Sorry for the novel, but I need to get this out. Hopefully someone reads it.
I used to post here about 4 years ago until I got wrapped up in a toxic relationship that dragged on for entirely too long. She was crazy and I was a *****, no need to go into details but I couldn't get rid of her until a few months ago when she finally met someone she's happy with and we're on good terms.
A little info about me - I just turned 25. graduated from school and d1cked around for a couple years, then finally found a big boy job about a year ago. Unfortunately I had to move back home a couple years ago and I am just now getting to the point where I am starting to look for a place of my own.
I work out a lot and I think I'm a solid 8-8.5 on the looks scale, but I've only banged 6 girls. Lost my v-card to my first GF at 21. I was bullied a lot in my early high school years - I took it like a pvssy and became a recluse which really stunted my social growth. I had really low self esteem and I could never really connect with people (I still have this problem, I have a good amount of friends and people think I am really funny but for some reason I find it hard to connect with new people).
So here I am, a good-looking fit single 25yo man with a decent job and a bright future. But for some reason I can't break down the wall and get rid of my AFC side. Here's my most recent story. Its pathetic and I'm not going to sugar coat it, but I need to get it out.
DISCLAIMER: I know EVERY SINGLE THING I did wrong here, so you dont need to point it out. I fvcked up multiple times..
I met a girl through my younger sister (sis is still in college, this girl just graduated). She lived 3 hours away but we started talking on facebook and hit it off well. I have been single for a year or two and haven't caught feelings for a girl (mostly due to a lack of options since I currently live with my parents) so it was nice to connect with someone. I missed having a girl to talk to who was cute and interested.
We decided to meet up shortly after we started talking, it was a 2 hour drive for me but I was planning on meeting up with friends for the weekend. She stood me up. I said fvck her and "moved on"...for about 5 days until she hit me up and apologized profusely, saying she got nervous and she wanted to make it up to me etc. etc.
I caved in and we decided to meet up a couple weeks later. She got us tickets to carowinds. We had a good time, went out with my friends that night and I railed her out like a champ multiple times when we got back to the hotel.
I'm going to fast forward here - we hung out a few more weekends, it escalated quickly. Discovered that she wasn't GF material but I was in denial bc she was a cute girl who said nice things to me and fvcked me. She has daddy issues (her dad cheats on her mom), she admitted to me that she "blacks out" after drinking too much and basically loses her self control. She wasn't big on PDA when we were out together, she flirted with other guys (including my friends), and she randomly flipped on me a couple times, saying "it would never work out, were too far away". I talked her back into it both times because I'm an AFC.
One thing led to another and it ended about 2 weeks ago. I was starting to get needy bc I felt like she would bail at any minute (funny how that works), and I went out like a complete and total b1tch. I'm miserable. Even knowing that it would have NEVER worked out and she was a ratchet ho at heart, even knowing that I was only attached because she had a pretty face and she said nice things to me and kissed me and fvcked me (like a fvcking animal....seriously half the reason I am so upset is bc this girl was a fvcking freak who loved sex)
So I'm back on the wagon I guess. We're not talking anymore and I am trying to get over the fact that she went from having an extremely high IL to thinking im an annoying pvssy (this in particularly really really bothers me). I went 2 years without having feelings for a girl...i let her carve a little hole in me and she filled it, and now I feel like sh1t now that the hole's empty.
Should have seen it coming - I knew that my lack of options and the dry spell I was going through would lead to me getting hooked on the first girl to come by, but I went headfirst into the sh1tstorm and now I'm out.
SO...........
I want to get my sh1t together. I want to date multiple women and actually CHOOSE the girl I date instead of taking whatever falls into my lap and trying to mold it into a girlfriend.
Strengths:
- Good looking, in shape, funny, bright future
- When I know a girl wants me, I can seal the deal.
- I have mad text game
Weaknesses:
- Hard for me to CREATE attraction
- Serious approach anxiety
- Not good at small talk
- Have trouble connecting with new people, I ignore strangers and don't form new relationships well
I dont know why I am posting all this - I guess it helps to get it out. I'm still trying to get this last girl out of my head but its hard in my boring day to day life. Going out this weekend and I'm as motivated as ever. My goal is to approach approach approach, and get rid of the anxiety I have.
Any tips you guys have would be much appreciated. I've read everything but I want to actually DO something about it instead of filling my head with things and never incorporating them into my life.
