I STILL have some kind of nervous restriction

[Jariel]

I can say that my confidence is very high, I respect myself, I've learned to face my fears and overcome many. However, I still choke sometimes when I'm put on the spot. I don't mean that I get scared exactly, but I lose control. When I get an adrenaline rush, I lose my breath, my body tenses up and shakes, I feel my face start burning up and the veins on my head pumping, and my mind is thrown out of focus.

I'm immediately thrown into an intense "fight or flight" mode. It happens when I deal with a confrontation, when I'm public speaking, when something p!sses me off and sometimes even when I'm chatting up women, and it's not something I can predict or consciously control.

I used to suffer from anger issues when I was younger and this same adrenaline rush usually preceded a violent rage where I'd hurt someone, shout and swear, or break something. But I went through anger management, practised meditation, learned to express myself and learned to control and suppress my anger...or at least that's what I thought.

In truth, I don't have it under control; I have just conditioned myself to avoid these situations whenever I can in order to avoid losing control.

I had an argument with my girlfriend last week, and usually I'm very cool, I address the issues that matter and leave it there. But this time she said something I decided to confront and I got seriously intense. She told me later that I scared her, and in truth, it scared me a little too. It wasn't what I was saying, but how I was saying it and my whole demeanour at the time.

I think I might have some kind of emotional or chemical instability. I'm very worried what will happen if I let it run its course, but at the same time I've realised that it's a huge restriction on me. Even now, I refuse to drink alcohol because it makes me lose my temper in an epic way.

Does anyone here know what I'm talking about here and has anyone sought help for this kind of problem? Or maybe even successfully got through anger management with no restrictions?

Thanks.

 

[Potbelly]

Taking a deep breathe helps. I remember as a kid I used to get angry at ONLY my parents but one night I wrote down how much my parents have done for me and I was just being a pvssy because I knew they wouldn't talk back to me or hurt me if I yelled at them. Basically, I was too chickensh1t to scream at the people I REALLY wanted to scream at.

So I began to turn my anger to people who deserved it and I never have yelled at my parents in the past 2-3 years.

Also I remember when I get angry I usually do what you do and keep it calm, but always ask yourself "Is this worth it?" OR find someone you respect and do what you would do if they were in the room.

I know I would not snap and swear if I had someone I respected in the room at the time. I'd be calm and put on a calm demeanor.

That said, I dunno if it's much help, but 1 outburst in a while can be useful and set people in their place. I'm not talking about violence, but yelling when people step over "that line" like talking about your family or something is very good.

Hope that helped.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the reply mate. I do agree with directing my anger towards those that deserve it, but whenever I get mildly angry, I risk getting very angry and losing control.

Most of the time I am calm. I really don't sweat the little things, but if anything gets my adrenaline going, it can turn into a crazy fight or flight response.

 

[BluEyes]

I only get angry at myself.

 

[Jariel]

DevanE: I think you make a very good point! I always loved aggressive sports when I was younger and they provided an outlet. I was in a rugby team and also did a few outdoor activities - climbing, canoeing and cliff jumping.

It makes sense that doing this kind of thing again would help me to get used to the adrenalin rushes and understand and control it better. Thanks for the help!