If a GIRL is spinning plates...

[JLW]

If a girl you have been dating is spinning plates and she asks to be in a relationship with you: do you accept?

For the sake of the argument, let's say that she has good qualities for an LTR: kind, giving, enthusiastic, interesting, smart, etc. blah blah blah

On one hand, for her to be in multiple relationships is definitely questionable in regards to how serious she is about being TRULY exclusive (i.e., not cheating). For her to be banging multiple guys might not be the best sign for LTR material. I mean sure, she may not be in a true relationship with any of them, but still...Plus, there's no telling what might happen if you happen to piss her off. She could easily just cheat at any given moment with the old plates.

On the other hand, I am spinning plates, and I have never cheated on a true girlfriend (one where we pledged to be in a monogamous relationship together.) I don't think that I should be judged just because I've been spinning plates and then all of a sudden go into an exclusive LTR with a girl.

So what do you think? If a girl is dating multiple people, but she decides to ask to be in an exclusive relationship, do you think you would accept?

And yes, I know this is a slightly unrealistic turn of events since you probably wouldn't know for sure if she was actually spinning plates.

I'm not really in a place to go into an LTR with any girl right now. But if I found a girl who I thought had good attributes for an LTR, I would wonder about whether or not I would be "okay" with the spinning plates thing.

I was just curious.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Hell no. She shouldn't have to ASK. Exclusivity isn't a business deal. It just happens After a whole lotta sex. You naturally break off from everyone else.

 

[JLW]

quoth Roissy re: attributes that make a girl not a quality one- She dates around. Dating around — specifically, seeing more than one person concurrently — is a prerogative of men only, for reasons having to do with the greater leverage men need to arm themselves with to compete in a dating market that is fundamentally tilted in favor of women. Any girl who makes a habit of dating more than one guy at a time, especially if the parallel dating lasts longer than one month, in order to milk her options is a bad seed. In all my years of banging, one soulsaving thing I’ve learned is to walk away from any girl who I’ve discovered is also dating other men. Even if I beat the competition and win her over, it never ends well.

I guess I can agree to an extent. But I still struggle with the idea of it since I have spun plates before, sometimes for a month or longer, yet I would my consider myself a "quality" guy. I have never cheated on a girlfriend and I'm pretty respectful/loyal.


I guess it comes down to my opinion that I don't think women necessarily have leverage in the dating market, as Roissy seems to think. The reason why I believe this is because while women may have the power to call the shots and accept/deny requests (whether the requests are verbal or physical, i.e., making advances to try and have sex, etc), the men generally have the power to actually propose those requests.

I know a lot of women who THINK they have a lot of power over men because they know men want to have sex with them. However, this perceived power is very quickly taken from them when the guy has control over himself, or self-respect (i.e., not willing to compromise morals/ethics for a quick slice of poon).


I see the dating process as getting to know one another. So why is it wrong for a girl to get to know multiple people? What if she happens to meet two guys at around the same time and she wants to weigh things out? Is there really anything wrong with being sure about your options? Sure, from the start, the girl might like Guy A at first. But she starts dating Guy B as well just to scope things out. It might turn out that Guy B actually was a way better fit for her (whether its personality, agreements on value, whatever), and Guy A wasn't what she thought he was really like.

Explain.

 

[maqnetik]

actions speak louder than rules, and you raise your value by not being one of those plates.....

http://www.balleralert.com/profiles/blogs/7-simple-secrets-to-pimping-a

.....the last thing you want to do is COMPETE for a females attention

 

[JLW]

The first link didn't work magnetiq.


The second link is basically just about how to be a manipulative psycho b1tch. It relates to girls spinning plates, but in the WORST way possible. I date multiple girls, but I don't use those tactics or strategies to gain leverage over people and manipulate them....Maybe lots of women who spin plates think this way, and that's the point you are trying to make?

As for "competing" for a girl, I don't see how you would be competing for her as long as you are also spinning other plates...

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

The weird thing about being anti-women-spinning-plates is, girls might be doing it anyway, and only the honest ones are fessing up to it.

 

[penkitten]

here's how i look at it:
if someone (male or female) is out there spinning plates, that's one thing... but to be spinning plates and also ask someone to go steady and date exclusively, that's entirely different.
to me, that's a severe red flag. that's sabotaging yourself. whomever you ask for the relationship exclusivity with will be cheated out of it because you are still spinning plates. it's unfair to them, it's unfair to yourself and it's just a big old waste of time.
anyone who does this is a "player" and seeks nothing but "drama".
drama is yet another red flag....