I Want A Relationship With A Certain Girl... Tell Me If I'm on the Right Track

[nkh78h]

Just a precursor: I'm not in it for sex, due to religious and personal beliefs, not to mention STDs, and unplanned pregnancy risks.

Also, please don't give me any crap about having one-itus. I don't care.

Anyway, I have known her for about a year, and we are in the choir together. I live off of my college campus, and she lives on. Last year, I met her when I auditioned for choir, and she was clearly staring at me and trying to be cute, and was preening in my direction as I auditioned. Our choir tours all over, and we also have a "Retreat" at the beginning of the year. I haven't ever had a girlfriend, and so I didn't really know how to react when she was sending all sorts of signals, she winked at me as we talked, and stared into my eyes, and was bubbly and giggly. Besides that, she was trying to play footsie, but since I didn't know what the heck I was doing I ignored it. After some thinking of acting uninterested in her (stupid) I realized my mistakes, and began to pursue her. Later that year, I went on a "date"0 with her (we didn't call it that, but that's really what it was, as it was her next to me and two of her friends next to her), which went badly as I was too nervous to really make any moves (Grab her hand gently, wrap my arm around her, etc...). Anyway, I tried too hard messaging with her on facebook and such, and she sent me the LJBF message. I ignored her for the rest of the year, except for a few random times when I was friendly to her, as I would be with any other girl.

Fast forward to this year. This time around, I have loosened up and have been more social. I have gotten to know her pretty well, and always look into her beautiful eyes, etc. Anyway, I am not that outgoing, and am working on that. We got to talking and she and I share lots of interests in music and movies, and we were going to watch one of these movies together this retreat, but we didn't end up getting to (I think she may have gotten nervous/cold feet over it, as she to my knowledge has never dated or had a boyfriend), and have decided to have a movie night sometime, in which she will probably have her friends with her (hopefully no other guys...). I know she still likes me, despite that message last semester. At retreat, she seemed to hang around me more, and was more apt to talk to me when I initiated the conversation, and she seems to trust me now. During the games, she picked me for the 3 legged race, and grabbed me, tied us together and quickly wrapped her arm around my waist. I put mine around her shoulders, (before that, she said "Whoo! It's hot", and rolled up her sleeves giving me access to her bare shoulder)...and at one point accidentally touched her butt (which I really didn't mean to, and hope that she doesn't remember that, or realize it).

Anyway, she still pretends to not be interested from time to time, but she
does really seem to like me.

I know I need to try to get her to do stuff with me away from her friends, but when I am at this movie night, besides, making sure to stick close to her, I don't know what I should do. Nothing too brazen like kissing her or anything, but I do need to figure this out.

Opinions, comments, and advice accepted provided you don't give me crap about oneitus or sex, or going after other women.

 

[Dongfu]

Just a precursor: I'm not in it for sex, due to religious and personal beliefs, not to mention STDs, and unplanned pregnancy risks.


I know I need to try to get her to do stuff with me away from her friends, but when I am at this movie night, besides, making sure to stick close to her, I don't know what I should do.

If your not in it for sex, why do you need to isolate her? SO you can hold hands in private? :nervous:

 

[nkh78h]

Sex after marriage..If I didn't have Religious and Moral (among other convictions) I would have illegitimate children all over the country. My point is what should I do for the here and now?

Don't give me the holding hands in private crap again, either. You do realize a real relationship is not about sex and is quite a bit deeper.

I meant that I should try to get her to go on dates and such with me away from her friends so that she can talk about stuff that she wouldn't want them to hear.

 

[Dongfu]

Sex after marriage..If I didn't have Religious and Moral (among other convictions) I would have illegitimate children all over the country.

Why? Are you in a cult that doesnt allow condoms. And if you'de have kids all over, then you must already be quite the DJ. WHy do you need advice

My point is what should I do for the here and now?

Wear a condom and get her to give you lots of B-jobs. Or work on your own religious hang-ups. Were not in the Inquisition.

Don't give me the holding hands in private crap again, either. You do realize a real relationship is not about sex and is quite a bit deeper.

You sound a little angry for a stand-up religious guy. Maybe anger management is in your future. But I will give you the deep relationship bit. Yes , ultimately relationships must be more than just cold cucumbers, vasaline picles, and what ever else you religious guys fantasize about.

I meant that I should try to get her to go on dates and such with me away from her friends so that she can talk about stuff that she wouldn't want them to hear.

Like lickin your scronads

 

[nkh78h]

Dude, you got me all wrong and are trying to patronize me just because I am a Christian. Dude, no cult, I am a Southern Baptist.

I would rather have sex with one woman after I marry her. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Dongfu]

Dude, you got me all wrong and are trying to patronize me just because I am a Christian. Dude, no cult, I am a Southern Baptist.

I would rather have sex with one woman after I marry her. There's nothing wrong with that.

SOuthern Baptist is a cult.

ANd here is why using religion for decisions with sex is wrong. Look up the passages yourself. What you would consider to be christians are mostly ignorant morons. Christ is not supportive of this at all.

Exodus 22:16 - 17, "If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins."

Deuteronomy 22:28 - 29, "If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days."

selling and raping virgins. I love you cristian goons.

ps - you said dude twice. Is that a biblical word?

