I think I finally know the reason behind my worst OneItis ever

[PUA in Training]

My OneItis is a woman who has been in a lot of serious emotional pain for as long as I've known her. I know that below all her pain she is really a very sweet and warm lady and my heart breaks for her because of all she's been through (and it is still affecting her today). But, her painful life has made her b!tchy, bitter, impatient, and obviously she brings a massive amount of baggage to a relationship.

I don't know a lot about her past relationships but from what she's told me, my guess is she's always gone for confident, take-charge, "don't take sh!t for nobody" type of guys, as I suppose most women do. Not Alpha Males, just imitation Alpha Males, ie jerks. My other guess would be that it's my very low self-esteem, almost complete lack of self-confidence, and timidity in general (although I used to be much more timid than I am now) that she finds unattractive. Likes my personality, I make her laugh, but I've moved into the "friend zone" and have taken up permanent residence there.

I know that if by some miracle she decided to give me a chance romantically the way I am now, I would be too oversensitive, moody, clingy, irritable, and quick to throw up my hands and give up, basically too much of a pvssy, to ever be able to deal with a woman like this. I know exactly what would happen. Our first blowout (which wouldn't take long at all), I would just take the easy way out and break up with her, then the next day come back crawling on my hands and knees begging her to take me back. What I'm trying to say is I wouldn't be man enough to be able to handle her.

Here's my problem: the idea that keeps running around in my head is that 1) if I improved myself, realized my full potential, turned myself into an Alpha Male, I WOULD be man enough to be able to handle her (IF I still thought she was worth all the drama), and 2) just giving up on being with her won't solve anything anyway because I would not only not be man enough for her, but as I am now I wouldn't be man enough to last long in a relationship with most women.

As I said in another thread, I just want to be able to say that she saw me at my full potential, at my Alpha Male best. It's like that Sheryl Crow song, I want to be able to say that I was strong enough to be her man. It's like something I have to prove, if not to her then to myself.

Sorry to keep beating this dead horse about my OneItis for this woman, but I think I'm finally getting to the root of it, of why this OneItis has haunted me for so long. Being man enough for this woman motivates me. It gets my mind going, thinking about ways I can improve myself. And without that motivation I would be quite content to just give up and be a lazy underachiever who never did anything with his life.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

 

[KoalaKing]

I have a younger sister who always gets involved with those types of take charge and take no sh-it imitation AlphaMale jerks and they always become agro towards me when I tell her to get rid of them.

As I'm very much the stirrer comedian type of guy who can throw a few punches as well I am always locking horns with these guys that I am trying to keep my sister away from.

I don't really know why pretty girls go for these type of guys, as they are the types that I least get along with myself in all types of situations, even if my sister isn't involved with them.

I being a straight forward type of a guy tends to tell them to pull their heads in and not be so big headed tends to generate the agro from them, they don't really appreciate it when I take them down in a comedy type of a way as most other people around who are usually too frightened to have a go at them will side with me and it often results in violent scuffle at some stage.

You probably have to build up your own self esteem and begin to enjoy other things in your life and eventually the right girl will come along.

Never allow a woman to control your emotions to the stage that you become miserable and desperate to get her back.

It is better to forget about that girl and move on.

 

[librito]

"My OneItis is a woman who has been in a lot of serious emotional pain for as long as I've known her."
AND NOW YOU ARE TRYING TO BE "CAPTAIN SAVE A *****"

"know that below all her pain she is really a very sweet and warm lady and my heart breaks for her because of all she's been through (and it is still affecting her today)."
AND DID YOU NOTICED THAT IT IS AFFECTING YOU ALSO? THE MORE DRAMA SHE GIVES YOU THE MORE YOU LIKE HER BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE HER SUPER MAN AND SAVE HER FROM THIS CRUEL WORLD OF JERKS?

But, her painful life has made her b!tchy, bitter, impatient, and obviously she brings a massive amount of baggage to a relationship.
AND GUESS WHOS PAYING FOR IT? THE GUY WHO IS NOT FUKKING HER, YOU. THE OTHER GUYS REALISE THIS AND THEY JUST HIT IT AND QUIT IT. FOR YOU, SHE DOESNT HAVE A "MASSIVE AMOUNT OF BAGGAGE" SHE IS A FREIGHT TRAIN.

I don't know a lot about her past relationships but from what she's told me, my guess is she's always gone for confident, take-charge, "don't take sh!t for nobody" type of guys, as I suppose most women do.
YES SHE GOES FOR THE TYPE OF GUYS WHO SHOW THEIR MASCULINITY AND ARE NOT AFRAID TO SHOW INTEREST IN THE WOMEN THEY LIKE, WHATS NEW?


as I suppose most women do. Not Alpha Males, just imitation Alpha Males, ie jerks
WHO CARES IF THEY ARE REAL ALFA MALES OR NOT, THE ONLY THING THAT REALLY COUNTS IS THAT THEY ARE GETTING LAID AND YOU ARE NOT. THIS IS ALL ABOUT RESULTS, WHAT ABOUT WHAT OTHER MEN THINK OF OURSELFS. YOU ARE JUST BEING JEALOUS OF THEM.

