I Want To Regain Control. Help a bro out.

[Seismic]

Hey everyone, first time poster here. I have been browsing this forum and a couple others for just about under a month, and this is the only one I can post on because I'm 17. I do like this one the most at the moment.

I would love any and all advice from anyone that can help me out; either the "theory" behind the situations presented, as well as any actual anecdotes you guys can share.

I have learned a LOT from this site as well as others, but BE PREPARED TO READ A TON OF AFC STUFF. This is the process every guy goes through - AFC into DJ. Plain and simple.

Anyways, here is my situation. I cut a TON of sh!t out, and I'm just focusing on what I should do now. If any of you want further explanation I will gladly tell you some more:

I am a senior in high school; grade 12. Being the age I currently am, I realized I have done a boatload of AFC things with this current girl, because I'm still so inexperienced. I don't think I have completely "messed-up" yet. Of course, I'm not a total AFC because I do not have a lack in my arsenal of "being able to game", but I am a combination between a nice guy and a Don Juan - supposedly.

Here's what I mean. I do a ton of bad-AFC things such as the classics; Putting A Girl On A Pedestal, Being Too Available, and Giving Her Too Much Power. But, I have no problem getting girls to notice me, I believe I have a balance between being "nice" and being a d-bag at the same time (which is attractive if done right), and I "accidentally" game other girls without even trying (if that makes sense). It appears that those that I am not interested in get even more attracted to me because I am not available/mysterious/etc. but with those I am interested in I become a fkin AFC. It sucks LOL. Oh yes, I don't drink and I haven't gone to a single house party yet. All those that wanna call me a p***y, well, I have different values than you; I don't go with the flow. Guys like me are rare.

Currently, this girl and I are in an "unofficial" relationship. Younger guys should know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I get that you either ARE or ARE NOT, and should game as many girls as possible yada yada, but like I said, I'm grade 12, stuck in the high school environment when things get around really quickly. I also don't find the point of "gaming" at this moment. Now what I meant by "unofficial" is that the guy likes the girl, and the girl likes the guy, and it has been MENTIONED that they both want an exclusive relationship, but they haven't spent enough time together in order for it to be "official". That's the logic behind this.

Now I'm going to skip the past for now (again, unless you guys need me to say some more) and focus on the present.

After not having solid contact for a good week because of problems between us (texting on and off instead of everyday - yeah an AFC thing to do but she enjoyed it too and always wanted to talk to me), we started talking again like we used to a few days ago. It was going well. We texted for two days, then on the third day (which was yesterday) I greeted her in a text and she didn't reply at all. Last time we texted wasn't really off a low note, so I didn't know why. I didn't send her another one though; I'm going to make her text first, then ignore her like she did to me, and then text her the day after. Right thing to do right?

I have acknowledged to her I should have given her more space and not been so desperate and the like, and that actually helped our situation a bit. This was an extremely AFC thing to do... but at that point, she knew who I was - not a really busy person. I definitely regretted putting myself out there too much - like I said, I did the classic Being Too Available. So I'm being less available now. This is just some more background info.

Lastly: we have only been together once outside of school. She is "always busy", which most of the time I do believe because she has sports, family, all that jazz. But I know it's an excuse sometimes, and I need to be able to get her to make some time; but I don't know how...

Now some core background info (I still have a LOT to say... but I don't really think it's going to help much) is spilled out, I want to regain control in this relationship.

The only thing I can interpret from her behaviour is she is playing hard to get (no point since we have already established a mutual connection... or did we?), and is being a challenge. How do I cope with this? I read that if she become distant, I should be more distant. If she does something I deem bad, I should punish her (and if it's something good I should reward her - Punish and Reward system). How would that work exactly? I know I should be a challenge to her too - but how? Wouldn't she reciprocate and become even more distant, in an effort to regain control over me?

Thanks for all of your time guys.



- Seis

 

[LearningSlowly]

I do like this one the most at the moment.

This is the process every guy goes through - AFC into DJ. Plain and simple.

The only thing I can interpret from her behaviour is she is playing hard to get (no point since we have already established a mutual connection... or did we?), and is being a challenge. How do I cope with this? I read that if she become distant, I should be more distant. If she does something I deem bad, I should punish her (and if it's something good I should reward her - Punish and Reward system). How would that work exactly? I know I should be a challenge to her too - but how? Wouldn't she reciprocate and become even more distant, in an effort to regain control over me?

I wish I had better things to do than lurk sosuave, but I'm glad you like this forum the best. I do too

Yes. It is a PROCESS. No matter what advice I or anyone else gives you, you will continue to make mistakes until you start a journal, analyze your own mistakes and record your successes, and eventually understand the correct behavior. If you choose to leave after this thread, so be it. I hope you stick around and learn to be better with girls, not just handle this situation.

The only thing I can interpret from your behavior is that you're doing a lot more pushing than pulling. Even posting on this forum is pressing yourself more onto her. You have more thoughts about her, you have more mental and emotional weight stressing your relationship.

