( I wanna redirect my life)need help , specially from Pook

[descartes]

Here is some stuff about my life that I wanna share with you guys because I need serious help.
I have always been struggling with women my whole life for some reason that I now know. I came in the US in may 2001 when I was 23, things were not better with women in my country, I have never had a girlfriend. When I got in the US, I was very disoriented until I found this site in November 2001. I found out some of the common mistakes I was making.
I was a little overweight, I started working out and now, my body is loaded with muscles. I think of myself as somehow handsome. Take a look and tell me what you think http://profiles.yahoo.com/ahmadalus
I read posts in here for about 7 months before I actually started going in the fields to practise. I have talked to roughly 75 women since then, but I still have some trouble. When I see a girl, I hesitate for 3 or 4 minutes before talking to her, so when I finally do, she knows that I dont have enough balls to do it right away and that messes things up. I cannot stand making a move in a crowded place either no matter who is in there. I usually talk to grls when there is nobody else around, and that make it a lot difficult for me to find someone I can talk to.
My biggest problem is that I know everything women want by reading and re-reading posts here, but when I talk to a grl, I make the same mistakes over and over again because of my nervousness. I'll admit that I have gotten some numbers but nothing good came out of it ( I have been in the u.s for 3 years and I have never been on a date)
People often ask me why I dont have a girlfriend and I tell them that I dont want one right now( bull****)
Women occupy my every thought, everytime I have to go somewhere or do something, I hope that I will meet a woman, and when I finally see one, I freeze, probably because I think too much about it.
I have to admit it, I am desperate and that is bad.
I go to school 12 hours a week, I work 30 hours a week and I work out about 8 hours a week. I go out every fraiday night. I have a lot of free time that I dont know what to do with. I have given on going to the mall and stores to pick up women because it is too crowded.
I know that the way to my salvation is make women as less important in my life as I can. How do I do that? How can you not think of something that is the only area in your life that you wanna improve. I always get A's in school, I make good money by waiting tables in a classy restaurant. I exercise. And that is probably my whole life there.
How can I stop thinking about women all the time?
I should probably find some hobbies, but I dont have a clue what to since I have always been thinking about women.
Pook , I am asking your help because your posts inspire me the most.

 

[Starman]

You're problem isnt your preoccupation with thinking about women, thats just the result.

Let me guess? You dont have a huge circle of friends/family either, and dont make friends easily at school or work?

What this sounds like to me is self esteem issues. THIS is where you need to start focusing on yourself and alongside that inadequate social skills.

with these obstacles in your way, its no doubt your confidence will be low. 75 approaches in 3 years is the equivalent of 25 approaches a year, about 2 approaches a month

you expect to get any tail with 2 approaches a month??

Most people that enter the US encounter a cross-cultural clash..that is, they dont feel like they "fit in" right away or fully feel welcomed or accustomed to the new culture

so as a support system, the typical immigrant begins to join social groups with others of the same ethnicity.

What you need to do is go beyond that, improve your social skills and begin joining groups and friends outside of your ethnic comfort zone

You are in school, thats a great place to meet new people and form new friendships.

If talking with women is too stressful for you, just concentrate on making new male friends (who will eventually introduce you to their female friends) and before you know it, you have 100's of friends and the girls that come with that territory

I know you say you read everything on this forum, but have you actually TRIED the bootcamp?

 

[Player_Supreme]

I know you say you read everything on this forum, but have you actually TRIED the bootcamp?

for once some good advice

 

[DYDevotee]

Some advice,

1. As Starman mentioned, make lots of friends.

2. Go on an online dating service to meet chicks in your area.

3. Stop thinking when you talk to a girl, just go up and say hi.

4. Style points, you are a pretty handsome guy, some advice,

A) open up the collar of your shirt a bit, don't button it to the top....ever.

B) Hold your chin up a bit and throw your shoulders back.

5. Don't ever tell people you have a lot of free time. seem busy.

 

[echo1212]

I don't know...I kinda liked the buttoned up Tiger woods shirt look. If Tiger can do it..I think our man descartes can. Your a handsome guy, so I'm assuming that its your lack of social ability when it comes to women that is giving you such difficulties.

All I can say is be loose, happy go lucky, confident yet not overly ****y, and just realize that its not the end of the world if you don't go out with any one particular girl. After a while you'll start to get better at it and your stiffness and cautiousness with women will disappear. Thats when the women will start to respond positively to you, when they realize that your just a fun lovin' guy whos not putting any pressure on them...or more importantly..you.

 

[Walden]

Originally posted by GigaloDJ
ISo my bottom line, Descartes, is to go out and do non-stop cold pick-ups, make tons of new friends, and find new ways to move upwards on Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. (Do a search on Yahoo. It's about self-realization.)

That was an excellent post GDJ tho I wonder if Descartes really is cold or hungry or in danger of being injured right now.

BTW Descartes waht you post up here stays for a while , after all : This is not a blackboard (Do a search on Yahoo. I'm the funniest guy here. Really).

 

[E-Z Rider]

I think Starman hit the nail on the head.

Looks aren't your problem.

You say "women are the only area in my life that I have to improve on?". Are you sure?

