I think I may be HIV positive

[btownbuck2012]

There's no way to sugar coat this or make it sound any less bad than it is so I just straight up decided to spell it our for you guys in the title of this thread. So I've been working in the D.C. area for a couple months now and I've been hitting the bar and club scene pretty regularly. I've been with 4 different women since I've been out here.

Now, I will say this, I did use a condom with each one of them. But they were all one night stands and I didn't know anything about any of these girls or their sexual history.

This is the dark side of "game". I mean I wasn't raised or brought up like this, and now that I've gotten myself into this mess I realize that, and this is just my own personal opinion, that we're not meant to just "pump and dump" as many women as we can. Life is about more than that. It's about connecting with someone.

I don't know, I'm just scared if you want to know the honest truth. I mean I've got all the symptoms, or at least I had them. Dry mouth, WHITE tongue, fever, chills, neck pain, fatigue in my arms and legs, and worst of all, the rash. About a week ago I broke out in a rash that covered my chest, arms, belly, and legs. It didn't reach the palms of my hands, but it did reach the soles of my feet.

Gentlemen, I'm screwed. Don't mistake my calm demeanor in this e-mail as me not caring either. I've cried my eyes out, and thought long and hard about my life. I did already get tested at the 3 week mark and it came back negative, BUT I've also read that testing that soon is almost a sure fire way to get a false negative.

Honestly, when I test again, when it comes back positive like I know it will, I'm going to end it. Cowardly? Maybe. But I'm not going to live the rest of my life with HIV. I mean that's basically guaranteeing me a life of solitude, no sex, no children, etc. I mean I would never have sex with a girl without telling her about my status, and what woman in her right mind would have sex with an HIV positive man?

If anything, learn from this. All you guys who think getting laid is the most important thing in life, it's not. Focus on your career, focus on your HEALTH. Women aren't everything, at least not the one's I was chasing after.

If anybody is religious on this forum, do me a favor and pray for me too. Other than that, I hope you all have a good one. Thanks for reading.

Btown

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Depressing

 

[Yo'Mama]

dude trust me, no WAY do you have HIV

 

[YoungSir4sho]

Just prayed for you bro. Dont kill yourself tho. Maybe there is a reason for all of this but killing urself which you think will be easy will be much worse when you are dead and in hell. Not trying to be super religious on you but yea take care of yourself.

 

[btownbuck2012]

dude trust me, no WAY do you have HIV

That Rash I had the night I went to the ER couldn't have been anything else. I'm sure of it.

 

[TheCWord]

So you read the symptoms on the internet, matched them with what you're experiencing, and now you have HIV. Even though you've only slept around with four women. Not men. Wore a condom. And don't live in Africa.

AND a test... administered my medical professionals, not just your paranoid brain... came back NEGATIVE.

Did you watch Dallas Buyers Club recently too?

I mean, christ, you could type "itchy foot" into WebMD and come back with CANCER. It's the freaking internet, you schmuck. Listen to what the real doctors say. And right now they're saying you're clean. But wait, the internet told you that the doctors may be wrong? Well then, obviously nothing I or anyone else on here says can make a difference so I'm not going to waste too many more letters.

I will say this... It is VERY COMMON to have STD scares. It is also VERY COMMON to start googling stuff and come up with the worst case scenario. It is VERY UNCOMMON to catch AIDS. It is VERY VERY uncommon to catch AIDS when wearing a condom and... Wait, why am I even bothering? You got clean test results and you're still talking about killing yourself.

Edit:

That Rash I had the night I went to the ER couldn't have been anything else. I'm sure of it.

Oh really, doctor? Tell me what makes you qualified to speak with such authority on this matter. Tell me one thing. Anything. The only catch is it can't have come from the internet.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Just prayed for you bro. Dont kill yourself tho. Maybe there is a reason for all of this but killing urself which you think will be easy will be much worse when you are dead and in hell. Not trying to be super religious on you but yea take care of yourself.

Appreciate the prayer brother.

 

[VikingKing]

That really sucks. But there are better anti-viral drugs now so, thats good.

 

[JohnChops]

what your saying is you have all the signs of an alergic reaction or the flu. white tongue? my tongue is white whenever i dont eat carbs lol. come on now, you are just being a hypochondriac. every medical symptom overlaps, the only real way to tell is blood work. let us know though, i would put money on you NOT having HIV.

 

[btownbuck2012]

That really sucks. But there are better anti-viral drugs now so, thats good.

Yeah, I mean I could probably live to be 70ish and all that good stuff, but I'm more concerned about quality of life over quantity. Living with HIV? Forget it man. Sex is too enjoyable and I'm definitely not going to have sex with a girl and NOT tell her about my status before hand, and in that scenario what girl what want to even take that risk?

 

[btownbuck2012]

So you read the symptoms on the internet, matched them with what you're experiencing, and now you have HIV. Even though you've only slept around with four women. Not men. Wore a condom. And don't live in Africa.

AND a test... administered my medical professionals, not just your paranoid brain... came back NEGATIVE.

Did you watch Dallas Buyers Club recently too?

I mean, christ, you could type "itchy foot" into WebMD and come back with CANCER. It's the freaking internet, you schmuck. Listen to what the real doctors say. And right now they're saying you're clean. But wait, the internet told you that the doctors may be wrong? Well then, obviously nothing I or anyone else on here says can make a difference so I'm not going to waste too many more letters.

I will say this... It is VERY COMMON to have STD scares. It is also VERY COMMON to start googling stuff and come up with the worst case scenario. It is VERY UNCOMMON to catch AIDS. It is VERY VERY uncommon to catch AIDS when wearing a condom and... Wait, why am I even bothering? You got clean test results and you're still talking about killing yourself.

