I try to be strong, but I can't carry that weight for too long

Blacksheep

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Just woke up, one woman at my bed... from a strip club. I drunk too much, couldn't handle my sexual desire... spent $700 on that strip girl to come to my home.

I'm on a LTR... trying to do my best to be loyal. But in this ****ing world, I have this **** called sexual desire. Am I a monster? I think I am... at least, that is what I heard from my parents everyday.

I have to work, pay bills, pay my girlfriend stuffs on weekends... she help me cleaning my home as I live by myself.

I have depressive days, when sometimes I think killing myself is the best way to relief my pain.

I have a son, from a girl that is taking advantage of my family money. I don't have too much contact with him = I'm the worse dad ever. I only pay pension.

The mother of my son called my all the ****s a woman could call a guy.

I love my girlfriend, but I also could not handle the desire to **** another girls.

I would have everything to be happy, but... I'm miserable, and trying to find ways to be happy. This World is crazy, and I'm getting crazy with it.


I don't know what is happening... this is the last place I could ask for some help. I'm down, I'm losing my head, I don't want to be so unstable as I am... Everyday I deal with the idea of relieving my pain not being here anymore.

I just feel I'm a huge mistake in this life. And sometimes my dad just make it sure.

I wanted to be strong... but I can't handle the weight too much time.
 
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Jager

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A being, at the base level, is a creative individual. Creative in creating wealth. Creative in art. Creative in bringing people together for the better. Leadership. What I mean by creative is that the natural state, and happiest state, is when you’re actively making things. Money, happiness in other people, what have you. Create something. Then keep creating things that align with you goals.

Happiness doesn’t come from things. It comes from positive and constructive activity. Climbing out of hell is going to take having personal responsibility and the drive to improve your life. Life is about survival. So survive, Blacksheep. And survive well. Have fun in life. Break barriers. Achieve things no one has achieved before. Achieve your dreams. That is how you’ll find happiness. You won’t find it by living your life to please anyone, or by focusing on negative beliefs or statements.

It goes without saying that the guys on the forum, here, will help you if you need it. I will, and so will many others.
 

stormrider

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Most of your depression comes from not having a masculine purpose. Or maybe you do have one and you are avoiding it. You can’t avoid your life pressures. It will create internal state friction, aka emotional disturbance. Your life pressures may seem daunting but if you take them head on, it wouldn’t even be a fair fight.

The way the universe created man is that he needs to be chiseled by challenges. And he has to confront them head on. This creates a sense of internal dominance within him and then he becomes self actualized. Like a cub becoming a lion. Did the cub needed to learn philosophy or ask for guidance? No, the cub was born with built in challenges that chisels him and turns him into a ferocious beast. The cub that shys away from life’s challenges dies. And the cub that steps up becomes king of the pride lands.

The answer is already built into your existence. Look no further than your own life. You know what you have to do. No one can tell you what to do. The inner voice calling out to you is unmistakable. And the more you ignore this voice, the more depressed you will be. And the voice is constantly telling you to step up in all areas of life. The voice is saying “What is this sh1t???” Step the fvck up.” It’s the inner masculine core that every guy was born with.
 
Last edited:

Jager

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Most of your depression comes from not having a masculine purpose. Or maybe you do have one and you are avoiding it. You can’t avoid your life pressures. It will create internal state friction, aka emotional disturbance. Your life pressures may seem daunting but if you take them head on, it wouldn’t even be a fair fight.

The easy the universe created man is that he needs to be chiseled by challenges. And he has to confront them head on. This creates a sense of internal dominance within him and then he becomes self actualized. Like a cub becoming a lion. Did the cub needed to learn philosophy or ask for guidance? No, the cub is born with built in challenges that chisels him and turns him into a ferocious beast. The cub that shys away from life’s challenges dies. And the cub that steps up becomes king of the pride lands.

The answer is already built into your existence. Look no further than your own life. You know what you have to do. No one can tell you what to do. The inner voice calling out to you is unmistakable. And the more you ignore this voice, the more depressed you will be. And the voice is constantly telling you to step up in all areas of life. The voice is saying “What is this sh1t???” Step the fvck up.” It’s the inner masculine core that every guy is born with.
That right there. I deleted my comment, because @stormrider here said it better.
 

