I wrote a complete method to stablish a relationship, would you please review it?

[AManAnUkeAPlan]

Introduction
=========

Hi guys,

I've never had a proper method to pick up girls, and my dating life shows it. I came to these forums a couple of years ago, learnt some other tricks from The Game, I knew that there were things that made my chances of getting a girl better. I tried to change that, I tried to learn, I made some changes in my persona and thought about it now and then.

A few months ago I had drunken sex with a girl I met randomly. She is nice and I've been kind of dating her since, but I know she would not make me happy in the long run. I realize that I need to seduce more and better girls, or I'll become a miserable man.

I asked a different one on a date the other day, she initially said yes, out of surprise, and then cancelled, I learnt then not to startle them, there must be a proper way of doing these things.

Then, on Friday, I had a good night, I got the phone of a cute and funny girl, and I don't want to propose her on a date and botch it, and obviously I'm not going to back off, this needed some thinking.

So, this morning, the pieces came together, and I got the complete plan. I humbly ask the community to review this long writing, and give me their view on it. I'll use it to get a proper date with this lady, I'm going to know what am I doing this time.

I know it still oozes a little bit of doubt, but with a bit of practice I can make it work, it's been just two days since I've felt this kind of control of my skills, and I know now which areas do I need to work on.

Stages
=====

There are six stages in your relationship with a girl:

1. Contact: You notice the girl
2. Entrance: You both engage in conversation
3. Familiarity: You two get to be comfortable with each other when there is people around
4. Dating: You two get to be comfortable alone
5. Intimacy: You two have had sex once or more
6. Stable: You are in a monogamous relationship

It doesn't matter which stage do you want to arrive with the girl in question, all these stages need to be traversed in a sequential way. To change from one stage to the next, you need to:

* Change scenario
* Meet the intimacy level
* Use an appropiate span of time

The girl needs to feel that you two have moved to a higher stage, although that will probably happen only in her subconscious. To achieve that change feeling the most effective way is a change of scenario, which leads to a change of intimacy, and sets you to pursue the objectives to reach the next stage. The difficulty of each of this stages peaks between Familiarity and Date, and once you reach Intimacy the girl normally will lead the way, blame the genes, but your part of the game is until you have sex, then it is her game to get a stable relationship. That's why my writing only talks about getting laid, I like stable relationships more than one night stands, but I never had that much difficulty from sex to stable.

Let me show with an example, it's long, but so is the process unless you know very well what you are doing:

[Please keep reading in the first comment]

 

[AManAnUkeAPlan]

This is the example story

You need to turn in some form in the office, and they tell you that you have to turn it to Elisa, from compliance. When you find her, you notice that she is pretty and has a nice smile. You make an observation that she has a cactus next to the monitor and make a couple of jokes about how they absorb radiation and you are hoping to breed a supercactus yourself, with intelligence and everything that will make your work for you. She laughs a little, and you ask her where is she from, she is from any place and you remark that that is a very nice place to raise cows and play the banjo. When she asks you where are you from, you answer that you are from a town in a distant place where the most common pasttime is to shoo aways the tourists with your shotguns, because they steal the mushrooms from your forests. After laughing on this theme, you turn the form in and leave. You know her name and she knows yours, and that you are a nice guy from the geeks in the basement.

That afternoon you happen to come back to the same area of the building and see her in the desk. You go to Elisa and after asking her when is she going to bring the banjo to the office you tell her that a you and a few people, mentioning a few of her work friends, are going to a bar in an hour when the office closes to have a couple of drinks to bid goodbye to some other who is leaving. You ask her if she is coming, and she is in.

You have a good night laughing with your friends. Now and then you talk to some of the girls, just fooling around. You talk with Elisa a couple of times, so you discuss where each of you actually comes from, what do you do when you are not saving the world from another financial crisis (haha!), brothers, sisters, little nephews, a few tales of when you were young, crazy plans for the future. I want to live on a boat, and also I want to complete the Mongol Rally, she wants to go one year to work for an NGO somewhere far and then cultivate a vineyard, you have a couple of friends doing the NGO and will put her in contact through Facebook.

