i want an answer!!

[lamobatsman]

Im doing the NC thing even though she didnt mind being friends now. I just want to know where i went wrong and its just bugging me so mucha bout this girl.
Only she can give me the answer no?! im thiking of seeing a counsellor to help me understand why i have got into this situation.

Maybe i rushed things too fast with her and we shud have taken it slow. i dont know where i went rong.

Will a counsellor help? IM still in depression mode the last 6 weeks

spinning plates doesnt and didnt help and i will write a thread why

 

[VladPatton]

Sometimes you can be Cassanova's reincarnation and things would have the same turnout. Chalk it all up to low interest, nothing more, nothing less, life goes on.

Do you think she's obsessing about you the same way?

 

[escaleraroyal]

A true DJ doesn't get depressed

 

[dosquito]

I'm convinced that there is room for debate about NC vs simply being ambivalent to being LJBF'd.

Going no contact makes you look like a vindictive sissy. It's better to say that you want to remain friends but stay very distant and let her notice what she's missing. That's what it means to be confident in yourself as a desirable man, a DJ.

 

[SgtSplacker]

What really helped me with the AFC thing is that I started rating women based on how they viewed me. The way I see it is if she is smart enough to be on board with ol Splacker then she's a smart girl worthy of my attention.

But if she starts to devalue herself by not making me happy in any way then I simply lose interest in her. And it will usually happen before she ever gets to leave me. The whole thing is like a test, if she is smart enough to pick me, then she is smart enough to have me.

 

[Greasy Pig]

You must find a way to realise that the problem is hers, not yours OP.

Any true DJ will tell you that sometimes they don't get the girl no matter how tight their game was.
She just wasn't interested and that's that.
Remember, you can do absolutely everything right and still fail simply because she wasn't buying what you're selling.
You should self evaluate after each failure, not self deprecate. And any woman who rebuffs your advances is merely disqualifying herself from being with a quality guy.
All you can do is try, try again. Learn from your failures and remember that sometimes, girls just aren't interested.
Now go out and find one who is!

 

[Skalioppe]

@Dosquito : No, going NC helps you stop being addicted (like you currently are) and sends the message that you don't need her in your life because it doesn't benefit you. You are cutting all ties because there's no point. Women will keep idiots orbiting around them and serving their ego at every opportunity (their egos thrive on that) and sadly men convince themselves that playing servant to their ego is somehow beneficial to them. Women will take, take, take from chumps who do this and give a little back to pique the interest. The odd pleasant text, a compliment, a flirty look - it's all about protecting their assets - you're an asset because you worshipping her makes her feel good.

If you want to be some saddo chump, listening to her woes as she talks about how her new guy is so sexually demanding and his c0ck hurts her, then go ahead. LJBF with someone you have strong feelings for, but doesn't reciprocate is a mug's game for the sad hopers in the world. All you are doing is trying to convince your addiction to keep feeding itself. Trust me, I've been through what you're going through.

@SgtSplacker : That is a good approach to things. If a woman goes out of her way to keep contacting you and wanting to see you then she's interested. You reward that in kind.

@Iamobatsman : It's horrible going through what you're going through. The obsessive thinking, the unanswered questions, thinking what could you have done (bargaining) etc. It's all part of the grieving process of losing something dear to you and also breaking the addiction associated with it : Denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. It's all about dopamine - it's addictive as hell, like heroin and you are breaking the source of it. I think it takes on average 12-16 weeks to do this, although sometimes longer.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I've thought about this for a while now: as much as we talk here about girls with BPD disorder, has it ever occurred to anyone else that some of the guys here display symptoms of the same thing? Think about how many of these posts go up where the guys go between feeling good that they're no longer contacting a girl one day, and straight spazzing out the next day about how they can't get over her and are still obsessed. Girls aren't the only ones that can have BPD, ya know, and at times it worries me that some of the guys on this board don't see it in themselves. Yes, girls can be crazy at times, but even in their world of more emotional thinking there's a logic to it. At the same time, though, guys can easily go into BPD mode when what they deem to be "logical" is constantly thwarted by their inability to use that logic to keep a woman, thus throwing off how they react to stuff. Just some food for though.

 

[Cremasta]

Im doing the NC thing even though she didnt mind being friends now. I just want to know where i went wrong and its just bugging me so mucha bout this girl.

This is really just torturing yourself.

IF you've done something wrong here, it may have been the wrong thing for this particular girl.
You could go and treat another girl exactly the same, and it will be exactly what she wants from a guy.

Just try to test the waters a bit. It's a bit like boxing. Throw a few feints, see what gets a good response, see what gets a bad response, then go for the knockout hit.

 

[Skalioppe]

@Harry Wilmington : Losing something you don't want to lose but know you need to is a double edged sword. Some days you feel strengthened by the fact you are letting go - lancing the boil so to speak. Other days something will trigger a reminiscence, a good time you had with that person in the past, which in turn brings about regret that you've had to let them go - it's very sad - this cycle of emotions is perfectly normal and well documented in standard grieving processes and mechanisms. It's not BPD, it's simply that our minds are dynamic in nature, our environment, input parameters and internalisation processes don't occupy a static mind state on things.