Blacksheep

Don Juan
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A being, at the base level, is a creative individual. Creative in creating wealth. Creative in art. Creative in bringing people together for the better. Leadership. What I mean by creative is that the natural state, and happiest state, is when you’re actively making things. Money, happiness in other people, what have you. Create something. Then keep creating things that align with you goals.

Happiness doesn’t come from things. It comes from positive and constructive activity. Climbing out of hell is going to take having personal responsibility and the drive to improve your life. Life is about survival. So survive, Blacksheep. And survive well. Have fun in life. Break barriers. Achieve things no one has achieved before. Achieve your dreams. That is how you’ll find happiness. You won’t find it by living your life to please anyone, or by focusing on negative beliefs or statements.

It goes without saying that the guys on the forum, here, will help you if you need it. I will, and so will many others.
Thanks man!

It's really difficult for me live my live without this worry about what others will think. I'm breaking a lot of barriers that were imposed since when I was a child. This is painful... And when you are completely by yourself, it's a bit scaring.

Sometimes I want to get crazy and stop giving a **** for those things, but my mind sabotage me. I must learn it cause I really want to have a good life.
 
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Jager

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Thanks man!

It's really difficult for me live my live without this worry about what others will think. I'm breaking a lot of barriers that were imposed since when I was a child. This is painful... And when you are completely by yourself, it's a bit scaring.

Sometimes I want to get crazy and stop giving a **** for those things, but my mind sabotage me. I must learn it cause I really want to have a good life.
Read stormrider’s comment. The man’s a genius in purpose and creating a reality for yourself. I learned from him, and it strengthened my own observations and cognitions, but he communicates it more eloquently than I. You’ll get there, bud.
 

Blacksheep

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Most of your depression comes from not having a masculine purpose. Or maybe you do have one and you are avoiding it. You can’t avoid your life pressures. It will create internal state friction, aka emotional disturbance. Your life pressures may seem daunting but if you take them head on, it wouldn’t even be a fair fight.

The way the universe created man is that he needs to be chiseled by challenges. And he has to confront them head on. This creates a sense of internal dominance within him and then he becomes self actualized. Like a cub becoming a lion. Did the cub needed to learn philosophy or ask for guidance? No, the cub was born with built in challenges that chisels him and turns him into a ferocious beast. The cub that shys away from life’s challenges dies. And the cub that steps up becomes king of the pride lands.

The answer is already built into your existence. Look no further than your own life. You know what you have to do. No one can tell you what to do. The inner voice calling out to you is unmistakable. And the more you ignore this voice, the more depressed you will be. And the voice is constantly telling you to step up in all areas of life. The voice is saying “What is this sh1t???” Step the fvck up.” It’s the inner masculine core that every guy was born with.
That's true!

This inner voice sometimes scream out of my face trying to tell me that I'm not living the way I want.

I have some challenges: release my own mobile games, being a full stack developer and build my financial independence from that.

But, there is something wrong... I know I'm suppressing my sexual instincts and this is killing me. I repress it until it becomes a nuclear bomb and explode inside myself.

And I'm only doing that because I don't want to hurt her. I really love her, she is a especial woman... but I can't control what I have inside me. I don't know if you can understand that... I really care about her, I do everything to make her happy... but I'm forgetting about myself.

I do not feel free the way I'm living.
 

Blacksheep

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Read stormrider’s comment. The man’s a genius in purpose and creating a reality for yourself. I learned from him, and it strengthened my own observations and cognitions, but he communicates it more eloquently than I. You’ll get there, bud.
I understand what you said too. Just have to express my gratitude for all of you.

Even if I'm doing lot of mistakes, I've never learned so much as I'm learning here. It's difficult changing everything I want, but those thoughts are helping me a lot!

Sometimes it's just difficult accept who I really are.
 

ERB

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I’m going to recommend this book for you @Blacksheep
 
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sosousage

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Just woke up, one woman at my bed... from a strip club. I drunk too much, couldn't handle my sexual desire... spent $700 on that strip girl to come to my home.
if you are not rich but you paid 700 USD for sex then come on man thats pretty stupid. here you have to work 2 months minimum wage to earn 700 USD
 

Blacksheep

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if you are not rich but you paid 700 USD for sex then come on man thats pretty stupid. here you have to work 2 months minimum wage to earn 700 USD
My reason says all the time how stupid it is. But there is something I cant just control on this times.

Im doing my best to save money, when I start getting a good amount, I spent with those things.

Sometimes I would like to take a pill and dont feel sexual desire anymore. :/
 
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