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I wasted my youth and I'm struggling to let my regrets go. Any tips or advice?

BadBoy89

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From where I'm standing, the norm seems to be a wild time in college, great roommates both in college and afterward, plenty of social hobbies, a solid well-paying career, annual music festivals, regular trips abroad with friends, and general contentment with how they spent their youth.
College isn't an orgy where all the guys f*ck all the hot girls, get paid well, go on trips, get straight A's. have the time of their life. You don't what people are going through. I hit academic probation after year 1 of engineering. Was freaking out and thought I was the only one out of all my friends who did so bad. After 3rd year, learned 4 of my friends who I thought got straight A's all hit academic probation in year 2. Two more of my friends flunked out.

Thought all the guys I knew were sleeping with hot girls left and right. Now I know everyone who got married was a virgin when they did.

Thought everyone got paid $100K right of college. I got friends who got engineering degrees, just filed for bankruptcy.

You are watching way too much tv bro. Tv and movies know how to appeal to your emotion. They know how to make you scared that you are missing out. They know how to show that all hot guys sleep with the hottest youngest girls within 15 seconds of meeting them with minimal effort.

The stuff you see on tv and in movies is fantasy, it isn't real life.
 

Bingo-Player

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At 29 i look back on my earlier adult life with both joy and sorrow

15 - 20 were Wonderfull carefree years for me i got out of my shell in my last 2 years in high school read Neil Strauss "the game" and targeted a lot of the chicks in the years below me who were smitten with me

at that age it was all kisses and heavy petting but exciting none the less

I Didn't lose my virginity until i was about 19 despite having numerous opportunites prior to that i never could pull the trigger and was one of the last ones in my group of friends at the time ....

After i finally did the deed the brakes came off and by 21 i had smashed 12 chicks ........i can remember my dad ringing me on the morning of my 21st birthday asking where the fvck i was and my head was literally buried in a chicks pu$$y

i told him dad i can't talk right now i am in the middle of something whilst she was moaning in the background :rofl:

However all this all came at great cost i was out partying and holidaying like a rockstar and paying for it all on credit cards/ overdrafts / loans

At 23 i was in dire straights i couldnt service the debt had to go insolvent and spent 5 years repaying it

The first 2 years of that period were tough really tough i couldn't go out and party i couldn't afford to do anything other than go to the gym and sit in my room and i absolutely hated my job

At 25 i met my first girlfriend at the time she was everything i had been looking for in a partner ....problem is she was someone else's and i got entangled in a love triangle that ended up nearly destroying me and her

Eventually we spent 4 years together but it fizzled out last year and we split

So anyway the point of me telling you my story is that nobodies youth is perfect

We all fvck up when we are young infact i would go as far as saying the more fvck up's the better because they help to mould you and experience you better for later life

For example by having all that debt and having to pay it all off i completely lost my appeitite for consumerism , i learnt to save and invest .....now i go into my 30's with not one penny debt and a decent wedge behind me

Instead of thinking about wasting your youth , think about what you have learnt from it there will be valuable lessons use those lessons to guide you through the next chapter

Your personal perspective be it positive or negative is the key to almost everything in life
 

hardboiled85

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I didn't enjoy college at all; I spent 4 lonely years majoring in a subject that I only chose for the potential monetary benefits without considering if I cared about or liked the field. 99% of college students spend 4 years partying, befriending new people, and ****ing with the often end result of a corporate career at which they excel. My experience wasn't like that.
You are definitely not the first western/American person to realize they have been CONNED, all those college movies and culture propaganda aimed at creating in you a false mission, all for the taxation of white color slaves told to work those cogs harder and harder and to lose your pipe dreams.
 

bat soup

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the vast majority of people look back fondly at young adulthood (18-30) as the best time of their lives particularly woman-wise. I'm sure the majority of people here spent their young adulthood in a haze of glorious hedonism. Having a wild 20s is the norm for most men and women in the Western world.

My 20s were spent in a state of anxiety and chronic depression. An almost teenage angst defined those years; I spent countless hours trying to answer existential questions about life that I can't answer. I drank quite a lot and went out regularly with one or two friends but we were beta losers who mostly just played pool, watched soccer, and admired women from afar.

