I think I'm in a slump..

[nightcrawler]

I just need to vent a bit, because if I don't I won't be able to sleep tonight. This will be a whiny post so if you are in good spirits and don't feel like reading don't, because it might piss you off. I don't want to use the board as my emotional tampon but honestly..I have nowhere else to put this.

Anyways things have just been going very wrong for me these past months. I am doing very bad at school, even though I am studying and I am understanding the concept behind things. I get low grades on my tests, so low that you'd think I never even touched the books. My ego is shattered right now. I am beginnning to think I am too stupid for school. Before I'd get great grades without even trying..now I AM trying, HARD, and I am not passing. I am very scared because I actually studied my ass off for the last test, I ACTUALLY got the concepts, I went prepared, and I go an F average on the test. I really don't know what happened.

My personal life right now is a mess. I have no friends, I don't interact with anybody. I feel lonely as **** and got nobody to talk to. Honestly I'd rather say these things to somebody I can connect with instead of typing it here. But the truth is I have nobody to talk to, this board has become my social life.

Porn ****ed me up. Bigtime. I am now insecure of myself as a man. I figure that when a woman sees my penis she will laugh in my face and go ell her friends? and why not? I am not well hung by any means, and we all know that women love big ****s.

I get absolutely no attention from the opposite sex, more blows to my ego. I've tried for the past years to "look good" and such but I just don't got the genes for it. Today I met a guy who I thought was ugly, yet this "glow" came from him that made him very like able, he was extremely confident. He wasn't ****y or an *******, he was just being nice. I knew this guy got laid A LOT without even trying....hell he was getting female attention right then and there when I met him! I have TRIED to be like those types of guys but I simply can't. So I don't have the good looks, I figured I could be charming, but even I can't do that.

What worries me the most is school, because I have always wanted to lead a comfortable life financially. Even with my short comings, I always had my intelligence to fall back on and give me the will power to keep going. But now even my intelligence is at stake here.

 

[The Deacon]

He wasn't ****y or an *******, he was just being nice. I knew this guy got laid A LOT without even trying....hell he was getting female attention right then and there when I met him! I have TRIED to be like those types of guys but I simply can't.

I know the kind of guy. Ugly men with social value can get action too. Good-looking men don't need so much social value. Hell, I don't even need to be outgoing to get girls, or even dress all that expensive. I don't really know what advice to give you, since things always end up workin out for me.

Keep the faith though! Too bad I wasn't much help, huh...

 

[nightcrawler]

Also I have my first sexual experience ever. I did it out of desperation because I am too old to not have had a sexual experience before.

Anyways it went horrible. I couldn't get it up, I wasn't attracted to her, and I was disgusted by the acts.

This experience has drained every sexual desire I had in me. I no longer look at women with lust. I no longer fantasize about sex. I no longer even desire to sleep with anymore. My sex drive died.

I am not gay, so hooking up with men is even more disgusting to me.

So yeah, even my sex drive is dead now.