I think my girlfriend is cheating on me

[librito]

this is all very informative and at the same time it reminds us that we (men) have become the weaker sex when it comes to social situations...... just notice how most of us behave when a women that we like is in our near proximity...we behave like pppuuuusssysssss.
the anti-p*****yfication has to start right now cuase women have already gain a lot of ground on us for the last 30 years.
its our fault for giving them so many stupid rights...... we deserved this crap.
give then an inch and theyll take 100 yards.

 

[Wyldfire]

You know guys...I've been telling you for 5 years now that none of you would need this site if you just made a conscious choice NOT to accept being treated badly by women. This is universal and applies to both men and women. Like an idiot I stayed with a man who was very abusive for 10 years. The first time he hit me it was all on him, but after that...I bear equal responsibility because I allowed it. You all also bear equal responsibility for staying with a woman that treats you badly. Accepting that responsibility is the most important part in getting past patterns of poor choices in mates. I left my ex husband 12 years ago and because I took responsibility and made the choice to never allow anyone to treat me badly again I have never gotten stuck in an unfulfilling, abusive or bad relationship. The second I'm not treated with the same level of respect, consideration and committment I give I am out the door, period.

As someone mentioned...don't stay with someone just for the sake of being with someone...whether it be for uninspired sex, comfort or not wanting to be alone...do NOT cheat yourself because there is always something better out there waiting for you if you want it.

 

[stevera004]

You know guys...

Hi !

You're back ! You're getting older and can't find the Alpha Male badboys anymore, so have decided to become our hen-mother ... how nice. How are the 4 children doing? That psycho ex-husband, still dead? All the young men pursuing you, still haven't been able to catch up to you? Surprising, that.

Best wishes,

 

[TheoTiger]

OFF Topic Mode on

"You're back ! You're getting older and can't find the Alpha Male badboys anymore, so have decided to become our hen-mother ... how nice. How are the 4 children doing? That psycho ex-husband, still dead? All the young men pursuing you, still haven't been able to catch up to you? Surprising, that."

Wow...someone got burned very bad. Hope you don't stay that bitter your whole life.

Off Topic mode off

 

[Latinoman]

also important to add is that i don't think most women are aware of what they are doing.

they dont lie awake at night thinking "ok, tomorrow im going to flirt with jake. if things continue to go well ill slowly cut ties with frank."

thats why its so easy to miss when they are doing it. because when they lie to your face they are telling the truth - at least as it exists in their own head. they are lying to themselves.

they think what they are doing is innocent enough. they aren't cheating after all, just being friendly back to a guy being friendly to them. then everything gets out of control and they dont know what to do.

the bf tends to smell an egg fart in the air and eventually asks 'what the hell is going on?". to which she says 'nothing. i dont knwo why you are being like this. your so controlling. this just isnt working.' haha.

its taken me 32 years to learn that what SHE does or doesnt do, what she thinks or doesnt think, what she feels or doesnt feel - DOESNT MATTER.

only one thing matters - AM I HAPPY. is she adding to my happiness or detracting from it. if she's detracting from it and doing so for an extended period of time (say a month or more) - then that's it, im out.


cableguy, glad to hear your story my man. this is usually want happens 90% of the time.

the other thing is that if YOU take control and end it, you'll feel a sense of self pride and empowerment over the whole situation. you'll want to improve your life without her. whereas guys who twist on the noose until she finally breaks their necks tend to go through months/years of self loathing and pity and look back and blame their life on some b*tch that wasn't worth much to start with.

and 99% of the time it is utterly pointless talking to her about the break up. she will NOT give you what you want to hear. she will NOT tell you the honest truth. the type of women who WOULD tell you the truth are the type of women who never do this kind of crap to start with.

you have to accept that you will get NOTHING from her that is of any benefit to you in the least. IF you decide to walk find closure in your action of walking, don't look to her for anything at all. Hell, 90% of the time she will find some insane irrational sense of logic where she manages to blame YOU for her cheating. hahaha.

its too bad this is happening to you man, but in the long run this is a good thing - because miss Right is still out there waiting for you. the sooner you bag this hag the better off you'll be.

