll see me. These aren't the terms I want right?

I lent her this tourist book about the city last weekend and told her we'd do anything she wanted, I'm fed up of her games and non-commital answers. First I told her to commit to Friday 9pm last weekend, now yesterday when i told her what time i'd be picking her up she's backing out and now it's 'next week' and if I push for a time she gets all angry with me cos she 'doesn't know what she's doing' related to her work stuff. is this anger a tactic to get me to back down or am i being pushy?

Should I bother to try to contact her 'next week' for dinner and if she still gives me flakey answers ask for my book back and be done with her?

I want her to know i've had enough but I don't know how to phrase it without seeming angry, do I need to say 'well it's up to you to contact me cos i'm through chasing you, i tried to make it work but u just make it too hard for me' then walk. The problem is that she'll think 'yeah yeah, he'll be back, he came back before'

If i want it to work quicker would I just ask for the book back without even saying anything about i'm walking away? She'll just see it in my actions that I took the book back and am being cold?

I just want it to work quicker.

Here's what you need to do

Don't call her this week - and forget about calling her next week (since that is still on her terms, she said she might be free then, screw that)

You need to reestablish the frame.

What you do is call her the week AFTER next week. And tell her with total confidence but also in a lighthearted way: 'This time, I don't care if you have work, or whatever, this Friday night, 8 PM, your place, I pick you up, I am taking you out.'

She might come up with more excuses. Be ready to deflect them in a light-hearted way. If she says she is tired from work, joke: 'I have no sympathy for you, when you go out with me, you will be all energized.'

She might say: 'Oh I will tell you later if I am free.' Screw that. You have to be assertive but do it in a light-hearted way, say something like: 'Oh please, this is not life or death situation, you don't need time to think this over. I am taking you out.'

 

[Confused]

Here's what you need to do

Don't call her this week - and forget about calling her next week (since that is still on her terms, she said she might be free then, screw that)

You need to reestablish the frame.

What you do is call her the week AFTER next week. And tell her with total confidence but also in a lighthearted way: 'This time, I don't care if you have work, or whatever, this Friday night, 8 PM, your place, I pick you up, I am taking you out.'

She might come up with more excuses. Be ready to deflect them in a light-hearted way. If she says she is tired from work, joke: 'I have no sympathy for you, when you go out with me, you will be all energized.'

She might say: 'Oh I will tell you later if I am free.' Screw that. You have to be assertive but do it in a light-hearted way, say something like: 'Oh please, this is not life or death situation, you don't need time to think this over. I am taking you out.'

The problem is she'll say 'you're forcing me too, i dont want to, you're being too pushy.'

how do i respond to that? I know the kind of excuses she gives. I'll have to walk away after that.

Also, she probably won't pick up her phone so i'll either have to do it by text, or if i see her in person (which is less likely now she's working) Is it ok to do it by text?

maybe make a joke like 'i dont care if your rabbit died, or theres a hurricane, etc etc.. if u dont know what you're doing, well now u do, you're coming out with me! no more excuses.' is this being more assertive?

IT probably will backfire by text because she'll just text me back saying 'you're being too pushy and forcing me so i dont want to.' at that point i'll have to walk away but the thing is it's not walking away its her rejecting me and me accepting it. In her mind she can have me anytime she wants. And unfortunately she can cos i'm so smitten with her, any other pretty girl i'd just drop but this damn oneitis has such an effect on me..

 

[Trader]

The problem is she'll say 'you're forcing me too, i dont want to, you're being too pushy.'

how do i respond to that? I know the kind of excuses she gives. I'll have to walk away after that.

Then you say (in your lighthearted fun way) - well of course I'm pushy - we DEFINITELY need to go out. I am taking you out!

Also, she probably won't pick up her phone so i'll either have to do it by text, or if i see her in person (which is less likely now she's working) Is it ok to do it by text?

Text won't work - it's a pretty lame way to ask a girl out - especially if you haven't gone out with her before.

maybe make a joke like 'i dont care if your rabbit died, or theres a hurricane, etc etc.. if u dont know what you're doing, well now u do, you're coming out with me! no more excuses.' is this being more assertive?

Yes that's good. You have to go into it thinking: 'Ok, this girl, I am taking her out.'

I will give you a line that I have used many times with success. If a girl starts rejecting you or making excuses, most guys start to get defensive, and say: 'Oh ok, maybe next time then.'

The key is to be undefensive and lighthearted despite her rejections. I once had a girl make up such a stupid excuse, I said joking: 'you know, if you are going to BS me, you have to be creative and put in some thinking! Say something like: 'Oh my dog just bit me and I have to go to ER.'

The key is the delivery - be undefensive when she makes excuses. When you are undefensive, she will think: 'Oh why am I so afraid of him? There is nothing to be afraid of!'

That is one of the secrets of seduction. To lower a girl's defensiveness, you MUST be undefensive yourself. The minute you feel 'hurt' by her rejections, it's all over.

