I want your insight on this...

[chosenfew22]

My soon to be ex-wife ran out on me in January after I caught her having questionable conversations with men on her phone. We have two kids (one is 2 - mine, the other is 11 - from a previous marriage). When I caught her I told her that we were going to sprint tomorrow to look at the phone records the next day.

The next day I went out to watch UFC fight with the guys. When I came back, her car (which I had gotten running the day prior) was gone. Mind you her license was in my car, there was no tag on the car and no insurance on it. I went inside and the kids were gone with not even a note. I was worried she might have been pulled over or wrecked so I rode up and down the street all night and the next morning. Figures the day before I have to go back to work from vacation she leaves (I'm military so I can't just not report)

4 days later, I found out from a family "friend" that she went to their house during the UFC fight and claimed that I hit her and she had to go bc she was scared. No report was filed. Her dad (a felon) had came from NY all the way to NC and had picked her up and snatched my 2 yr old daughter before the UFC match had even ended. I had no contact from anyone in her family for 4 days despite numerous tries. Finally, she responded to an email and told me where she was.

Blocked all of my bank accounts, lawyered up and revoked all of her power of attorneys. Tried to write a separation agreement but apparently she wants to walk away from this AND get everything she wants. Upon her leaving I found an old diary that tells the story of her and her son's father (which i was told was a one night stand) and find out they were in a relationship for 2 years!

She changed her pic on FB at the beginning of Feb hugging up on some guy so apparently she had a bf 3 weeks after she left (or before) since she had been making trips to NY every other month for the past year.

The first month and a half I was in f*cking shambles. They even dropped me from taking the Special Operations Combat Medical Course I was slotted to take in Jan (which is slowing my career) because they said I would not be able to focus. I am not butthurt about losing her bc our relationship sucked ass anyway, but I want to protect myself legally and financially and get this ***** out of my life so I can focus on my daughter (who I have not been able to see in 3 months bc of my job, the distance she took her and I know if I go up there I'll probably end up flipping the f*ck out and going to jail). She even once tried to go to see her "family" in NY with my kids during a blizzard EVEN WHEN I WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL THAT NIGHT..my boss was in the hospital trying to convince her it was not only dangerous for the kids but ****ed up morally.

The mortgage is in her name only and the deed is in both of our names. The house is upside down so I don't want it. I am currently living in our marital home. She has no job or income other than VA benefits ($751/month). I have been giving her $400 a month for my daughter and sending it certified mail. Have paid all of the bills on the house (which are in her name up to date).

Right now I am filing for temporary custody and am in the process of getting affidavits filled out. In NC you have to be separated for 1 year and in NY one party has to be a resident for 6 months before you can file for a divorce.

Can I just pack my **** up and leave and walk away from this house or will that endup f*cking me over in court if it gets foreclosed ?

Little help and insight guys...

 

[BrainDamage92]

Well lemme see. You will win - she has no job, a criminal family and put the life of your child at risk. Get the best lawyer you can. This is not the place to ask for this type of advice, but I would imagine "She drove off to NYC in a blizzard with the kids to hook up with her backdoor man while I was at the hospital." sounds good to me. And you got your boss to confirm.

This place is for dudes who are like "Im still uncertain my wife is a ho?" tho, then we can help. But you already have this figured out.

Play your cards right, as far as I know it sucks with these matters over at the US, which is exactly why *****es allow themselfs to pull this crap.

And the most important questions is - why did you merry the daughter of a criminal, who on top of this is a single mother?

I mean Ive almost done the same ****, but no marriage and no kids, you see red flags but youre like "Nah, shes cool". Just dont make the same mistake again.

 

[MattR1984]

My soon to be ex-wife ran out on me in January after I caught her having questionable conversations with men on her phone. We have two kids (one is 2 - mine, the other is 11 - from a previous marriage). When I caught her I told her that we were going to sprint tomorrow to look at the phone records the next day.

The next day I went out to watch UFC fight with the guys. When I came back, her car (which I had gotten running the day prior) was gone. Mind you her license was in my car, there was no tag on the car and no insurance on it. I went inside and the kids were gone with not even a note. I was worried she might have been pulled over or wrecked so I rode up and down the street all night and the next morning. Figures the day before I have to go back to work from vacation she leaves (I'm military so I can't just not report)

4 days later, I found out from a family "friend" that she went to their house during the UFC fight and claimed that I hit her and she had to go bc she was scared. No report was filed. Her dad (a felon) had came from NY all the way to NC and had picked her up and snatched my 2 yr old daughter before the UFC match had even ended. I had no contact from anyone in her family for 4 days despite numerous tries. Finally, she responded to an email and told me where she was.

Blocked all of my bank accounts, lawyered up and revoked all of her power of attorneys. Tried to write a separation agreement but apparently she wants to walk away from this AND get everything she wants. Upon her leaving I found an old diary that tells the story of her and her son's father (which i was told was a one night stand) and find out they were in a relationship for 2 years!

She changed her pic on FB at the beginning of Feb hugging up on some guy so apparently she had a bf 3 weeks after she left (or before) since she had been making trips to NY every other month for the past year.

