I think I screwed up

[tsmith2334]

Took a girl out for dinner recently. I've been single for a while and she just recently broke up with her ex. As we were eating and chatting, she said "sooo... how are the ladies?" (an IOI perhaps?).

Anyway, instead of telling her I was playing the field, single and mingling, whatever, I mentioned an old crush I had told her about a while ago (while she was dating her ex). I told her that the girl I had been interested was no longer going to my college and implied that I was moving on.

At the time I had done this purposely, to signify to her that I was no longer interested in anyone and would be open for more dating, etc. However, in retrospect, I'm thinking it might have come out the wrong way and not how I intended. Did I screw up here?

 

[tsmith2334]

Oh yea, she didn't mention her ex once. I should have taken the hint...

 

[Interceptor]

ugh........

t man.....

dude.

OK, bro.
Look, when you start over analyzing details, and start micro managing actions, and start worrying about things that have already happened...you are regressing, suffering, and experiencing anxiety.

When you are experiencing these things these are SIGNS that you are NOT Focusing on Your MISSION.

 

[DonJuan11]

At the time I had done this purposely, to signify to her that I was no longer interested in anyone and would be open for more dating, etc. However, in retrospect, I'm thinking it might have come out the wrong way and not how I intended. Did I screw up here?

You shouldn't have said anything. NEVER talk about ex's. Imagine if she talked about her ex during your date. "There was this 6'1 hockey player who I was really into but he was just too busy for me. I just can't stop thinking about him."

Would that have turned you on?

 

[tsmith2334]

You shouldn't have said anything. NEVER talk about ex's. Imagine if she talked about her ex during your date. "There was this 6'1 hockey player who I was really into but he was just too busy for me. I just can't stop thinking about him."

Would that have turned you on?

Yeah, you're completely right. As you can see I know I made a mistake or I wouldn't have posted about it. Hopefully it isn't a dealbreaker...

 

[tsmith2334]

ugh........

t man.....

dude.

OK, bro.
Look, when you start over analyzing details, and start micro managing actions, and start worrying about things that have already happened...you are regressing, suffering, and experiencing anxiety.

When you are experiencing these things these are SIGNS that you are NOT Focusing on Your MISSION.

For the record Interceptor, your advice is usually the best I get on this site. I'm pretty good at dispensing appropriate advice here, but I suck at handling my own sh1t.

I know i need to work on my whole mentality. I habitually dwell on the past, especially past interactions with women. Especially if it could be a dealbreaker like this one...

 

[Interceptor]

tdog,

You would ONLY be 'worrying" is you knew that she was YOUR ONLY HOPE, your ONLY OPTION.

Why, logically, would you think of that of this one chick out of a million females available to you?

"Oh sh*t, I fvcked my chances with her?!!!! What will I do now???!! MY God!!! It's the end of the world!!!"


Really?
No, T.

What you did was just say something that nmaybe she wouldn't necessarily think highly of.

But so what, is your sense of worth tied directly to thick chikc?
WHom, you know that she doesn't owe you anything?
And neither do you?

have you thought about why you are worrying about some chick who seemingly is not that interested in you?

Why?

I'll tell you why because it hurts your EGO.

(Damn, I thnk I wote this word about a hundred times tonight! WTF?!)

What happened was incongruent with the image you want to be perceived, you want to portray, and the one you want to have in your head.

But, like I was alluding to earlier, T dog. If you were focusing your precious ENERGIES on accomplishing YOUR DREAMS so that you can guarantee you will LIVE the Life YOU want to LIVE.You Would NOT be thinking TWICE about what you 'said' or didn't say, what you "did" or didn't do.

Why?

Because you are focused in your dreams, and have self esteem, and are accomplishing you goals.
And you GAIN Satisfaction OUT OF THAT!!!
You see?

----------------------
Dude, T.
I am trying really hard to keep some of you guys in line, on point, and Fvcking FOCUSED.

I am trying to instill YEARS of actual living experience and intellectual sources to fill up your minds with the true tools for success, and not suffering this petty bulll sh*t in a forum, in minutes actually.

I am trying to give you the tools (or make you find them on yoiur own and recognize them at least) for life as a realized masculine man in minutes, sh*t that takes freakin' YEARS for the average guy!


I have had YEARS of experiences to show and use to teach my brothers here.

And I see so many guys WASTING precious, valueable TIME on petty things, when their LIFE is quietly PASSING THEM BY................


Time that YOU WILL NEVER ever EVER recover.


And what about when you're DEAD?

