I suck at talking...

[oakraiderz2]

I usually struggle coming up with things to talk about. Ive tried almost everything i could to become better at conversations but i still struggle. Im hesitant and anxious to approach because i fear the the conversation will stall and become all awkward and all that jazz. Ive tried to search for frames but i couldnt find enough information. I usually get moderately anxious in certain social situations which i believe has a lot to do with coming up with something to say, but i dont know what else to do. Ive tried just about everything i could think of. I was kinda reluctlant to post this, but its the last step i need to become a badass mofuga. So...gimme some ideas or something.

 

[LostAndConfused]

most people say here, and I can wholeheartedly agree, when you talk to a girl for the first time, it really doesn't matter what the hell you talk about, as long as you have the other features that you most definitely know about already . They won't really remember what you said, rather, they will remember the way you made them feel (hopefully, good). But for things to talk about, I really wouldn't go into a conversation with an itinerary or things you want to talk about, because things never go that way. You have to wing it. Talk about anything, the clothes she's wearing, make fun of people (in a light way) that are in your surroundings, something thats going on (like if you approach her in a library, talk about books, but don't get too deep of course).

For the anxiety part of your question, make sure it isn't something that you need professional help. You be the judge of that. If its the point where no matter WHAT you try, you get too anxious to approach, you might need therapy, whether by talking or medicine to calm you down. I suggest you come up with your own method to get rid of your anxieties. Ask around, on methods people personally take, you might find one that suits you as well. I take deep breaths and keep reiterating to myself to be chill.

One last thing, talking really takes practice. Try starting with men, guys you see t a store just stir up a friendly conversation, you get experience which will ultimately help you with women.

 

[EFFORT]

go out a min of 3 nights a week (alone for at least the first 6months-1year) and do 10 approaches each night for 2-5years. Walk up say "whats up i'm x" it'll suck at first but if you stick with it you'll learn to talk.

 

[Rampage]

the three second rule will probably help to get rid of that anxiety. The more you think about the approach the more nervous and axious you'll become. If u see a chick, the second you think to yourself "im gonna approach her", as Nike would say, just do it. The second the idea comes to mind dont think about it just do it. I guarentee it will go over well and then you'll have the confidence to do this everytime.

 

[WaRpEd]

Women just love to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. YOU need to become better at observing and listening. What's she wearing? What's she talked about? Listen for little subliminal conversation keys in her words. Try and keep the conversation focused around the vague topic of her.
Don't try too hard!

If you haven't read this read it, if you've read this well read it again.

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/talktowomen.htm

Remember, once you get her hooked their's not alot you can say wrong.

 

[speakeasy]

I've come to the conclusion that nobody can tell you how to become a good conversationalist, because its intuitive and the timing and wit has to come from within after lots of practice. It's like learning to play basketball or taking karate, you won't learn by having someone explain how to do it, only way to become good at it is by doing it, over and over again until it becomes second nature. You might want to also watch people who like David Letterman and Jay Leno and analyze their conversation techniques. These guys get paid handsomely for the sole purpose of having interesting and fun conversation with complete stangers and knowing how to open people up who may be camera shy. Takes a hell of a lot of skill, but if you watch what they do closely, you just may learn a few things.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

An interesting life has you covered. If the focus is aimed towards you, have stories, things that happened during the day.

The main focus should be upon her though. Ask questions, open ended. Listen and add on, restate and agree or disagree. Easy crap bud. The 'getting good at it' side is dependent upon practice, as well as the witty side. Listen to standup. Lots of it. Patton Oswalt is great at the witty wording.

Also, always be confident when speaking. If you have something to say say it loud and proud, or dont say it at all.

 

[nicenomore]

a small tip..

always tell abouut yourself..

assume she's interested.. tell it in an interesting manner......

she'll automatically ask you questions if you're interesting enough....

 

[oakraiderz2]

I dont have a problem with wit, i have that covered. Im starting to think my problem is anxiety, which is something gi have to handle myself. If i wasnt so nervous i wouldnt have a problem with talking fast or coming up with something to say.

 

[oakraiderz2]

double post

 

[Potbelly]

Tape yourself, realize how retardedly FAST you talk, then you will become self-conscious and you will consciously begin to slow your speech down. After a while (week) it iwll feel normal to you and you can tape yourself again.

Rinse and repeat.

Also use this technique to change your voice.

 

[meitenesrigas]

I might be able to give you a good piece of advice on this. The girls I go out with are not native English speakers and my knowledge of the local tongues is far from being perfect.

The one poster was right when he said it is all about how you make someone feel. Doesn't matter if it is a male or female. People really don't listen as much as they feel. Remember that. Body language is the most important thing. Some people can read it, others will be forever clueless when it comes to picking up signals. One thing I have discovered is that Americans talk a lot more than most people.

 

[ready123]

hmm anxiety, have you figured out exactly what you're afraid of?
IE looking dumb, not being in control, etc

also, where is your focus at during these silences? is it on her, are you outside your head? or are you being critically self-conscious, listening to that voice in your head that won't shut up

 

[oakraiderz2]

hmm anxiety, have you figured out exactly what you're afraid of?
IE looking dumb, not being in control, etc

also, where is your focus at during these silences? is it on her, are you outside your head? or are you being critically self-conscious, listening to that voice in your head that won't shut up

Im not entirely sure. If i had to guess i would say the anxiety stems from looking like a retard, looking nervous, and saying stupid sh*t. I would say sometimes my focus is in my head, other times it not anywhere. Once engaged in a conversation i worry about what to say next when a topic is coming to an end. Sometimes i wont feel nervous, nor will i be able to think clearly, which is confusing to me.

 

[fireguy]

Thats the problem. You gotta start listening. Two ears and one mouth. Juggler method is good for you.

 

[ready123]

I agree w/ fireguy. listening proactively is a good start

also, try to be more spontaneous when you open your mouth. what's the worst that could happen? you might look retarded. so what? if you know how to relax and laugh at yourself afterwards, you don't lose value. you can totally recover from awkward moments. once you realize you can recover, the fear goes away.

that's also a cool thing about the Juggler method which was mentioned above. on this board there's a misconception that being alpha embodies total domination, like if you're not impervious to everything, your game sucks. meanwhile Juggler would go out and do stuff that revealed vulnerability. So if he was feeling like a retard today, he'd communicate to the girl that he was feeling retarded today, in an light-hearted way that subcommunicated there was nothing wrong with it - it's just human nature

listening and spontaneity