OR... "The Mystery Of Shyness"
I was wondering about WHY we're scared of talking to strangers, girls in particular.
Well, the thing is, for me, I'm not scared of talking to women any more than men. I realised pretty quickly that there was no point in treating them differently, because nothing could get me any worse off than I was: entirely single. So why was I shy? It's not about desire, for sure. I was shy to guys as well.
I'm steadily getting better at it, anyway - all you need is to keep pushing yourself and being more and more daring, don't beat yourself up if you can't do something, just keep pushing your comfort zone AS HARD AS YOU CAN.
But WHY did/(do) I find it difficult to talk to people?
I was listening to David Deangelo's Mastery program (the only one which is actually worth the huge amount of money you would pay as a nice, law abiding citizen who doesn't stream things off the net with a bitTorrent tracker like this one: http://azureus.sourceforge.net/ and find torrent files by searching google for a few keywords and the word "torrent" -- I really advise you to try it. ...The Mastery Program that is. I do not condone thievery). This program went into a talk about STATUS. In the wild, a group has a hierarchy which stops the individuals fighting each other. They fight once, the winners get status, then the fighting stops as the individuals accept their new place in the pecking order. (This insures the survival of the species as interfighting is much less of a threat. It also decides which male is strongest and therefore a worthy mate). They demonstrate submissive body language towards their superiors, feel obliged to do as they command, and avoid their gaze.
I suspect now that shyness is not fear of any particular outcome - though it can come to manifest itself in that way - but a feeling of low status. You avoid other's eyecontact, submit to others, etc. You do not speak to your superiors without being spoken to first.
The way to break this is to challenge others' position as your "superiors". Don't break eyecontact until they do. Start conversations with them (because the LEADER says the FIRST WORDS). It's not a logical thing, no-one thinks of this hierarchy, but it's instinctual. Think of it! You're scared of a GIRL who has to LOOK UP to stare you in the eyes? You give her the power, the status, because you want what she can give you.
Did you read the articles in the DJ bible about collecting rejections? These guys noticed that the more rejections you get the more good things seem to come your way. No wonder, if you decide to break your position in your instinctual social hierarchy and suddenly start talking to people first.. you become high status in your mind... this comes through in your language... and she becomes wet because you're now an ALPHA MALE.
PS If you liked the thread title, watch out for my next posts: "is God an AFC?" and "I have decided to become bisexual".:rockon:
I was wondering about WHY we're scared of talking to strangers, girls in particular.
Well, the thing is, for me, I'm not scared of talking to women any more than men. I realised pretty quickly that there was no point in treating them differently, because nothing could get me any worse off than I was: entirely single. So why was I shy? It's not about desire, for sure. I was shy to guys as well.
I'm steadily getting better at it, anyway - all you need is to keep pushing yourself and being more and more daring, don't beat yourself up if you can't do something, just keep pushing your comfort zone AS HARD AS YOU CAN.
But WHY did/(do) I find it difficult to talk to people?
I was listening to David Deangelo's Mastery program (the only one which is actually worth the huge amount of money you would pay as a nice, law abiding citizen who doesn't stream things off the net with a bitTorrent tracker like this one: http://azureus.sourceforge.net/ and find torrent files by searching google for a few keywords and the word "torrent" -- I really advise you to try it. ...The Mastery Program that is. I do not condone thievery). This program went into a talk about STATUS. In the wild, a group has a hierarchy which stops the individuals fighting each other. They fight once, the winners get status, then the fighting stops as the individuals accept their new place in the pecking order. (This insures the survival of the species as interfighting is much less of a threat. It also decides which male is strongest and therefore a worthy mate). They demonstrate submissive body language towards their superiors, feel obliged to do as they command, and avoid their gaze.
I suspect now that shyness is not fear of any particular outcome - though it can come to manifest itself in that way - but a feeling of low status. You avoid other's eyecontact, submit to others, etc. You do not speak to your superiors without being spoken to first.
The way to break this is to challenge others' position as your "superiors". Don't break eyecontact until they do. Start conversations with them (because the LEADER says the FIRST WORDS). It's not a logical thing, no-one thinks of this hierarchy, but it's instinctual. Think of it! You're scared of a GIRL who has to LOOK UP to stare you in the eyes? You give her the power, the status, because you want what she can give you.
Did you read the articles in the DJ bible about collecting rejections? These guys noticed that the more rejections you get the more good things seem to come your way. No wonder, if you decide to break your position in your instinctual social hierarchy and suddenly start talking to people first.. you become high status in your mind... this comes through in your language... and she becomes wet because you're now an ALPHA MALE.
PS If you liked the thread title, watch out for my next posts: "is God an AFC?" and "I have decided to become bisexual".:rockon:
