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I think a lot of problems stem from a scarcity mindset, lack of S&D and not having big goals that are a priority

jnMissouri

Master Don Juan
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To some extent. Not to say that abundance mindset and being super busy are the keys to success in general. You still need to have game. But a lot of problems can be avoided with these two. I dated a lot last year, had a few relationships and have recently reflected on some of them. If you don't have an abundance mindset, you become needy no matter how much game you have, neediness will kill the attraction. Being afraid of applying S&D also shows weakness and neediness. Not having big goals is a problem in general because if things don't work out with any woman over your life, where are you later in life financially? In undergrad, I always put school and work before girls. Because I learned (from a book) that you should always put your life and career/money above women. Some thoughts I had about this recently that I'm sharing because it 1) helps me clarify my thoughts when I put them in writing and 2) I'm curious about other insights and perspectives others might add to this. 3) As a reminder to myself for the future, when I want to break these rules. There are exceptions to every rule, but in general, one should apply these more often than not.


Abundance Mindset:


While I was soooo into some of them at the time and put up with a lot of crap because the sex was good, I really shouldn't have. I put the P on a pedestal. I had a live in gf while I had another relationship on the side (she knew I wasn't single) and even a third girl that briefly turned into a gf for a few months before she turned out to be psycho, yet even with all that I still put up with BS I shouldn't have. Even with all that I still had the scarcity mindset. I got dates besides those and slept with some...yet I still had the scarcity mindset. So I put up with flaky behavior, BS, psychotic nonsense, lies, disrespect, etc.

In hindsight, I realized that you MUST have an abundance MINDSET, not just abundance. I had abundance but I still didn't have the abundance mindset. I felt like I needed more and more. I felt like it was too much effort to start new. I was comfortable with the ones I was sleeping with and got to know.

Today I got back on a better/paid dating site I was on recently which I had success in meeting and sleeping with a hot 19 year old and dating two women who have even more money than me (albeit they are in Canada and they don't come down often). I'm still seeing these women here and there as well as an old colleague who is kind of "meh" right now as far as being tied down. But alas, rather than sit and chase this girl who just can't leave on account of her kids, I decided to get back on the site (screw POF, low quality trash women on there mostly) and have a date setup for tomorrow with a 9 that is 7 years younger than me, and the number of an 8 that is high net worth like me (albeit out of state). It really came full circle that when you SHOW yourself that you can get new numbers and dates consistently and on a whim, you really start to come more into the abundance MINDSET. It's not so much about how many you HAVE. So much as showing yourself that you can replace a girl in time and with a little effort, despite having to sift through the garbage women out there.




S&D:

On top of that I've noticed a pattern that S&D works like MAGIC if there is interest. All but one of the girls I've tried it on in the last year started texting me again trying to rekindle our relationship even after it ending badly. The bad memories fade and the good ones remain. So they reach out. The one girl it didn't work on was super shy, old fashioned and I pissed her off pretty bad, not to mention she is still single a year later despite being hot. Something is wrong with her....so I won't really count her lol.

It seems like a lot of attraction and love happens after you've sparked it, then withdrawn to let her wonder (if you had a disagreement or even in general to be mysterious) about what you are doing, whether you'll reach out, etc. In one case it took 2 days. In another it took 7 weeks to the day. In another it took 1 week to the day. S&D rather than chasing incessantly, is a better strategy. That space, that silence does something. There are exceptions to every rule, but in general S&D...or as my friend says: you can almost never hurt yourself by NOT talking....the words of my friend that continue to ring in my ear constantly in every situation now because it was his default answer to every situation I brought to him. While his game in general sucked for GETTING girls, his no contact game was ON POINT! Note, S&D only really seems to work once you are already sleeping together/in a relationship. If you haven't even gone out with a girl, S&D isn't going to do much IMO. There is not enough interest there yet. And with some girls, especially those that have a lot of options, they will just move on....

Staying Busy/Having Big Goals:

Last but not least, staying busy. Make no mistake, I have rental houses, advanced degrees and a high paying career. I'm pretty busy. But in some cases I made a woman my focus and let her get on my mind TOO much. So it's not just a matter of being busy, it's a matter of making her a low priority in your mind. I am not quite sure on how best to do this yet. I do know keeping busy to some extent helps. But thoughts about texting or reaching out, wondering what she is doing do creep in consistently and it's hard to resist giving in. You can be busy and still have the problem of having her at the top of your mind. But in an ideal world, you'd be out there winning at so many other things to get those endorphin and dopamine fixes that she becomes an after thought. Example: I just collected rent from one of my tenants who is new and had a hard time setting up auto payment through the bank It felt good driving away collecting after collecting that cash. So being busy helps, but I think more so than being busy is having real problems to deal with. A woman isn't a real problem....we too often put the P on a pedestal for our own validation because society makes it seem like if you aren't slaying the ladies you must be a loser. Another way I like to look at it, is girls come and go, but success stays and grows. My education has paid dividends. My career has grown and also paid dividends. I have investments that keep growing. Life is made. It doesn't matter what any woman does. I keep getting more successful and they lose out if they don't play ball. It brings a smile to my face when I think about reaching out to some of my ex's and telling them I'm well off now...while their looks decline and they have gone nowhere in life. But alas, I don't reach out. Jealous people love to try to tear you down...
So basically have something else going for you in life so that even if things down't work out with one or 3 or 6 girls, you will eventually forget about them as you will be where you want to be in life anyways. And THAT success is attractive to women. And ultimately like I said, women aren't a real problem. Food, water and shelter are. Luckily I don't HAVE to work, so my real problems are handled. Although that kind of removes the normal worries from my life which makes women more of a focus sometimes, lol.
 
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