This is in essence one of the very best advice posted in this forum. A MUST read by everyone. To the point that if I ever in the same situation as the original poster of this thread...I could simply read this post and get the courage.

You see? Many time men in this situation got VERY emotional. And that's what kill them. But if they act rational (as described in the quote by joekerr31)...things should always become alright.

He is 100% right about the description on the women that do this kind of thing. 100% right.

So guys (everyone in here)...READ the quote. READ his post. And you will probably save YEARS of self-pitty IF ever encountering similar situation.

 

[Latinoman]

Hi !

You're back ! You're getting older and can't find the Alpha Male badboys anymore, so have decided to become our hen-mother ... how nice. How are the 4 children doing? That psycho ex-husband, still dead? All the young men pursuing you, still haven't been able to catch up to you? Surprising, that.

Best wishes,

Fairness.

And because of that, I will reply to your post by suggesting something. Actually...you should CONSIDER cutting her some slack in this thread (e.g. maybe save the remarks for when she, OR ANYONE ELSE for that matter, write something that requires such remarks?) After all, she posted a very good post in this particular thread.

 

[Latinoman]

Lot of very good posts in this thread. VERY GOOD ADVICE too!

 

[Wyldfire]

Hi !

You're back ! You're getting older and can't find the Alpha Male badboys anymore, so have decided to become our hen-mother ... how nice. How are the 4 children doing? That psycho ex-husband, still dead? All the young men pursuing you, still haven't been able to catch up to you? Surprising, that.

Best wishes,

My ex husband never died. It was my fiance. Oh, my best friend just died too...does that give you a hard on? The fact that something happened to hurt me?

What a pathetic little man you are that you get off on trying to hurt me just because I happen to be a woman. It's guys like you who make life tougher on the many decent and good guys on this forum.

You're such a freaking INFANT...

 

[Wyldfire]

Fairness.

And because of that, I will reply to your post by suggesting something. Actually...you should CONSIDER cutting her some slack in this thread (e.g. maybe save the remarks for when she, OR ANYONE ELSE for that matter, write something that requires such remarks?) After all, she posted a very good post in this particular thread.

If he waited for me to be rude to him first he'd never get a chance to post anything rude at all because I NEVER attack anyone first. Every flame war and fight I've ever been in on this site has been in response to morons like this.

 

[Latinoman]

If he waited for me to be rude to him first he'd never get a chance to post anything rude at all because I NEVER attack anyone first. Every flame war and fight I've ever been in on this site has been in response to morons like this.

That's not what I meant. Mature forums should not be about going-back-and-forth personal attacks. It should be about debating some stuff...sure, if you (or anyone else) write something inconsistent, then that should be put into the light (which is what I did in the other thread...then one you called wished me to go f*ck myself).

You get flame a lot because of the things you sometimes write as to justify certain behavior. Many times you do provide good advice, especially when you take a neutral approach.

But you get "flamed" when you bring your personal stuff, because quite honestly...you do fit the TYPICAL woman we are talking about and that we advice men not to follow. Does that make you a bad woman? Nope.

It simply makes you a victim (either by choice or by accident) of today's Western society. But DJs are not saviors. And because of that, we have to truly "teach" others to be tough in their choices of women.

So, when you preach certain things (as to kind of justify yourself), what you do is preach the opposite of what many men truly need to become a DJ. Sure, you MIGHT be an exception to the rule...or you might not. But that's irrelevant.

Take care and hopefully we should go back on topic.

 

[Wyldfire]

That's not what I meant. Mature forums should not be about going-back-and-forth personal attacks. It should be about debating some stuff...sure, if you (or anyone else) write something inconsistent, then that should be put into the light (which is what I did in the other thread...then one you called wished me to go f*ck myself).