Anyway, you have already had a share of ****tails and beers in the bar, some people drop, and you tell Elisa that you are going to another party with an artist friend of yours. He is this Croatian born, Colombian raised sculptor you shared a flat with. The same that you told her the story about getting kicked out of an art gallery after getting in uninvited, gorging on the ****tails, and noticing that you were the only non-germans. It's not far and will be fun and cheap. There is not much reason not to go, and Fred and Jen from sales are coming too, so you go out of the bar. You held her hand to help her in the exit stairs and she thanks you.

The artists party is nice, you dance a few tunes in a nondescript latin style, with a few swirls and laughs, banter a little bit more, and decide to call it a night, after all these guys are all phonies and the sculptures that are supposed to be the artistic part of the party were mostly a laugh, and you are all tired. You mention that still you like to come to this part of town to change from the business style of the places the office people goes, she can come anytime she wants. She gives you her phone number and you go with her until she finds a taxi, she says goodbye and you point to your cheek for her to kiss it like child, she does and you part ways.

Next Friday at 6pm you call Elisa, and tell her that there is another party like the one the other day, but this time the topic is Balkan party, with one of those crazy folk bands. You are heading around 10pm with some other people, if she wants to come she can bring a few of her friends. She says perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

So, you are at the party, making new friends and chatting with old ones, and around 11pm Elisa comes with two of her friends. You pass the night away chatting and dancing, and at some point you go to the kitchen downstairs to pour another gin tonic, and she jokes about your overtly european ways. You laugh at that and don't answer anything, but you notice that she is still looking you at the eyes, waiting for you to do something amusing. You ask her if you can kiss her, she says maybe, and you do. You kiss again a few more times during the night, nothing too passionate, you are just having fun. At some point of the night you are talking about being outrageous on posh restaurants and you ask her if she wants to come next week for dinner and wine at one of them you know, she is fine with that. Some more dancing and laughing, a proper kiss before she boards the taxi. You have a date for next Friday, it sounds nice.

The Friday of the date, there is not much new, you know each other and get well together. You have a nice dinner and then some ****tails, you have to leave early because next morning you are going to go early with some mates to play football, but she can come to your place for a last one. She agrees, and before finishing the first half of your gintonic you are already naked. The rest is story.

[Please keep reading in the second comment]

 

[AManAnUkeAPlan]

The rest of the method

You went through the first 5 stages with Elisa, using three days of a period of two weeks. If you paid attention you saw Contact stage (you see her at the desk), Entrance (supercactus! cows and banjos!, also coming back in the afternoon), Familiarity (drinks with the workmates), Dating (sculptor's party, and then balkan's party, and then dinner date), and Intimacy (you have to wake up early, what a sad excuse to drag her in).

Timelines
=======

There is a maximum and a minimum for the time you can spend in each stage.

* Contact: 0 to 60 seconds (maybe less)
* Entrance: 1 to 10 minutes
* Familiarity: 10 minutes to 3 hours
* Dating: one evening to several days

If you don't spend enough time, your chances decrease, because you look needy.
In Contact there is no minimum time, and I recommend making of it a reflex act to pass to Entrance. Just say hello to every girl that catches your fancy, don't think. You should have a few prepared chatlines that you can use for any girl (or guy, this is good for making mates too. It's very nice to be friends with the random people you meet during the day).
In Entrance you look desperate if you ask her to come along before at least having a laugh with her, I mean, you don't want her to feel that she is anybody. She needs to give herself a reason to come to a different scenario where you will happen to be.
Familiarity, she won't come with you after ten minutes, unless you are really a pro. She comes with you because she knows that she is going to have fun, that is what has happened before.
In Dating, she needs to know that she can be alone with you and still have fun. For that you need to be a time in the Familiarity stage and isolate her, so it gets proven. You also need to have physical contact, and that takes time or it looks forced.
Finally, for her to have sex with you and go to the Intimacy stage, you need to make her want it. Girls normally take her time to warm up to it, so here you need to have a little of patience, keep and escalate the physical contact, and get her involved by changing scenario.

