I Really Need Advice At Parties

[Brak86]

I am seeing myself improve in all aspects. Ive really started being more outgoing and all. However, i seem to be way out of place at big parties.

I am familiar with most of the kids that go to parties a lot. All of them like me, but im just a guy thats pretty cool. I don't get sought out at parties, and i usually stick to the people that i know well. I hate this, especially because ive read the bible and ahve started to apply my knowledge somewhat on the field.

Actually, im better when i meet a complete stranger than when im at these parties because, since i havent talked to some of these kids in awhile, it seems very awkward for me to just go up and all of a sudden start talking to them. A lot of these kids i've never even talked to, but ive seen them a lot since i go to a lot of parties.


Also, it seems like the people that i have NEVER met before at these parties, but i have seen many times, will be weirded out if i introduce myself to them. I would think that most of these kids got to know each other through friends and such, not by randomly going up and introducing themselves (something which i might have to do).

Lastly, when i do talk to people at parties, i feel like im boring. I know that you should talk about anything. But last night i was talking to this girl about Spain (since im going there soon). But It seemed like she wasnt interested. I always try to listen to other people's conversations at parties but a lot of times they aretalkin just about alcohol or other people (since i dont know a bunch of people, and since i don't drink often its hard for me).

I really need advice. Although i am short (5'7) I think that i am very good-looking like higher than an 8 on a scale. So this isnt a self-confidence issue, or maybe it is. I guess since i think that most girls go for the tall, preppy type, i get a bit afraid. But i want to meet more people and, most of all, be more comfortable at Parties. Any suggestions?

P.S. I know that everyone has their insecurities, but at parties i dont seem to truly realize this. I think that everyone is really cool and all. A lot of these kids know almost everyone, so they talk amongst themselves. I don't know how people would take a random guy (that maybe they've seen a lot but never talked to) coming up to introduce himself.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

its a party people are there ot socialise, put yourself in their shoes if osm eone came up to talk to you that you knew by face but never talked to, would you really care about that, no of course not you would be cool with them.

 

[Brak86]

Originally posted by check_mate_kid_uk
its a party people are there ot socialise, put yourself in their shoes if osm eone came up to talk to you that you knew by face but never talked to, would you really care about that, no of course not you would be cool with them.

yea its just a lot easier to say that. Most kids, since they don't want to be isolated, occupy themselves by talking the whole time with a couple people. I can never seem to find a good time to go over and introduce myself. THe only possibility is to be pretty drunk but i dont want to be like most kids who are insecure and need alcohol. I want to be able to be confident and fearless without the assistance of booze.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

become the life of the party. Throw away your inhibitions and jsut push ahead.... you know this. I know you do. It's just a matter if you are DJ enuff to actually go out and do it, or if you are goin to become AFC and let fear get the best of you

 

[Anomalous]

If i were in your situation and i got thoses advices, then it wouldnt slove anything because those advices were not helpful. Like, be the life of the party, HOW???

Anyways, you said the girl wasn't interested in your conversation about spain, that because YOU were talking about YOURSELF. ASK HER QUESTIONS SO SHE TALKS ABOUT HERSELF.

About the meeting the people you see all the time but you dont know: Go up to him/her with a confused kind of look, and say "you look familiar" or "dont i know you". If they say no then you say, "I think i've seen you before somewhere but i dont know where."

Somthing along those lines. And no afense, but i think my advice is much more helpful, dont you agree (Brak86)

Let us know how it goes.

 

[Brak86]

yea....i dunno i kind of held back junior year. I dont regret it by any means because i took longer than most kids to figure myself out. I think im just more complex than most kids. I'm not trying to sound haughty, maybe what i have isn't a good quality. Anyways, i didnt drink much because of this and i didnt go out on a limb. It's kind of like next year (my senior year of HS) is my last year. Fail or Win. I have to get rid of my worries and any fears.

I hate to make excuses, but this year i was missing one of my four front teeth (because it just never grew). It's quite common actually. But on monday i finally get my tooth. Also, my acne and scars are finally clearing up. I think these factors, coupled with me not truly knowing myself, made me so self-conscious. But i do not want to make excuses. I expect myself to be charming, nice, and a great person by the time i leave for spain (June 30th). And throughout my senior year and throughout life.

