I was warned about an inapropriate conversation at work

[SinRod]

this chick who works with me about 1 year. I have kind of flirted with her off and on but today her boss came by today and said that the girl who i flirted with told her what i said. Her boss was cool to me but warned me that i shouldnt talk to her that way i been talking because she had a guy fired before.

i am pretty pissed about it and i need some advise about what to do.

here is what i said to the girl by the way. At the time she was with another lady who we both work with. i came up and say,

"I had a thought about you after our last conversation. You were the shyest girl in class. and now you are trying to break through that shyness."

she agreed she was the shyest girl in class but she didnt seem to be upset by it.

is there anything i should do to cover my ass? I got a realy good repuation at work and i dont want this biatch fvicking it up. it really pisses me off that people will spread rumors about me and think im a womanizer or something.

how should i handle this.

 

[PhatE1vis]

Did you get a formal reprimand? (Something that goes on file).

If not, her boss is probably giving you a little man-to-man advice based on what he's seen her do before.

Here's what you do:

1. Don't have any contact with her outside of work (you can get in trouble for what you do outside of work with co-workers, if you can believe it).

2. Don't have any personal contact with her at work. Keep it to "hi" and anything you need from her professionally. If you don't need anything from her for work, don't talk to her.

3. Don't bring up the situation with anyone else. Don't bring it up again with her or her boss. If your rep is good, then it should be no problem.

4. Document every interaction you have with her from now on, and keep it on file just in case.

Sad that this is the world we live in. Cover your butt.

 

[kdnash82]

Great advice PhatE1vis.

As long as you do what he says you're good. If you venture away from this in any manner, you're busted. i wouldn't even say hi to her unless she speaks to you first.

I would also stay away from the other women at work unless it's in a professional manner. Like I've always said, things like this is why I will never go after a girl I work with. Everything I do around women at work is professional.

Sometimes girls will come into my office and want to talk to me about everything under the sun. I let them know that if they want to talk about things not pertaining to work, we can go grab a beer and hang out afterwards.

 

[SaucyBoy]

Legally sexual harrasment can be defined more in terms of certain actions (inappropriate touching) or words that are coercive in nature, and that retaliation will happen if sexual favors aren't granted. Sounds like none of these apply to you. All you did was make a comment of a personal nature. You did piss her off because you called her shy. She did complain, obviously.

If you aren't her supervisor, then the coercion cannot really take place, so you are in the clear. The other issue is a hostile work environment. If there is a lot of innuendo that is not welcomed, then this can be an issue. Just talking about some personal stuff with someone isn't an issue. There has to be a real pattern of blatant sexual content.

I have seen where these charges are trumped up to get rid of someone. If you are respected then this won't be a problem either. If you work in a 'right to work' state, that is employment at will, then they can just fire you without resorting to all of this. If they really hate you then this could be done.

What I do at work is never really discuss my personal life with women and very few men at all. I'm there to work. If something does come up, then I am careful to have some witnesses around. I never go into the copy room where I'd be alone with a woman and there could be some kind of 'he-said, she-said' situation. I just don't say anything at all.

You aren't a psychologist, so I'd advise not trying to be one. If someone is shy that's their problem that you can't fix. You can be a friend, just don't push too hard. That's all.

 

[Omen]

To me its pretty stupid. You said nothing wrong what so ever. I dont know where you work, but that's plain crap.

Now maybe she didnt feel good about the comment, but she could have said something to you first instead of blabbed her mouth.

If she is that testy, then do what PhatE1vis said. Forget the girl. Its like you try to compliment her and she stabs you with it. You dont need to talk to women like that.

Avoid her. And if she wonders why, i'd let her know why. Or you may just forget it. I dont have patience for people like that, so i'd prob ignore her period.

I flirt with girls at work every day, and what you said is compared to what we say is like worlds away. Now yes, you have to cover your butt, and you have to know what girls and people are ok with whatever. One girl I dont really flirt. I just say hi, ask her how her days is, and that's all. The other one, I tell her I like her hair, or if she is having a good day, and maybe more, or joke with her more. The 3rd... Man she's a crazy one and would prob rip her clothes off if you told her too, and she's got a dirty mouth (but I dont mind) It just varies all across the board. The thing is, I know how to interact with each one, and have for over a year. One is very sexual in the things she says all the time, and one you'd never hear anything like that from her, so you dont say it. Last night I told the crazy one... You suck, and I it was the you suck, as in not cool saying, and she responds with... Only part of the time with a smile.

