I think was in love with my FB...

[Tantric]

I've been in the game a LOOOOOOONNGG time...14 years of girls...probably the past 2 as a DJ.

I've had my share of relationships, ONS, and FB, and have had a mixture of being on my game, off my game, depending on the month...you all know how it goes....

I had a FB for almost 2 years. She was AMAZING in bed...always wanted to try new things, bi-sexual, great girl all-round, treated me like a king. We kept our "relationship" pretty open and we both pursued other relationships, but they never got anywhere...we always ended up getting back to each other. She also fell in love with me. I always kept my feelings neutral with her as i didn't want to be a BF, and my focus was my career and myself...not a girl.

The FB status fizzled out over the last few months of our relationship, and we to remained "friends". Mainly because i knew i was moving to LA to continue my career...she was in love with me...and it was better to end it earlier, than have her feeling awkward the day i left.

I moved to LA to continue my acting career/study in August, and we remained in contact every few days. She is coming up to visit in December. She wants to fvck when she's here at xmas. I was macking other girls here in LA, but i never aggresively macked (for some reason part of me felt i was cheating on her???), and she began dating some guy there...no big deal. We've always been quite sexual with each other, and a few days ago had phone sex.

I called her tonite as we hadn't spoken in a couple of days and I woke her up...she said she had company. I joked around that she probably just had sex. And she laughed and denied it...i could tell in her voice that it was bull.

And then...for some STUPID reason...i felt really "sick"...upset...and angry. I also had a really bad visual of her doing the things her and i would do, with this "other guy...pretty AFC...

I felt like she cheated on me...i actually had to hang up the phone.

For the past 2 years i knew her my focus was my career and myself...i didn't even allow myself to feel anything for anyone...especially her.

After my experience tonight, for a change i am speechless and completely lost. I am no longer in control...and i feel REEEAAAALLLY shytty.

In all the relationships i;ve been in...i was the one who ended it. I'd break up with them becasue i was tired of them...they had too many issues...to nice...too muich of a bytch, or whatever.

This whole feeling is REALLY new to me, and i REALLY don't know what the fvck it is...i'm actually really upset. All the feelings i repressed over the past years all came to me in overload.

I don't even want to speak to her...

is this really fvcked up?

 

[bp1974]

This isn't f*cked up, this is totally normal. No-one, NO-ONE, can permanently turn off their feelings. They can be suppressed and ignored for a long long time, but eventually, if you're human enough, they will come crashing through. Usually some simple incident will set it off. The kicker is, the longer they were ignored and suppressed, the more overwhelming they feel when they finally do get your attention.

There's not much more I can say to you right now. I don't know why you shut some of your emotions off for so long, it's always a very individual thing, and usually a way of coping as best you can with life at the time. All I can say is, I've been through a similar thing, and my life is so much better now that I've started to allow my feelings to have their place in my life. I know what they feel like, they add richness to my life, and I'm not afraid of them, so I'm in charge of them, rather than them being in charge of me.

Every human being has the potential to feel the whole range of emotions, from love through jealousy, pain, joy, hate etc. They're all good, once you get used to them.

 

[xblitz44x]

Everybody has "feelings" for the fvck buddies. Even the one's who are too cool to admit it. The more turned on you are by them, the more you would hope that something more would evolve from it. It's natural and it's not fvcked up to feel that way at all. I give you A LOT of credit actually, for being able to see what's right, and cut off the FB relationship so that nobody got hurt. I commend you for that.

Where you DID fvck up though - is when you let your ego become attached to that gratifaction that you are getting from her. It's alllllll EGO, big guy. Your ego, just WANTS. It wants to feel good, and it doesn't care what happens afterward. In this case your ego got attached to the emotional, and physical pleasure that you were getting from this girl. When she moved you were still ok because there was no real "threat" to the gratification. and maybe deep inside you knew she'd be back in some way or another. Untillllllll, another guy comes into the picture. The guy serves as a THREAT to that gratification, and your ego, like a 2-year-old, whines and cries - "NO NO NO!" And it is sending you feelings to "remove that threat". We call those feelings JEALOUSY.

Recognize that it's your little toddler ego causing this pain and override it. You are stronger than that. Its' ok to like a girl and have feelings but when those feelings become an attachment; a certain dependancy occurs. And when the source of that depedancy is in danger - we panic.

 

[h_amati]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Recognize that it's your little toddler ego causing this pain and override it. You are stronger than that. Its' ok to like a girl and have feelings but when those feelings become an attachment; a certain dependancy occurs. And when the source of that depedancy is in danger - we panic.

Man this is spot on!. Just going thru the same here and it feels horrible.

