I "Soft Rejected" A Girl: She Hates Me Now

[steelpulse]

A large group of us went out recently to celebrate birthdays in December. Things are tense in this group. The guys don't get along that well, the same for the girls. It's basically a sorting contest to see who can date who. Fortunately, there were probably a half dozen attractive girls in this group. All of the girls in this group are attracted to me, but the half dozen attractive ones are the ones who interest me of course.

I felt spread a little thin, trying to talk to all of them. The other guys chose a different strategy, focusing on one girl. The girls weren't very interested in these guys, as they would ignore the other guy if I was anywhere in the vicinity. Sometimes my attention was split between two or more girls simultaneously.

Around midnight, the group split off into people going to a diner to hang out, the others to a club to continue the festivities. One of the girls I was interested in was going with the diner group. I invited myself. She agreed enthusiastically. It would've been two guys, two girls, not bad. I don't really like the other guy, he's kinda creepy. I invited myself, but then I disinvited myself when I found out most of our group was going to the club. The girl seemed understanding, and certainly not overtly upset or angry.

So I had a chance to spend more time with the girl I'm currently seeing now at the club.

The problem is, the girl I disinvited myself from now hates me. I have seen her multiple times in the past month and she refuses to make eye contact much less talk to me. I was getting a movie at redox. She comes out, sees me, walks right back into the store rather than even acknowledge me. She is dating the guy who went to the diner with her. Or I assume she is. The last group events I've seen her at they've arrived together. So everything should be copacetic? I'm dating someone, she is as well, I don't hate her, but she hates me.

I spent a lot of time with her that night, but I didn't feel strongly attracted even though she's pretty, sweet, definitely not a party girl. But now I kinda regret it and I can't really explain why. The only explanation that makes sense is that I want to have my cake and eat it too. Date several girls simultaneously. This is a situation where that would be frowned upon. I re-signed myself to her dating someone else. I'm polite and kind to her, without trying to "hit on her." But she won't even look in my direction.

This wouldn't bother me except I see her so often, once a week sometimes more, during social events that can go on for hours. I would like to believe I can go to these events and others without this weird tension. Is that possible? She doesn't want to feel like I'm stringing her along, I can understand that, but it feels 'hostile' now.

 

[backseatjuan]

Such an unreasonable girl. Generally when someone hates you, by pursuing them they hate you more, ignoring works the opposite, it's not even neutral. She probably sees your contact with her as your attempt to get her ass because deep down in her mind she fantasizes being fvcked by you.

 

[steelpulse]

She's behaving in a passive aggressive kind of a way.

On the one hand, she seems to be taking kind of an extreme stance by totally ignoring me, even though we're going to the same social events. She doesn't rsvp, I always do on Facebook so she definitely knows when and where I'm going to be. But she just shows up unannounced. If she really didn't want to deal with me, she'd just hang with her guy friend and avoid any possible interaction with me. Unless she wants to keep the spark going.

Once she showed up, I made quick plans to bounce, taking a few people with me. I won't say I pestered them, but I will say I was not eager to stay. Lo and behold, she showed up 10 minutes later to the after-spot. She avoided late night clubbing last time (I thought she didn't like those types of places?) and I bailed as quickly as I could without making it too obvious I didn't want to be around her. So she and another girl who has a crush on me both show up to this place? Even if she was invited, she could've declined so she could hang out with her male friend. Admittedly, he is not good looking or a high status guy.

So yeah I checked out her social media and this guy is clearly a guy-friend/orbiter that she's dragging around to buy her drinks and drive her home. She comes across as a sweet traditional girl but she's anything but. She's also talking marriage on social media, but strictly for financial reasons. So she's looking for a provider and possibly someone to fleece. No love and romance talk. Pure hustler. Man, appearances can deceive. She's coming across as a weird, desperate, manipulative loser. No wonder she comes across as "shy" and "quiet" in person. If you knew what she was really thinking she would repulse you so at least she's smart enough not to talk too much.

Why do these women have such loose lips on social media posts broadcast to the world yet in person they try to act all sweet and innocent and secretive?

So yeah she's basically frontin' like she's got a man, but he's just a puppy dog following her around paying for drinks and free uber.

 

[backseatjuan]

Maybe someone else will give you good advice. I just read two paragrafs. That woman is a femenist rules girl. She wants you to submit and it gets you nowhere. Properly fvck off.

 

[sosousage]

You should marry her and let her move in and not work while u pay rent.

Wome deserve better IMO

Where are all the good guys? You want sex but without paying? Meh

 

[backseatjuan]

You should marry her and let her move in and not work while u pay rent.

Wome deserve better IMO

Where are all the good guys? You want sex but without paying? Meh

What are u drinking dude? My poison is beer.

 

[Spaz]

This story doesn't add up.

Somethings off.

 

[RangerMIke]

It is better if a chick hates you than thinks nothing of you. If she hates you, then at some level she cares.

 

[steelpulse]

It is better if a chick hates you than thinks nothing of you. If she hates you, then at some level she cares.

To summarize for others:

1. she over-reacted severely, becoming extremely emotionally invested very early before even a date

2. what I construed as a decision to continue the night with dancing, she construed as a personal rejection

3. she has a strong crush on me

4. she is still trying to attract my attention by showing up repeatedly to social events and places I go to (which she does unannounced to cover her tracks)

5. she doesn't have a boyfriend and is not in a relationship with anyone

6. she has at least 1 orbiter

7. she has a ton of baggage, personal/emotional

8. she is very shy in person, extremely opinionated online, almost a dual personality

Overall, she is much more strange and unstable than I would ever have thought based upon the few short conversations we've had.

