I tried no contact, failed and got P*ssed off! rant...

[Cherokee]

Basically after a four year on/off relationship it ended properly 3 weeks ago (she ended it with me cos it didn't feel right...which means she found someone else, and she had). From the day it ended until tonight I had absolutely no contact with her. For no reason at all, tonight my ex comes online to tell me shes just dropping a "hi" and then continues with all this bull**** about meeting a new guy and how much she loves him and hes different. I tried to hold my cool but basically i told her I couldnt trust her anymore and didn't want her to be part of my life and then deleted her off everything, phone, facebook etc. (yes shoulda done it ages ago). But why the f*ck did she tell me any of that sh*t?????
wtf man, women are mental.

Can anyone shed light on this, is she seeking my approval or something? or just trying to make me jealous, im sick to death of sh*t tests.

 

[Weezy]

Basically after a four year on/off relationship it ended properly 3 weeks ago (she ended it with me cos it didn't feel right...which means she found someone else, and she had). From the day it ended until tonight I had absolutely no contact with her. For no reason at all, tonight my ex comes online to tell me shes just dropping a "hi" and then continues with all this bull**** about meeting a new guy and how much she loves him and hes different. I tried to hold my cool but basically i told her I couldnt trust her anymore and didn't want her to be part of my life and then deleted her off everything, phone, facebook etc. (yes shoulda done it ages ago). But why the f*ck did she tell me any of that sh*t?????
wtf man, women are mental.

Can anyone shed light on this, is she seeking my approval or something? or just trying to make me jealous, im sick to death of sh*t tests.

Ouch, that's messed up. At least stay NC if you dump a guy.

I would say she is just trying to hurt you more cause she's hurt by your NC. Sometimes girls are petty like this.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Yeah man she's just trying to hurt you.

Dated a girl for 2 years, lived with her for 1 of them. We broke up and moved out, and didn't have contact for 1 month. She then calls me up to come over to get the final group of her stuff.

What she REALLY came over for was to show off the 10 lbs that she'd lost, and to tell me all about her awesome med school scholarship boyfriend who does adventure races.

It was so intentional that she eventually apologized openly to me about it about 6 months later once we had become acquaintances. She actually told me that she wanted me to hurt because of something I'd said to her while I was breaking up with her...

They love to inflict pain because it gives them a sense of power... I'm talking about the crazy hopeless ones, not women in general.

 

[Cherokee]

I'm talking about the crazy hopeless ones, not women in general.

I'm glad you said this and not all women.

My ex was emotionally retarded come to think about it and apparently she wasnt coping with the break up and was put on valium or something, but I'm so annoyed she had the audacity to disrespect me like that after everything we had been through etc. Women go so cold the moment they've swung to another branch. Damn, and again this has brought up inner trust issues, will I ever be able to trust a chick again?? I doubt it... after seeing what they're capable of after years of commitment.

Ive been switching plates to get over everything, it helps like no one's business. Cheers for the ears guys.

 

[Desdinova]

She's excited about her new man and is telling all her friends. You qualify as one of her friends.

Women don't generally think about how they hurt people when their emotional high is causing them to babble

 

[Cherokee]

She's excited about her new man and is telling all her friends. You qualify as one of her friends.

THAT has just annoyed me. Albeit it's very true.

Dammit.

 

[drewsg]

Women don't generally think about how they hurt people when their emotional high is causing them to babble

This is so true! :yes:

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Yeah man she's just trying to hurt you.

Dated a girl for 2 years, lived with her for 1 of them. We broke up and moved out, and didn't have contact for 1 month. She then calls me up to come over to get the final group of her stuff.

What she REALLY came over for was to show off the 10 lbs that she'd lost, and to tell me all about her awesome med school scholarship boyfriend who does adventure races.

It was so intentional that she eventually apologized openly to me about it about 6 months later once we had become acquaintances. She actually told me that she wanted me to hurt because of something I'd said to her while I was breaking up with her...

They love to inflict pain because it gives them a sense of power... I'm talking about the crazy hopeless ones, not women in general.

Wow, this is deadly similar to something my ex did. Brutal, huh? WTF, I swear I do not have a sadistic streak in me to do something like that. I actually relish NC. I just want to move on completely.

 

[jophil28]

For no reason at all, tonight my ex comes online to tell me shes just dropping a "hi" and then continues with all this bull**** about meeting a new guy and how much she loves him and hes different.
Can anyone shed light on this, is she seeking my approval or something? or just trying to make me jealous, im sick to death of sh*t tests.