You get flame a lot because of the things you sometimes write as to justify certain behavior. Many times you do provide good advice, especially when you take a neutral approach.

But you get "flamed" when you bring your personal stuff, because quite honestly...you do fit the TYPICAL woman we are talking about and that we advice men not to follow. Does that make you a bad woman? Nope.

It simply makes you a victim (either by choice or by accident) of today's Western society. But DJs are not saviors. And because of that, we have to truly "teach" others to be tough in their choices of women.

So, when you preach certain things (as to kind of justify yourself), what you do is preach the opposite of what many men truly need to become a DJ. Sure, you MIGHT be an exception to the rule...or you might not. But that's irrelevant.

Take care and hopefully we should go back on topic.

Yes, things in this forum SHOULD be mature and stay on topic. It should also be about taking responsibility. I bring my personal experiences to the table because I have learned a great deal from those experiences. There are lessons there that do pertain to the topics I bring them to. I've lived the worst possible relationship and I've lived the best. My advice is well thought out and IF I see any chance for a guy on here to work a problem out I will offer that alternative because those are very important skills for the guys here to learn.

No, I'm not a victim. Sure, I've been through a lot, but I choose to learn from my hardships. It makes me stronger, wiser and a better person.

The author of this thread has much to learn...the same lessons I had to learn to break free of my horrible marriage. Unfortunately there are some members who post in this section who lack maturity and just can't stand the fact that a woman would post here. Rather than focus their energy on bettering themselves and taking responsibility for their own misfortunes they blame women entirely and focus too much on men's rights. While equality for men in the situations where it is unfair for them IS very important...this forum is not a men's rights forum. It's not helpful to focus so much energy on anger instead of focusing on learning from your mistakes.

The original poster needs to leave this situation and take the many lessons with him. He needs to value himself enough to NOT allow women to treat him badly and he needs to learn how to tell the difference between a good woman and a bad woman. Just as women go for jerks...men go for biotches. Just as women go for men they think they can "fix", men go for women they think they can "rescue". If a woman is a biotch or needs rescuing men need to turn right around and keep looking. Unfortunately, too many don't do that and keep right on going after the same crappy women and get treated like crap. Hopefully this guy will break that cycle here and learn his lessons.

 

[decades]

Excuse me but where does it say that she treated him badly? For all we know, she treated him like a king, and he just noticed this recently. Notice too that you were the ONLY poster to say give her another chance (after she DEVALUED HIM). Now why do you think that is? Yet she WORKS with this guy. Is that going to change?

Now you are saying we stay with "bad" women too long? Please get your story STRAIGHT.

regards

You know guys...I've been telling you for 5 years now that none of you would need this site if you just made a conscious choice NOT to accept being treated badly by women.

As someone mentioned...don't stay with someone just for the sake of being with someone...whether it be for uninspired sex, comfort or not wanting to be alone...do NOT cheat yourself because there is always something better out there waiting for you if you want it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Excuse me but where does it say that she treated him badly? For all we know, she treated him like a king, and he just noticed this recently. Notice too that you were the ONLY poster to say give her another chance (after she DEVALUED HIM). Now why do you think that is? Yet she WORKS with this guy. Is that going to change?

Now you are saying we stay with "bad" women too long? Please get your story STRAIGHT.

regards

Lying to him, calling her "friend" baby, etc...I think that qualifies as her treating him badly. She is, at the very least, betraying him emotionally, which for a woman is actually WORSE than physical cheating because it involves feelings.

I didn't tell him to "give her another chance". I told him to tell her he was going to start seeing other women because she wasn't fulfilling his needs. By doing that it does allow her a chance to offer to stop her relationship with the co-worker, but I never told him to accept the offer. That would be entirely up to him.

Yes, I'm saying that most men do stay with women who treat them like crap just because they might get some so-so sex out of it. A male poster made that same point but you didn't seem to have an issue when he said it. Why is that? Perhaps it's because the fact that I'm a woman is leading for you to LOOK for a reason to disagree with what I've written. Something to think about, isn't it?

