I Want Her Dammit

[evilyoshi]

Im in 10th grade, and last year i got a few friends. among them was this girl i have liked since the beginning of this year. i thought she was flirting with me so i asked her in an email (she gave me all 3 of hers) if she liked me. she said no. i wasnt to upset about this, so i said next day in person "do you like me because i kinda like you"

"youre feelings are unreciprocated"

"thats a big word (im such a dumbass lol) what does that mean"

"i dont feel the same way. maybe in the future but not now"

"ok"



so im friends with her. im fine with being "just friends" but i would like to have her as my gf if possible. i do think she would be a good girl for me. we are both very nerdy and i want a nerdy girlfriend. we usually talk twice a day, at breakfast and lunch. and also i think she might like me but rejected me for some weird reason. like today i didnt sit by her at lunch or breakfast, she saw me afterschool and this happened. she walked past me then noticed me stood in one place for a bit while staring at me with this weird face. it looked like she was eating something sour and trying to hold back a smile. (im not sure exactly how to describe it.) then i said "what do you want?" she pointed at me and walked towards me then i looked at the ground and laughed (i was trying to hide it) she asked where i was at lunch and breakfast i said "i didnt want to sit at your table today" she said "ok now i will hug a tree" (I AM SERIOUS omg im in love with a weirdo) then she talked to one of her friends said something about the tree so i yell "nobody want to hug you" i think she ignored me though wouldnt talk to me. then i walked home.

is she trying to play hard to get?

so as you can tell im not really good with words (i hardly have any speech skills) and i am also kinda negative. do think this is why she rejected me? (one time i told her hat i was stupid and i will look at the table while she is talking to me its a habit but i am listening to her.) do you think she would like me if i could communicate better and improve my confidence? or did i totally screw it? i never "liked" anybody before. i also never had friends before last year which is why i suck at communication. i really do think she is awesome.

but if i really cant be her boyfriend i will just be a friend.

also am i being to nice? i will let her borrow video games from me and i also gave her a copy of minecraft. and i will usually tell her she can have my milk at lunch if she wants it. im not a mean person. i like being nice. i like seeing her happy.

she did once say she had her eye on somebody but did not tell who it was. she does not have a boyfriend.

i do think i should act as soon as possible but i dont know what to do. flirting, maybe?

also somebody yesterday told me i should go out with her. a couple weeks ago someone i know looked at us when she was sitting next to me and said "you two would be a good couple your both are inexplicably nerdy"

 

[Mr Wright]

Well think about it from her point of view. Shes made it clear that she doesnt see you in that way until she says otherwise so as far as shes concerned you're friends. Male and female friends flirt all the time, its usually more about fun than sexual intent. Sorry buddy but sometimes you gotta count your losses and move on. Ironically, thats when she'll probably like you, so stop giving her stuff for nothing.

 

[evilyoshi]

so should i stop talking to her, or just act like i dont like her? or both? i have nobody else to even talk to really. im bored and lonely all day. im fine with her not liking me. and im an ass to her anyway. i made a fat joke about her right in front of her today(not seriously though, so she wasnt offended. shes 218 though.) and i call her disgusting sometimes too. but how will i know if she really does start liking me though? any real signs?

plus i think she only tells me im awesome because i gave her minecraft.she said yes about that today but she always tells me where to meet her at lunch, even though i can see where she goes. and i dont always give her stuff. just sometimes.
and how can i stop saying stupid things?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

You could always just make new friends and improve yourself.

 

[evilyoshi]

oooo i just realized something. theres this conflict going on between her best friend and another friend for weeks. if i can resolve this, it will impress my possible future gf. im not gonna let this chance slip away. i will try from now on, until she gets a boyfriend. thats when i give up.

evilyoshi still thinks his confidence is a problem.

 

[mannybinswaggin]

1. Why did you just refer to yourself in a third person? o.o

2. That sounds like a pretty AFC plan bro.

3. That entire first post sounds AFC, to be honest.

I agree with NDJ. Go on a road of self improvement to increase confidence. Play a new sport. Pick a new hobby. Get fit, do something. It also will take your mind off of your dream girl. Based on the post, you seem like a pretty cool guy though. However, I would recommend toning down the niceness just a tad. I look forward to seeing you get the girl of your dreams man .

 

[evilyoshi]

i dont really know about afc. yes i do talk to her when i can, but i only listen to about 20% of what she says before i start looking at the ground. i also disagree with her when i do, and im not trying to be a slave or anything, im just nervous. i cant make new friends no matter how hard i try. i cant do sports either because im always watching my brothers when not at school. i broke the touch barrier once.

how do i not be an APC? im not trying to be a slave or anything, i just dont want to be an *******.

 

[evilyoshi]

im just going to try flirting and talking more. today i managed to talk to her for thw whole lunch period without silence. io think im doing better and she said im awesome cuz i can understand what she talks about .

 

[Smock]

Soo much improvement you need to work on. Hmm, where to start...Start some self improvement. Forget about that girl. I am starting cold approaches and what I do is, I make a few 'hi's' or just smile at a girl. When she starts to do it back to you, that is your signal to go for the kill. Introduce, start a convo, give her a time constrain(bells going to ring), tell her we can hang out sometime, "What's your number?" Leave and say "See ya'." Going to see how that works out a few times.