IT probably will backfire by text because she'll just text me back saying 'you're being too pushy and forcing me so i dont want to.' at that point i'll have to walk away but the thing is it's not walking away its her rejecting me and me accepting it. In her mind she can have me anytime she wants. And unfortunately she can cos i'm so smitten with her, any other pretty girl i'd just drop but this damn oneitis has such an effect on me..

But think about this long and hard. How can you truly love a girl who does not love you back? How can you truly love a girl who does not respect you and make you a priority? Your self-respect is more important than love.

Your manhood is more important than love.

 

[SchoolBoy]

Hot and pretty women are definitely a priority, but self-respect should be your highest as a DJ.

 

[Confused]

Then you say (in your lighthearted fun way) - well of course I'm pushy - we DEFINITELY need to go out. I am taking you out!




Text won't work - it's a pretty lame way to ask a girl out - especially if you haven't gone out with her before.



Yes that's good. You have to go into it thinking: 'Ok, this girl, I am taking her out.'

I will give you a line that I have used many times with success. If a girl starts rejecting you or making excuses, most guys start to get defensive, and say: 'Oh ok, maybe next time then.'

The key is to be undefensive and lighthearted despite her rejections. I once had a girl make up such a stupid excuse, I said joking: 'you know, if you are going to BS me, you have to be creative and put in some thinking! Say something like: 'Oh my dog just bit me and I have to go to ER.'

The key is the delivery - be undefensive when she makes excuses. When you are undefensive, she will think: 'Oh why am I so afraid of him? There is nothing to be afraid of!'

That is one of the secrets of seduction. To lower a girl's defensiveness, you MUST be undefensive yourself. The minute you feel 'hurt' by her rejections, it's all over.




But think about this long and hard. How can you truly love a girl who does not love you back? How can you truly love a girl who does not respect you and make you a priority? Your self-respect is more important than love.

Your manhood is more important than love.

The problem is she won't pick up my call if I call or call me back, she likes to do things by text cos it's cheaper. I won't bump into her in person to do this as she's working so i wont know where she'll be from this week on onthe regular.

IS doing it by text really that bad given the circumstances?

The problem is not her, it's me. She's the only girl who has made me so needy, clingy, available, and desperate. I can get other options, it's just i'm so drawn to her it's disgusting.. i tried walking away twice before and I came back, with a gesture, she starts liking me again, then i f it up by being too available, impatient, and pushy. it's like 2 steps forward 3 steps back each time.

We have history at 1 point she was really into me but now that's gone and i'm just trying to get her out cos i know if i get her out at night with 1 drink she'll be all over me again, it's the time in between when she's completely sober is when i f up.

If i'm too available and too easy for her, how do i walk away from her so that she comes back quicker? i dont have the patience to wait around and i'll probably crack before she does.. add in the other guys who haven't f'd up who are taking my previous spot.

 

[Confused]

Then you say (in your lighthearted fun way) - well of course I'm pushy - we DEFINITELY need to go out. I am taking you out!




Text won't work - it's a pretty lame way to ask a girl out - especially if you haven't gone out with her before.



Yes that's good. You have to go into it thinking: 'Ok, this girl, I am taking her out.'

I will give you a line that I have used many times with success. If a girl starts rejecting you or making excuses, most guys start to get defensive, and say: 'Oh ok, maybe next time then.'

The key is to be undefensive and lighthearted despite her rejections. I once had a girl make up such a stupid excuse, I said joking: 'you know, if you are going to BS me, you have to be creative and put in some thinking! Say something like: 'Oh my dog just bit me and I have to go to ER.'

The key is the delivery - be undefensive when she makes excuses. When you are undefensive, she will think: 'Oh why am I so afraid of him? There is nothing to be afraid of!'

That is one of the secrets of seduction. To lower a girl's defensiveness, you MUST be undefensive yourself. The minute you feel 'hurt' by her rejections, it's all over.




But think about this long and hard. How can you truly love a girl who does not love you back? How can you truly love a girl who does not respect you and make you a priority? Your self-respect is more important than love.

Your manhood is more important than love.

reading your post has made me fired up, even though she said 'next week' if i see her today should i just tell her i'm taking her out today and she's going to have an amazing time? no more excuses etc etc just be assertive. she finishes exams today and will probably want to celebrate it with friends so i'll tell her to have an immediate date with me, after shes finished using the internet at the cafe.

would this work cos i'd be assertive? if she tells me she doesn't want to and im forcing her, i guess i have to walk away or is there a response for that?

 

[Trader]

reading your post has made me fired up, even though she said 'next week' if i see her today should i just tell her i'm taking her out today and she's going to have an amazing time? no more excuses etc etc just be assertive. she finishes exams today and will probably want to celebrate it with friends so i'll tell her to have an immediate date with me, after shes finished using the internet at the cafe.

would this work cos i'd be assertive? if she tells me she doesn't want to and im forcing her, i guess i have to walk away or is there a response for that?

