If a girl is scared...

[Stackthestyles]

Man, I know tons of girls that I have scared because I was too open.

Wondering if you guys have any thoughts on the matter.

If she had some fear when she was a child, and you inadvertently reminded her of it, you are associated with the feelings and actions. If a girl ever had the camera pimps when she was younger, than when she gets into the clubs and parties she becomes extremely camera shy...

How do we avoid making other people scared of us?

 

[Skel]

You are too open about what exactly?

Also I dont think telling girls you dont know well a lot about yourself is a good idea IMO

 

[Stackthestyles]

Too open about my values. I scare people away because I stand up for them.

I know it doesn't sound bad, but I put reasoning into my arguments. I get some girls who enshrine me because of my words, others, well, they hate me. The hate comes through the yoda principle. "fear leads to hate, hate leads to anger, anger leads to suffering" Something in my words sets them off, I'm not always staring at them to see which concept that comes from my mouth makes them snap.

What do you mean not "telling girls I don't know well a lot about yourself"?

 

[spider_007]

they don't fear you, they think your anoying.

your values are nobodys buisness but your own. You show those valuse buy example, not by yaping about them.

 

[Stackthestyles]

your values are nobodys buisness but your own. You show those valuse buy example, not by yaping about them.

True on both counts.

I was about to go into a big rant about not arguing

I am fighting right now, fighting myself, to STOP arguing, to stop putting my views out there. I WANT to be considered "normal" not so "normal" that I am just following everybody. Normal as in, nobody's going to call people stupid for following my words. Whether it is advice, or anything else.

How do I show my values by example?

Do you want a list of my values? I think that you would have a good laugh, and if any feelings arise, you will judge my values as either bad or good. Few people take a look at both sides, and cut it down the middle. Comedians don't, but it's easy to accept their point of view. I am no comedian though(negative thinking).

My question is, how do I get people to stop being scared of me?

 

[Vulpine]

Hey stack, I've been getting this lately also. When someone gets up on a soap box and starts ranting about something that is against my beliefs/values then I give it to them with both barrels. Usually it is THEY who are failing, not me.

If a woman uses this term: "No. You're wrong." during a belief/value discussion, then THEY fail. If she tells me that I'm wrong for being who I am, believing what I believe, and valuing what I value, than she is not only disrespectful, but also arrogant, self-rightous, and a beyatch. Whether I was actually wrong or right is irrellevant.

Who is any woman to tell me I am wrong for being me? That is :cuss: not a quality person who will do that, man or woman. That negativity and closed-mindedness has no place in my life, so "Adios" to you beyatch.

"The Prize" is wrong? Hmm... interesting. "The Prize" is, and always will be, "The Prize", all a woman can do is appreciate or go away.

Here's how I see it, and you could benefit from this: Women who don't appreciate "The Prize" are flawed, and it is best to not have them around me. Don't see this situation as you messing something up, these women don't belong in your life... they are toxic.

 

[NYtomb]

My question is, how do I get people to stop being scared of me?

This goes for all people not just women. Speak when its appropriate. What I mean is say a lot less than you are, dont volunteer info/details about yourself unless necessary and dont argue.

No sense getting in heated debates or arguments when the end result is that you are in the same position when you started. I like to ask myself "What is the benefit of getting myself into this?" That question is used daily for a lot of occurrences. Basically allows me to weigh out the good or bad that can come from me getting involved.

Your word will mean more when you speak or act less and you wont be known as argumentative. I used to argue, get in conversations way over my head/realm of knowledge, and make other dumb social mistakes. I felt I had to speak in every conversation when in reality my input really didn't do anything to change anyone's views or to change the outcome of something. Less is more.

If you can see a victory by speaking up, then do so. If by speaking up all that will happen is that you will be viewed as weird, combatitve or argumentative, then take a breather and let the others duke it out.

 

[Stackthestyles]

"clothes make the man"
"judged by the company you keep"
"What was your skin colour again?"

Thank you NYtomb, I do have the probolem with avoiding asking myself questions. "What is the benefit?"" is one that I should definitely begin asking myself. When I am not enjoying the situation I ask myself this, and try to make it enjoyable, but there are times when there is NO option. Making a person speechless at times is the only way that anything beneficial will come from a situation, and I can only make them speechless by telling them that they judged me wrong.

I am known as a guy who is always nice, and I surpirse people every time I get argumentative, they know that it is not in my nature. THey don't percieve me as being argumentative, only the person that I am speaking to is bothered by my words, everybody else generally agrees with me, or doesn't give a sh!t.

I speak when it's appropriate to speak in a certain tone. Angry, when I feel I should be angry. Happy, when I think I should be happy. The rest are, well open for judgement. Nobody has ever been able to tell me when I should feel certain feelings except for anger and happiness. I aim for happiness in all situations. Anger is good, because it lets others and myself know, when I am not happy,and that things need to change for the better. I make the best jokes, when somebody puts me on the spot, I flourish under pressure.

I agree with you though, I need to be quiet more often, it's hard though. I don't always know when things are going to blow over, so I expect and plan for the worst. Things may BLOW UP if I don't deal with it now, nip in the bud they say, attack the roots and the weeds will die.

Should I be avoiding these situations, and simply walk away when things get out of hand?

What if I am gaming a woman? On a first impression basis walking away may be beneficial. When it's a day two, an STR, or platonic friends though, things take on another meaning.
--------------------

Vulpine, I always thought you were Visceral, I have no idea how I let you slip between the cracks of my mind. Good to meet you

I have the exact same problem with people ranting about things I think are wrong. DO you think that WE are wrong in the WAY that we express ourselves against their beliefs?

That is what I see as the problem.

 

[Shiftkey]

So what are your values? What speech do you give women that scares them away?

 

[Skel]

Curious minds want to know

 

[Stackthestyles]

There are too many examples to think of. You've been here for a long time, do you remember flippinfreak, ethnomethodologist, or bonerdastoner, the words and the way I spoke with those accounts is me in real life. I have weird ideas at times, but it's all in fun.

There are girls that I scare though. It's not always me expressing myself, not giving speeches.

Some of the girls are naturally shy, I can speak soft around them, and make them feel comfortable. They begin to open up and laugh with me... than a friend of mine comes along, doesn't matter what kind of friend as long as he is not shy, and I'll get loud again. I'll laugh, and talk about whats happening lately... all the regular mumbo jumbo that friends do... When I turn back to her though, she's shy...

Is it intimidation?