Nowadays with Sexual Harassment, its all so flaky. If I am short and I get a short joke, I can call it harassment. If someone called me skinny I could as well. Or if someone called me old. These aren't even sexual either.

Some places you work, you just have to keep your mouth shut period. Fortunately where I work we have tons on fun and its not an issue cause most are just like that, and young and well... You know how high school kids are.

And at the same time too, most people where I work know not to say things to certain people. Is it always this way? NO, so you have to know where to draw the line.

I think in your case its been drawn though it wasn't really anything bad. Happens like that, and some girls have to pull that sh*t. And SucyBoy is right on that whole first part.

 

[SinRod]

Well my boss got wind of what happened and just took me aside and she said that i did nothing worng, and i was like, yeah, i know i did nothing wrong. My boss is really cool, she said that the girls boss was trying to look out for me. and my boss is looking out for me too.

thanks for the advice guys. i know i was in the clear but damn this shiat pisses me off.

for now on i am just gonna ignore that crazy biatch.

 

[bigjohnson]

Don't buy bread and meat in the same store.

 

[CanuckinSK]

She complained because you called her shy?? Wow, this chick sounds like she has a screw loose somewhere. I've had women co-workers call me quiet and shy in an endearing sort of way, never took it as an insult.

If it helps any, I've been in a similar position SR, twice actually. I used to work with a milf c**ktease who loved to get me going with dirty talk, inuendo, and kino, all this while at work, I might add. Course, she was married, and just used me for an ego boost.

When I turned cool to her, and refused to play the game anymore, she filed a complaint to the manager that I was 'moody, and hard to work with', she even took two weeks of stress leave! I ended up having to write a formal apology letter; complete BS. I never worked with her again as I found another job almost immediately after this fiasco landed in my lap.

Another time, I worked in an office with an AW HB 8.5-9, who had a sultry, pouty 'I'm a hot babe and I know it' type of disposition. All the guys in the store hung off her like puppies. I just saw her personality as being cold and aloof, and I wouldn't give her the time of day.

We spoke to each other only when necessary. On our slow days (Sundays) the boss would usually schedule the two of us to work alone in the office. That was tough. It's pretty hard to go 8 hours without speaking to a co-worker a half dozen feet away from you. Thing is, I was secretly attracted to her at times.

Having said that, it's harder to get into trouble if you don't talk to her, so that may be the best thing you can do for now. At least it sounds like you have a boss with some common sense, that definately goes in your favour. Just my two cents...

 

[Master Bates]

She sounds mentally deranged. No reason to interact with her when you don't need to.

 

[JJMcLure]

I can't see what you said as being particularly offensive, but clearly this chick took offense enough to report it. Could be more to do with she doesn't like the overall flirting you've been doing with her over time.

Both of those managers are being nice about it, but just be aware that it IS all the same a friendly warning to watch your step.

Stay away from this psycho b1tch and don't go hitting on chicks at work.

 

[Stuntmann]

Just as said before. Chick is mentally ugly, no reason for you to even talk to her or flirt with her. Such removal of your attention from her will result in her more interested in you. Whenever she flirts with you, pretend to get uncompfortable about it. If she initiates kino, talk to your/her boss again. Let him know what happened.

She's so low in my book.



On a different note. We had a guy working for us, Nick. He'd call customers to setup appointment, and would go "What you guys wearing over there?" He was a fvcking Don Juan, who's work in the field included 2 or 3 tickets per day, and the rest was a55. He received numerous complains, from ladies reporting things like him asking them what they were wearing. Nothing ever happened, because it's not inappropriate. In the end, he got fired because he only done 2 or 3 tickets per day.

 

[Obsidian]

next!

 

[PimpHand]

Did you get a formal reprimand? (Something that goes on file).

If not, her boss is probably giving you a little man-to-man advice based on what he's seen her do before.

Here's what you do:

1. Don't have any contact with her outside of work (you can get in trouble for what you do outside of work with co-workers, if you can believe it).

2. Don't have any personal contact with her at work. Keep it to "hi" and anything you need from her professionally. If you don't need anything from her for work, don't talk to her.

3. Don't bring up the situation with anyone else. Don't bring it up again with her or her boss. If your rep is good, then it should be no problem.

4. Document every interaction you have with her from now on, and keep it on file just in case.

Sad that this is the world we live in. Cover your butt.

Been there a few times before, huh PhatE1vis?