On your death bed, will you still be worrying and fretting over that one chick whom you didn't 'spit game right' on?


Think about it, T Dog.

I am a warrior and a Mentor.
I am here to help, bro.
I would not be using up my time bull sh*tting you or any other brother here if I didn't have an actual prescription for your pain, man.

---------------------------------------

 

[tsmith2334]

Interceptor, let me tell you why I personalize it...

She agreed to go out on a date with me. She flirted a decent amount, good eye contact too. Even asked me if there were any other ladies in my life.

Now, I view dating like an episode of Blind Date, where both parties reach a conclusion at the date, to see that person again or not to. Usually on that reality show, things start out smoothly, the guy screws up horrendously and the women never wants to see him again.

Now if I did something that warrants that (any maybe she wasn't bothered at all, who knows) I would feel discouraged because I took someone who was attracted to me and changed the momentum. I repelled them.

And whether it's dating, friendship, or a family relationship, that's the last thing I want to do. Sure there are 1,000's of women out there, but do I really just want to keep making mistakes on ones I like until I'm forced to settle for someone I'm not fond for?

 

[reset]

I'll tell you why because it hurts your EGO.

(Damn, I thnk I wote this word about a hundred times tonight! WTF?!)

Why do get the idea you've been reading Tolle?

You're on fire Interceptor. You keep writing and I'll keep reading and reflecting.
Just don't exhaust yourself. These posts have to be taking some energy out of you.

But it must be done!

 

[CORVETTE06]

Never talk about Ex's.

I just smile and give them a little wink and say theyre doin fine

 

[AFC Savior]

TSMITH

advice is useless

Experience is the only useful thing you can ever have in the dating world

 

[Interceptor]

Interceptor, let me tell you why I personalize it...

She agreed to go out on a date with me. She flirted a decent amount, good eye contact too. Even asked me if there were any other ladies in my life.

Now, I view dating like an episode of Blind Date, where both parties reach a conclusion at the date, to see that person again or not to. Usually on that reality show, things start out smoothly, the guy screws up horrendously and the women never wants to see him again.

Now if I did something that warrants that (any maybe she wasn't bothered at all, who knows) I would feel discouraged because I took someone who was attracted to me and changed the momentum. I repelled them.

And whether it's dating, friendship, or a family relationship, that's the last thing I want to do. Sure there are 1,000's of women out there, but do I really just want to keep making mistakes on ones I like until I'm forced to settle for someone I'm not fond for?

OK, first off, it soudns to me like you are expecting things from a female.

You are expecting sincerity, loyalty, and perhaps sexual intimacy, or at the very lest her trust and emotional intimacy.

T, this is going to hurt, brother.

Females can act like they 'mean' it, but don't.

A woman can do things, and set up a set of criteria for one guy, and forget them with another.
She can play one guy and take his resources, and be a puppy dog/sex slave to another.


Females can delay sex for one guy, and let another guy do things you would be horrified at witnessing.

Welcome to the land of Female behavior- is it REAL, or NOT?

T, IF.IF we do not go around EXPECTING,and go around with the notion that anything can happen and females coudl be insincere.........then WE WILL NOT MAKE AN EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT.


Emotional investments do not come cheap.


They are your personal resources.

They are valueable. We do not just give them away.
And we don't give them to a female who happens to be a good actress and/or a female with severe issues who CANNOT handle mature dating./romantic relationships.


When you are desperate for female attention, companionship, intimacy, and validation THEn that is when you will SETTLE for lower class behavior.

Now when you know the TERRITORY surrounding female behavior in mating...then you ARE PREPARED and ARMED to DEAL with these issues.
And you will make an EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT only to a WOMAN (not a "girl") whom is WORTH IT.

But you have to NOT be DESPERATE.


Woman flakes?
No emotional investment from you..

Woman does not call?
Less emotional investment from you.

Woman arrives late constantly?
Less emotional investment from you.

Woman constanly talks about how hot she is and how many guys are after her?
No emotional investment from you.

Woman does not respond to your cool, and sincere attempts at connecting with her?
No emotional investment from you

Woman acts b*tchy for no reason?
Less emotional investment from you.

Every one can get discouraged.

But what we, as mature masculine men, who are fulfilling our duties in life and working towards our Mission, do not place as much as a weight or importance to thes ethings, which are temporary.
And have no bearing on our self esteem, in the sense that they cannot reduce it or remove our self esteem. These things can only 'harm' our EGO, T dog.
here's a goofy analogy I like to share with you , to illustrate:

If you had a Million dollars, would you worry about losing one dollar?