Edit:



Oh really, doctor? Tell me what makes you qualified to speak with such authority on this matter. Tell me one thing. Anything. The only catch is it can't have come from the internet.

In that case, I've got nothing for you brother. All the stuff that's causing me anxiety has been read online. Although the night I got tested in the ER, they did tell me that my platelet count was low. I've never had that issue before. I've been strong and healthy my whole life.

 

[JohnChops]

In that case, I've got nothing for you brother. All the stuff that's causing me anxiety has been read online. Although the night I got tested in the ER, they did tell me that my platelet count was low. I've never had that issue before. I've been strong and healthy my whole life.

stop reading WebMD, you can have a simple cold and self diagnose yourself with cancer. It is just human nature to assume the worst out of something small. Relax dude. Have a beer.

 

[TheCWord]

In that case, I've got nothing for you brother. All the stuff that's causing me anxiety has been read online. Although the night I got tested in the ER, they did tell me that my platelet count was low. I've never had that issue before. I've been strong and healthy my whole life.

Oh really, Doctor. How often do you get your platelet count checked. It must be pretty often because, as all the MDs say, you should have your platelets checked every... never.

What you're doing is called catastrophizing. You've picked out the worst case scenario and convinced yourself it's true, now you're caught in this anxiety loop.

You don't need to google any more about quality of life for HIV+ people. You don't need to post a word more on this website. You need to stop googling stuff to confirm your irrational diagnosis and start looking up psychologists in your area. I'm serious. Not just because of this, but because catastrophizing and worst case/obsessive thinking will get you again over something else down the line and is usually part of a larger problem.

You want to find a psych who can do CBT with you. They will teach you how to retrain your brain so that it doesn't get on the hamster wheel like this. You'll learn to see these scary thoughts pop into your head and not chase them down the rabbit hole until you've diagnosed yourself with HIV.

I know when your brain is in the state it's in, it's impossible to be logical. But if you could somehow pretend - or at least recall for a moment what logic is - you'd realize how crazy it is to obsessively dread and plan to kill yourself over something THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET! Even in the .000001% chance you do have HIV, you don't know that yet. A test has even said that you don't have it. So you're worrying about something that makes about as much sense as monsters under your bed.

You make me so angry, Dr. btownbuck. And you better not just slink away from this forum after your second test comes back negative. You're coming back on this forum and you're starting a thread titled, "I'm a god damn idiot." Inside that thread you will write, "Thank you, Mr. CWord" and agree to go for counseling.

 

[Married Buried]

Why don't you go to CVS or Walgreens right now they sell home HIV tests. Why not do that right now instead of this speculative stuff?

 

[btownbuck2012]

Oh really, Doctor. How often do you get your platelet count checked. It must be pretty often because, as all the MDs say, you should have your platelets checked every... never.

What you're doing is called catastrophizing. You've picked out the worst case scenario and convinced yourself it's true, now you're caught in this anxiety loop.

You don't need to google any more about quality of life for HIV+ people. You don't need to post a word more on this website. You need to stop googling stuff to confirm your irrational diagnosis and start looking up psychologists in your area. I'm serious. Not just because of this, but because catastrophizing and worst case/obsessive thinking will get you again over something else down the line and is usually part of a larger problem.

You want to find a psych who can do CBT with you. They will teach you how to retrain your brain so that it doesn't get on the hamster wheel like this. You'll learn to see these scary thoughts pop into your head and not chase them down the rabbit hole until you've diagnosed yourself with HIV.

I know when your brain is in the state it's in, it's impossible to be logical. But if you could somehow pretend - or at least recall for a moment what logic is - you'd realize how crazy it is to obsessively dread and plan to kill yourself over something THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET! Even in the .000001% chance you do have HIV, you don't know that yet. A test has even said that you don't have it. So you're worrying about something that makes about as much sense as monsters under your bed.

You make me so angry, Dr. btownbuck. And you better not just slink away from this forum after your second test comes back negative. You're coming back on this forum and you're starting a thread titled, "I'm a god damn idiot." Inside that thread you will write, "Thank you, Mr. CWord" and agree to go for counseling.

I'd be more than happy to do that, and WILL do that should this all turn out OK.

 

[papawapa]

Bro, there are two types of hiv tests. One wont show a positive for like three months the other more expensive ones will show a positive within a few days of catching it.

I doubt you have it, but if you do don't kill yourself. There are dating sites for positive people.

 

[TheCWord]

I'd be more than happy to do that, and WILL do that should this all turn out OK.

And I'd be genuinely happy for you when that thread comes. I'd be even happier if every time you think about HIV you google catastrophizing and CBT instead. In addition to that, while you're waiting for the next test result maybe pick up some books like The Power Of Now and Feelin Good. Anything to make you focus on the present and not some imagined worst case scenario future. Good luck! You better post that thread!

 

[Serenity]

The chances of getting HIV in a first world country using a condom with just 4 sexual encounters is so small that it can be considered almost impossible. Even without a condom with a HIV positive person you're highly unlikely to become infected. I would ask the doctors for other possibilities.

 

[foreverAFC]

Honestly, when I test again, when it comes back positive like I know it will, I'm going to end it. Cowardly? Maybe. But I'm not going to live the rest of my life with HIV. I mean that's basically guaranteeing me a life of solitude, no sex, no children, etc. I mean I would never have sex with a girl without telling her about my status, and what woman in her right mind would have sex with an HIV positive man?

what are you talking about man, i know it must be scary as hell, but there are also millions of other people out there living with this disease, you could still meet women and make friends with people you meet at support groups and things like that, it doesnt mean you have to live in solitude at all

 

[Tictac]

Heterosexual transmissions of AIDS is rare to the vanishing point.

Stop wringing your hands and go get checked.

Then come back here and type.