You need to forget about causing or reacting to the things she does (or the things she doesn't do! Who would have thought a guy could freak out without the girl saying ANYTHING??). What you need to do is take the pressure off of your relationship. How is this done? I'm glad you asked!

Right now, you have a certain amount of thought activity. 100% of it is unnecessary. If you were to successfully meditate in all moments of your life (whether it's seated "Ohmmmm" meditation, yoga, or just while walking around the supermarket) then this thought activity would be absent. There would be no pressure on her and you could coexist in peace. Meditation is a useful tool. I recommend reading The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

Alternately, you can redirect all of these unnecessary thoughts to a productive outlet. That means working ceaselessly on your passions and hobbies, exercising, and generally giving yourself as many creative, mental and physical outlets as possible.

And lastly, the piece of advice that I'm sure you expected and I don't expect you'll take. FIND SOME OTHER GIRLS! Even if you're going to be exclusive with this girl, why can't you meet some girls in a mall and start talking to them? This will drastically reduce the pressure you're putting on this poor girl. If you're forcing X anxiety, over-analyzation, and insecurity onto her, if you meet two more girls you'll only be dumping X/3 of that pain to each! You'd be doing her a favor!

EDIT: How far have you gone sexually? You're a senior in high school. Should be at least touching each other's genitals if you've said you want to be exclusive. Otherwise that shows immaturity and lack of options on your part.

 

[Seismic]

Thanks for the reply Learning!

LOL hey, lurking isn't the right term. I love reading (not books, mind you), so I go and read a much of sh!t, and absorb it all. It's hard to explain.

I won't leave after this thread, I will stick around, and post whenever. And yes this may be a specific situation I want to get through, but I'm pretty damn sure this will help me out and put me on a better path to success, if that makes sense.

Push and pull. I've read a lot about that, yeah. But how am I doing more pushing rather than pulling... how do I do it correctly?

Forgetting about it, that is something I am capable of doing to an extent. It's ironic because I'm sounding so desperate in my post, but it's hard to explain these things in a post, describing so many things at once.

It's not like I don't get occupied with things myself; lately it's more difficult since I have exams and I'm at home LOL. I don't have a car atm so I can't drive to places, and it's cold here! It's like a combination of different factors is what is making me make a big deal out of this.

Other girls, I have some that text me as well. But I don't really give a sh!t about those, that's why they keep coming back LOL.

And I loved the last part :rockon:

As far as sexually... we've only been alone together once, so there's not much that could have gone from that. We've made out several times that night though, so that's as far as that went.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Oh I was talking about myself lurking. I'm on here all the time when I'm bored, and there are many more productive things to do.

There is a natural push/pull in any flirty conversation. You need to sense when she pulls away, and retract yourself, make yourself less available. This will make the emotional highs, when you're pushing toward each other, that much more powerful. You're going to need to experiment to find how this works for you specifically.

That idea of experimentation works through every PU/DJ/LIFE concept. You can't learn how to do something in real life by reading about it. You can learn how to talk or write about something by reading about it, but when it comes to the DOING, you'll always fall flat without real life experience. I guarantee you can't get all the experience you need from this one girl, you'll need many more.

What are your hobbies? Learn to be really good at something. That will take you further than this girl ever will.

If you have any "no consequences" girls (a girl who knows you through an isolated means. It won't affect you socially to crash and burn with her) then practice flirting over text. See if you can get naked pictures, test your own limits of seduction. Then learn lessons from it. The easiest way to meet this sort of girl is through random pick ups. The most experience on this forum is in mall game.

 

[Seismic]

Ahh. LOL.

Sense when she pulls away... and make myself less available. Alright I will keep that in mind.

I do realize life experience is different than just reading; but this is how I learn. I initially gather up a ton of knowledge and process it, then I go apply. It's lame to some others but to those that know what I'm talking about, knows exactly how effective this can be for those who do this. It's also a reason why I'm a A student.

Haha, I have been trying to get back into some things, but most of my hobbies come from when the whether is nice outside and not the snow around...

The last part I will keep in mind as well.

I have already planned how my second semester is going to go... planning might be the wrong word - maybe goal-setting. Plus 2012 is going to be my year for success (in life, not just in these relationship sh!t), and I am looking forward to it. I do believe this is a phase I am going through... call it an excuse if you want, but I know myself very well so.

Thanks Learning! Anyone else want to chip in anything? Words of encouragement?

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Hey man.

How far have you gotten with girls, in general?

I agree with all of Joshs points.

Don't go for exclusivity, you have no right. You'd be limiting the both of you for something that is essentially a friendship: go for sex.

That's the secret to pickup. Just go for sex. **** the pickup, go for sex. Do you want to be really good at getting laid, or really good at making your friends think you get laid?

Go find a bunch of other girls. Josh is right.

