I seem to attract mostly broken women

[El Payaso]

Looking back at many of the women I've dated in the past. They all seem to come from broken homes. Absentee fathers or mothers. Two of them had a convicted felon for a father. Another one had an absentee mother who was a druggie and ended up in a psych ward. Just to name a few.

I come from a perfectly normal family. Parents are still together yet I've never dated a girl from a normal family or that had parents who were still together.

Just something that crossed my mind.

 

[Desdinova]

Divorce is common, so you're probably just getting the luck of the draw. A lot of women who've come from families where their parents are still together aren't necessarily better either. Some of the biggest wh0res I've dated were from decent families that were intact.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Let's say both you and your partners are still playing out the Disney White-Knight, Damsel-in-Distress scenario. At least on a subconscious level.

I used to be very much the same. I used to approach relationships thinking that part of my role was to fix this person, or somehow save them from their own past. Two examples:

EX-GF1: very wealthy background, alcoholic father who rote off a car when drunk with his two kids in the back; mother abandoned EX-GF1 aged 10 with father taking younger sibling to Europe. Subsequently over-accomodating parents as an adult.

EX-GF2: anorexic; self diagnosed dietary problems; former drug and alcohol problems. Estranged parents. Self-involved father. Mother remarried maths teacher and didn't tell the kids until 6 months afterward.

EX-GF3: sexually abused by grandfather as a child.

These were two most extreme examples. Most will have some relative baggage, but until you lose the mentality of having to be the 'saviour' - there must be something about your vibe that gives this energy off - you will continue to play that role, rather than that of lover, BF, whatever.

Since I started letting go of this persona, the girls I have attracted do still have their issues, even similar or worse issues to the previous girls, the girls I meet generally are more stable and more content. Or maybe it's just that I'm paying less attention to needy behaviours. But it's definitely something we attract from our mindset, like everything else, whether we realise it or not.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Man sometimes I don't even think what I would consider a normal woman exists. Every girl I meet is capable of basically fabricating reality to further some kind of personal agenda she has. Women that are generally not accountable for their actions due to some major immaturity. I'm starting to lose faith over here, to me a relationship is to take care of a sexy retard I can fuuck that is dependent on me for anything more complicated than making toast.

I know there are different women out there, I just haven't met any... Right? There's normal girls that can take care of themselves?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I notice the same myself. But then I remember that no woman is normal, and all is well in the world after that.

 

[wifehunter]

We're all broken in some way. This world is far from being perfect.

 

[dude99]

All women are broken. All women have baggage. You just have to ask yourself, is she part of the cargo? Or is she part of the crew?

If she expects you to carry all baggage then put her at the curb

 

[playa99]

The long held sosuave logic has been:

'If she doesn't come from a stable, two parent loving family then she ain't for you bro'

Whilst I agree with this on some level, it really comes down to the personal dynamics at play and the person themselves.

By all accounts I should be avoided, my mum died when I was young and I had my fair share of problems in my formative years. The flip side is that I've made something of myself now!

You've got to look for red flags regardless of the familial situation. A woman can come from a family that appears stable, but in reality isn't.

My ex didn't tell her parents we were dating for 3 months, RED FLAG.

I could go on and on, but my main point is.... Dig deeper!

 

[SgtSplacker]

Work and the burden of responsibility keeps people in line. Real responsibility not just having a job to do. But the burden of ultimate failure falling on your shoulders that nobody can take away. That type of no matter what it's your fault and failure responsibility is what women are mostly lacking. To them it's all about "but I'm just a girl" "single mother trying to make it" crap that keeps them in fantasy land.

It sucks.

I remember when I was coming to terms with this in one of my first jobs. Had an ahole boss that got tired of me asking how to do everything. He didn't let me ask anyone for help, I took the hint and started trying harder, using more common sense. Stopped looking for help or pity and started taking authority in things. Never looked back after those days.

These lessons are the ones that change you as a person permanently.

Women never learn these because the world is constantly telling women it's ok to get help. Don't worry it's not your fault. We have a program to help you.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

To OP. Maybe that is what you think you deserve. Work on your self-esteem and screening.

Probability also plays a part. There are a lot of screwed-up people out there.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Divorce is common, so you're probably just getting the luck of the draw. A lot of women who've come from families where their parents are still together aren't necessarily better either. Some of the biggest wh0res I've dated were from decent families that were intact.

Agreed 100%, I've meet so many that came from decent family life, parents still together but they were strict and or religious parents so they went crazy in their youth.

The funniest 1 of them ended up selling meth and went to prison for 2-3yrs. She turned her life around before I met her but she didn't tell me until she "thought" she had me hooked.

 

[Desdinova]

The long held sosuave logic has been:

'If she doesn't come from a stable, two parent loving family then she ain't for you bro'

Whilst I agree with this on some level, it really comes down to the personal dynamics at play and the person themselves.

That may be true, but I've never dated a woman who came from a single parent household that I would call "quality". Although the ones from two parent homes weren't quality either, they were certainly better.

