"If I'd be superficial I wouldn't be with you"

[frank05]

I've been with a girl for 8 months now and everything was going perfect. Until yesterday, when we were talking about I don't remember what, and she said:" If I'd be superficial I wouldn't be with you". And then she kept talking about how much she liked my personality and such..I know this is not that bad, but when she said it hurt, because at that moment I felt that she didn't like me as much as I thought.
There is no problem with my self-esteem, I know that I'm a good looking guy,an 8 on the scale probably, and that, of course, there are guys that are much more handsome than me, that's common sense.
But understand the fact that my GF told me this made me feel uncomfortable.
The rest of the night I got very distant, and , combined with the fact that I drunk a bit, I just told her how I felt, that she should better go with the model looking guys, and I kind of dumped her.
Her reaction? She started to cry, telling me she was an idiot and that she expressed herself wrongly, that she didn't mean what I understood. Then ,crying even more, she explained that it is a combination of thinks which make me very very attractive, that my looks are very good, that my personality and "traits" are awesome, that she would prefer to sleep with me than with Brad Pitt, that she loved me, that she was planning to take a flight every two weeks just to see me when I go to live to another city next year, and that she also would like to marry me in the future and have children and bla,bla,bla....
Today morning she send me an SMS telling me how sorry she is and telling me to reconsider my decision.

What would you guys do in such situation?

 

[spider_007]

Originally posted by frank05
......and she said:" If I'd be superficial I wouldn't be with you".

I don't get it. It could be the gramer or it could be just me. Please explain........

 

[BigWillyStyle]

and she said:" If I'd be superficial I wouldn't be with you".

IE she doesn't find you that physically attractive but your other qualites make up for it.

What should you do about it? Sounds like she likes you for YOU. She just doesnt think you're Colin Farrel in the looks department. I personally wouldn't dump a girl if everything was fine and she said this. I would be a bit hurt though, makes you feel unattractive doesnt it? I agree it was an absent minded thing of her to say.

 

[frank05]

It means that if she would be more shallow, if looks would be the most important thing for her, she wouldn't be with me.

 

[libre]

Well I think that you reacted correctly to her and best of all on the spur of the moment. Good show!

You are reaping the rewards as you can observe that she is now groweling for your forgiveness. She was possibly testing your limits and seeing how far she could berate or patronize you.

Well, you showed her that you would not stand for it for a second. She played the power game with you and she lost flat out. You showed her who is the man and that's what she wanted to hear. You upped your attractiveness quite a lot with her.

Let her stew in her juice for a couple of days before you call her. Then, take up with her as if nothing had happened and without saying very much. She will appreciate your stoicity and your manliness and she will remember her lesson not to take you for granted for a minute.

 

[FrancoPUA]

The issue is not what people tell you but how you PERCEIVE what they say.

I think what happened here is that her phrase caught you in a moment you were little bit down.

"If I would be superficial I would not be with you" can mean lot of things.

It can mean for example:

"You are a very intelligent and deep guy and I am an intelligent girl and I appreciate you".

For example if the dishes are not washed and your girl enters the kitchen and says:"Ohh my God. The dishes HAVE NOT BEEN WASHED"

if you are caught in a moment of bad self-esteem and you get guilt feelings you may react like:

"Please stop bothering me with the dishes. I am not your cleaner!" (you PERCEIVE her like blaming you for not washing the dishes)

But if your self-esteem is high and you are having a great day you may react like this (hand on her rear)

"Honey let's take it easy! Let's go to bed for a wonderful 69 and then YOU can wash the dishes"

In the first case you come out as very BETA.

In the second case you come out as very ALPHA.

With different outcomes..

 

[spider_007]

For women, the looks arn't the most important thing. Its hard for us to understand that because they are the puirty important to us. I know what she said hurt, but all she was trying to say (i guess) is that she prefers you over the "model types" because you got something more going on then any of them.

It's up to you if you wana get back together. Depends on haw much you love her, and what your relationship is like

 

[Fitch]

Originally posted by frank05
I've been with a girl for 8 months now and everything was going perfect. Until yesterday, when we were talking about I don't remember what, and she said:" If I'd be superficial I wouldn't be with you". And then she kept talking about how much she liked my personality and such..I know this is not that bad, but when she said it hurt, because at that moment I felt that she didn't like me as much as I thought.
There is no problem with my self-esteem, I know that I'm a good looking guy,an 8 on the scale probably, and that, of course, there are guys that are much more handsome than me, that's common sense.
But understand the fact that my GF told me this made me feel uncomfortable.
The rest of the night I got very distant, and , combined with the fact that I drunk a bit, I just told her how I felt, that she should better go with the model looking guys, and I kind of dumped her.
Her reaction? She started to cry, telling me she was an idiot and that she expressed herself wrongly, that she didn't mean what I understood. Then ,crying even more, she explained that it is a combination of thinks which make me very very attractive, that my looks are very good, that my personality and "traits" are awesome, that she would prefer to sleep with me than with Brad Pitt, that she loved me, that she was planning to take a flight every two weeks just to see me when I go to live to another city next year, and that she also would like to marry me in the future and have children and bla,bla,bla....
Today morning she send me an SMS telling me how sorry she is and telling me to reconsider my decision.