I got dumped by text message from my first relationship when I was 21, after over 3 years together, and I immediately became depressed. I felt like I'd lost my only ever shot at One True Love™. Only 2 years later, aged 23, I entered into a toxic relationship with a woman abroad that lasted 9 whole years (I'm now 32). My self-esteem was crippled and I latched on to the next woman that showed interest without caring if I even liked her. That's pretty much all of my youth taken up by relationships in which happiness was not the norm, particularly in the latter case.

I didn't enjoy college at all; I spent 4 lonely years majoring in a subject that I only chose for the potential monetary benefits without considering if I cared about or liked the field. 99% of college students spend 4 years partying, befriending new people, and ****ing with the often end result of a corporate career at which they excel. My experience wasn't like that.

I've never even had roommates. My college campus was close to where I lived, and I come from a quite poor background so I wouldn't have even been able to afford a dorm (I only got into college due to a government grant). The majority of twentysomethings have at least one Friends-esque roommate experience where they live with great people and have fun all the time.

I spent the remainder of my 20s after college frittering around not really achieving anything of note. I drank too much. I tried freelance writing and failed. I started a food blog and it failed. I travelled to and lived abroad, but I was lonely there so my experiences don't count. My days abroad were either spent with my gf (the toxic 9 year relationship) or completely alone.

I was so unhappy and so isolated during those years that I literally feel unique among the world's population in how I squandered that time. I see successful players like Tom Torero killing themselves and I can't help but wonder how I'm still alive. I've slept with 3 women in total and I'm 32...it doesn't get any worse than that.

I guess I'm just reaching out for advice from this community because I don't know where else to turn to.
I think that whatever situation you're in, remember that a lot of people have it much worse. Without meaning to be cruel, just reading your post makes me feel better about what I went through. I had the depression and disappointment stage at 14 and by 18 I was starting to get it. But I still went through a lot of hard times and missed a ton of opportunities because I was too shy and reserved. I could also look back at that and say I wasted my youth. Still, I always have to remind myself that a lot of guys would love to have had the experiences that I had. I learned, eventually and slowly, from my mistakes.

They say that life teaches you the lessons that you need to learn. Some of these lessons are hard ones. Some people are miserable because they can get laid easily but they don't have any strong long-lasting relationships (Tom Torero? Rooshv?). Some people are stuck in a miserable marriage. Others are living poverty or a disfigured in an accident. Millions of people in this world live in cultures where you don't even have the freedom to sleep around and whether that makes them happier or sadder is up for debate.

You live in a first world country. You managed to finish college (I assume you mean University). You've had some relationships. And you're still just 32. You could travel around the world teaching English abroad and spend the next 10 years banging all kinds of exotic hotties. Or you could wallow in depression and feel sorry for yourself. It's your choice.
 

Bethatsocialguy

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Forget about the past and focus on your future self. The problem is, you are feeling sorry for yourself about your past. Yes it sounds like it was rough but as you have learnt the hard way, only YOU are able to change it. I would start on selfdevelopment. Doing your hobbies, working out, meeting new people, starting a social circle etc etc. Hang out with people who will bring you up, not drag you down. And have boundaries and standards with girls. Dont just settle for a girl with red flags.
 

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Yam_Naem_Kluk

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There is no point in trying to change my life though. The narrative is already there deeply embedded in my mind, in my everyday thoughts, that I screwed up my youth. Within that narrative there is no room for not having the fun time of it that everyone else did. I would feel like a fraud even attempting to show up to social hobbies or clubs and interact with people having the knowledge I do about how I spent much of my 20s; at home alone like a loser reading books.
 

Jack22

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There is no point in trying to change my life though. The narrative is already there deeply embedded in my mind, in my everyday thoughts, that I screwed up my youth. Within that narrative there is no room for not having the fun time of it that everyone else did. I would feel like a fraud even attempting to show up to social hobbies or clubs and interact with people having the knowledge I do about how I spent much of my 20s; at home alone like a loser reading books.
You can always change things, y'know why dummy? Because you're not dead. In 7 years time, every cell in your body has been completely replaced by a new cell. Every second, the collection of cells that's keeping you alive and functioning is working until death to keep you alive, because those cells collectively trust in your ability to reproduce successfully and pass on their genetic material after millions of years of evolution. The competition never stops until you take your last breath, then it's all over. This reminds me of a quote by Zimbabwe


"You need to adapt to survive, if the women get more difficult that means you need to improve yourself to match that. Game is a constant arms race with your fellow man to the top."

