"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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I think I screwed up...big time (co-worker + BPD)

AmIAFC

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Some of you may recall, one of my earlier threads on this board revolved around a co-worker chic (equal position in the company) that I screwed off and on. Well, just recently, she told me (while drunk as hell) that she suffered from BPD.

The worst thing is, I'm seeing that side of her manifest itself in the workplace. She's continuously visiting my cubicle area, asking me who I went to lunch with the other day, wondering why I couldn't invite her, or why I didn't call her. She understands the merit of our "relationship" (or at least she did), but she's, all of the sudden, acting childish. One day, while out at lunch with another female co-worker (friends), she grabbed a stool and wedged herself in between us, turning her back on the other girl and coming up with BS conversation with me.

Lately, I've been ignoring her, her calls, and basically avoiding her area of the office (hasn't stopped her from coming over, though), hoping that she gets the hint, but I fear extra measures might be taken.

Now, I know a majority of the responses here will be something like, "You f'ing idiot, we warned you" and "Don't dip your pen, bla bla bla." I know all of this now, but I need some tips on how to resolve this issue. One person suggested that I go AFC all the way and put myself in a more "unattractive" light, making the girl want me less and less.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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wowiehowie

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Dude, if she was "normal" it may be somewhat doable to resolve this, but as you've mentioned she has "BPD".

Advice? - Find another job. Due to her insecurites, childish behaviors, unpredictable mood swings, and maybe even potential loud embarrasing outbursts in front of all to see, YOU WILL SOON BE OUTED BY THIS BROAD. IF YOUR LUCKLY, SHE WON'T ACCUSE YOU OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, OR WORSE CLAIM THAT YOU RAPED HER.

Get a hold of today's paper (Sunday) and scour the Classified job postings. You are looking for a new job.
 

DJDamage

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Originally posted by wowiehowie
Get a hold of today's paper (Sunday) and scour the Classified job postings. You are looking for a new job.
Agreed.

Trying to ignore her would only set her off even more.

If you try to dump her, there is no way of telling how she would react. But because of the BPD situation, I can tell you that it won't end good.

The sh1t is about to hit the fan.

Run for the hills!

DjDamage
 

AmIAFC

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I've been contemplating a job change for a few months now -- due to distance from home, pay, and other factors -- and this episode just compels me even more to change scenes.

I appreciate everyone's input. I should have seen this one coming a mile away.
 

Wyldfire

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My ex husband has BPD...and believe me...it's not fun to deal with. Unless you want this woman to obsess over you and interfere in your life until some other poor sap comes along she can be obsessed with...find another job and cut all ties to her.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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