i set up date, she seems excited, agrees a time, now flakes, not worth replying?

[Confused]

ok, i picked up this chick in a cafe last sunday, i spoke to her about 2 weeks before that in the same cafe but only briefly.

i go to set up the date on wednesday for that evening for us to get ice cream and go to the local park by text (i tried calling 1st no answer), she says she cant do it cos shes busy that day and asks if we can do it sometime later in the week.

now i was wary about what i was going to say next, i said i was busy yesterday and offered friday during the day cos i was free and if the weather was still good we'd go to the park but if not we'd do something else. i offered 2pm today she agreed it all seemed good.

anyway she flakes, 'hey, im really sorry but i dont think i'll be able to make today - am a bit pushed for time! have a great weekend tho'

her background: she's looking for a job right now (dont know when she got laid off) late 20's just broke up with her bf so might be quite fragile (i was looking for rebound sex anyway).

the fact she didn't even offer me another time suggests i shouldn't even reply to her or should i?

 

[WhitePimp]

anyway she flakes, 'hey, im really sorry but i dont think i'll be able to make today - am a bit pushed for time! have a great weekend tho'

She's not interested...don't reply, delete her number, etc. NEXT

 

[Confused]

She's not interested...don't reply, delete her number, etc. NEXT

yeah that's what i thought, her original text of 'hey sounds like a plan but im busy today! how about later sometime in the week?' was a relatively decent counter offer guaging interest, although she'd offer me a specific day if she was really that interested.

i may have made mistake of offering a date for that very day but the weather is unpredictable here and i was set on ice cream in the park.

there could be any number of reason why in space of 2 days she seemingly lost interest, got back with her bf, met someone else, curious why i wasn't working today.. silly reasons to make her not feel it.

am i right in thinking she never really was interested at all and just wanted the attention?

i dont know really why she originally said to me 'how about sometime later in the week?' was this just to test to see if i'd chase some more?

i'm nexting her but this happens quite frequently, i feel my interactions with these women seems to plunder their interest when i go to set up the date (i rather do it on the phone but they dont answer, so i have to do it by text)

 

[WhitePimp]

I wouldn't try to analyze her behavior too much. I've had girls make out with me on one date, then 2 days later they're ice cold and never want to talk to me again. It hurts the ego briefly but then you realize they all do this sh!t and the trick is to honestly just not care. Nonchalance seeps through your interactions and makes it easier to hook up with these girls in the end.

If it's happening frequently/every time, start looking at your approach and do an honest critique. You may be communicating some weakness or AFCness that you're unaware of.

 

[Confused]

I wouldn't try to analyze her behavior too much. I've had girls make out with me on one date, then 2 days later they're ice cold and never want to talk to me again. It hurts the ego briefly but then you realize they all do this sh!t and the trick is to honestly just not care. Nonchalance seeps through your interactions and makes it easier to hook up with these girls in the end.

If it's happening frequently/every time, start looking at your approach and do an honest critique. You may be communicating some weakness or AFCness that you're unaware of.

yeah i'm fully aware i must be coming across as too much of a nice guy, i think it's cos im dong day approachs in a middle of a starbucks or other coffee chain (as oppose at night when the girls know you're tryna pick her up) where the seating spaces are quite close together that everyone in a 5 mile radius can hear everything u say that i dont want it to seem soo so obvious im tryna pick her up cos that makes me feel unsettled the looks you get.

its interesting tho how girls seems to blank out everything around them when you're paying attention to them, like they're not worried about what they say or who hears. i need to be a bit more bold, cos i usually open with an indirect opener but i need to compliment her briefly straight after so she knows this is a pick up and not me tryna be friends.

anyway, off to another cafe now to do some more pick up as oppose to being on a date.

should i tone it down more for a cafe day time pick up? as in less c+f, negs etc?

 

[Jay Dee]

Try something else. Next time first send a text saying this is your number and to store it, and that you'll call when you can. Give it a few days and call - if they don't answer, don't leave a message, call again in a few more days - if still no answer, delete.

 

[Confused]

i think her initial refusal and semi counter offer was a test of what i would subcommunicate next, which means she prob had medium interest at the time at best.

then when push came to shove. she cancels cos she doesn't feel it. i'll try something different now instead, time to sarge and stop worrying about this flake.

 

[Confused]

By the way, if the girl is only semi interested and she refuses your offer but semi counter offers like in this case, is she initially testing u to see if u can raise her interest? I've had this same situation happen many times when she says 'can we do it sometime later in the week?' What should I respond with? I always say yeah sure and offer another time. If I tell her to offer me a time it puts the ball in her court and she'll 'let me know' and usually doesn't.

 

[jophil28]

By the way, if the girl is only semi interested and she refuses your offer but semi counter offers like in this case, is she initially testing u to see if u can raise her interest? I've had this same situation happen many times when she says 'can we do it sometime later in the week?' What should I respond with? I always say yeah sure and offer another time. If I tell her to offer me a time it puts the ball in her court and she'll 'let me know' and usually doesn't.