 

[nkh78h]

Actually, the virgins were workers in the family farm, and therefore it cost the father when one was married, that is what the dowry is for.

Also, you do notice that the Bible doesn't encourage seduction and sex of a non-engaged girl. It just has the consequence for such an action according to the Old Testament laws. Also note that the 10 Commandments forbade adultery, which includes rape. The New Testament basically sets up a new law which has the same rules, but the way of getting rid of the sin is different, as anyone who believes on Jesus has their sins atoned for, past present and future, and is forgiven, although it isn't an excuse to sin because you can get away with it. There are still consequences after forgiveness.

 

[Dongfu]

Also, you do notice that the Bible doesn't encourage seduction and sex of a non-engaged girl.

No, it just encourages raping virgins so long as you can afford it, or dont get caught.

Also note that the 10 Commandments forbade adultery, which includes rape.

Adultery only applied to women cheating. Men could always do what they wanted. Another twisted biblical double standard.

The New Testament basically sets up a new law which has the same rules, but the way of getting rid of the sin is different, as anyone who believes on Jesus has their sins atoned for, past present and future, and is forgiven, although it isn't an excuse to sin because you can get away with it. There are still consequences after forgiveness.

Now your talking in circles. Christian logic never adds up.

Perhaps a youth group forum would better serve you.

 

[Phyzzle]

Oh, let christian teenagers be christian teenagers.

The letters of saint Paul say completely different things . Everyone knows christians today eat pork, etc. No one is going undermine his faith with posts.

I know I need to try to get her to do stuff with me away from her friends

Yep. Have you tried the direct approach? "Do you want to join me for some tea at a tea house?" Or something like that? If she flat out says, "I'm not going without my friends," forget about it.

We have a Bible of our own here, DJ Bible, bottom of the page. Read Anti-Dumps machine. If you are true blue conservative christian, that part is just about getting relationships, not sex. BTW, the 1st date should not be a movie, even if you are alone.

 

[Jukeboxhero]

SOuthern Baptist is a cult.

ANd here is why using religion for decisions with sex is wrong. Look up the passages yourself. What you would consider to be christians are mostly ignorant morons. Christ is not supportive of this at all.

Exodus 22:16 - 17, "If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins."

Deuteronomy 22:28 - 29, "If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days."

selling and raping virgins. I love you cristian goons.

ps - you said dude twice. Is that a biblical word?

First of all, Why are you arguing about and slamming someone's religion? I thought the people on this forum would be more mature than just making fun of someone who is here for advice.
If he believes in not having sex until marriage and sticking with one woman, doesn't that leave even more for you?

Secondly, the first verse you mentioned don't really mention anything about "raping" it says a man "seduces" a woman and gets laid. Isn't that what you do yourself?
The second verse is basically saying the man needs to take responsibility for his actions of raping a woman. Back then, if a man raped a woman or she wasn't a virgin, most men wouldn't accept her. So in essence, he screwed up and now he's stuck with her and has to pay her father the dowry. Obviously this has flaws, but it was how things worked in those times, not how things work today. Also, the applied to everyone, Christian or NOT!

Regardless, I didn't think this forum was here to discuss religious politics, I assumed it was to help people improve themselves in whatever relationships they're in. Whether it's having one relationship with one woman, or seducing as many women as you can.

@ NKH78H.

I think Phyzzle offered some good advice. Remember there are other girls out there though, and she may not be the one for you. Until you are actually dating her or have a relationship with her, it's okay to show interest or approach other women, right? Regardless, I think keeping things fun and light, taking her on action dates and stuff could be fun. Just don't shower with gifts and your endless attention like she is the "one and Only" goddess of your dreams. I would read the Pook stuff and DJ bible and such, you can just leave out the parts about "escalating, kino and getting laid" or whatever parts you would prefer not to do based on your religion.

Also, I agree with Phyzzle about NOT watching a movie. Do something where you can actually talk to each other and establish a relationship.

 

[sca_p]

If your not in it for sex, why do you need to isolate her? SO you can hold hands in private? :nervous:

I'm a Christian waiting for marriage, in a no-sex Christian relationship. It's the most rewarding human relationship I've ever had.

All the power to you, nkh78h.

 

[Dongfu]

Secondly, the first verse you mentioned don't really mention anything about "raping" it says a man "seduces" a woman and gets laid. Isn't that what you do yourself?
The second verse is basically saying the man needs to take responsibility for his actions of raping a woman. Back then, if a man raped a woman or she wasn't a virgin, most men wouldn't accept her. So in essence, he screwed up and now he's stuck with her and has to pay her father the dowry. Obviously this has flaws, but it was how things worked in those times, not how things work today. Also, the applied to everyone, Christian or NOT.

Are you seriously standing up for these verses? These are actually the nicer versions. I have read other bible translations that actually use the word rape in these verses. This is condoning rape and selling of women age 11 and older.

Now you guys use this crap to define your sex life. It's sickening, and you guys need to wake up to the truth. Your main stream churches are havens for unenlightened people.

Anyone who would marry a girl with out having sex with her is deranged.

And in the middle east, things are still working the way they were in biblicle times. Wake up brothers, once and for all.