I think the girl i'm seeing disrespected me

[Droz88]

We were hanging out today and made plans to go minigolf/go carting friday sometime in afternoon/evening. We went to the park at one point and were talking to the geese and stuff just hanging out. Her phone rang and it was a co worker asking to if she could take the 5-8 shift on Friday evening and the girl i'm seeing said she would. I responded "I thought we had plans friday". Her response was that she already took Saturday off and she needs the hours and that we can go minigolfing earlier before 5. I already told her I'd like to go in the evening as that's when it's funner. Then she seemed to regret what she did but wouldn't call that co worker back to tell her she already had plan for Friday and coulnd't make the shift (said she didn't want to upset the co worker). So basically at this point I got a little sour. I tried to hide it but she could tell I was upset. The next few hours were pretty lame and eventually I told her I had homework to do and she left.

So was I overreacting about this? I perceived this as her blowing me off right in front of me right after we made plans...felt disrespected especially since i've been treating her pretty good. She did suggest going earlier in the day Friday but I wasn't very response at that point.

 

[Voice]

Weak man. You overreacted pretty badly here. It's okay to let her know in a calm but stern way that she messed up. After all you could have made OTHER plans that night. See what I'm saying? That's really the only reason you should be mad. But to overreact and pout for hours just because she'd rather WORK than hang out with YOU, well, that just screams insecurity.

A lot of times here, the advice seems to declare that in order to be a true 'don juan' you have to be the girl's top priority at ALL times. Meaning she should drop everything that's going on in her life to hang out with you. This just isn't realistic and I think that's what you have your mind set on. Just because she isn't molding her life and schedule around you doesn't mean she has lost interest or is 'disrespecting' you. It just means she's a person who has a life of her own.

You might have felt disrespected and the way that it happened, I can understand that, but I don't think you are understanding your gf's perspective here. Maybe she just really needs the money and she thought you would understand? She was put in a tough spot. Maybe her coworker couldn't find anyone else to fill in for them or it was an emergency. In those cases, if you still think she should hang out with you over filling in at work, then you're just being selfish.

Honestly you just need to communicate with her better. Let her know why you feel disrespected in a calm, stern way and she'll tell you her perspective. I've been in your shoes though. Good luck with your girl and stay cool with everything.

 

[Droz88]

But to overreact and pout for hours just because she'd rather WORK than hang out with YOU, well, that just screams insecurity.

A lot of times here, the advice seems to declare that in order to be a true 'don juan' you have to be the girl's top priority at ALL times. Meaning she should drop everything that's going on in her life to hang out with you.

You might have felt disrespected and the way that it happened, I can understand that, but I don't think you are understanding your gf's perspective here. Maybe she just really needs the money and she thought you would understand? She was put in a tough spot. Maybe her coworker couldn't find anyone else to fill in for them or it was an emergency. In those cases, if you still think she should hang out with you over filling in at work, then you're just being selfish.

Honestly you just need to communicate with her better. Let her know why you feel disrespected in a calm, stern way and she'll tell you her perspective.

Thank you for the input, Voice.

She and I talked briefly about it. It wasn't an emergency, they called to ask if she could cover the shift and she abruptly agreed despite the plans she made with me. She easily could of said she already had plans but it was more important to her to not upset her co worker than to not upset me. I do NOT expect her to drop everyting to come see me. However, I don't feel I should have to tolerate her dropping me that quickly either. If it was an emergency or if it was something pretty important then i'd undertand.

I've treated her pretty good. Taken her out a bunch of times and always try to make her feel comfortable and show her a good time. Her dropping her plans with me right in front of my face felt like a slap. Her perspective is that she already took Saturday off, she could use the money from working a few hours Friday evening, and that we could go earlier in the day Friday. Using the money? She'll probably make $30working this shift which isn't much but I guess it might be a lot to her. I already told her I'd rather go in the evening cause they have the courses lighted up and it's just overall funner to go at night.

I'm having trouble believing that i'm acting selfish about this. I can see how it can come off as insecure but seriously I think any person would be at least a little offended if they were put in my situation.

Thanks.

 

[Voice]

Thank you for the input, Voice.

She and I talked briefly about it. It wasn't an emergency, they called to ask if she could cover the shift and she abruptly agreed despite the plans she made with me. She easily could of said she already had plans but it was more important to her to not upset her co worker than to not upset me. I do NOT expect her to drop everyting to come see me. However, I don't feel I should have to tolerate her dropping me that quickly either. If it was an emergency or if it was something pretty important then i'd undertand.

I've treated her pretty good. Taken her out a bunch of times and always try to make her feel comfortable and show her a good time. Her dropping her plans with me right in front of my face felt like a slap. Her perspective is that she already took Saturday off, she could use the money from working a few hours Friday evening, and that we could go earlier in the day Friday. Using the money? She'll probably make $30working this shift which isn't much but I guess it might be a lot to her. I already told her I'd rather go in the evening cause they have the courses lighted up and it's just overall funner to go at night.

I'm having trouble believing that i'm acting selfish about this. I can see how it can come off as insecure but seriously I think any person would be at least a little offended if they were put in my situation.

Thanks.

I'd be offended too and you had the right to be mad because SHE did mess up. But why are you still mad about it? Talk to her, correct her, lay down the law and it should have been over within 15 minutes.

Here's how it should has transpired:
You: I thought we were going out Friday?
Her: I'm sorry I can really use the extra money. We can always go golfing before I work.
You: I understand you need the money and that's completely fine, but next time you need to ask me if it's ok to change our plans. It's not ok to change them without asking me first. Understand?
Her: Ok I'm sorry I understand.
You: I still want to go miniature golfing with you though. Let's try to go before your shift and see how it is (or) Let's go next week (or) How bout you come over tonight after your shift and we play a little "miniature golf" at my place?