My other guess would be that it's my very low self-esteem, almost complete lack of self-confidence, and timidity in general (although I used to be much more timid than I am now) that she finds unattractive. Likes my personality, I make her laugh, but I've moved into the "friend zone" and have taken up permanent residence there.
YOU ROCK DUDE. AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS AND ADMIT IT. YOU DIDNT HAVE THE COURAGE TO GIVE HER INDICATIONS OF INTEREST WHEN SHE MET YOU AND THOUGHT YOU WAS A COOL GUY.

Here's my problem: the idea that keeps running around in my head is that 1) if I improved myself, realized my full potential, turned myself into an Alpha Male, I WOULD be man enough to be able to handle her (IF I still thought she was worth all the drama), and 2) just giving up on being with her won't solve anything anyway because I would not only not be man enough for her, but as I am now I wouldn't be man enough to last long in a relationship with most women.
GREAT MAN, ALL YOU NEED IS THE COURAGE TO CHANGE. JUST REMEMBER THAT IF YOU KEEP ON DOING THE SAME THING YOU HAVE BEING DOING UNTIL THIS MOMENT, THEN YOU WILL GET THE SAME RESULTS THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN UNTIL THIS MOMENT.

As I said in another thread, I just want to be able to say that she saw me at my full potential, at my Alpha Male best. It's like that Sheryl Crow song, I want to be able to say that I was strong enough to be her man. It's like something I have to prove, if not to her then to myself.
YOU THINK SHE CARES ABOUT YOUR FULL POTENTIAL? YOU COULD REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL AND SHE WILL FUCCCCKKKK A BUM INSTEAD OF YOU. SHE ONLY SEES YOU AS A BIG BROTHER, SHE WOULD NEVER SLEEP WITH YOU. IF SHE DOES, SHE WOULD CONSIDER IT A TABU.

Sorry to keep beating this dead horse about my OneItis for this woman, but I think I'm finally getting to the root of it, of why this OneItis has haunted me for so long.
HAVE YOU GOTTEN TO THE ROOT OF IT? HAVE YOU REALISED THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO FUUCCK TEN MORE WOMEN BETTER LOOKING AND MORE EXCITING THAN HER? IT IS STILL ONEITIS BECUASE YOU HAVENT LEARN THE GAME. YOU ARE STILL A FULL BLOWN AFC. AND YES, THIS HORSE HAS BEING DEAD EVER SINCE YOU DECIDED TO TAKE IT SLOW SO SHE WONT THINK THAT YOU JUST WANT TO FUUCCCK HER JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER "JERKS" SHE LIKES.

Being man enough for this woman motivates me. It gets my mind going, thinking about ways I can improve myself. And without that motivation I would be quite content to just give up and be a lazy underachiever who never did anything with his life.
IS SHE YOUR MAJOR OR ONLY MOTIVATION TO IMPROVE YOURSELF? THAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM DUDE. YOU ARE IMPROVING FOR HER, NOT BECUASE IT COMES FROM YOUR HEART TO BE A BETTER AND SMARTER MAN. YOU ARE DOOMED UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND CHANGE FOR YOURSELF.
THE MOTIVATION HAS TO COME FROM WITHIN, NOT FROM OUTSIDE.
YOU ARE ONLY TRYING TO DEMONSTRATE AND FAKE HIGH VALUE FOR HER.
YOUR BIGGEST MOTIVATION TO IMPROVE MUST BE TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND NOT FOR HER.

DONT TAKE IT PERSONAL MAN, I DID MOREN THAN 5 TIMES ALL THE MISTAKES YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW IN THIS SITUATION.
JUST CALL IT TOUGH LOVE.

 

[JJMcLure]

just giving up on being with her won't solve anything anyway because I would not only not be man enough for her, but as I am now I wouldn't be man enough to last long in a relationship with most women.

That is the root cause of your oneitis right there. You are stuck on this one chick, because you have convinced yourself SHE has the power to make you feel better about yourself. You are giving her power and control over your life and emotions. You have made the outcome of one of the most important aspects of your life DEPENDENT on her liking you. That is a terrible frame, and doomed to failure.

if I improved myself, realized my full potential, turned myself into an Alpha Male, I WOULD be man enough to be able to handle her (IF I still thought she was worth all the drama),

You feel completely inadequate to be with this chick, you have her so high on a pedestal. Damaged, emotionally unstable people are damaged, emotionally unstable people. PERIOD. They will drain you, NOT boost you. "Handling" her would consume all of your energy and your life. That is the nature of oneitis with a person like that. You would come out of any relationship in a worse position psychologically than you went in.

My OneItis is a woman who has been in a lot of serious emotional pain for as long as I've known her. I know that below all her pain she is really a very sweet and warm lady and my heart breaks for her because of all she's been through (and it is still affecting her today). But, her painful life has made her b!tchy, bitter, impatient, and obviously she brings a massive amount of baggage to a relationship.

Don't be "Captain Save a Ho". Her problems are not your problems. Don't try to rescue a chick. A b1tch is a b1tch, no matter what the reason. You need to go and meet more chicks and you'll see how you are treated by a mature, emotionally stable person.

This situation will not turn out how you want it to (any oneitis relationship is idealised in your head, even the real thing would not be what you're expecting). Resolve to get over this oneitis and meet other chicks, and if you need some self improvement start now. I always advise to stay away from a oneitis chick - it's the best, fastest way to get over it.