Your goal in a sense, is to have those "million diollars", T.

Also, understand that women , will always be more fickle when making their emotional and often sexual investment. Its part of their nature.
We cannot hate them for that, or resent them or be bitter.

We learn to be above that.

IF you did something to 'rpel' them.sop freakin'; what?

Again....

Your MISSION , your LIFE will always be more imprtant.
If you are being satisfied then what one female thinks will be of little or no consequence.
WHy?
becaue you KNOW how to attract women,

Will all women be atracted to you? Or interested?
Nope.

But if you are confident , have self esteem, that will be easily dealt with.




GTG, think about it.

 

[Interceptor]

TSMITH

advice is useless

Experience is the only useful thing you can ever have in the dating world

No, mr 'savior".
My advice is necessary to give intellectual information, for them to propel them to take ACTION and then go EXPERIENCE LIFE in the real WORLD.

We intellectualize, and then experience, and then analyze otr experience, and then we learn, then improve and grow..........to success.

 

[Interceptor]

Why do get the idea you've been reading Tolle?

You're on fire Interceptor. You keep writing and I'll keep reading and reflecting.
Just don't exhaust yourself. These posts have to be taking some energy out of you.

But it must be done!

Yeah, you're right, Reset. "Itmust be done."
I'm out for the night.

Thanks for your support, man. I mean it.

later


BTW, THIS.........what I'm doing now...IS "Operation Aggressive Stance."

 

[AFC Savior]

No, mr 'savior".
My advice is necessary to give intellectual information, for them to propel them to take ACTION and then go EXPERIENCE LIFE in the real WORLD.

We intellectualize, and then experience, and then analyze otr experience, and then we learn, then improve and grow..........to success.

the men with the most success with women dont even give dating a 2nd thought - they just go out and have fun, not a single peice of analysis in their heads

what kinda of success do YOU have Interceptor to back up all of your philosophical words?

 

[Interceptor]

the men with the most success with women dont even give dating a 2nd thought - they just go out and have fun, not a single peice of analysis in their heads

what kinda of success do YOU have Interceptor to back up all of your philosophical words?

Dude, you just explained my basic premise. Thank you.

What my 'philosophical words" (omg...dude.........sigh) are doing is givng them the tools to reflect on ACHIEVVING that success you just gave as an example.

The focus of my (LOL) "philosophical words" is to make these guys focus their attention on achieving success in Life, not make their lifes pont on 'pick up' or 'gaming'.

Re read my posts, dude. I'm telling you how to do just what you showed me.


The point is , 'savior' is that when WE as MEN are FULFILLED and HAPPY, we DO NOT ANALYZE our INTERACTIONS with Women!!!
We can enjoy them!!
have fun!
Enjoo the interaction.
Because we're NOT needy.

thanks for expalining my point, 'savior' .

 

[tsmith2334]

the men with the most success with women dont even give dating a 2nd thought - they just go out and have fun, not a single peice of analysis in their heads

what kinda of success do YOU have Interceptor to back up all of your philosophical words?

i also have found that i did much better with women in the past when i was more carefree, and didn't analyze everything. ironically, before i found this site. the advice is very helpful, but it does make analyze and second guess my moves.

i am naturally good looking and should have less problems then i do. my confidence is streaky at best. not to use a scapegoat, but i have been diagnosed with some mental disorders in the past, including an anxiety disorder which i think can explain it to some degree.

suprisingly, i am pretty well composed around good looking for the most part (better then you'd imagine) i just get nervous about taking things farther. then, i come here and reflect on everything. i have plenty of potential, i just need to get a couple things staightened out.

 

[reset]

This is like the tao. You can't speak of the tao because once you do, you've lost the tao.

But someone had to write down the tao in the first place.

when WE as MEN are FULFILLED and HAPPY, we DO NOT ANALYZE our INTERACTIONS with Women!!! We can enjoy them!!

This is short enough to memorize.

 

[ready123]

live and learn

there are some things you avoid when you're trying to attract a girl
religion
politics
bashing or reminiscing about ex's

And like I posted on some other thread, you cannot run game in "real-time". The proper attitude when you're out there conversing is to be spontaneous and carefree. You want your focus to be in the moment, not recalling what you read on this board. Give yourself permission to fvck up on your dates and just have fun. Afterwards, if you didn't get the desired response or as far as you wanted, that's when you come to this board, troubleshoot and figure out what went wrong.