"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I want to be friends... does she?
- Thread starter acewhole
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
maranathaman
Master Don Juan
then continue with your friendship.
However, if it remains weird and too painful for one or both of you.
Then it is probably best to cut it off and allow each of you to heal and move-on with your lives.
I think it's better to go through the short-term pain of a clean-cut,
then to drag it out and giving the person a glimmer of hope,
even though you've already made your position clear.
Either way, it's painful and I wish you both all the best.
I'm going to call her now that she's off work and see how that goes. A little part of me is tempted to send her a link to this post but so far I've been trying to hide most of my hurt for her sake. Ugh, I hate overthinking stuff!
You may be right and that's probably part of the reason I sought external advice. I don't think I'm clinging to a thread as an act of denial. As much as I'd like to be with her on my terms, I've made up my mind and, although it takes me a while to do so, I'm usually resolute once I do.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Also, to clarify, when I ask if it's impossible to stay/become friends I mean is it not ever worthwhile. I have ex's that are still "friends" largely because we see each other in social settings regularly. I still share laughs with them while we're out but I have little interest in ever spending time with them apart from the group.
For what it's worth, she called me this morning. We spoke for about fifteen minutes. She seems to be in a mostly good place.
About half way through the call, she started saying stuff like "this thing coming up would be better with you" and "I'm free tonight and tomorrow". As much as I like to hear that, it made me sad to detect hope for the romantic relationship.
It may still be possible to be friends but I fear it will take much longer than I had hoped. If she starts seeing someone else soon, that should help speed things along. Either way, I'm thinking it'll be at least a few weeks before I reach out to her again. Next time, I'll probably try to keep it shorter and lighter. The last thing I want to do is encourage any clinging but, by golly, I sure do miss her and vice versa.
I've got to be strong for her sake.