 

[om1xr]

faulty screening in a nutshell but most guys don't have enough experiences to build that skill to the point of weeding out all the traits and flags that you don't like or want in your plate/girlfriend/partner.

the girls you get involved with have low self esteem and self-destructive nature and addictive inclinations! been there, done that. what you should consider is to let her tell you on the first encounters covertly of course about why her last relationships ended and the kind of guys she gets involved with (exs),examples: abusive ex, drug addict ex, lazy ass ex; she is not that innocent or victim that she got into those kind of relationships and she kept tolerating these fvcked up situations for months or years; that's the kind of guys she truly wants and attract either consciously but mostly subconsciously and she will keep doing that. and if you aren't that type and there is a big chance that you may be she will create the circumstances to get that abusive and destructive side in you even if it isn't in you and I guess you had a lot of wtf moments or what i'm becoming while engaging with those kind of women.

solution is pretty simple:
know what you want and if you have the skills and abilities to get it.
screen well.
don't hesitate to ghost the girls who show red flags that you don't like (low self esteem, addictions, abusive exs...etc)

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

This is the logic for men with very minor depression and codependency issues to rationalize dating strippers and violent psycho chicks

I respectfully disagree. If you have this mindset, you have rejection issues from your previous experience.

The main problem we face is social conditions, not men or women as species per se.

To many men on this site are hating on women too often.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Cool thread, here at my 2 cents.

You will naturally attract a specific kind of girl, based on your personality and signaling. Bitchy cold women get all wet over me because I signal aloofness and rudeness, like, I notice how these types are always checking me out and they are on from minute one. I don't like that personality, though. Artsy girls get to like me after some talk because I play the teacher role with them, as I share common interests and I know how to give a ohsowisespiritualguy vibe that they like for whatever reason. For the rest of types of women I have to work way harder.

Just the way it is, I exploit this with artsy girls because I like them, I just ignore the bitchy ones. So do the same, exploit the tools you naturally have at your disposal, work to master the rest of the game arsenal.

 

[devilkingx2]

Looking back at many of the women I've dated in the past. They all seem to come from broken homes. Absentee fathers or mothers. Two of them had a convicted felon for a father. Another one had an absentee mother who was a druggie and ended up in a psych ward. Just to name a few.

I come from a perfectly normal family. Parents are still together yet I've never dated a girl from a normal family or that had parents who were still together.

Just something that crossed my mind.

hmmm it probably has to do with some quality found in women from broken homes that either you're good at attracting or attracted to.

so like, if you're like 40 and like to date 20 year olds, you'll likely end up dating a lot of girls with daddy issues, which would explain why you've found lots of them to have had ****ty parents (you'd also probably run into a lot of gold diggers like that, but idk what causes that lol)

if you like to date or frequently attract women with particularly low self-esteem(there are many ways that low self-esteem manifests, and a few of them could have desirable qualities with all the negative ones), broken homes can cause that

if you like to date women who are very easy or otherwise slvtty, that's another thing a messed up home life could be responsible for

and finally, if you like women who have really dark or hardcore sexual fantasies or fetishes.... you get the picture.

disclaimer: while having a broken home or a messed up childhood could result in any or all of those things, that's not the ONLY way a woman could have those qualities and those aren't the only qualities that a broken home could cause (those are just the only ones i could think of that a guy might enjoy)

 

[sazc]

Looking back at many of the women I've dated in the past. They all seem to come from broken homes. Absentee fathers or mothers. Two of them had a convicted felon for a father. Another one had an absentee mother who was a druggie and ended up in a psych ward. Just to name a few.

I come from a perfectly normal family. Parents are still together yet I've never dated a girl from a normal family or that had parents who were still together.

Just something that crossed my mind.

If you want to movve on from this you need to reset your boundaries HARD. The chicks you describe are great for plates. They are casual. they are not potential LTR material. Refuse to consider anyone for a serious mate that has the same backstory that you are used to seeing. Once you tell the universe 'no more, I have no more time for this' you will see the quality of chick increase.

 

[resilient]

El Payaso,

I wrote a thread last month when I was thinking about the kinds of women I normally attract that I think may apply to you.

"You stop attracting certain people, when you heal the part of you that once needed them"

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....tive-quote-on-attraction.236587/#post-2370293

I think us guys often date the people that mirror us to a certain extent, interpersonally. Maybe it's maturity, physical fitness, emotional intelligence, spiritual, socioeconomic background or other factors. I also believe we tend to date people +/- a point or two in how we rank in SMV.

I wouldn't ruminate whether or not the women you date came from an intact family or not, just focus on the way she treats you.

Ask yourself if she respects you, has decent to high interest level invested in you and is emotionally stable. If she doesn't fit any of criteria, you're free to walk.

 

[Desdinova]

you'd also probably run into a lot of gold diggers like that, but idk what causes that

It's caused by AFCs who work hard at impressing women by buying them things. It can also be rooted in their childhood by adults who cannot say no to a 'cute little girl'. They simply get used to being spoiled, and make it a normal part of their lives.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is the logic for men with very minor depression and codependency issues to rationalize dating strippers and violent psycho chicks

Dating dating strippers and violent psycho chicks would CAUSE or DEEPEN a depression.