The first month and a half I was in f*cking shambles. They even dropped me from taking the Special Operations Combat Medical Course I was slotted to take in Jan (which is slowing my career) because they said I would not be able to focus. I am not butthurt about losing her bc our relationship sucked ass anyway, but I want to protect myself legally and financially and get this ***** out of my life so I can focus on my daughter (who I have not been able to see in 3 months bc of my job, the distance she took her and I know if I go up there I'll probably end up flipping the f*ck out and going to jail). She even once tried to go to see her "family" in NY with my kids during a blizzard EVEN WHEN I WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL THAT NIGHT..my boss was in the hospital trying to convince her it was not only dangerous for the kids but ****ed up morally.

The mortgage is in her name only and the deed is in both of our names. The house is upside down so I don't want it. I am currently living in our marital home. She has no job or income other than VA benefits ($751/month). I have been giving her $400 a month for my daughter and sending it certified mail. Have paid all of the bills on the house (which are in her name up to date).

Right now I am filing for temporary custody and am in the process of getting affidavits filled out. In NC you have to be separated for 1 year and in NY one party has to be a resident for 6 months before you can file for a divorce.

Can I just pack my **** up and leave and walk away from this house or will that endup f*cking me over in court if it gets foreclosed ?

Little help and insight guys...

If the house note is only in her name it's her ass if it's not paid not yours. If you're on the deed you're half owner of it, but no real liability.

 

[RangerMIke]

Sure you can just not pay your mortgage, the bank will just take the property as secured debt. Happens everyday.

However, you should check your State laws and find out? Since you are not in a community property State it is not automatic that you assume her dept.

My advice would be to ask a lawyer in the State you are in, any advice taken from this forum would be suspect. Since you are on active duty, check with you command on programs of assistance you can leverage. But no Army service is going to recommend that you abandon debt obligations, yours or hers.

 

[chosenfew22]

UPDATE:
-didn't see my daughter for 6 months
-went to court 3 times before she appeared for Custody/mediation (had to hire a PI to find her and serve her in NY for court in NC)
-had court on my daughter's bday, judge tore her a new a hole, gave me temporary custody
-went to custody mediation, agreed on all things
-I signed the mediation papers, she didnt...back to square one
-had my daughter the entire summer
-kept the PI on my wife in NY to watch her, I subtly let her know the screwed up things she was doing but had no official evidence of aside from pics with her with other dudes that I gave to my lawyer for the judge(drugs, living at a different address and messing with guys)
-she said she just wanted to keep courts out of it so I drafted up divorce papers online to terms that I could agree too
-went to drop my baby back off to her (halfway in DC) and had a Notary meet me and her the (unannounced to her). I Glet her hold my daughter and the pprwork and said "read this over, I have to use the resteroom. I called the Notary and told him to sit down by her. She read 3 pages of the 30 page document and said "is there anything else I should know in here?" I said, "it's all about things we have discussed previously". She signs the pages she needs to sign and we parted ways after scheduling my next daughter's next visit.

What she signed:
-signed away her rights to be served any future pprwork on the court proceedings (with the exception of the final divorce decree) as well as being allowed to add any adendum (changes or disputes) to the documents
-joint legal custody
-she is the primary physical custodian and I receive visitation when my military schedule allows
-I give her $400 child support per month (even though courts suggest 700 per example guidlines) in order to keep payments status quo since our Seperation
-Marriage Seperation and Settlement Agreement
-Defendants Affidavit saying we agreed on all terms custodial property and financial wise
-reason for divorce is Unretrievable Breakdown of the Relationship for the Past 6 months (in NY you can do divorce under these circumstances without explaining the details of what took place)
-Waived her right to alimony
-Waived her right to equitable distribution (the house she mortgaged in NC is now her responsibility solely)
- All her loan debts are hers, all mine are mine as well as finances
-Everything in her possession is hers (everything she took to NY with her/Everything I left behind in the house) and everything in my possession is mine
-We are to live our lives free of harassment and interference as if we are single
-that we have both read the documentation to its entirety

I next day mailed it to the Courthouse, filled out the remaining documents and now it is sitting on the judges desk waiting to sign! They said at maximum it will take a month for him to sign off!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You my friend are set. Keep updating the story whenever possible. This is interesting to me.

 

[AttackFormation]

Another broken family, another broken childhood. This world is f*cked.

 

[blind_one]

What Attack Formation said. All in all I know you will take care of your daughter the best you can. Glad you came on top after all that sh!t the slut dished out.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I wish more men knew how to be equally or MORE ruthless than women in these situations. To start with I'd have a prenup in case this happened, but the moment I smelled I rat I would immediately start stashing money into in online only savings account that do not print statements, operate with debit cards, etc. I would only login through anonymous browsers so that she couldn't easily stumble upon the login page on your computer's history.

I would hire a cold and calculating lawyer who is, perhaps unknowingly, is an active MRA based on who he represents. I am starting to hear advertisements of these men's advocate lawyers on the radio now. You want a guy who will push for NO child support, but a joint special CHILDREN'S bank account that EACH parent contributes 18% from every check.

Whether things are going good or bad, I'd only allow my spouse to know the whereabouts of 30% of my income - money that could be considered "ours." She can roughly know my salary etc., but she cannot know what I do with 70 cents of every dollar. As long as the children are healthy and cared for, she reserves no right to know.

Sounds like you did a good job OP