Novel's over. Add what you will, but maybe i'll just use this as a journal.
I used to post here about 4 years ago until I got wrapped up in a toxic relationship that dragged on for entirely too long. She was crazy and I was a *****, no need to go into details but I couldn't get rid of her until a few months ago when she finally met someone she's happy with and we're on good terms.
A little info about me - I just turned 25. graduated from school and d1cked around for a couple years, then finally found a big boy job about a year ago. Unfortunately I had to move back home a couple years ago and I am just now getting to the point where I am starting to look for a place of my own.
I work out a lot and I think I'm a solid 8-8.5 on the looks scale, but I've only banged 6 girls. Lost my v-card to my first GF at 21. I was bullied a lot in my early high school years - I took it like a pvssy and became a recluse which really stunted my social growth. I had really low self esteem and I could never really connect with people (I still have this problem, I have a good amount of friends and people think I am really funny but for some reason I find it hard to connect with new people).
So here I am, a good-looking fit single 25yo man with a decent job and a bright future. But for some reason I can't break down the wall and get rid of my AFC side. Here's my most recent story. Its pathetic and I'm not going to sugar coat it, but I need to get it out.
DISCLAIMER: I know EVERY SINGLE THING I did wrong here, so you dont need to point it out. I fvcked up multiple times..
I met a girl through my younger sister (sis is still in college, this girl just graduated). She lived 3 hours away but we started talking on facebook and hit it off well. I have been single for a year or two and haven't caught feelings for a girl (mostly due to a lack of options since I currently live with my parents) so it was nice to connect with someone. I missed having a girl to talk to who was cute and interested.
We decided to meet up shortly after we started talking, it was a 2 hour drive for me but I was planning on meeting up with friends for the weekend. She stood me up. I said fvck her and "moved on"...for about 5 days until she hit me up and apologized profusely, saying she got nervous and she wanted to make it up to me etc. etc.
I caved in and we decided to meet up a couple weeks later. She got us tickets to carowinds. We had a good time, went out with my friends that night and I railed her out like a champ multiple times when we got back to the hotel.
I'm going to fast forward here - we hung out a few more weekends, it escalated quickly. Discovered that she wasn't GF material but I was in denial bc she was a cute girl who said nice things to me and fvcked me. She has daddy issues (her dad cheats on her mom), she admitted to me that she "blacks out" after drinking too much and basically loses her self control. She wasn't big on PDA when we were out together, she flirted with other guys (including my friends), and she randomly flipped on me a couple times, saying "it would never work out, were too far away". I talked her back into it both times because I'm an AFC.
One thing led to another and it ended about 2 weeks ago. I was starting to get needy bc I felt like she would bail at any minute (funny how that works), and I went out like a complete and total b1tch. I'm miserable. Even knowing that it would have NEVER worked out and she was a ratchet ho at heart, even knowing that I was only attached because she had a pretty face and she said nice things to me and kissed me and fvcked me (like a fvcking animal....seriously half the reason I am so upset is bc this girl was a fvcking freak who loved sex)
So I'm back on the wagon I guess. We're not talking anymore and I am trying to get over the fact that she went from having an extremely high IL to thinking im an annoying pvssy (this in particularly really really bothers me). I went 2 years without having feelings for a girl...i let her carve a little hole in me and she filled it, and now I feel like sh1t now that the hole's empty.
Should have seen it coming - I knew that my lack of options and the dry spell I was going through would lead to me getting hooked on the first girl to come by, but I went headfirst into the sh1tstorm and now I'm out.
SO...........
I want to get my sh1t together. I want to date multiple women and actually CHOOSE the girl I date instead of taking whatever falls into my lap and trying to mold it into a girlfriend.
Strengths:
- Good looking, in shape, funny, bright future
- When I know a girl wants me, I can seal the deal.
- I have mad text game
Weaknesses:
- Hard for me to CREATE attraction
- Serious approach anxiety
- Not good at small talk
- Have trouble connecting with new people, I ignore strangers and don't form new relationships well
I dont know why I am posting all this - I guess it helps to get it out. I'm still trying to get this last girl out of my head but its hard in my boring day to day life. Going out this weekend and I'm as motivated as ever. My goal is to approach approach approach, and get rid of the anxiety I have.
Any tips you guys have would be much appreciated. I've read everything but I want to actually DO something about it instead of filling my head with things and never incorporating them into my life.
Novel's over. Add what you will, but maybe i'll just use this as a journal.
