I tried to make a LTR work and I sunk into an old trap

[ersit]

I'm being too nice.

I met this girl well over a year ago but didn't start flirting with her until ~6 weeks ago. I flirted with her over the span of the weekend, we made out, then later in the week we had sex, then a few more times and so on.

I decided that I enjoyed who she was as a person and I got the vibe that she was into me too. So we started going on dates as well.

After a couple dates and a lot of sex, she goes cold. Backs way off. This comes completely by surprise to me.

She says her sex drive disappeared because of some very stressful situations going on in her life. These are legitimate stressful situations, not some excuse she made up in order to not hurt my feelings. Though she could be using legitimate situations to make an excuse.

She seems to want to wait it out and see what happens. I'm impatient.

Now...we hug, we kiss, we talk, but no clothes come off. I'm turning into a nice guy.

These are what I see as my options:
Keep doing what I'm doing. Be her friend. Be her cuddle ***** and hope the sex drive randomly comes back.
Back off a little. No more hugs, no more kisses, no more hanging out in non-group situations. Then, when the time seems right, make a move again.
Back off a lot. Avoid conversation, avoid seeing her, whatever. Make a move again way down the road, if I feel so inclined.

If I don't make a decision and stick to it, I'm probably going to stick with the nice guy thing, which doesn't really have a very high chance for success.

Now...I need some outside, unbiased input. Thoughts?

 

[WC2]

Do you want to be this girl's friend? If so, sure continue to cuddle and hug her like you would your mom.

However, if I were you I'd drop this girl and look for another. She's not giving you anything you want, so what's the point? These "stressful" problems that are sending her sex drive down ARE excuses for her no being turned on by you.

She knows she can have you, so theres no challenge to come get you. A lot of women are like this.

See other girls, and stop talking to this one unless she starts making moves on you.

 

[ersit]

Do you want to be this girl's friend? If so, sure continue to cuddle and hug her like you would your mom.

However, if I were you I'd drop this girl and look for another. She's not giving you anything you want, so what's the point? These "stressful" problems that are sending her sex drive down ARE excuses for her no being turned on by you.

She knows she can have you, so theres no challenge to come get you. A lot of women are like this.

See other girls, and stop talking to this one unless she starts making moves on you.

Logically...I know this. I tried to do it once and failed miserably.

So...what then? Just start ignoring her texts/calls/IMs?

 

[WC2]

Logically...I know this. I tried to do it once and failed miserably.

So...what then? Just start ignoring her texts/calls/IMs?

Move on. If she comes back, she comes back. If not, not. This is the essence of being a man.

 

[#41]

So...what then? Just start ignoring her texts/calls/IMs?

I think there's a happy medium to be found between going completely cold (shutting off all communication) and continuing to be her friend with no benefits.

Tell her you think it's a good idea for you two to have space since she's got so much going on.

One of two things will then happen -- if she's using the "no sex drive" as an excuse to hide the fact she isn't sexually attracted to you anymore, she'll just fade into the background (probably happy that you got the hint). If she's still into you, she'll realize that she has to put out in order to keep you and get her own head screwed on straight.

Either way, a slow retreat is a good way to remove yourself here.

 

[ersit]

Out of the rut. For now. Her ex pulled some dumb move to incite a fight between me and the girl. The battling ended with me ready to kick her to the curb and her saying that she "doesn't want to lose me."

So...I'll see if I can pull something worthwhile out of the situation...or just kick her to the curb. Win-win.