It is a sorry state of affairs indeed.

 

[PhatE1vis]

Thankfully, no! Whew. But I just went through a mandatory sexual-harrassment-in-the-workplace seminar. Who knew there were so many landmines to avoid?

Seriously, avoiding the whole office romance thing is your best bet.

 

[Obsidian]

But I just went through a mandatory sexual-harrassment-in-the-workplace seminar. Who knew there were so many landmines to avoid?

You can sell your soul to keep your job, or you can go your own way and say to hell with the consequences.

It just so happens, however, that SinRod's decision is an easy one. This girl has shown that she is a b1tch so there is absolutely no reason to talk to her anymore whatsoever.

On the bright side, I doubt most girls are quite as idiotic as her. Don't quit being friendly in the workplace just because one girl tries to stab you in the back.

And I think you can pretty easily avoid the whole sexual discrimination thing by being overt but classy about the whole situation. Instead of covertly flirting (like a girl) for days, weeks, or months on end in the hope that something will materialize, just ASK FOR THE NUMBER after a slight amount of rapport has been established. Then ask her out overtly...over the phone or in person. She may turn you down, but there's no way in hell anyone could call one date proposal "harassment." If she says no, then don't fool with her anymore.

But yeah, I agree that in general it's bad to hook up with girls that you are forced to hang out with constantly. Makes it harder to dump them if necessary.

 

[SharinganUser]

Legally sexual harrasment can be defined more in terms of certain actions (inappropriate touching) or words that are coercive in nature, and that retaliation will happen if sexual favors aren't granted. Sounds like none of these apply to you. All you did was make a comment of a personal nature. You did piss her off because you called her shy. She did complain, obviously.

If you aren't her supervisor, then the coercion cannot really take place, so you are in the clear. The other issue is a hostile work environment. If there is a lot of innuendo that is not welcomed, then this can be an issue. Just talking about some personal stuff with someone isn't an issue. There has to be a real pattern of blatant sexual content.

This is a solid definition of Sexual Harrassment. To add on to that, in most places she HAS TO tell you to stop and that she has to hold you to the same standards as she would any other employee. If she hasn't told you to stop, and/or doesn't hold you to the same standards as everyone else, then she doesn't have much of a case if you can prove that.

ie, if she gets offended by a dumb blonde joke you told, then she would have no chase if she laughed at a brunnette joke. Of course you would have to prove this.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

You know this video is true.

AHAAHAHAHAHHA omg that example was hilarious!!!

"....hi...."

then she calls the cops.

 

[Effington]

Did you get a formal reprimand? (Something that goes on file).

If not, her boss is probably giving you a little man-to-man advice based on what he's seen her do before.

Here's what you do:

1. Don't have any contact with her outside of work (you can get in trouble for what you do outside of work with co-workers, if you can believe it).

2. Don't have any personal contact with her at work. Keep it to "hi" and anything you need from her professionally. If you don't need anything from her for work, don't talk to her.

3. Don't bring up the situation with anyone else. Don't bring it up again with her or her boss. If your rep is good, then it should be no problem.

4. Document every interaction you have with her from now on, and keep it on file just in case.

Sad that this is the world we live in. Cover your butt.

That's pretty much the standard, if she's going to make a case about it, you don't do anything that can remotely be skewed as harrassment, and as always, you make sure to document everything.

I think this type of stuff varies by company, and really, by the person. At the company I am currently at, the execs all tell stories about how they all went out and got blasted with each other on an almost nightly basis, slept around, and a few of them even dated/married.

In my department, we all joke around all the time, a lot of times about sex, and there aren't any uncomfortable moments. It's almost always the women putting the guys on the spot, anyway. There have been a few office hook-ups but it's not talked about in the open.

I think the most important thing is to be able to get a feel for the person. If she's married and ultra conservative, you shut it. If she brings up the questionable conversations, then she's probably a little more laid back--but again, it's on a case by case basis. I think a lot about meeting women and social skills in general is about being able to read your audience, and it's a very important and useful skill to acquire.

 

[nicenomore]

she's got a loose screw somewhere........

avoid talking to her......

 

[everywomanshero]

It's definitely not sexual harrasment, but it was a very weird cold read to be sure. I doubt she thinks he's harrasing her, but she probably just thinks he is a little creepy and so her boss came to him to save him the embaressment of being called a creep by continuing to give her the heebee jeebees.

I'd try some other form of cold read, damn.