"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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i want her badddddddd

A

andari

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listen. this is the deal. there is this lady that works in my building with a body to die for. she is about id say 37-39. but i must stress the "body to die for" thing i mean. jeez. but look she just started working here not more than three weeks ago. i happened to run into her when i needed help with some work. i eventually asked her to lunch and she said that she would be deligthed to go and asked when ? i said the the next working day would be cool she said ok. the next day there was an issue. when i called to let her know that i was on my way down to scoop her she was like "oh no, i was on conference call and it took too long and......." before i let her finish i was like cool, whatever. she said "how about tommorrow" i said "fine" the next day came and i didnt even go to work. so i come in the next day thinking that sHe had called but she diddnt. she sent me an email saying " i will have to cancel today too because it was some dudes birthday in her office and evry body was goin to the party". she was new and she did not want screwup. she apologized and s$$$.
i gave her an email back saying that it was cool and that i had a new positon in a different spot and all this and that, and told her to have a nice day. BUT I STILL WANT TO HIT THAT BUT I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK LIKE A CHUMP. SO IM ASKING MY FELLOW DJ'S WHAT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO IN THIS INSTANCE??
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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averagejoe

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I have been in your situation before and it looks to me like she has a low interest level. I would back away and if she wants to hook up she will let you know. To pursue her after cancelling on you twice would make you look like a chump.
 
A

andari

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I KNOW, AND I CANT HAVE THAT.BUT NOW IM MAD LIKE WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS??! IM ME!! SHE BETTER RECOGNIZE! I SAW HER TODAY AND SHE WAS LIKE, TALKING TO ME AND ALL THAT..................I DIDNT EVEN BRING THAT OTHER STUFF UP. BUT SHOULD I STLL TALK TO HER?? EVEN LIKE EMAIL COMMUNICATION??
 
G

Gravyboat

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I'm not a fan of flakey behavior, but if she's new to the company, she may very well want to make sure her first priority is making a good impression and not s*cking your d*ck.

However, I think you're justified in allowing HER to pursue YOU now, because you've already made the effort. If she's interested, she'll try and make it up to you, since she's the one who's cancelled twice.

I'd back off for a while.
 
T

Tyrone Biggums

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She's Not Interested

Like averagejoe said, she's not interested. Did you ask her out to lunch or did you offer? Asking her to lunch does not show confidence. You should have made a date to go right then rather than wait till the next day. When she counter offered you should have came to work that day. She cancelled on you twice and she seems more interested in the other guy in the office than spending time with you. She probably senses how much you want to be with her because you're giving her to much attention. Start looking for women outside of work.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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A

andari

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Re: She's Not Interested

Originally posted by Tyrone Biggums
Like averagejoe said, she's not interested. Did you ask her out to lunch or did you offer? Asking her to lunch does not show confidence. You should have made a date to go right then rather than wait till the next day. When she counter offered you should have came to work that day. She cancelled on you twice and she seems more interested in the other guy in the office than spending time with you. She probably senses how much you want to be with her because you're giving her to much attention. Start looking for women outside of work.
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wordperfect


true. that would have been better but i did not have any money on me. the last thign i want to do is be caught out somewere and cant even buy my own lunch. with all do respect screw that chic. if she wants me then she is goin to have to come and get me. should i even speak in the hall??
 
D

DrDope

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Why wouldn't you speak to her if you saw her in the hall? No sense in being rude.
 
N

NewMan

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First things first - It's not good to fvck chick's you work with - if she's in a different department and you have no communications with her on a weekly basis - that is fine.... But that aside (because you will not care)....


* You've got to be cool and calm around her. If you see her talk to her. But don't go out of your way to bump into her. Don't email her for anything outside of work.

* She's new to the company - you've got to give her that. And - she may just be being nice to you by accepting. We have no idea. But I would assume for now that what she said is true. Havign said that - you should not go chasing after her at this point - you asked her 2 times - another invite and you'll look desperate - and that's not how you want to come accross.

* You'll probably have to be patient. Slowly does it.

* I'd let her make the next move. It maybe that she just does not want to make business with pleasure. She's older - so has probably done this kind of thing before.

* Be excellent in her precence. Read up on the Tao of Steve.
 
D

Dublinsfinest

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Originally posted by andari
listen. this is the deal. there is this lady that works in my building with a body to die for. she is about id say 37-39. but i must stress the "body to die for" thing i mean. jeez. but look she just started working here not more than three weeks ago. i happened to run into her when i needed help with some work. i eventually asked her to lunch and she said that she would be deligthed to go and asked when ? i said the the next working day would be cool she said ok. the next day there was an issue. when i called to let her know that i was on my way down to scoop her she was like "oh no, i was on conference call and it took too long and......." before i let her finish i was like cool, whatever. she said "how about tommorrow" i said "fine" the next day came and i didnt even go to work. so i come in the next day thinking that sHe had called but she diddnt. she sent me an email saying " i will have to cancel today too because it was some dudes birthday in her office and evry body was goin to the party". she was new and she did not want screwup. she apologized and s$$$.
i gave her an email back saying that it was cool and that i had a new positon in a different spot and all this and that, and told her to have a nice day. BUT I STILL WANT TO HIT THAT BUT I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK LIKE A CHUMP. SO IM ASKING MY FELLOW DJ'S WHAT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO IN THIS INSTANCE??
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the problem is YOU DIDN'T ATTRACT HER.

You need to learn WHAT TO SAY to attract women.

The biggest mistake people on this board make, is they go for friendship BEFORE they have attracted the girl. I see it all the time. Asking questions trying to get friendship is a big mistake. The woman should be the one who does that, THEN you can do the same.

Attract the woman first, then go for friendship.

But in this instance, you need to rethink your approach and conversation.
 
C

CraigMack

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Well the first thing you NEED to do is stop acting like a CHUMP AFC. There shouldn't be any woman that you want badddddd like that.

That is thinking with your wrong brain. When you think with your d*ck you will play yourself and get played.

So calm down peter piper and go pick a peck of pickles and simmer down.

Let the woman get settled in to her job and don't act desperate. She may of only accepted that lunch thing cause she is nervous about her new job and felt lonely. As she settles in and becomes more comfortable she should relax a bit.

Also did you check her interest level? Or are you just running crazy just cause she has a hot body?

Check ya self before you wreck ya self!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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B

bud_2005

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Re: Re: i want her badddddddd

Originally posted by Dublinsfinest
the problem is YOU DIDN'T ATTRACT HER.

You need to learn WHAT TO SAY to attract women.

The biggest mistake people on this board make, is they go for friendship BEFORE they have attracted the girl. I see it all the time. Asking questions trying to get friendship is a big mistake. The woman should be the one who does that, THEN you can do the same.

Attract the woman first, then go for friendship.
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Could you please elaborate on how you attract someone. You say don't ask any questions but if you don't know anything about them how can you carry a conversation. Are you saying to iniate kino immediately after the greeting?
 
S

sux2bu

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D

dentalfloss

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Originally posted by CraigMack
Well the first thing you NEED to do is stop acting like a CHUMP AFC. There shouldn't be any woman that you want badddddd like that.

That is thinking with your wrong brain. When you think with your d*ck you will play yourself and get played.

So calm down peter piper and go pick a peck of pickles and simmer down.

Let the woman get settled in to her job and don't act desperate. She may of only accepted that lunch thing cause she is nervous about her new job and felt lonely. As she settles in and becomes more comfortable she should relax a bit.

Also did you check her interest level? Or are you just running crazy just cause she has a hot body?

Check ya self before you wreck ya self!
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whoa there dr. phil, lol
 
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