 

[decades]

Umm no this is what you said. You said to give her the opportunity to STOP seeing the guy. You said to give her another chance.

What you advised our guy to do is to STAY in a relationship with a woman who devalued him and give her an opportunity to make amends.

What you really suggested he do is WARN the woman that he is "on" to her game and that she now had better change. OR, from her perspective, cover her tracks better.

If this guy followed this advice you gave, the woman could merely be more COVERT about her relationship with someone she saw every day AND give her the opportunity to stay as roommates until such time that she felt ready to dump his azz and move on.

So please don't selective edit what you said. You advised giving her another chance. And that's why your recent LECTURE about men staying too long with abusive women is so horribly out of place in this thread.

regards

ps: what caused the start of the flame is you coming on here and LECTURING ( "you know guys") a bunch of men who are here supporting each other, that we stay too long with abusive women. When in actuality, the vast majority of us, except you, advised LEAVING ASAP.

Don't act jealous or demand she stop seeing him. Just tell her you are going to start seeing other women because she isn't fulfilling your needs anymore. If she wants your relationship to work she'll get rid of the male friend. If she refuses to get rid of the friend then move on.

 

[decades]

So "emotionally" betraying is WORSE than physically having sex with him? Because it involves feelings? I think I need to Hurl.

Is that how You think or is that how Women think? Thank you for this very ENLIGHTENING perspective. And for demonstrating why it is so very easy for women to "physically" cheat and think Nothing of it! Because it doesn't involve "feelings"! :yes:

regards

She is, at the very least, betraying him emotionally, which for a woman is actually WORSE than physical cheating because it involves feelings.

 

[Latinoman]

I didn't tell him to "give her another chance". I told him to tell her he was going to start seeing other women because she wasn't fulfilling his needs. By doing that it does allow her a chance to offer to stop her relationship with the co-worker, but I never told him to accept the offer. That would be entirely up to him.

Personally, I think he would be WASTING his time by "talking" to her about this.

You see? She should have told him that this guy has a crush on her. She should have told him (at worst INTRODUCE him to her "friend"). And she should have discourage that co-worker from talking to her the way he is talking (on itself showing ZERO respect for her man).

I say...that because they are living together (and because of possible legalities such as $$$ and leases, etc.). That he has to THINK and do it very smart. But the outcome should be the same...finding the BEST time to leave her. And the sooner the better.

There some things considered deal breakers. He should know them by now.

 

[Vulpine]

Brilliant post VU.

Loved the fox hole analogy.

I second this.

That foxhole analogy really struck a cord with me, too.

So here's me, my own man. I've dug out my fighting position (life), set up my sectors of fire (goals, ambitions), and am watching my own back and covering both sectors by myself fine.

Along comes a woman...

I had better be able to trust her before I let her into my foxhole. She has to keep up her end and need to depend on her to watch her sectors, otherwise she's as useful in my foxhole as the enemy. I know I can hold my own alone, so if she isn't with me - she's against me and needs to find another foxhole to chill in.

The last thing I need is some chick letting a grenade get tossed in my foxhole and destroying all I've worked to create and protect.

Furthermore, I'm going to be in this foxhole a long, long time. If I can't stand to spend extended periods of time with this woman, she needs to get out. I'd rather brave the solitude than be unhappy with company, especially when I know I'm fully functional and proficient in the foxhole alone - perhaps even "happy" alone.

As for a cheating woman, what, is she climbing out of my foxhole at night and slipping back in after leaving another foxhole? In or out: I'm not sharing my rations, munitions, and cover with a traitor. Especially one that will inevitably disclose my location with all the comings and goings or try to take half of what I've worked to stockpile. I'm not a damn supply depot!

 

[Latinoman]

Umm no this is what you said. You said to give her the opportunity to STOP seeing the guy. You said to give her another chance.