That's life for you. It never stops improving, it doesn't look for the fastest, or the strongest, or the smartest, only those who can get to the finish line.
 

samspade

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There is no point in trying to change my life though. The narrative is already there deeply embedded in my mind, in my everyday thoughts, that I screwed up my youth. Within that narrative there is no room for not having the fun time of it that everyone else did. I would feel like a fraud even attempting to show up to social hobbies or clubs and interact with people having the knowledge I do about how I spent much of my 20s; at home alone like a loser reading books.
Narrative? Lol. That is 100% in your head, my friend. That's the only place the past can exist is in your mind. Can you live in it again? No. How about the future - can you do something in 2023, right now? Also no. And there is no guarantee that you will - even the next hour is not a given. Meanwhile, the past is done; it's a memory.

Take a long, deep breath, OP. Take a few and think about them. Each one is happening right now. The previous breath is gone; the next is yet to come. Where does this leave you, but in the present, the breath you breathe right now and in no other moment.

By worrying about the past and future, your mind is trying to pull you out of the here and now. It's an evolutionary mechanism that serves a purpose (learning from experience + planning better). But know that it is the curse of mankind to indulge this "advantage," by which it becomes regret + worry. We need to consciously exercise the muscle that brings us back to the moment. Just like you gain physical muscle or any type of skill through reps, escaping the past and future (moreso the past for you but one feeds the other) to return to the present takes effort.

This is what you need, to return to the present and use it how you want to. There is nothing fraudulent about starting new endeavors as long as you're in this world.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the vast majority of people look back fondly at young adulthood (18-30) as the best time of their lives particularly woman-wise. I'm sure the majority of people here spent their young adulthood in a haze of glorious hedonism. Having a wild 20s is the norm for most men and women in the Western world.

My 20s were spent in a state of anxiety and chronic depression. An almost teenage angst defined those years; I spent countless hours trying to answer existential questions about life that I can't answer. I drank quite a lot and went out regularly with one or two friends but we were beta losers who mostly just played pool, watched soccer, and admired women from afar.

I got dumped by text message from my first relationship when I was 21, after over 3 years together, and I immediately became depressed. I felt like I'd lost my only ever shot at One True Love™. Only 2 years later, aged 23, I entered into a toxic relationship with a woman abroad that lasted 9 whole years (I'm now 32). My self-esteem was crippled and I latched on to the next woman that showed interest without caring if I even liked her. That's pretty much all of my youth taken up by relationships in which happiness was not the norm, particularly in the latter case.

I didn't enjoy college at all; I spent 4 lonely years majoring in a subject that I only chose for the potential monetary benefits without considering if I cared about or liked the field. 99% of college students spend 4 years partying, befriending new people, and ****ing with the often end result of a corporate career at which they excel. My experience wasn't like that.

I've never even had roommates. My college campus was close to where I lived, and I come from a quite poor background so I wouldn't have even been able to afford a dorm (I only got into college due to a government grant). The majority of twentysomethings have at least one Friends-esque roommate experience where they live with great people and have fun all the time.

I spent the remainder of my 20s after college frittering around not really achieving anything of note. I drank too much. I tried freelance writing and failed. I started a food blog and it failed. I travelled to and lived abroad, but I was lonely there so my experiences don't count. My days abroad were either spent with my gf (the toxic 9 year relationship) or completely alone.

I was so unhappy and so isolated during those years that I literally feel unique among the world's population in how I squandered that time. I see successful players like Tom Torero killing themselves and I can't help but wonder how I'm still alive. I've slept with 3 women in total and I'm 32...it doesn't get any worse than that.

I guess I'm just reaching out for advice from this community because I don't know where else to turn to.
Everyone lives their life differently, this includes the start, middle, and end of it. Don't compare yourself to others, that is your first step.

However, I understand what you mean by you could have done more and accomplished more. We all could in various degrees. I certainly feel that way but I also put things in perspective. You are 31 which means you are a young dude. You have some good years ahead of you.

The good news is that you at least realize your situation and are self-aware. Worst-case scenario in which a lot of people live is being completely oblivious or in denial. You are not. That is a HUGE first step. Half the battle if you will.

The real question is how to start living a more fulfilling and constructive life. Again, you are young so keep that in mind. The founder of KFC founded KFC at age 63. Many millionaires and billionaires didn't become that way until their late 40s,50s, 60s.

The second step is to be kind to yourself. Do not beat a dead horse. Past is past, and the sooner you accept your past and realize you cannot change it or control it the fast you get to step 3 or what I call the true and one step: Do

See, most of us dream and desire things, however knowing or desiring something is minimal or in-transcendental. Doing is where the power of change lies. You want a different outcome? Act upon a different input. Input=Outcome

If the input you are utilizing, lifestyle, education, friends, nutrition, etc, etc is giving you your current outcome, then you need a different input.

The key is ACT/DO. Every journey starts with that first step, without it, you will not move forward. It is the same concept of knowledge is great but it is useless unless you put it into action. Knowledge only becomes powerful when you apply it.

So whatever you learn and want to accomplish, just take the risk.

Last but not least, that first step should be small. Start with ONE THING. And make it your goal to accomplish that one thing. Dream big, yes, but start with a small win and let it grow into a snowball. But you need to start winning at one thing. Give yourself a realistic opportunity to feel and be successful. This will propel you into the next thing, and the next, and the next. Each time bigger and bigger.

Hope this helps.


Modern Man Advice
 

Don Dark Horse

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For OP: start a martial art. Preferably BJJ. I have seen and heard of many people changing their life around from doing martial art. Focus on your own spiritual and physical betterment for a while and then keep going. You are not going to flip a switch and become the person you wanted to be. It takes work and many, many hours. There is no point in looking back at your life. Only look forward. Become a little better each day. You are 32, there are many years ahead for you.

(I know I am only 22 and this section of the forum is for 25 and up, pls excuse that I am out of place)

The great thing about this forum is that we can be grateful... because there's always someone that probably has it worse than you. For instance; take a look at the below forum member. He only appears capable of providing unoriginal thought (memes) and insulting new members.
My first thread I posted on here, 2rocky gave me the bluntest and most realistic advice. I thought he was memeing me at first and only after spending time on this forum I realised otherwise. Not that he needs me to defend him. Simply putting it out there that he has added real value to this forum on multiple occasions.

+1 on the running and lifting. It's fitness, routine and an interest. All actually more important than random pvssy.
My fitness journey in the gym started when i was 14. I haven't looked back once. I don't do it to get *****. I do it because it is literally my therapy. Having a good body definitely helps tho, with ladies. Anyone on here that gyms will tell you much the same. If you are in shape, you are already better looking than 80% of men out there. If you have abs even better.

But having a good body does not replace inner game. Your own happiness will attract more into your life than anything else ever will.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I guess I'm just reaching out for advice from this community because I don't know where else to turn to.
It's top 10% globally or your 1% locally actually was "that guy" and went the **** off. Learn. You cannot go back. All you can do is go forward.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I commuted to college and didn’t get a single date until AFTER college. Later on, I got to about 14 lays.

Definitely have some fun with women now where you can. But don’t waste an excessive amount of time on pickup to “make up for lost time.” Otherwise, your career trajectory can suffer, and then you will be doubly-screwed later on. That is a risk for late bloomers.

TLDR: Game is ok in the short run. But $ is more important in the long run and could add more longevity to your “game.”
+1

If you are a man and you can't approach and you got wack game, step it up. Obviously get paper right. Purpose is king.
 

Yam_Naem_Kluk

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+1

If you are a man and you can't approach and you got wack game, step it up. Obviously get paper right. Purpose is king.
Is casual sex not what provides a huge part of meaning/purpose to life? I mean, we have dozens of forums online dedicated to helping men get laid, writing lay reports etc. Most of my life regrets stem from the fact that I never played the field in my 20s. I wasted my time in toxic relationships. I have other regrets in terms of too much time spent alone, isolating from the world and not building a social circle, but the crux of it is that I feel I missed some vitally important experiences that most other guys have.
 

ubercat

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OP at 31 probably should start thinking about more than just meat. He s got time but needs to start
 

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DEEZEDBRAH

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Is casual sex not what provides a huge part of meaning/purpose to life? I mean, we have dozens of forums online dedicated to helping men get laid, writing lay reports etc. Most of my life regrets stem from the fact that I never played the field in my 20s. I wasted my time in toxic relationships. I have other regrets in terms of too much time spent alone, isolating from the world and not building a social circle, but the crux of it is that I feel I missed some vitally important experiences that most other guys have.
Go get laid. You just said you didn't play the fields. Women are throwing the kitty around for free. Feminism has brain washed women into believing getting ran through is empowering lulz!

To avoid regret you take your best shot and you keep moving.
 
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