 

[Jay-X]

i think your problem is a hard one to solve...

here's what happened to me, last week:


i went to a party and i brought my brother and a couple of friends. these guys are really sociable (as soon as they get to know someone, guy or girl, it's like they have been knowing each other for a long time), but at the party they got really bored.

sometimes, they threw up conversations with other people, but they just couldn't have much fun, so they went to bed at 1:00 am (they even thought about going back home).

on the other end, i had much more fun than them and i ended up in the same bed with 5 ladies. then, about 6 am i moved to another bed, in order to be more comfortable, and another girl followed me. and, although i'm very sociable too and i have no problem striking random conversations, i care about impressions a lot more than them... they are more free-minded and not-givin-a-sh1t, but this doesn't help them at parties or at the club...

i feel you on the height problem (i'm 5'9), but it doesn't matter at parties (my brother is 6'0, the other friends are 6'2 and 6'3...).


the best advice i can give you is, as soon as you know someone new (guy or girl), pretend to having known him for years... give him pats on the shoulders, chat with him, poke fun at him (without insulting TOO MUCH), comment on girls...

also, don't try too hard with girls or you'll come out as desperate

 

[Brak86]

Originally posted by Jay-X
i think your problem is a hard one to solve...

here's what happened to me, last week:


i went to a party and i brought my brother and a couple of friends. these guys are really sociable (as soon as they get to know someone, guy or girl, it's like they have been knowing each other for a long time), but at the party they got really bored.

sometimes, they threw up conversations with other people, but they just couldn't have much fun, so they went to bed at 1:00 am (they even thought about going back home).

on the other end, i had much more fun than them and i ended up in the same bed with 5 ladies. then, about 6 am i moved to another bed, in order to be more comfortable, and another girl followed me. and, although i'm very sociable too and i have no problem striking random conversations, i care about impressions a lot more than them... they are more free-minded and not-givin-a-sh1t, but this doesn't help them at parties or at the club...

i feel you on the height problem (i'm 5'9), but it doesn't matter at parties (my brother is 6'0, the other friends are 6'2 and 6'3...).


the best advice i can give you is, as soon as you know someone new (guy or girl), pretend to having known him for years... give him pats on the shoulders, chat with him, poke fun at him (without insulting TOO MUCH), comment on girls...

also, don't try too hard with girls or you'll come out as desperate

thanks for the advice. Ill try to do this. Yet i have to START to introduce myself to new people. I need to get that down first.

I also, since ive been raised at an all-guy school and since i have 2 brothers and NO sisters, im kind of girl-retarded. I blame most of it on my upbringing . Anyways, my friends always tell me after a party who they flirted with. But i dont really know what i should do. Most of you guys say that men shouldnt flirt but i disagree. At least where i live (in a big city), the girls wont make a move on you, you have to make the move.

 

[Jay-X]

Originally posted by Brak86
thanks for the advice. Ill try to do this. Yet i have to START to introduce myself to new people. I need to get that down first.

I also, since ive been raised at an all-guy school and since i have 2 brothers and NO sisters, im kind of girl-retarded. I blame most of it on my upbringing . Anyways, my friends always tell me after a party who they flirted with. But i dont really know what i should do. Most of you guys say that men shouldnt flirt but i disagree. At least where i live (in a big city), the girls wont make a move on you, you have to make the move.

here's what i usually do, when i'm at a party. i try to get to the party with some funny guys other people don't know. they have to be the confident/funny type of guys that bring up your mood and everyone's.
when i'm in there, i usually go and greet the host, then i say something along the line of "hey, i don't know anybody in here, i'm getting pretty embarassed!" with a smile on my face. then, say "good morning", "hello", "whassup" to every girl and guy you see that you don't know. go and strike up a short conversation with people you know.
then, spend some time with people you already know, but try not to be always with the same people.

then, it comes the time to getting to know somebody. i hate to be introduced to someone, since both he and i get awkward.
last time (the party was in the country side), i asked loudly "hey, is there someone who lives nearby?" and a girl told me she did.
then, my friends and i asked her about some funny neighbour to poke fun at with some pranks. this is very immature, but it works (later, this girl asked me and a friend of mine to dance). at parties, people WANT you to be immature (now, you don't have to act childish, but just having fun and not caring).

when i came back, i started to talk about the pranks we just did and lots of people came by and listened to me.

then, some guys (who live in another county!) striked up a conversation, cause they thought i was the most interesting guy in there

i got to know another couple of guys by asking them if they played basketball (they had And1 shoes)

girls i started random conversations with them, like we already knew each other


if you want some more advice, ask

 

[Brak86]

Originally posted by Jay-X
here's what i usually do, when i'm at a party. i try to get to the party with some funny guys other people don't know. they have to be the confident/funny type of guys that bring up your mood and everyone's.
when i'm in there, i usually go and greet the host, then i say something along the line of "hey, i don't know anybody in here, i'm getting pretty embarassed!" with a smile on my face. then, say "good morning", "hello", "whassup" to every girl and guy you see that you don't know. go and strike up a short conversation with people you know.
then, spend some time with people you already know, but try not to be always with the same people.

then, it comes the time to getting to know somebody. i hate to be introduced to someone, since both he and i get awkward.
last time (the party was in the country side), i asked loudly "hey, is there someone who lives nearby?" and a girl told me she did.
then, my friends and i asked her about some funny neighbour to poke fun at with some pranks. this is very immature, but it works (later, this girl asked me and a friend of mine to dance). at parties, people WANT you to be immature (now, you don't have to act childish, but just having fun and not caring).

when i came back, i started to talk about the pranks we just did and lots of people came by and listened to me.

then, some guys (who live in another county!) striked up a conversation, cause they thought i was the most interesting guy in there

i got to know another couple of guys by asking them if they played basketball (they had And1 shoes)

girls i started random conversations with them, like we already knew each other


if you want some more advice, ask

alright cool Jay-x. Yea, the two biggest setbacks i have at parties are Conversations (I dont know much about what people talk about, which is usually either talking about other people, or alcohol).

