You cling too tightly to the past, and it's not just this post that suggests your doing so, it's one of the more recent ones you posted too, one in which you brought up your vexation at knowing you can do better than your ex and still remaining hung up on her. I struggle in this area too, sometimes even feel a slight wave of envy pass through me when I see someone casually move on from an otherwise traumatic experience, like a break up, for instance.
I think most people have it in them to push (or be pushed) into a gym to grow physically stronger, but mental strength does not always necessarily follow from rigorous, physical activity, and this is where you're lacking. You can keep pumping that iron, stacking on the weight, staring at your reddening reflection, whispering "fvck that b1tch!" "I hate her!" "I hope she dies!" to yourself with each rep, and remain the same tortured, internally frail person you are so desperately trying to reinvigorate by external means. Why? Because you haven't learned yet how to train your mind, you're erroneously mistaking the blatantly irrelevant for relevant, you're wearing yourself out running pointless laps in your head, you're fighting ghosts you yourself have not only created, but continue to nourish and keep alive.
That line, "I don't like the idea of knowing that someones hate me", that line right there, in this context particularly, I believe, is the big tip off that you still care too much about what other people think of you. What does it matter what she thinks of you? Whether she hates you, whether she's secretly obsessed with you, whether she thinks about you at all, why is knowing what her opinion is of you so important to your day to day life? Would it make it better if you knew it was favorable? Worse if you knew it was rooted in malice and vindictiveness? Can you not see how the logical conclusion to be reached by those questions (and the questions you originally asked in your post) is something like "irrelevant, none of that matters to me anymore"? Your emotions are playing tricks on you and you're going along right with it, feeding those insatiable little trolls, all to your detriment.
Look at this line you wrote too: "I feel like if you're over someone you could give two sh1ts about they say to you", and if you are over someone, chances are you wouldn't be posting detailed questions about them on a forum. My suggestion is quite simple really: do all the deeds to eliminate her from your mind (NC), and then work on stomping out the noise pollution that still exists between your ears. Recognize the thought or emotion, accept it, and then demonstrate to yourself over and over and over and over the irrationality and triviality associated with it. Rewire your brain. That big bag of bricks you keep walking around, breaking your back with? Drop it already. And before you go pick it up again because, you know, old vampiric habits die hard, remind yourself one more time of the indefinite, senseless brutality you continue to sign up for. Rinse and repeat until it becomes ...you.