If you study anthropology and evolutionary effects on roles, you'll realise women generally occupy the emotional domain and men the logical domain - all thanks to hormones and their evolutionary influences on necessities. Women have to be emotional because their primary evolutionary role is that of maternal nurturer, emotions are imperative for that - they need to care and be reflective on needs of those they care about. Men have to be logical because their role is that of provider, and providing assets (food, shelter, warmth, safety etc.) is best performed under logical problem solving and extrapolation.

So women can seem crazy, because they are tuned on a different resonance to men. That said, men can fall foul to emotions too, as this forum often demonstrates.

 

[SgtSplacker]

You'll see that when you adopt a "what can she do for me" attitude the AFC behavior will fade away. Now this is not a ticket to arrogant behavior mind you, you must find a balance in yourself. But I always expect anyone i'm with to put some effort into our relationship. And by doing this you also create a great relationship compass that will tell you way early if she is capable/considering looking elsewhere for love. That extra effort will be the first thing to go if she is unhappy with anything.

And hey if the AFC thing is something you cant shake then at least try to apply it where it is deserved. Not just for any tramp that decides to bang you good. But for someone that is truly interested in you and contributing just as much as you are to the relationship.

Back to your original thread. All this depression you have now is misplaced AFC energy bud. Move on and find a girl worthy of your admiration.

 

[lamobatsman]

well i got my answers:
Today
12:27
me

hey. i spoke to xxx yesterday. i havent blocked u on watsapp. i would have told you. my phone has been out of order the whole week.
he tells me you're coming to london in a few weeks again.
i think we should talk and sort this out. he tells me you still like me and i still think about you a lot

13:05
her

You blocked me on fb...i dont have you in whatsapp Anymore cause i delated your phone number...haha are you serious? I read the whole conversation between you and xxx so dont Lie and say you still think about ne cause you Wrote him you haven't got any Feelings for me and your over me know..

15:46
me

why did you delete my number? i still have yours.
i got involved with you cos i liked you a lot. If i knew you werent interested in me i wouldnt have got involved.

Its obvious that you dont like me like how i like you. Btw you have no idea that i think about you every day. I think about why would the girl who says she really likes me do what she did that night in pacha. That is what i think about.

15:56
her

Gosh always the Story of the Night in pacha...everytime this Story

15:57
me

are you serious??!

15:57
her

Yes cause the Night with the Guy is Not Important for ne

Me

15:58
me

how am i supposed to know that??! put youself in my shoes. im thinking completely different

15:59
her

What??

16:01
me

ok my thinking as any guys thinking is this- i came to the club to hang out with you. you talked in german the whole night and ignored me. and you were having fun with him the whole night instead of me.
i just didnt get that

16:01
her

I was drunk...**** happened

16:03
me

u even told me to go home. u said u didnt want to talk to me but to him
i was so cinfused that night

if you liked me you wouldnt have done that

16:06
her

Jap jap

 

[Purefilth]

^^^ NEVER DO THIS SH1T

you just showed yourself as a valueless little boy begging for her attention, crying that she deleted your number?!?!?!

you were NC, that means NO CONTACT. Its to stop you doing AFC crap like this.

You shouldve just deleted the #.
back to day 1 for you.

 

[lamobatsman]

why pure filth? shes blocked me and told me to **** OFF now

 

[Purefilth]

shes blocked me and told me to **** OFF now

Are you surprised? Really?

Have you read/ learned anything since you came here?

 

[lamobatsman]

i just wanted an answer to why she did what she did thats all.

and im happy shes blocked me cos i tried blockig her and she would get mad at me

 

[Purefilth]

i just wanted an answer to why she did what she did thats all.

and im happy shes blocked me cos i tried blockig her and she would get mad at me

heres why

you just showed yourself as a valueless little boy begging for her attention

and who cares if she's mad at you? from that convo, she seems like an utter b!tch anyway.

ANYONE would be better off without this one buddy

pick up some plates and start them spinning.

 

[lamobatsman]

its bull**** that she says she was drunk and **** happens. thats a lie!

i just wanted an answer i thought i deserved. if it was the other way round she would want an answer too.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Just remember OP, a woman will never admit fault because their rationalisation hamster makes them believe they did nothing wrong.

The proof is right there in the answers to your accusations. There's no remorse, no pangs of guilt.

This is exactly why arguing with a woman about that sort of bytchy, slvtty behaviour is a fool's errand.
You could've caught her with the other guy's c0ck in her arse and she would have given you the same answers.

She is a cold bytch and you should forget her. She doesn't have feelings for you and is treating you like a doormat.
A true DJ would walk and go ghost after that first instance of blatant disrespect. A beta would tolerate it, try to win her over, accept her explanation and keep orbiting her.
Which will you be?

 

[lamobatsman]

greasy pig- i tolerated a lot of direspect during the two months of tlaking.

this time i just wanted a reason why and the truth!!! i asked why she not apologise and she said to me **** OFF

im done. i aint no beta. she dead to me