For this girl, you're just needy boring and predictable, as well as insincere. The last is as bad as the other three and you're focusing on the three. Don't bother trying not to be things, define yourself by what you are: sincere, confident and persistant.

Sincere is easy. Display your true intentions and feelings.

Confidence: go on despite fear with whatever you want. Fear is a non-factor.

Persistance is also easy. Just keep going until the interaction is burned, sexually. Go for sexual whenever you want it. Unless it's a friends girlfriend or sister or something.

 

[Seismic]

I thought I already made it clear that I don't currently see women as pieces of meat.

Thanks though.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I barely read any of this, but Seismic, what are you gonna do about your problem(s)?

 

[BPH]

I thought I already made it clear that I don't currently see women as pieces of meat.

Thanks though.

I barely read any of this either...too many walls of text. But I wanted to address this point.

I read Jack's post and you disregarded some very good advice. You should always go for sex because women are sexual creatures, maybe not "pieces of meat" but sure as hell not innocent.

 

[Amo]

One, stop treating different girls differently. Meaning, stop valuing this chick so much.

Two, I don't give a sh*t about high school conventions. It's not going to be "going out with her" or "not going out with her" in real life; it's going to be "f*cking her" and "not f*cking her". So, no, you're not in an "unofficial relationship". You're not in a relationship at all.

I thought I already made it clear that I don't currently see women as pieces of meat.

I read this and all I'm seeing is "I'm too scared to get in a girl's pants so I'm gonna just make up some bull**** feminist ideology." Newsflash, we're ALL pieces of meat.

 

[BPH]

One, stop treating different girls differently. Meaning, stop valuing this chick so much.

Two, I don't give a sh*t about high school conventions. It's not going to be "going out with her" or "not going out with her" in real life; it's going to be "f*cking her" and "not f*cking her". So, no, you're not in an "unofficial relationship". You're not in a relationship at all.



I read this and all I'm seeing is "I'm too scared to get in a girl's pants so I'm gonna just make up some bull**** feminist ideology." Newsflash, we're ALL pieces of meat.

I love how blunt and honest you've been lately. Not even being sarcastic.

 

[Seismic]

LOL.

I have never said that sex wasn't in the picture at all. Some (if not all) of you guys may not "agree with high school conventions"; but the reality of it is if you guys are just going to repeat the same things over and over again - things I already knew - then don't say anything at all. Don't say I'm disregarding what you guys are saying; it's just I already knew all this and it seems you are all repeating yourselves.

As for what I am going to do, I've already laid out what should be done.

Thanks!

 

[LearningSlowly]

I have never said that sex wasn't in the picture at all. Some (if not all) of you guys may not "agree with high school conventions"; but the reality of it is if you guys are just going to repeat the same things over and over again - things I already knew - then don't say anything at all. Don't say I'm disregarding what you guys are saying; it's just I already knew all this and it seems you are all repeating yourselves.

As for what I am going to do, I've already laid out what should be done.

Thanks!

I just lost a ton of respect for you after this and the "pieces of meat" post. No where did Jack imply anything about meat, you misunderstood him and disrespected him.

Maybe I should rephrase amohield's "high school conventions" part. HIGH SCHOOL CONVENTIONS DON'T EXIST. REAL LIFE IS NOW. ARE YOU FVCKING HER? NO? SUCKS FOR YOU.

You already knew this? Come on man. I want to spit on you right now, seriously, because that's what you just tried to do to us. Maybe we're repeating ourselves because we're right. I worked hard to learn the things I told you, every other person here did too. You're the only one who hasn't worked hard yet, and you're talking down to US?? Arrogant as$hole.

And let me finish you off by telling you how foolish you are. "I've already laid out what should be done." Well, let me tell you, the only thing you should have "laid out" so far is "Have sex with this girl."
If you think your master plan is going to work out perfectly, you have another thing coming. It all looks great in your head, but in real life, you have no idea what you're doing. ESPECIALLY if you try to stick to the plan you have "laid out" when in reality, things change constantly, no plan can predict the future.

Have some respect man. Don't come to our forum and tell us "don't say anything at all" cause I'll say a lot more than you bargained for.

 

[Amo]

Wait wait wait, guys. You know what? Let Seismic execute his master plan.

If it goes well, Seismic, come and rub it in our faces. If not, that's fine - come back a little humbler.

Although if your plan fizzes out, I don't really expect much future activity on this thread - I did use the word execute intentionally.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Errybody calm down. Everythings been laid out for him, he obviously just missed some key things. One, be sincere and two, girls love sex. Wanting sex with multiple girls is normal and spreading the joy of sex, ime really hot girls only go into relationships so they don't get labled sluts. I've ''dated'' two fcuking stunners and One of the broke up with me the day after because I didn't sleep with her. Ignoring a girls wants and needs because you want to ''respect her'' is bull**** man. It's just a ***** excuse because you're scared she might not want sex. But if she does or she doesn't, she wants you to move towards it. Do it for the both of you bro.