As you know...desiring women is kind of a paradox. When you want them, they're never available. As soon as you stop wanting them, they come to you. I've had this happen; it really is true.

So, how do you stop feeling this desperate need for women? First, I'd work on that "free time" you have. You know you need a hobby, but can't think of one. Is there NOTHING else you enjoy *beyond* school and work? Hanging out at clubs isn't a hobby, either. If you really can't think of anything...I'll suggest some: golf, swimming, acting, school intramurals, maybe even something like a singles chorus (I know that sounds lame...but you need to be doing something, and you'd get to be around other single chicks). Do you like cars? Play musical intrustments? You need to find something- your hobbies are more what define you than most anything else; you'll meet a lot of your friends from the hobby.

Since you're at school...get involved on campus. Make a serious effort. Not only will it take up your time, you'll meet people and make friends, and it will help you out when you make a resume.

Try something like I've mentioned above. Don't go overboard and overload yourself with activities; slowly add them until you reach a point of being "pleasantly busy" and not stressed out.

After a while of this, you should feel better, and hopefully you'll feel less of a need for a girl to fill in your life. (Always remember: A woman cannot *fill* your life, she can but only add to it, at best)

Once you've accomplished improving yourself, THEN take a serious stab at the boot-camp type stuff.

You'll do fine. You've shown a lot of initiative, drive, and courage already by immigrating to a foreign land, improving your physical condition, and getting high marks in school. Keep it up, and expand into the person you want to be.

Good luck- E-Z

 

[sux2bu]

Hmm, this sounds all too familiar:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36174&highlight=editor

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by sux2bu
Hmm, this sounds all too familiar:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36174&highlight=editor

I disagree

This guy is obviously trying to improve himself - that Lonely Editor guy was truly hopeless

 

[DYDevotee]

The Tiger Woods look is safe, clean-cut, and a bit UNATTRACTIVE. Women notice a lot about body language and clothes, they will judge you on how you wear your clothes, also, a partly unbuttoned shirt is mysterious and says you're a CONFIDENT person, which is what you need to be trying to convey at the moment.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by DYDevotee
The Tiger Woods look is safe, clean-cut, and a bit UNATTRACTIVE. Women notice a lot about body language and clothes, they will judge you on how you wear your clothes, also, a partly unbuttoned shirt is mysterious and says you're a CONFIDENT person, which is what you need to be trying to convey at the moment.

shirt unbuttoned, shows a guy with a HUGE ego, no skills, and trying to be tough!! hehehe, no serioulsy. Descartes, u have a problem thinking about woman all the time, you know how to solve it, just stop thinking about them, hahaha, seems to be most guys advice, easier said than done right?

You know what to do, well you dont look big in the photo, but if you do have a "body full of muscles", u need to show them off!! Also wear cool clothes of your native land? somewhere in Africa is it? Ghana? well anyways show off your native land, seriously just keep telling yourself, you are the man, be ****y, even be arrogant, seriously some girls dig that sh*t!! Once you get a girlfriend you will realise that they are nothing, it is RARELY good being in a relationship, and once you start macking all the time, you will realise it is VERY overrated, and you will realise there is FAR more to life than fukcing woman! And for all those who do not agree........you dont get enough action.

Take it easy and good luck, although you dont need good luck cause U DA MAN!!

 

[Helter Skelter]

All this debate about the top button on his shirt, should it be buttoned or unbuttoned. Like that's REALLY going to be the deal breaker as far as his problem with girls.

Come on let's get real.
He needs to be more relaxed and to get over his nervousness.

Fuuck this debate about a stupid shirt.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Helter Skelter
All this debate about the top button on his shirt, should it be buttoned or unbuttoned. Like that's REALLY going to be the deal breaker as far as his problem with girls.

Come on let's get real.
He needs to be more relaxed and to get over his nervousness.

Fuuck this debate about a stupid shirt.

dude, settle down, that is why I had "just kidding" after I was "joking" about the buttons. Man sounds like you need some Gunji to help you mellow out

 

[Helter Skelter]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
sounds like you need some Gunji to help you mellow out

So tell me George do you miss ER?

 

[Zeus]

Helter Skelter

AMEN!

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Here in the ATL, women are so desperate to have a man because of the 10 to 1 ratio.


It could be the hangout spots you go to. You're not going to find "prime rib" at a fast food joint. What I mean by this is that you have to go where "prime ribs" are served, and I can help you out with that because I been living in the ATL my whole life.

It's not as difficult as you think. We have so many fine honeys here that most of them are single(or sharing someone else man).

Send me a PM so that we could hookup and I'll show how to pull the females in the ATL.


Peace

 

[descartes]

Thamks for the replies.
It's true that I dont have many friends and stuff but I will try to change that very soon. I get very uncomfortable around people I dont know, male or female.
Should I start by doing Master of the Universe boot camp?
Should I try to stop thinking about women first?
Should I find some hobbies?
Which of these three you think would be the best starter?

 

[B9]

the best way to stop thinking about women is to find others areas of interest to occupy your thoughts.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Helter Skelter
So tell me George do you miss ER?

Na, since then I have moved on to better and bigger things. Like working with Catherine Zetta-Jones on a movie and all I can say is WOW!! But I got paid well from ER, so not to worry. Alls well that ends well.