I want your guys' honest opinion on me and marriage

[bigdave17]

I am a 28 year old dude. I feel like I have everything aligned - I've been making fantastic money since I was 23 so I have a nice house, beautiful car, etc... with no debt at all except my mortgage - which should be completely paid for by the time I'm 33. I mean how many guys in their late 20s early 30s are as financially strong as I am? That's gotta be super super rare

Beyond the money, I am attractive, fitness freak and a fashion aficionado so I am not lacking too much in the looks department. I look sorta like a more masculine Ricky Martin or Mario Lopez (less metrosexual version of both - I am not as good looking as them but I"m not bad). I am also genuinely a good person - I am caring, generous, genuine, super loyal, etc...

Anyways, beyond all that, I still can't seem to convince myself that a quality girl would want to be with me. I've worked myself obsessively hard to seek perfection but when I see a hot girl I want to be with, I automatically tell myself this story of "oh no she wouldn't want to be with me, she wants a guy who is like movie star perfect". I've been incredibly incredibly harsh on myself my whole life and i've constantly told myself that women have impossible standards and approaching them is pointless. I've constantly told myself that every hot girl out there is taken already and does not want me to talk to them. I'm always telling myself this story why I can't have the women I want

How can I get past this defeatist mindset??

and I say marriage because I want to meet the right person and get married within next 5-10 years and I dunno how to make that happen. Because of my success, I feel almost like I'm entitled to someone like myself - a hot girl with a decent career who is genuinely a great person but those are hard to find and insanely hard to even be able to get a date with.

 

[PokerStar]

life doesn't owe you anything. even with your healthy bank account, semi good looks and fancy cars, life doesnt owe you a god damn thing..not even a wife. once you realize that you can build yourself up from there.

lower your standards, lower our expectations and become who you really are. recognize our faults and improve yourself from there.

from a very wise person "kill the boy and let the man live"

start from ground zero. learn how to talk to people, learn how to become the popular one. learn how to seduce women even if they are 6 in your books, the experience will teach you valuable lessons. you will fail yes, several times over, but dont be afraid to make those decisions.

 

[bigdave17]

life doesn't owe you anything. even with your healthy bank account, semi good looks and fancy cars, life doesnt owe you a god damn thing..not even a wife. once you realize that you can build yourself up from there.

lower your standards, lower our expectations and become who you really are. recognize our faults and improve yourself from there.

from a very wise person "kill the boy and let the man live"

start from ground zero. learn how to talk to people, learn how to become the popular one. learn how to seduce women even if they are 6 in your books, the experience will teach you valuable lessons. you will fail yes, several times over, but dont be afraid to make those decisions.

couple things

1)Learn to talk to people? I work in sales brother, I am great at talking to people. My problem is I keep telling myself this story for why the women I want will not want me

2)I'm not looking for a perfect 10. I would be happy with a 7 if everything else is aligned...maybe even a 6 (although my idea of 6 will be radically different from yours) but even a 7 with a good career and genuinely good, classy person is very very difficult just to even get a date with.

3)I'm an obsessive self improver

 

[PokerStar]

1. selling is one thing. seducing is another. remember the first time you were on the phones selling? you weren't an expert at it right away, it took some time to know how to speak to your potential customers. there was a learning curve. am i right? same goes with the ladies. is a totally different ball game.

2. there's that defeatist attitude again. "I would be happy with a 7" thats settling bro. your wife to be in your eyes should always be a 10/10. the full package. and remember..all girls are experts in hiding their crazy. sure they might be classy at the start but over time their true colors always come out.

3. if you say you are obsessive with self improvement then take my words and run with them. I would never ever tell anyone what to do unless I am willing to do it myself. remember that.

 

[bigdave17]

You want marriage, but you've never even had a girlfriend yet. You have no idea what women are, and what they aren't.

Slow down, mate.

At 28 years old, a lot of women have slept with more women than you will have. You'll get skinned.

Slow down, and paradoxically speed it up at the same time. Date around, understand the world a wee bit, but hold off on something like a marriage for the now.

I expect you won't listen to that, but there you are

I've slept with 12-14 women

none of them were good enough to be dated

 

[PokerStar]

Let me try to understand this, briefly.

You have been with a dozen girls. But you've completely ignored those experiences in favour of your imagination of what you think women should be?

Bizarre. Get a grip, man

sometimes our imagination gets the better of us. sometimes we convince ourselves that the truths we make up in our heads is reality.

 

[bigdave17]

Let me try to understand this, briefly.

You have been with a dozen girls. But you've completely ignored those experiences in favour of your imagination of what you think women should be?

Bizarre. Get a grip, man

what are you talking about??

I've smashed and had flings with 12-14 women but none of them were dating worthy - too old, not cute enough, not fit enough, had kids, were smokers or some horrible combination of the above. The last woman I was seeing was a very attractive and super nice 35 year old...I was seeing her for about a month. She was a great person but I can't date somebody that old

I want a cute and fit 23-28 year old with no kids, decent job, etc...

 

[byers90]

It's a good thing if you truly find that special person. I'm serious, someone who is respectable and complementary to your life and helps you/betters you in ways. If not, then marriage is a waste of time. You don't want to live the kind of life you see/hear some of these guys have where they don't even want to come home from work. Better to be single than go through that. So choose wisely if you want to get married.