I wanna write about this so I won't think too much about it

[beginnerDJ]

Having had 2 days of thinking bout it, i need to get it off my chest so I can be normal again and not thinking irrationally.

While I know I'm on the right track, some comments from ya guys would definitely be helpful. Here goes.

I knew this gal for a a while back (prob bout half a year ago). Initially I could detect some kind of interest from her, and we just happened to go clubbing with our friends 1 day.

I drink quite a bit, she sees that and offers to bring me to dance so I can wear off the drunkeness. I don't know what came over me but I kiss her right on the dancefloor and there's no resistance. Its seen by almost all our friends as well.

When I sober up the next morning, we talk about it and i understand she doesnt resist only cuz she think I'm drunk. Well for the next few weeks after that I'm too embarrassed to initiate any contact and soon she gets involved with another guy.

Its not that I don't see her as a potential, but when things happen so fast for her, what am I to think right? Besides I always felt the guy wasnt her type.

Anyhow, the guy soon leaves her hanging (which was a quite a while ago, to study overseas) but he'll be back in a month for holidays. While I have no idea what is their current status, this fact is always at the back of my mind.

Quite by chance, we make contact again....and I ask her out. It just so happens she is at a crisis in her life and I just happen to be around to give some friendly advice. The date (if i can call it that) proceeds smoothly and I think it went well. A week and half later we are out again, an ice cream supper at Swensons and a long walk along the beachside.

Its like 4 am in the morning and I take it further than I have on any girl on a 2nd date. Since its kinda cold, we huddle really close together and I massage her arm and calf since she has sore ones. Some palm reading and just a lot of meaningful insightful talk. At 1 point we are holding on to each other and anyone who walks past would have thought we were a couple. She makes lots of references about the stuff we could do together...concerts, games and the like.

Yes I know, most would have gone for a kiss at this point...but I've bad memories about the club and didnt. Whats wierd is that my gut feeling went into overdrive...... I don't think I've had such a great conversation with any girl, ever. From the way she talks...its as if what she had with the other guy is over.

And how i felt that i could see what makes her tick. Plus the sensation that she feels safe with you, and there's such a lot of sexual tension there.

She isnt in a hurry to go anywhere....and we get to see the sunrise at 7am. Quite an unexpected twist for me as well since I havent done it before.

End of the date...and i round it off with a hug (in our culture we dont hug unnecessarily). Unfortunately I detect that she withdraws a little too fast......but we do hug.

Not that I don't think of her as a potential...I do, but at the same time I'm not in a hurry. I know I don't have control over when and if the other guy comes back. I've treated things very normal and matter of factly. Just being my natural self, which equates to being a strong and determined individual.

I'd like to see how this pans out, but in the meantime, I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it!!!

 

[SamePendo]

Well, Im replying because no one else will, I suppose.
That is because you are going great. You know your ¨flaw¨ and have determination to deal with them.

 

[Jay26]

I would have tried to kiss her again, everything you did could have been friend stuff, and the hug at the end doesn't sound too encouraging, but who knows.

 

[beginnerDJ]

Well, I've learnt all this stuff the hard way, prime of which, whatever that I wanna do to let things progress, to tone it down a notch or two.

As a result...I dont call unless i'm asking her out, and as I've a high stress job, most times I dont even think of her very much if at all.

which is good i guess, i juz try to see her like once a week and let it be very very natural. Perhaps I'm not so much into her in the first place.

 

[Starman]

This girl is obviously on your mind so dont say you really wont " lose any sleep over it!!!"

Why are you ashamed that you kissed her? are you NOT a man?

I see a guy who is too scared to move an inch..because you dont want to mess anything up, get rejected, or be humiliated at the end.

WHEN is the right time???? When she spreads eagle in an old matress in the alley and begs you to take initiative?

Forget her "Withdrawing too fast" from a hug..you are really misreading her body language..especially if you guys are really close to each other on the beach? and she is making future plans with you?

GO for the KILL! She probably enjoyed your kiss on the dance floor..and stop trying to feign that you "only want to be friends" because of your embarrasment. she will start treating you like the really good girly friend that you may become.

 

[( . )( . )]

listen to mr starman.
btw that bit about her kissing you cause you were off your chops is rubbish.
she wanted to.

 

[Quick]

When a girl stays out with you until the sun comes up, she likes you and not just as a friend. You should have kissed her, because you can't recreate the magic of a night like that at will. All your excuses are just a fear of rejection, when you have no legitimate reason for that fear. Ask her out soon to something like a baseball game.

This other guy has nothing to do with you. Operate as if he doesn't exist. She's not worried about him, so why should you be? Even if there was something, if you keep doing your thing, by the time he gets back his window might be closed.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by Quick
All your excuses are just a fear of rejection, when you have no legitimate reason for that fear.

Wise words.

You're dead centre of a big target called LJBF zone, get the hell outta there. You may think you're being strong and determined, but it sounds chumpy to me, sorry. Get rid of the AFCness & you'll be smiling, and sleeping well, with company.

Osc.