There is no "test" in her response. The problem is that you are not building enough rapport .
A woman's Interest Level increases SLOWLY (unlike men's ) . Imagine one of those ole fashioned radio volume knobs. IT is your job to slowly turn up the volume with witty remarks, C and F, pull/pullk, intrigue and mystery.

 

[Kailex]

By the way, if the girl is only semi interested and she refuses your offer but semi counter offers like in this case, is she initially testing u to see if u can raise her interest? I've had this same situation happen many times when she says 'can we do it sometime later in the week?' What should I respond with? I always say yeah sure and offer another time. If I tell her to offer me a time it puts the ball in her court and she'll 'let me know' and usually doesn't.

To further upon Jophil's point...
When she says: Can we do it sometime later in the week...

It usually means: I really don't plan on going out with you.

Because it's a WEAK counter-offer. She didn't give you a set time and date, she just said SOME TIME, which is definitely vague and definitely a sign of her trying to put you down nicely.

If someone gives me that counter offer, it's definitely strike one, to which I respond that I'll get back to her when I know if some day in my busy schedule might possibly clear up.

If you offer another time right off the bat, you are demonstrating to be too available and can come off as needy and desperate. I can only tell you about the nature of the approach but what also can be affecting the situation is how you relay that message of rescheduling.

 

[Sandow]

I agree with all these posts. One thing I'll add. I never arrange or plan dates too far ahead. In my experience, I have always found the liklihood of her flaking is very high. Not exactly sure the exact reasons for this, but my thoughts are that planning a date 3,4,or 5 days from now is way too predictable and boring. Regardless of how the initial interaction went when you first meet, she'll most likely find a reason to do something else.

So instead, my rule of thumb is. I never plan a date more than 2 days ahead. In fact, it's either the day of or the next day. By doing this you give her less time to second guess or have doubts, it's exciting, and definitely not boring or predictable.

Some of you guys probably already know this, but wanted to share what works for me.

 

[f283000]

OP check out the 2 Strikes Rule

You should always ask a girl for her schedule to make date arrangements easier. It's as simple as asking her "what are your days off from work?" Once you get this information you can make better decisions if she decides to flake/ask her out again.

I would say give her another chance as the 2 strike rules says, but I think we all know where this is going to end.

 

[omega05]

Do NOT just next it. People give up so easily on here. Try at least one more time

 

[HalfAddict]

^ Dumb.

She flaked, if she wanted to go she would have.

NEXT.

 

[omega05]

^ Dumb.

She flaked, if she wanted to go she would have.

NEXT.

At the end of the day Confused is gonna do what Confused wants to do. Is Confused gonna try one more time or next it?

 

[Tinsil]

Jesus you guys make me want to go gay.

 

[Confused]

Yeah I agree with everything u said, in future when I get a weak counter offer I'll do that, thanks for the heads up. Should I not bother after that when I do what u said of telling her I'll let her know when I possibly have time in my busy schedule? As in not actually let her know and wait to see if she gets back to me?

To further upon Jophil's point...
When she says: Can we do it sometime later in the week...

It usually means: I really don't plan on going out with you.

Because it's a WEAK counter-offer. She didn't give you a set time and date, she just said SOME TIME, which is definitely vague and definitely a sign of her trying to put you down nicely.

If someone gives me that counter offer, it's definitely strike one, to which I respond that I'll get back to her when I know if some day in my busy schedule might possibly clear up.

If you offer another time right off the bat, you are demonstrating to be too available and can come off as needy and desperate. I can only tell you about the nature of the approach but what also can be affecting the situation is how you relay that message of rescheduling.

 

[Tinsil]

Well Im not the best at actually giving advice...

But it depends how many prospects you have I think... If she gives you a weak counter offer and you have plenty of girls around then I'd just move on, but if she's a cool chick and you know it.. Ask one more time. Can't really hurt can it?

 

[Tesl]

^ Dumb.

She flaked, if she wanted to go she would have.

NEXT.

I don't think trying once more is too dumb. People really do give up too easily on here (well, or at least give that advice. I think most guys on here can't follow their own advice)

This one probably isn't going anywhere. As long as you know that and have no expectations, I don't see a problem with trying to call her one more time later in the week and see what she says.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Before throughout history, women were servants. Now, they all want to be served. Such short-sightedness. They think they've got options. The TV tells them so. EVERYBODY tells them so from kindergarten on up. Little do they realize, once they hit 27-28, they're virtually out of the market, and worthless if they are not married. How they are about to survive on their own befuddles me. Credit cards (bf's)? Debt? Prostitution? Hand-out jobs for doing virtually nothing to benefit the company?

At 34 I don't hardly get as horny as I used to, so I can see now, I can say these things with a clear uncorrupted mind.