Then it would have been over, she would respect you more and you would have gotten your point across without pouting and sulking and ended on a positive note.

Here's the reason I think there is a little bit of selfishness:

It seems to me like it is more important for you to go miniature golfing at a time when it is "funner" then letting your gf work a shift at that time because she needs the extra money. She can hang out with you anytime but she doesn't always have the chance to earn extra money. You're gonna have to compromise a little bit here and there for things to work out.

 

[VladPatton]

I am going to have to agree and say that you were disrespected....for a mere $30 dollars or whatever she is making for her shift. You DID make plans with her beforehand. If in turn it was a really important shift and she HAD to go in, she should of said "hold on, I will call you back in 2 mins" to her co-worker.
She then could of done it with more finesse and respect in telling you that she just needs to go in. But she just flat out said "yeah ok, sure, no problem!" as if you never made plans in the first place. This has happened to me.

Take it as a strike, and as a crappy move on her part. It was impulsive and un-adult like. This is why we never should put them up on a pedestal.

I would get over it, because it really was just a mini golf thing, but I would keep it in the back of my mind. If she pulls this again, you should really question how much she is into you. For now, let it go, don't harp on it, and continue things as is. If you see this behavior happen again, call her on it, and state your dislike. And be prepared to walk away if sh!t hits the fan.

No one deserves disrespect, especially if you KNOW you treated her right.

Good luck man.

 

[Droz88]

Thank you guys, VladPatton and Voice.

Ok I get it. She did pull and immature/disrespectful move but I did overreact to it. I have let it go (cause I contacted another plate i'm spinning) and won't react the same next time if she does something similar. I guess one of the reasons I reacted that way was cause I spent around $100 on me and her taking us out (she started having sex with me) and just didn't expect to be treated that way in return.

Oh well lesson learned: Don't think you mean more to a girl because you spend money on her.

 

[Boilermaker]

pfff... you spent $100 on her and that's why you think you deserve respect?

your initial story makes you look like a pathetic wimp who can't simply reschedule a date, I hope you are really that guy. Your subsequent behavior of going sour is also very immature. You're lucky you weren't dumped on the spot.

Don't you have anything else in your life that excites you apart from your girls' affection and pvssy?

 

[Droz88]

pfff... you spent $100 on her and that's why you think you deserve respect?

your initial story makes you look like a pathetic wimp who can't simply reschedule a date, I hope you are really that guy. Your subsequent behavior of going sour is also very immature. You're lucky you weren't dumped on the spot.

Don't you have anything else in your life that excites you apart from your girls' affection and pvssy?

Well I've invested time, emotions, and money in her and that's why I think I deserve respect. $100 may not be a lot but it's a considerable amount to spend on 2 evenings for college kids...not to mention it took some time and planning to make sure the evening would be fun. So I guess the money, being kind of poor right now, is a valuable resource to me and I expected her to appreciate that I spent some on her. Yes my behavior was an overreaction and I did handle it like an AFC. However I disagree that it was just a matter of rescheduling...I think that may have made me look like even more of an AFC since I would be showing her that I will tolerate her breaking her plans with me over something unimportant. I do not want treatment like that.

Like I said, if it happens again with her or another one I am more prepared to be calm and direct about it and to not get butt-hurt.

 

[Voice]

Well I've invested time, emotions, and money in her and that's why I think I deserve respect. $100 may not be a lot but it's a considerable amount to spend on 2 evenings for college kids...not to mention it took some time and planning to make sure the evening would be fun. So I guess the money, being kind of poor right now, is a valuable resource to me and I expected her to appreciate that I spent some on her. Yes my behavior was an overreaction and I did handle it like an AFC. However I disagree that it was just a matter of rescheduling...I think that may have made me look like even more of an AFC since I would be showing her that I will tolerate her breaking her plans with me over something unimportant. I do not want treatment like that.

Like I said, if it happens again with her or another one I am more prepared to be calm and direct about it and to not get butt-hurt.

I'm in school too but when me and my gf go out we always split the bill or pay for our fair share. Why are you dropping $50 per night on her? Also you claim money is important as a college student yet you denounce that her desire to work for extra money is unimportant when compared to your desire to "go miniature golfing at a time that is funner". You still don't think that is a little selfish?

 

[omega05]

Thank you guys, VladPatton and Voice.

Ok I get it. She did pull and immature/disrespectful move but I did overreact to it. I have let it go (cause I contacted another plate i'm spinning) and won't react the same next time if she does something similar. I guess one of the reasons I reacted that way was cause I spent around $100 on me and her taking us out (she started having sex with me) and just didn't expect to be treated that way in return.

Oh well lesson learned: Don't think you mean more to a girl because you spend money on her.

Lol you have much to learn.

You could have rescheduled the mini golf and let her get the extra money and then have her treat you to something.

 

[Abcd]

You acted like a self-centered child if you ask me. Real responsible adults have jobs and work should usually come before play. You go out and have fun when you're not at work. Especiallly with an hourly gig where she "needs the hours."

If her friend had called and invited her out to have fun, and she blew you off, sure you could be annoyed. This girl is just trying to provide for herself (and do a colleague a favor) and you are so self-centered that you feel like she is personally attacking you. This is like a child that starts crying and gets offended when his mommy won't take him for ice cream.

I would apologize and tell her you're sorry for acting like a dufus. She'll appreciate that you have matured a little bit to realize this and then apologize for it. Also tell her you've decided mini golf is for children (which it is) and go on a real date.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Say it with me: "More fun"