I was joking...

[Euthyphro]

I ran into this woman that I am interested in and after hanging out with a while I decided to get going. SHe asked if I was leaving and I said that I had to get to work. She gave me a hug and i reached into my pocket and pulled out a few pieces of chewing gum and offered one to her. She happily accepted. Then I proceeded to tell her that I had given the gum to her b/c her breath was bad.....this was said with what I thought was enough sarcasm to tell it was just a joke but she just said thanks and it was the tea she had been drinking. Her reply was very matter of fact. not playful at all. I couldn't believe I said it and I couldn't believe she took it so plainly. As I was about to leave she just reminded me to fix my email b/c for some reason the last time she emailed me it was returned as undeliverable.

I'm all for c+f but in hindsight I think I may have come across as a bit of an azzhole. That said what do you guys think? Should I just drop it or should I try to fix it?

My other question is if there is a positive spin on this? I think this girl thinks I have her on a pedastool of sorts b/c of ways I've acted around her in the past. I have no evidence of this but just a hunch. Could plainly having called her on something like bad breath made me more attractive to her?

Thanks

 

[Kelson]

C+F isn't pointing out a normal woman's flaws, that just hurts and annoys them. When you told her that her breath stunk, you insulted her and that's why she got mad. It is just like telling an ugly person they are ugly isn't going to impress them.

Now, telling a beautiful person [that KNOWS,without a doubt, they're beautiful] that they're ugly in a joke is fine. Then you don't seem intimidated by their beauty and both sides understand that you are joking.

You didn't really provide enough information about what else was happening to provide a real good line...c+f deals with something that is current and generally related to the target and yourself.

Kelson

 

[Julian]

Gimme a break man who gives a damn, its an off the cuff comment and she took it like a dumbass. Her problem to fret about NOT YOURS.

At least now she knows to carry gum around instead of being a gum bum and stealin it from you! hah...

 

[Kaine]

Mmmmm I've come to realise that not all girls share the same sense of humor as me. Some you would think were born without a funny bone and generally take everything you say seriously or get offended really easily when you tease in the slightest way.

However saying that, in this case unless you were really close with and knew what her comfort levels were I would avoid comments like that.

Think about what you are trying to achieve....
If you were trying to be C&F I would've b1tched slapped you upside the head and put you back on the bench.

Reading that didn't make me laugh at all.

But hey you learn!

 

[thefonz]

just cus yuo said it with sarcasm doesn't mean the delivery was good, just it writing that sounds like a pretty egrading thing to say to a girl

 

[Euthyphro]

I agree that it sounded degrading. I'm not really one to fret about things but I'm also not one to be insulting...it just sort of happened. Like I said it was meant to be a joke bad delivery and all. So, do you all think there is a need to do some damage control and appologize or should I just let it lie?

 

[thefonz]

well, what i would do is next time you guys are talking and the conversation is on a 'high' point where everything you say is golden just break into it and say, "Hey, about the other day when I said your breath was bad, I was just joking around (brief pause) And, i noticed you seemed a little offended by it and i just wanted to apoligize.(say it with passion, like ya mean it"......what she should say is, "OH no no it's fine!!"......i don't know if this is an afc move but thats what i would do and leave it at that, i personally have no quams about apologizing to people if I hurt them or if I make a mistake......but thats just how i do things, just apoligize with sincerityand leave it in the past, no ass kissing just honesty.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

Its all on how you deliver it. We can't hear you on these boards (unless you record your voice), so we dont know if you did it in a joking manner, or if you didnt.

Just think of the phrase, "You're a loser". I've been told this by some people, and I was offended. But I was told this today, and I wasn't offended. The difference was in the way people said it; some said it seriously, others said it in a joke.

But even when you joke around, it needs to be in the right context. Telling a girl she is fat suddenly, even if you deliver it right, will still be insulting.

 

[JasonR]

next time i saw her, i would ask her for some gum.
see what she says.

if she makes a comment about you having bad breath, get into a mood and walk away.

 

[JasonR]

or approach her and say

"hey stinky, you got your breath sorted out yet? i dont wanna get contaminated, open your mouth, ill chuck some gum in from a safe distance"

 

[squirrels]

For the millionth time, ****Y/FUNNY IS NOT AN INSULT!

The closest it gets to an insult is when you compliment her on something that she'd normally expect to get insulted about, for example, "I love a girl with a big ass."

Or agreeing with her when she jokingly busts on herself.
Her: "I need to get to the gym, my ass is getting big"
You: "Yup."
Her: "You're not supposed to AGREEEEEEE!! *pout*"

I'm sure you bust on your friends all the time, and you would probably NEVER insult them straight-out like that. It's rude and it's ignorant.

 

[Euthyphro]

Squirrels, I know c+f is not an insult and as I mentioned above I wasn't trying to be insulting, it just happened. I'm not looking for an explanation of c+f, I was saying "hey I messed up with this girl, how should I handle it?"

I appreciate everyone that replied to my post and I'll let you know what happens the next time I see her. Thanks. E.

 

[Desdinova]

It's all in the delivery of it. Comments like that need the humor to make them funny, or it comes off as a downright insult. Here's a better way of delivering it:

You: Want a piece of gum?
Her: Sure! (quicky takes it out of your hand)
You: Wow, you sure seemed to need that piece of gum! Afraid your breath is stinky?
Her: (giggling) No!
You: Then give me back the gum.
Her: I've already chewed it
You: That's fine!
(proceed to kiss her and try to get the gum back)

Just as a side note, what's that called when you give a HB an insult disguised as a compliment? I've forgotten in my time away from this place.

 

[Desdinova]

Nevermind, I remembered it. Neg hits!