 

[jnMissouri]

I'm curious, if you are not interested in her, why does this matter to you? Or is it because she has now pulled away that you are actually becoming interested in her?

 

[steelpulse]

I'm curious, if you are not interested in her, why does this matter to you? Or is it because she has now pulled away that you are actually becoming interested in her?

That's exactly what I was wondering myself, which is part of why I started the thread, and didn't have a great answer for it. I still don't.

The best answer I can give right now is that she is an attractive girl, and she has that sweet, demure, "loyal" demeanor that I value. However, I didn't feel like we 'clicked' on an emotional level the way that I had hoped. So I felt conflicted about bailing on her. As soon as I disinvited myself, I immediately regretted it.

I feel this physical attraction but not much of a personal attraction so I feel conflicted.

 

[jnMissouri]

That's exactly what I was wondering myself, which is part of why I started the thread, and didn't have a great answer for it. I still don't.

The best answer I can give right now is that she is an attractive girl, and she has that sweet, demure, "loyal" demeanor that I value. However, I didn't feel like we 'clicked' on an emotional level the way that I had hoped. So I felt conflicted about bailing on her. As soon as I disinvited myself, I immediately regretted it.

I feel this physical attraction but not much of a personal attraction so I feel conflicted.

I think you want her now because she is showing signs of disinterest/awkwardness now. That's all. I went through this recently. I wasn't interested in the girl at work. I got caught up in the fact that she was pursuing me, she texted me her number out of the blue, would stop by to talk to me if I didn't text her (she got my number from a mutual colleague friend). She was attractive, but had small boobs, etc. Other negative qualities I started to ignore. She hooked me with attention and flirting at first. Then became a little unavailable, but always giving me enough to let me know she was still interested, likely in the hopes of me pursuing her. The more unavailable she became, the more I wanted her. It didn't matter that I was dating other women, sleeping with them, etc. All I thought about was her.

I think you are going through something similar now. Don't do it. Trust me, don't do it....

 

[steelpulse]

I don't think she is stringing me along, but I wouldn't doubt that she is plotting her revenge. She is extremely angry at this 'rejection' and there will be no forgiveness.

 

[jnMissouri]

I don't think she is stringing me along, but I wouldn't doubt that she is plotting her revenge. She is extremely angry at this 'rejection' and there will be no forgiveness.

I guarantee you that as soon as you come after her again she will reject you. I went through this with a girl recently. She had a HI but I made one mistake and put her off by trying to make her jealous. When I went after her again, she friended me with the quickness. I suspect she felt hurt and had her guard up after I tried to make her jealous and that's why she suddenly went cold because before that she was into me, even agreeing to cook me dinner at her place. The only thing that I did between when she agreed to cook me dinner and when she rejected me was when I tried to make her jealous to up her interest.

 

[steelpulse]

She can't really "reject" me at this point. It would just come across as her being bitter. She knows where she stands. Any overt hostility on her part would make her look immature and silly. She's stuck between two options: ignoring me completely or being civil. Any display of anger will just make her look like a crazy woman.

 

[jnMissouri]

She can't really "reject" me at this point. It would just come across as her being bitter. She knows where she stands. Any overt hostility on her part would make her look immature and silly. She's stuck between two options: ignoring me completely or being civil. Any display of anger will just make her look like a crazy woman.

She can if you go after her.

 

[DumbSS]

Ignore your little boy mentality of wanting what you ‘cant’ have. If you let this chick into your life it’s gonna be messy. That awkward/demure/loyal bit sounds like code for stage 5 clinger, who is exhibiting stalker behaviour. Lmfao I never thought anyone could be dumb enough to find that intriguing. Your gut guided you well that initial night when you bailed on her. Please dude, grow up.

 

[steelpulse]

This reminds me of a chick who was stalking me for at least a year. She would go to every club and bar downtown until she found me. Initially she tried talking to me over and over but I ignored her 100. So she resorted to trying to kiss random guys in front of me. It just reeks of severely low self esteem. The more I ignore them the more obsessed they become. This one's almost impossible to avoid because we frequent the same circles.

 

[DumbSS]

This reminds me of a chick who was stalking me for at least a year. She would go to every club and bar downtown until she found me. Initially she tried talking to me over and over but I ignored her 100. So she resorted to trying to kiss random guys in front of me. It just reeks of severely low self esteem. The more I ignore them the more obsessed they become. This one's almost impossible to avoid because we frequent the same circles.

Try Super rejecting her. A keyed car is better than a severed p*nis, y’feel? If you super reject her, her pride will be too hurt to be around you.

 

[steelpulse]

Based on skimpy info and interaction I had hoped this one would be more or less normal. Maybe even nicer than average. Instead, she's just as crazy as every other woman I've met. She has the same creepy predator mentality as all the other women I've met which is to create a pool of orbiters and to exploit them ruthlessly, leading them on making them look pathetic in the process. I'm even seeing really fat girls string normal looking guys on. It's hard to believe. I've seen this happen several times in the past few months and it's still surreal.

This is the new normal, guys: an emotionally unstable female with multiple mental disorders, who spills her guts on social media but has enormous difficulty connecting IRL, hates and exploits men in general, can't even relate to other females even because they're all crazy, then complains that even though she is so awesome and beautiful, she still can't find a "good man."

It's becoming super difficult to avoid cynicism even though when I see similar comments about other women from other men I tend to kinda want to laugh at them. Not out of a sense of cruelty or superiority but because it's just genuinely funny and bizarre.