It's all about your delivery. If you do it right - key word here is *right* - then she will say yes to you.

Because if you do it right, you are displaying major Alpha traits - extreme confidence in your attractiveness (you know she is going to say yes) and persistence.

I've done it before.

If you do it wrong, well it's over. You will then display insecurity instead, and clingness (instead of persistence). It's all in the delivery.

She will be able to tell which guy you are based on your voice, and delivery.

Good luck.

 

[pipe007]

the advice TRADER is giving you is all good when the IL is high...

however, this chick is already showing massive signs of low interest, and pushing it with "assertiveness" on the surface wont do the trick, specially when you have been acting all AFC. it wont happen.... DJ basics 101, you say you have been clingy, desperate.. you messed up... TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT... you never take one step further than the one she is giving... you take one step forward and two steps back, so she can come forward to you.

you are advicing him to use this magic lines as a "line trick" that will get her to comply to the date..

she wont.

unless you pull back and take back your power and self respect... its over buddy. bottom line is,, you asked her out, and she does NOT wanna make plans or see you at the moment.... THAT'S a BAD DEAL!!!

PUSHING IT with assertiveness will drive her away further.

walking away is a solution, im not sure how many times you have asked her out, but from what i read it comes from desperation, and she is alreading giving you too many "EWWs"

at this point your only choice is to dissapear, walk away, and put this in your head, unless this girl comes back and tries to talk to you into seeing her or gives hints that she misses you, then you wont go out with her again... its over

TIME TO WALK.

(you have been adviced)

 

[Confused]

the advice TRADER is giving you is all good when the IL is high...

however, this chick is already showing massive signs of low interest, and pushing it with "assertiveness" on the surface wont do the trick, specially when you have been acting all AFC. it wont happen.... DJ basics 101, you say you have been clingy, desperate.. you messed up... TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT... you never take one step further than the one she is giving... you take one step forward and two steps back, so she can come forward to you.

you are advicing him to use this magic lines as a "line trick" that will get her to comply to the date..

she wont.

unless you pull back and take back your power and self respect... its over buddy. bottom line is,, you asked her out, and she does NOT wanna make plans or see you at the moment.... THAT'S a BAD DEAL!!!

PUSHING IT with assertiveness will drive her away further.

walking away is a solution, im not sure how many times you have asked her out, but from what i read it comes from desperation, and she is alreading giving you too many "EWWs"

at this point your only choice is to dissapear, walk away, and put this in your head, unless this girl comes back and tries to talk to you into seeing her or gives hints that she misses you, then you wont go out with her again... its over

TIME TO WALK.

(you have been adviced)

I see what you're saying, she likes it when i'm assertive though but too many times before i came across as clingy trying to date and time close her.

I'm fed up now, if i see her today i'll try it but if i dont i'll leave it. I've done too much damage i can't see how me doing any of this will help but help me move on.

If she has any slightest interest in me will she notice i've lost interest in her if she doesn't see me around anymore?

I think its necessarily i'm seen around to at least spark the reaction of im not interested in her anymore.

 

[pipe007]

please answer this questions

how long have you met her?
are you dating her?
have you had sex with her?

if you are dating, for how long?
or is she just a girl you like that you trying to date?
how many times have you asked her out and she has denied it.

buddy, for what I see it, I know it sux, it really sux that maybe before she had HIgh interest in you, and now its gone... thas a normal feeling...

but pick yourself up, and learn from the mistake, because if this happens again, I dont care who the girl is, she will treat you the same way...

its about you,,,, its time you learn.
if a girl doesnt treat you like a king, or is willing to see you most times without second guessing, then you are with the wrong girl, and she needs to be pushed into the back seat, or kicked out of your life...

have massive self respect, self confidence, manhood.... man up dude!!! real men are not afraid to lose any girl and walk away if they are not interested...

 

[pipe007]

i would say you must dissapear from her life (delete her number) and dont contact her of course unless she contacts you first....

otherwise its over... TRUST ME if a girl likes you, she will contact, and she will never let you go like that... PERIOD

ive seen it over and over again, no matter how tough a girl think she is, once you are out of their lives, they go crazy and come back to you if they like you a bit...

but you must dissapear without telling her, just dissapear, no calling, no texting, no nothing.... and when she calls back, be very busy, and act uninterested... dont even talk about getting together, and hang up soon...

when she senses that you have moven on, she will wanna try to get you to go out with her,,,, but thats the point, you have already moved on... you probably wont want to... but hey,,, we are guys,,, maybe you will want to...

do whatever you want after that...

 

[boomerick]

There comes a time when the plane is going down and you have to choose whether there is any possibility of regaining control and putting it back on the deck OR that it's too far gone and, as painful as you know it's gonna be, you have to eject to save yourself. You're nose down, vertical, on fire, passing through 1000 feet my friend. Time to pull the handle. Tomorrows a new day, new jet.