Best of luck.

 

[evilyoshi]

what type of selp help? im pretty confident now, and i actually managed to keep the conversation going. all i have to do is talk about things we are interested in. Also a post somewhere on here made me realize something: THE FRIEND ZONE IS TOTAL BULL**** AND IS A LIE. women **** their friends all the time. and i just have to flirt with her and stop being a *****. i dont "think" we would make a good couple i KNOW it. yes i will not spend any time with her sometimes to make her think about me, but im not totally abandoning her for months. that would make me seem like a ****. and before you say anything, somebody i know tried staying away from her friend for a few weeks to get her to think about him, and the girl i liked thought he was being a ****head. shes wildy different from other girls too.

im not trying to be an ass or anything, but this is the only girl i have ever even thought about going out with. im not going to listen to somebody who doesnt know her. all i really wanted to know is if she was interested or what. plus girls are all different, what you guys say might not work. no i will not just give her things anymore, thanks for that advice i agree with that.

I really just think i should do what i believe i should do. tons of morons can get girls without any of this advice, so im sure i can too.

 

[Smock]

@evilyoshi
Try the Well Cultured Anonymous on self help.

http://www.mediafire.com/?y46fqc95a61srl6

 

[Mr. Suave]

a couple weeks ago someone i know looked at us when she was sitting next to me and said "you two would be a good couple your both are inexplicably nerdy"

Lol what a bastard.

Either way this one might be a little tricky. She's not stupid so she'll be onto you pretty fast if you try something. I'm a member of the "anti-friendzone" party, as in I don't think it exists, but this is certainly a tough case in which to build attraction. I'm actually trying to think hard here of what you can do...

Just start treating her like a girlfriend. Call her sexy, touch her etc. Most of all playfully tease her so she laughs (that kind of teasing).

I don't have too much confidence in this case though, I reckon this is gonna be a dead end. If you're SET on her however, don't feel deterred by what I'm saying.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

evilyoshi --

Communication and speaking are skills that take time! I was once very awkward too but honestly man, I can hold a room's attention pretty good now, inspire people. But this took a lot of self-work, away from any woman, a lot of internal reflection and self-growth and self-challenge.

Keep practicing on your conversation skills. Practice talking to all people. Not just this chick you dig at lunch. But try talking to many people, irregardless of what they end up thinking of you -- if you are awkward, uncomfortable, nervous etc -- just take each situation as practice and know you are doing it for yourself. I promise you can get better.

She may think you are too nerdy, or nice as a friend, to develop any sexual feelings for you. But you won't be a nerd forever. Trust me, alot can happen from age 15 > age 26 > age 36 ... if you keep working on yourself, there is no telling the type of man you may grow into...

Being too nice, as you noted, doesn't often do a lot to incite a woman's sexual hormones. If anything she views you as a friend and a nice guy, but she'll never want to have sex with you (which is what you probably want)...so there is a fine line by being an ******* and being "too nice"...

An ******* says something like, "You're disgusting" or "You're fat". Sorry bud this won't do much to swoon anyone! But saying too much nice things to a woman has the same effect! You won't swoon anyone!

Instead think of: Self-Respect.

If she is not treating you well -- you like her, reach out to her, let her borrow your stuff -- well than STOP. That is self-respect. Not letting someone take advantage of you -- or endlessly give never to receive. What you did about not sitting next to her actually probably made her wonder where you went and if anything is one thing you've done right to have her come towards you.

The truth is -- when you are fixated on a single chick and pursue her trying to win her over, you will, likely waste lots of energy and be broken hearted. Don't waste your time chasing her -- live your life -- if she wants to sit next to you at lunch, fine...but this is an uphill battle man.

Start exercising. Eating right. Consider what might be a passion for you in life? What would you study all day if you could? What would you like to do to help the things around you? What would you like to do with your life if you had a choice?

I promise you son, often the Greats aren't the Naturals, they're made through Trial and Tribulation, and although you feel some BS right now -- if you work in your life to improve the areas you want to -- you may well be someone 10-20 years from now you hadn't dreamed of...

Also -- if you want to tease a woman, pick on her lightly, not on her looks in some harsh critic -- but rather a joking way that makes her feel or seem kind of silly...making fun of the way she DOES something, teasing her lightly, that sort of thing -- don't just assault her character...anyways man, lots more to share but there's some stuff to chew on. PM me if you want to talk more about self-improvement, etc.

This girl won't be what you want most likely -- you can find a girl who is into you -- but first you have to love what and who you are...confidence son...but that confidence has to be grounded in something real -- such as accomplishing goals you set for yourself...

Ask yourself: How do I want to grow? What plan can I enact to cause that growth?

IE -- I want to be stronger. Plan: Lift 3x/week with guided instruction.
I want to be more social. Plan: Practice talking to people even if it's awful at first. etc, etc...

Sub Goal > Plan > New Sub Goal > New Plan...train keeps going.

Best,
BM