I was within a mile of my ex's neighborhood and almost called her...

[GuitarMatt]

I had a work assignment for a construction company yesterday. That job was within a mile of where the 9 year on-again/off-again ex-fiancee still lives.
During the entirety of our relationship, I had long hair, but cut it this year so she's seen me with a goatee with short hair.

I had an hour lunch break and actually thought "Hey, she's never seen me clean shaven with short hair. I'll stop by her place" but THANKFULLY didn't! I know it's not that I wanted her back, but I guess since I looked better that I figured that she'd at least know what she's missing or something stupid like that.

She was always 30Lbs overweight, not Jabba the Hut, but when she all of a sudden got thin and inherited money she made up all all of these last minute excuses to cancel out on dates. I finally announced that I had to break up with her (which was clearly her intention.)

We saw each other 3 times since all of that. For example, after a 6 month I'm-never-talking-to-you-again stint that I pulled, I attempted to draw a boundary on the last date saying that I even though I wasn't looking for a relationship that I wasn't going to be "just friends." That either she could date me or go our seperate ways.

She agreed that she wanted to be physical yet when the evening preceeding that date, she told me that she only had a few hours and didn't "allot enough time," for us to do anything more then to see the movie. I was angered by that statement and said, "I'm never talking to you again" and hung up the phone on her which effectively canceled the movie. I called one time since and it was told, "An electrician is fixing something, could you call me back?" Then I got the exact same excuse a month later and havn't spoke to her since.

I haven't seen her since, am glad that I didn't call her. I felt used in a way for the fact that when she got totally thin that she ditched me. What she did to me was unforgivable. I did a lot of things wrong in those years, spent my Arizona years (the end of my drug era bumming cash off of her), so I wasn't perfect. I hadn't thought of calling her in a while but what a close call. I would've lost a lot of respect for myself had I done the weak thing.

Matt

 

[Ever onward]

I haven't seen her since, am glad that I didn't call her. I felt used in a way for the fact that when she got totally thin that she ditched me. What she did to me was unforgivable. I did a lot of things wrong in those years, spent my Arizona years (the end of my drug era bumming cash off of her), so I wasn't perfect. I hadn't thought of calling her in a while but what a close call. I would've lost a lot of respect for myself had I done the weak thing.

Well Matt I see that's your first post so welcome to the board. I'm not sure what kind of feedback your looking for here, you didn't ask any questions...

I think its good that you didn't call her and lose any of your hard earned self respect. I think self respect is one of the most valuable possesions to have. Don't ever give any away.

 

[GuitarMatt]

Originally posted by Ever onward
Well Matt I see that's your first post so welcome to the board. I'm not sure what kind of feedback your looking for here, you didn't ask any questions...

I think its good that you didn't call her and lose any of your hard earned self respect. I think self respect is one of the most valuable possesions to have. Don't ever give any away.

I was venting more then anything, but my question is: Do you all think I did the right thing? I mean, even if there were a chance that I could get laid or whatever, wouldn't that be weak of me? I broke up with her a year ago and I feel that she threw 9 years down the toilet by making up constant excuses to cancel dates when she finally got thin and inherited.

I've got a date tomorrow with someone new that I met but I'm disturbed by the fact that I simply by being in her neighborhood almost called. My few attempts of getting in touch with her over the last year were the ones where she exhibited the least amount of interest ever.

Matt

 

[Ever onward]

Do you think that you did the right thing? Do you have any desire to get back with her?

Whatever choices you make, make sure you do it on your terms and hold on to that all important self respect. Is this your first date since the break up? If it is, who knows, maybe you will get so into this other girl you won't have time to think about your ex.

 

[AFK Protector]

Yes my friend, you did the right thing. Although I know that if I were in the same situation a year ago, I'd be crying.

Ahem...anyways. Welcome to the board and all that stuff. You were there for her even though she wasn't exactly in shape...but once she was, she felt you weren't good enough...and in essence, like you said, "used you." We don't need people like that who use you like a napkin and ditch you.

So now, you wanted to show her that you were better looking and all, also stating you didn't want to get back together.

But deep down, I believe you did. So by overcoming this desire, you did the right thing. Leave her...forget her...and move on. Good luck.

 

[GuitarMatt]

Originally posted by Ever onward
Is this your first date since the break up?

Hell no, me and Joy (the name of the ex) have been broken up for a year and 4 months. I've been with a few people since then. I decided after a temptation on a lunch break NOT TO STOP BY nor call.

Seeing some of you folks say that it was wrong provides reinforcement, so if any of you read the first post and think that she screwed me over and that I should stick with my to-hell-with-you policy then please say so; I can use all of the reinforcement possible. I regreted getting back in touch with her the 3 times that I did in the past after I had to leave her 16 months ago.

In regards to the new girl, she's too hot for me. She'll probably sleep with me, but there isn't long term potential. I'm a thin in shape guy but probably rate like 6 out of 10 (Hot or Not says 7 but I think differently.) I've dated women of her caliber and normally I'll get some action for a little while then the excuses start coming. It's not like I act weird or like some wussman--it's as simple as it being the inevitable ending of dating someone of my league.

Matt

 

[GuitarMatt]

Originally posted by Ever onward
Is this your first date since the break up?

Hell no, me and Joy (the name of the ex) have been broken up for a year and 4 months. I've been with a few people since then. I decided after a temptation on a lunch break NOT TO STOP BY nor call.

Seeing some of you folks say that it was wrong provides reinforcement, so if any of you read the first post and think that she screwed me over and that I should stick with my to-hell-with-you policy then please say so; I can use all of the reinforcement possible. I regreted getting back in touch with her the 3 times that I did in the past after I had to leave her 16 months ago.

In regards to the new girl, she's too hot for me. She'll probably sleep with me, but there isn't long term potential. I'm a thin in shape guy but probably rate like 6 out of 10 (Hot or Not says 7 but I think differently.) I've dated women of her caliber and normally I'll get some action for a little while then the excuses start coming. It's not like I act weird or like some wussman--it's as simple as it being the inevitable ending of dating someone of my league.

Matt