I screwed up, help regain dignity...

[cykeson]

Crap Crap Crap!

I made a mistake... After initiating NC, and supposedly "next"ing this girl.. I relapse. I got all AFC and initiated contact again. We're working on a project together, so we do meet up every fortnightly.. Just so happened she was involved in an accident and had a bad week. I gave in and grew soft then, i brought her for lunch and cheered her up.

A dumb mistake! Now she's thinking i'm totally into her again, and starts to treat me like crap again. Disrespected and ignored, i end up being the loser big time. Guess I've really made a fool of myself.

How do i regain back my dignity?

 

[Tesl]

Right back to NC, of course.

 

[Ease]

Buying lunch for a girl and cheering her up isnt always 'AFC', its a 'nice' thing. When you buy her lunch it should be understood that its a special occasion gesture, and she makes a show of appreciating it. Then its fine. Being too tight on rules and trying to avoid AFC'ness can ruin your own mindset, its best to relax and take it slow.

Its good to mix up some niceness with the usual badboy attitude. Obviously once every 2 years at most.

As for your story, i think its more of an issue of a disrespectful and unnapreciative slut who has an overactive ego. Best to knock her down with some backhanded gestures. Arrive late for your next meeting or pretend you dont recognise her number next time she phones/texts you and ask who it is. Make sure she buys you lunch also, she owes you bigtime for your favour.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

^^agree with ease.

Acting like you dont have her number works wonders. Just be completely indifferent of her.

You need to adopt the "next her" attitude again and see what happens. Its your only chance

 

[DonGorgon]

its too late move on..

 

[cykeson]

Thanks for the response. But the idea here isn't so much to get her back or even to be with her again. She already disrespected me, played me for a fool and tagged me as "within her grasp" (loser).

I just want to regain back my dignity and status. Not for any reason, but i owe it to myself. For my own self-respect and person as a whole. I can't let her abuse me this way anymore, mistreating and showing me lack of respect... though she's higher ranked than me in the work place. I think poster Ease here is somewhat where i'm thinking.

 

[cykeson]

Bump, because i'm still at a loss.

Not sure if it's a good idea, but we used to call each other own names at work. But now, i feel like wanting to draw a line and just addressing her as "Ms.LLL"

 

[Kailex]

cykeson, you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

The only thing you are guilty of... is being human.
She had an accident, you made a nice gesture... and that's that. She works with you, so there is no NC, you just have limited contact, and make it directly related to work.

If you did something nice to her because she had an accident... fine, but let HER be the one who reads in too much about what you did and overthink it.

You just did her a small favor and that should be nothing to worry about.

If she treats you like crap because you got her lunch, then she's an ungrateful biotch and you've learned your lesson.

You don't need to regain integrity or pride or anything else... you're fine.

 

[sharkbeat]

You are thinking too much about her. At this point, the only thing that should be in your mind is YOU and YOU ALONE. I'd still address her by her name, but act casually and professionally like nothing is going on between you too.

Don't even think that you can get back with her. Do you thing, and be more interesting than you are now, just don't include her in your life.

 

[L B]

For some reason, I had to reread the first post several times before knowing what's going on. Aren't you overthinking this thing? You bought her lunch after she had an accident and bad week. Why don't you think of that as you felt generous and bought her lunch and leave it at that. Why are you wasting your time and effort reading her much over trivia matters?

 

[cykeson]

Sorry guys... i haven't been completely honest with all of you. Here's the deal... After her accident, a fear that she could've died took over me. Post-cheering her up, i guess having some care for her did affect me one way or another.

Last Sunday, i asked her if she'd like to join me for tea, since i was nearby her area for a new church unveiling. She said she had plans. It's cool... As i head back, i really got lost on the road. As she was the only person i know living there, i called her to ask for directions. She didn't pick it up... She didn't even bother to text me or asked if i called just now.

So i was left fuming. Yesterday, when we're on the phone work related, i chose to be direct and serious. Even when she's laughing or giggling at the back, i ignore it and was really serious.

Sadly, (and i do mean this) as much as i am trying to be strong and deny it... I guess a small portion of me still have some feelings for her. Way to go, rite guys? What a piece of sh!t....

 

[drak_ool]

doing everything wrong here buddy!

you have massive one-itis for a girl at your work (did you forget the "don't dip your pen in the company ink" rule?) who is treating you as an emotional tampon, i.e. she uses you when she needs you and discards/ignores you when she doesn't.

No contact is obviously not an option since you work with her. You need something like "Professional Contact Only", where you only relate to her on a professional level. And yes, this means no contact outside of work.

The whole caling her Mrs. so-and-so is just childish. By doing that you are just showing her that she got to you. Just act the way you are now at work, but completely ignore her after. If she confronts you about ignoring her calls/txt, just brush it off with a "i was busy/i had plans" and move on.

the problem here is not the chick, it's you and your feelings for her. Unless you sort that out, brace yourself for more emotional suffering.

 

[cykeson]

I keep falling for this trap, i don't know why? I need to sort this out, but i felt disturbed. Kailex once told me the "withdrawal" syndrome can return and relapse is possible... I didn't know it was so real. Example, i was lunch with a colleague yesterday, there's this gorgeous gal sitting on the table next to me. My colleague has told me "she's checking you out", but for some odd reason i couldn't be bothered. I was just thinking of her... This oneitis is killing me...

Then when i see her flirt with me, i get all mushy. Then i get jealous when she starts to do the same to other guys. Damn it...

Would taking a month off from seeing her help? Or is just that a cowards way out... I'm starting to think because i have to constantly see her, that i am still wallowing in my puddle of mud.

Earlier this month, something new i felt for her... anger. Anger because of the lousy way she's treating me.