" No reason at all , she comes on line .."
Oh, indeed she did have a very pressing reason - to rub salt into your wounds and to "punish" you further for maintaining radio silence after the breakup. Why did she want to punish you ? Because she was hoping like heck that you would beg and pleaded and fawn all over her in a pathetic attempt to get her back. That would give her a HUGE ego boost and some great stories to brag about to her girls - "My ex Boyfriend just won't let me go. He is so in love with me that he begs and pleads with me to try again... he is turning into a stalker...blah blah."

Instead, by you maintaining NO Contact she has nothing to tell her friends ( girl friends LOVE breakup stories - the more dramatic, the better )
All she could say to them was that you and she broke up and she has not heard a word from you. There is no fun in that !

By your biting down on her online bait, you played your part into her need to continue to create drama, even though you two were broken up and she has another guy..

Here is what you say to Ex's, " I wish you all the best. You do deserve someone more like yourself." Say it with a slight smirk and then you walk away. She will stand there in stunned silence wondering what you meant.

 

[handle]

"No contact" exists for exactly this reason -- the crazy **** you do in the first few days, weeks, even months after the split. Remember next time: NO CONTACT! You will reach this breaking point next time and you will cool off, take a walk, and regroup rather than allowing yourself to act like a crazy person. When you manage that give yourself a pat on the back -- we all know it's tough sometimes.

 

[Cherokee]

Thanks guys, Jophil, you speak some wise words. But seriously girls are f*cked up. Damn.

 

[jophil28]

Thanks guys, Jophil, you speak some wise words. But seriously girls are f*cked up. Damn.

After a relationship breaks up, many woman seek to "prove" to others (and themselves) that they were the "innocent" party and that the guy was entirely the guilty one. This is rooted in women's deep and neurotic need to be never wrong, infallible, faultless and flawless.. A breakup presents many opportunities for others to ask questions and scrutinize her character, so she pre-emptively starts to blacken your chararacter, many times even before you officially part company.

Secondly, her attractiveness, and 'womanliness' is likely to be called into question after a breakup, so a woman will often flaunt her new squeeze in front of others as proof that she is still a hot property as a woman. Her ego is preserved .

BTW, her online comment that " he is different " was a covert slapdown aimed at you.
She was really saying that " he is better than you."

Another ego preserver if I ever heard one.

 

[V2Logger]

Secondly, her attractiveness, and 'womanliness' is likely to be called into question after a breakup, so a woman will often flaunt her new squeeze in front of others as proof that she is still a hot property as a woman. Her ego is preserved .

Another ego preserver if I ever heard one.

That is so true man. After my ex broke it off with me, she created a facebook account, had some friends on there. Then out of nowhere all these pretty boys posted up as friends. Dude go figure. I looked at it, and was disgusted. I made it a point not to go back and look again. Currently I am at 68 days NC. Just been laying low, but still get hit with things. Not as much as before, but I think I am feeling better. Late.

 

[Ease]

The NC was working too well, she needed a reaction from you for validation.

When she dumps you, she needs constant reassurance that she has hurt you and that you are an AFC and feeling upset. If you dont give her that, she feels instantly drawn to you and will go crazy to get a reaction. She needs you to be upset and wussy, a sore loser who still wants her back. Dont verbalize that you 'dont care', as it has the oppsite effect. Show it with happiness and No contact.

These post breakup mindgames are crazy in girls heads. The correct thing would have been to say 'ok' and continue Nc. This would have driven her even crazier and she would have gone to even bigger lengths to get a reaction from you.

If you really want to win this power play, for your own peace of mind, go no contact and remember that everything she throws at you is a mindgame at this point. Give her nothing, and go on with your life and gaming. She might never come back to you, but at this point its too late to take her back anyway. Once you break up, its done, the most you will get from her is a **** buddy. When she breaks you and ****s you over and the trust you put in her, dont take the ***** back.

Keep your head clear and dont give her any more reactions. A reaction is any emotion at all. It can be anger, annoyance, sadness, etc. Saying 'get out of my life' is a reaction and validates her as your showing that she is getting to you. It shows you are an AFC in her head. At this point the BEST thing to do is to say, 'im happy for you, i wish you the best with him'. This is tried and tested, it will make you the bigger man and give you peace of mind so u can cut her out in your own head.

Have fun!

 

[V2Logger]

The NC was working too well, she needed a reaction from you for validation.
Keep your head clear and dont give her any more reactions. A reaction is any emotion at all. It can be anger, annoyance, sadness, etc. Saying 'get out of my life' is a reaction and validates her as your showing that she is getting to you. It shows you are an AFC in her head. At this point the BEST thing to do is to say, 'im happy for you, i wish you the best with him'. This is tried and tested, it will make you the bigger man and give you peace of mind so u can cut her out in your own head.

Have fun!

So true Ease. Thanks for that post. It helps my brain as I too went through the grinder recently. Your post puts more into perspective for me.I am continuing NC. Thanks.