I want to help my "nice-guy" friend.

[Alex DeLarge]

All right folks so here's the scoop. My friend Mike who is 23 could be a poster-dude for the common AFC "nice-guy". I really want to help him get over this horrible personal phase and just take life by the horns and have fun.

Here are a few of the characteristics he has exhibited..

-Does any favor he can for a female friend, getting nothing in return.
-Often has a bitter attitude around his male friends, but acts nice to women.
-He has kissed a girl, but never sexually escalated past that.
-Seems to be depressed due to the lack of women in his life.
-Does not like to socialize or party with new people.
-Has a very negative world view and thinks that everything is too much work.
-Thinks that the masculine nature is a terrible thing to be proud of.

Now Mike and I have had a very similar childhood. We both grew up around women and no men. He had his mother and two sisters, I had my mother, cousin, aunt, and grandma. Both of our families would constantly say "men are pigs" blah blah.. All of that nazi women over all rubbish.

This upbringing lead us both to the same insecurities of being male. It was very tough for the both of us in High School to socialize with women because we always thought that they were thinking we're "Scum".

Well, it came off that way.. Know why? Because we were "nice-guys"!

After finding this site and many other mens' reading material, I feel as though I can embrace my masculinity much more. However, my friend Mike has not yet shared the same experience.

I try to recommend him some reading. Most of the time, I won't say what it is but just tell him "I think you'll really like this book, it has some great philosophical ideas that I think you would enjoy." Most of the time he just says that it's probably "gay" and "stupid".. He's not really the reading type.

I was thinking about having him check out this website, but with a lot of the nonsense babble and insecure nature of a lot of posters here who happen to think that all women are nasty slvts.. It might be detrimental to his growing as a person.

I want my friend to embrace his masculinity, not just dismiss it as some "macho-douchebag" gym rat BS. There is a lot more to being a man than being perceived as an alpha male for being ripped and jacked. Any suggestions to help out my friend would be great.

 

[Tyson420]

You're much better off finding him a 'nice' girlfriend.

 

[mahoney]

-Does not like to socialize or party with new people.
-Has a very negative world view and thinks that everything is too much work.

these two are by far the biggest problems - the others are small fry compared to these

this dude needs to become good at something - he needs to achieve stuff, to be creative, to make things, to be proud of something he made

 

[oneboy21]

1) Books are very good resources to get any kind of knowledge.
2) provide some infield experience like Pick up artist videos

 

[Alex DeLarge]

these two are by far the biggest problems - the others are small fry compared to these

this dude needs to become good at something - he needs to achieve stuff, to be creative, to make things, to be proud of something he made

Well the thing is, he's great a lot of things. He's a very talented musician, but he claims that he is terrible. I always tell him he should look around for other people to jam with and get a band going, but he claims that he "doesn't know enough to join a band".

I know exactly what you mean though. If you don't like meeting new people and socializing, there will be almost no possible way to get anywhere in this world.

 

[mahoney]

Well the thing is, he's great a lot of things. He's a very talented musician, but he claims that he is terrible. I always tell him he should look around for other people to jam with and get a band going, but he claims that he "doesn't know enough to join a band".

I know exactly what you mean though. If you don't like meeting new people and socializing, there will be almost no possible way to get anywhere in this world.

he should focus on what he's good at - tho if he thinks hes terrible thats a bit of a problem (lots of good artists do have this opinion of themselves tho).

joining a band or a collective of some sort would be preferable (also great way to meet people!) but if he's not able to do that he should get himself a copy of logic or whatever and get recording some stuff!

creative people are interesting! especially when they are in that particular zone, or focussed on it, or talking about it. he doesn't even have to be successful - just they very act of creating some form of art puts him ahead of most people