What you advised our guy to do is to STAY in a relationship with a woman who devalued him and give her an opportunity to make amends.

What you really suggested he do is WARN the woman that he is "on" to her game and that she now had better change. OR, from her perspective, cover her tracks better.

If this guy followed this advice you gave, the woman could merely be more COVERT about her relationship with someone she saw every day AND give her the opportunity to stay as roommates until such time that she felt ready to dump his azz and move on.

So please don't selective edit what you said. You advised giving her another chance. And that's why your recent LECTURE about men staying too long with abusive women is so horribly out of place in this thread.

regards

ps: what caused the start of the flame is you coming on here and LECTURING ( "you know guys") a bunch of men who are here supporting each other, that we stay too long with abusive women. When in actuality, the vast majority of us, except you, advised LEAVING ASAP.

Very good point.

Personally, I think he should dump her. And do it WITHOUT feelings nor remorse.

And I agree with you...he would be warning her how to be smarted and cover her tracks better.

Heck, she might turn the thing into "You betrayed me by invading my privacy! (e.g. checking text messages)". And put the poor guy in the defensive.

 

[Wyldfire]

Umm no this is what you said. You said to give her the opportunity to STOP seeing the guy. You said to give her another chance.

What you advised our guy to do is to STAY in a relationship with a woman who devalued him and give her an opportunity to make amends.

What you really suggested he do is WARN the woman that he is "on" to her game and that she now had better change. OR, from her perspective, cover her tracks better.

If this guy followed this advice you gave, the woman could merely be more COVERT about her relationship with someone she saw every day AND give her the opportunity to stay as roommates until such time that she felt ready to dump his azz and move on.

So please don't selective edit what you said. You advised giving her another chance. And that's why your recent LECTURE about men staying too long with abusive women is so horribly out of place in this thread.

regards

ps: what caused the start of the flame is you coming on here and LECTURING ( "you know guys") a bunch of men who are here supporting each other, that we stay too long with abusive women. When in actuality, the vast majority of us, except you, advised LEAVING ASAP.

He lives with her and probably has his name on the lease and is responsible for the rest of the rent for the time period of the lease if he just walks out. He can't just walk out and say nothing and risk screwing up his credit and renting history. If he acts all jealous and makes demands he has just handed his balls to this woman on a silver platter. He needs to deal with the situation with dignity and be wise.

He's probably not going to be able to just move out until his lease is up. However, in the meantime he needs to handle the situation in a way that allows him to retain his dignity and balls AND be able to live in at least some modicum of peace with this woman until his lease is up as well.

My advice took into consideration that he might have to stay living with her for awhile longer even if he doesn't want to. Most other people advise him to just leave without considering how it affects his credit and renting history.

Frankly, it doesn't matter if she's more "Covert" or not...he doesn't trust her and he never will again. Whether she is cheating or not he's always going to think she is. The relationship is over, regardless...but he might have to still live with her for up to another year, depending on the lease. He should handle this in a way that causes the least difficulty for his living environment.

 

[decades]

That's a great revision to your post ex post facto. Unfortunately, none of this was expressed in your initial piece of advice. Only now, after realizing how out of step that advice was on this thread, do you offer this revision. But note your initial advice did not factor in his living situation. You simply suggested he give her a chance to redeem herself. PERIOD. I believe that advice is exactly what a woman would want implemented were it her who was involved in this situation.

Nobody knows his living situation but what we do know is that he has to EXTRICATE himself from this toxic situation ASAP. This was not your advice.

Your advice now apparently calls for him to, one, give her a chance at redemption as well as an opportunity to further hurt him, and two, have him hang around until the lease is up. BS.

We don't' know his living situation or if he even lives with the woman. It doesn't matter. What matters is that he exits ASAP (lease or not) and that is what all the men here advised. Our advice factors in his living situation by implying that he leave as soon as is humanly possible given his unique circumstances.

If you want to know how your flame wars get started, just refer to your Lecture above. That is how they start.

regards