What would you guys do in such situation?

I would take her back. She -- apparently -- LOVES you. Her only fault was a poor choice of wording. But, what if she did mean it; right? So, what?! She doesn't find your physical qualities as important as the real, inner YOU. You even admitted that you know your not the BEST looking.

Go ahead, dump her; date an uglier woman, or someone who will appreciate your LOOKS.

It won't get you far in life.

But, my judgement is based on the information you presented. Whatever thoughts you kept to yourself, I am not aware of; thus, my opinion is based soley on the aforementioned. The more detailed your post is, the more detailed and specific my opinion will be.

 

[frank05]

Thanks for your replies

 

[Rockadeimis]

I think you should hit the gym, get a new wardrobe, and change your hairstyle...

Or just take her back, your call. Although the aformentioned things can't hurt her opinion of you on a physical level.

I remember I was told something very similiar. At the time I thought I was a good looking guy. But I bulked up, better clothes, hair, etc...and she was all over me. The mental connection was already there, the physical was what made sure she wouldn't ever make a dumbass comment like that again. Of course in retrospect, I did it all for me.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

This isn't grounds for dumping her.

HOWEVER, it is grounds for putting this girl in her place. Funny how in that one sentence she is praising herself and putting you down at the same time. She probably didn't mean to, but it was still a thoughtless thing to say. Sure enough you called her on it and she crumbled. Make sure you keep the upper hand in this relationship and maintain your position of strength.

 

[frank05]

To give you an update, everything is all right again.
When I looked at my mobile phone this evening I had gotten 5 calls and 7 sms from her. I decided to meet her and it seems that everything is ok now. She told me she wanted to say the opposite, that she likes me physically a lot, but that it's just not only that. So, if she would find a handsomer guy she wouldn't go with him, because she loves me.
Finally I decided to forgive her and everything is OK again.


I've got another question and I wonder if you can help me out in this situation, because everything has changed 180º.
How do I tell the difference if a girl loves me or if she is obsessed with me. I mean I don't see it normal how she cried yesterday, I have never seen someone cry in such a way, as if I was killing her. I also don't see it normal how many times she called me today, I also don't see it normal that apparently she didn't sleep nor eat since we discussed yesterday or how she is always trying to plan things with me in the long run, like marrying me in 5 years.
This can sound stupid but I'm worried about her and her selfesteem, this girl seemed to be very confident before.
What can I do about that?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by frank05
To give you an update, everything is all right again.
When I looked at my mobile phone this evening I had gotten 5 calls and 7 sms from her. I decided to meet her and it seems that everything is ok now. She told me she wanted to say the opposite, that she likes me physically a lot, but that it's just not only that. So, if she would find a handsomer guy she wouldn't go with him, because she loves me.
Finally I decided to forgive her and everything is OK again.


I've got another question and I wonder if you can help me out in this situation, because everything has changed 180º.
How do I tell the difference if a girl loves me or if she is obsessed with me. I mean I don't see it normal how she cried yesterday, I have never seen someone cry in such a way, as if I was killing her. I also don't see it normal how many times she called me today, I also don't see it normal that apparently she didn't sleep nor eat since we discussed yesterday or how she is always trying to plan things with me in the long run, like marrying me in 5 years.
This can sound stupid but I'm worried about her and her selfesteem, this girl seemed to be very confident before.
What can I do about that?

Be very weary of girls that are in a hurry to marry. This part of her that you're seeing now might be her psycho side that she's been hiding from you all along.

 

[libre]

Well Frank

Hilarious! Good for you. You put her in her place (is that expression alright in english? I wonder.)!

She can demonstrate her frailty to you now that she's secure that you are a strong man. She's permitting herself to let her guard down and show her vulnerability to you. Show her strenght and she will eat in your hand. That's what she wants of you. I think that she's letting her «child» part show her true self. Well, why not? You can fullfill the part of the supportive «father figure» for a while, and when you might need support on your part, you might find that she can be quite strong and supportive herself.

Don't let it be a one way street. Once in a while call on her to be strong and to support you.

Don't worry about her antics (calls, not eating, ...). Everybody has thoses or «loses it» once in a while, and some women are quite Drama Queens. It just makes her vulnerable and this is quite appealing to a man (for better or for worse). As long as she doesn't start throwing knives at you it's alright, and she will love you for being «understanding». I propose that you f&ck her when it's due. That will provide good therapy.

Why worry about the fact that she might «Love you» or behave like she does or that she might be obsessed with you? As long as you benefit from the relationship. And, who is to tell what love really is?

Women like to talk and say whatever crosses their minds. Let her and listen patiently.

Well, I envy you. Get laid this evening for a good making up with her.