If you spend too much time, your chances decrease, because you show lack of confidence.
In Contact you start looking like a creep, and the girl sees that you lack confidence and rejects any further moves.
In Entrance you will run out of chat lines and jokes, you need to move a bit deeper to have enough conversation to sustain you for a few hours span.
In Familiarity, you risk getting too familiar. That is the dreadful friend zone. She has had fun with you for a long time and she doesn't want to lose that, so she is not in for the sex. It's best to become intimate friends around the same time that you start having sex.
In Dating, there is not that much risk of her losing interest, unless you lose the physical contact and go back to Familiarity. She is dating you, so she marginally wants to pass to the next stage. You are showing what you would be as a stable partner at this stage. Still, there is no reason to risk it now that you have spent so much time.

The second point regarding timelines are the game breaks. Every time that you lose contact with the girl for the day, you will go back a good deal, but that will be easier to regain the next time. With Elisa, when you left the sculptor's party and she kissed your cheek you had already physical contact, but she won't hold your hand in the next party for a while, so you will have to redo part of the job. After the balkan party you have a proper date, but although the phase is called Dating, actual dates happen from the middle of it, the first middle is spent securing the stage change from Familiarity, isolating the girl. In the story the dating stage is probably one day too long, and the second party could be used for a different girl instead.

After you have done almost the whole of the dating stage you can start from the middle of it next time with a proper dinner and dance one and change to Intimacy.

Scenarios
=======

You will notice that to change stage you have changed scenario, and sometimes you have used several scenarios to build up to the next stage. The first scenarios were very casual, and possibly completely random. Not so the parties with your friend, sometimes he calls you to take a girl with him, sometimes you do it, you both have agreed to accept the other along, even going a little bit out of your own way if that is necessary. You have a couple of friends with this kind of relationship, which help every one. The Dating stage is all about having possible scenarios to take the girl to, like parties, restaurants, fun places (bowling, irish pub with folk music, concert venues).

There is not much to it, scenarios are just a tool, and you need to be aware that you need at least one for each stages. Each extra one helps you get the girl focused on you two as a couple, and it is a powerful tool.

Objectives
========

It's handy to have the objectives that separate stages quite clear, and that there are mid stage ones too.
Contact: Talk with the girl.
Entrance: Agree a common ground where you can have time with other people around. Make her laugh. Lower a little her self-esteem.
Familiarity: This is all about making her laugh. You need to make physical contact (holding hands in a casual way is perfect). The final objective is for her to be comfortable with you alone in a casual way, because she is having fun.
Dating: You need to make her want to be alone with you from the start, then get a proper date. Then kiss. Have something to take her to your apartment if she doesn't take you to hers.

Everyone is aware about the objectives of dating, the trick is realising the milestones that will take you to a proper date where she starts to pull on her own.

Tools
====

There are plenty of tools for each stage, I recommend The Game, from Neil Strauss, and getting to PUA forums, but never take it too seriously, it needs to be fun.
Have a set of greetings to start conversations, make a habit of asking things, think on questions you can make to keep the conversation going, think of questions to get more information on the girl, learn some dancing, whiten your teeth, get a man haircut, learn how to dress, learn about perfume, learn how to play an instrument, make friends that know where the good parties are, learn about restaurants and become friends of the staff in a couple of them, same about bars, stock your own bar, have movies at your flat, casually carry a camera with pictures of you doing things, get a wingman or two.

Outro
====

I'm a patient man, and enjoy every stage of the seduction process, it brightens my days. My ultimate goal is to get a girl that I'm really comfortable with and go monogamous, obviously getting a taste for several to be sure on such a decision.

Some other people will prefer to go faster and get more women, and that is perfectly fine too. This method is based on getting her comfortable with you, while getting more and more intimate during the way, if that is what you want.

If this changes the seduction skills of anyone for better, please let me know, I'd be very happy

 

[Poonani Maker]

I know you're not American, but this is very good info. I don't drink much at all though.

 

[AManAnUkeAPlan]

Hi Poonani Maker, thanks for getting through it.

I'm drinking less and less myself too, getting drunk has way too many negative effects in the field. I don't plan to cut it completely, though, and in fact a good bottle of wine can play very well on a date. It just needs to be kept under control.

And then we have to consider also the hangovers... evil evil hangovers

BTW: You are right, I'm from the Mediterranean and living in London, I guess it shows in my writing