 

[Tantric]

Thanks guys...I'm surprised i didn't get any replies stating i was some loser AFC...i appreciate it.

Well...she e-mailed me afterwards...

She said that she is still in love with me and wants to know why i never would allow myself to love her the same way back. She said she hated having sex with this guy. She did it because she wanted to give her feelings away so when she visits in December, she can still be physical with me, and not have that "attachment" that she had before...i thought that was kinda wierd...

She asked me if i still wanted her to move on...

Me getting a nasty visual of her fvcking this other guy really pi$$ed me off. It felt really disgusting.

I never allowed myself to feel anything for her because i didn't want to be tied down to a GF, and I haven't been in a "relationship" for a loooooong time...in fact i stay away from them. My career is my focus...is that bad?

When i was with her in the FB way, it was cool. We could still experience other people and have fun...it was like we we had an OPEN BF/GF thing going on. I still wanted that, she wanted some sort of committment.

Anyway, you spot on with the jealousy thing...been a while since i felt that way.

I guess i;m just not sure what i'm supposed to do now.

 

[lerxst]

Here is my take on that email she sent you:

“She said that she is still in love with me and wants to know why i never would allow myself to love her the same way back.”

2 years with a girl is a long time, FB or not. That’s a lot of time and history for the two of you. Your average girl doesn’t come across a DJ often, and when she does, we run them through so many states and they love us for what we do to them and the emotions that we bring out of them. You’ll have to search yourself and decide whether what you feel for her is genuine love, and that is why you feel conflicted, or what you are feeling is attachment and jealousy as xblitz44x excellently describes.

“She said she hated having sex with this guy. She did it because she wanted to give her feelings away so when she visits in December, she can still be physical with me, and not have that "attachment" that she had before...i thought that was kinda wierd...”

No sh1t you thought that was weird, because you know full well that was a bullsh1t statement on her part, made to make you not feel hurt. She likes sex. You do, too. You told her it was time to move on, and she did something about it. She played by your rules. You were FBs! She told you all along what she wanted: a commitment. Now, what is it you want? Because you already know what she wants. She’s trying to move on, but doesn't want to. Are you willing to let her go? If you aren’t, you’ll have to commit to her. She has told you that's the price that must be paid if you wish to continue with her. Like you said, the FB thing as gone far as it can go.

“Me getting a nasty visual of her fvcking this other guy really pi$$ed me off. It felt really disgusting.”

That’s just pride fvcking with you.

“My career is my focus...is that bad?”

Not necessarily, but what balance are you striking? Is it all about the career and there is no other attention that you are balancing it with? You may be substituting one attachment (the girl/s) for another (the career). One should strike a balance and not lose sight of the wonderful things life has to offer. You do want a balanced and full life, after all, right? But, don’t forget about the 19th Trap of Life…

“Trap #19: The Trap of Fearing to Get Close to a Person

You have probably been afraid of opening up to a person, as you have probably have met someone who is afraid of opening up to another person. Don’t be afraid. Get close to people. Don’t worry about the pain you might feel if something happens between you two. Get close, enjoy that time you spend close to each other. Sure if you stay away from people, you might never feel pain, but you also will never feel this little sensation called love.”

 

[Tantric]

Trap # 19....

yeah...

I guess i don't want to go through the same BS most relationships have...especially when things don't work out. Part of me woud rather just keep it where it is, than explore anything else...at least that way were still friends.

What's hard is that i don't think i could committ to ANYONE...i like women...i know if i met some girl i liked better, i would go for it...i guess i don't want to put her through that. I would expect the same from her...if she meets some other guy she likes better, i'd want her to go for it...why be trapped in a relationship with someone you don't like as much?

We spoke for a great deal of time on the phone yesterday. I told her we needed a break from each other. I didn't think it was good that she was talking as much (the guy she wants to be with), and also dating someone.

The other issue is that if we did "committ", she'd have to live with me and work illeagally here in the US. We're both Canadian. She'd be giving up her friends, family, job and apartment...just to be with me. That's a lot of sacrifice...especially for someone (me)who is going to find it hard to committ to anyone. I guess i don't want to be responsible or have that weight on my shoulders.

I was really pi$$ed off at her for a while because she wanted to change the relationship...it was open...we could date whoever we wanted...there wasn't a BF/GF title...i didn't have to spend days on end with her...there was no show of affection in public...i was always introduced as her friend...it was cool.

I wish she'd just let it be what it was.

Even though we weren't "verbally" committed to each other...we were physically. Although i macked other girls over the 2 years i knew her...i onlt slept with her...

I told her i'd call her...but it probably won't be for a couple of weeks.

I though this would be easier, but i'm confused as HELL!!!!

i guess i gots lots 'o thinking to do....