But also, im bad at flirting and i cant tell if a girl is flirting with me. For example, on saturday night, this chick that i've known for years asked me to go and sit with her on a bench. Now usually id think of that as getting hit on. At one point she also put her head on my shoulder for a bit. When you flirt, do you still talk about normal conversations while using kino etc. OR should you also talk about something specific while you are flirting? Anyways, i didnt look too far into this chick's signals because she is my good friend (mind you, she is slutty), but she kind of has a bf (they arent talking as of now), and i dont think shes flirted with me before, so why would she now? I guess my main question is, how do you flirt? I dont want to flirt in a totally retarded way, but i think that I would if i tried because i just never have witnessed some expert DJ flirting.

 

[Jay-X]

ok man, i'll try to write something about all this... it'll be on the forum within 24 hours, if i'll make it... hope you don't have a party tonight

 

[sk24iam]

It's always more fun and a confidence boost to be at a party where you know a lot of people. But if you don't, go around introducing yourself to some girls. Ask them if their having a good time. A great way to break the ice is to ask some girl to join in on a drinking game. Ask her to join your game of as$hole or to be your partner in a game of beerpong. Drinking games can be fun and allow you to loosen up. Just don't stand around at a party by yourself looking around and starring at everyone. If your alone, and you see a HB, make eye contact, smile, and if she smiles back approacch her.

 

[Brak86]

Originally posted by sk24iam
It's always more fun and a confidence boost to be at a party where you know a lot of people. But if you don't, go around introducing yourself to some girls. Ask them if their having a good time. A great way to break the ice is to ask some girl to join in on a drinking game. Ask her to join your game of as$hole or to be your partner in a game of beerpong. Drinking games can be fun and allow you to loosen up. Just don't stand around at a party by yourself looking around and starring at everyone. If your alone, and you see a HB, make eye contact, smile, and if she smiles back approacch her.

alright well first off, id like to not drink as much. I dont know how much harder im making this on myself, but i dont want to drink as much as other people.

Also, so you dont think that introducing yourself to a girl would make her seem weird? Should i just go up to her randomly and say "Hey im Brak86"?

or do i say something along the lines of"hey i noticed you over there and wanted to meet you"? This seems kinda corny but maybe it works.

I dont know if girls are more likely to reject a stranger talking to them at a party because they have friends and their reputation to keep.

 

[Jay-X]

Originally posted by Brak86
alright well first off, id like to not drink as much. I dont know how much harder im making this on myself, but i dont want to drink as much as other people.

Also, so you dont think that introducing yourself to a girl would make her seem weird? Should i just go up to her randomly and say "Hey im Brak86"?

or do i say something along the lines of"hey i noticed you over there and wanted to meet you"? This seems kinda corny but maybe it works.

I dont know if girls are more likely to reject a stranger talking to them at a party because they have friends and their reputation to keep.

at a party, cold approaches work far less. you should pretend to already know her... then, when you've been talking for awhile, say "hey, what's your name?" with a smirk. it works good for me

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Originally posted by Jay-X
at a party, cold approaches work far less. you should pretend to already know her... then, when you've been talking for awhile, say "hey, what's your name?" with a smirk. it works good for me

cold approaches are just talkin to girls you dont know....not acting like you dont know her

 

[TheCalmGuy]

Bleh.. this thread is gettting very boring, okay Brak86 first of all I think your main problem is your insecurities you think you're short 5'7 and have lots of other insecurities. Who gives a f*ck if you're short or only have 2 teeth, loosen up mate its a party get drunk, start socialising and have fun thats what you should do at a party. I am 5'6 and have braces, acne but everytime I go out I try to socialise with everybody, drink, dance and dont give a ****, thats what you should do.

 

[Brak86]

Originally posted by TheCalmGuy
Bleh.. this thread is gettting very boring, okay Brak86 first of all I think your main problem is your insecurities you think you're short 5'7 and have lots of other insecurities. Who gives a f*ck if you're short or only have 2 teeth, loosen up mate its a party get drunk, start socialising and have fun thats what you should do at a party. I am 5'6 and have braces, acne but everytime I go out I try to socialise with everybody, drink, dance and dont give a ****, thats what you should do.

yea i realized thats what i have to do. i HAVE to and i will. There are no parties now since everyone is gone. But when i get back from Spain for my senior year, i will.I think partly what has made me so bad at parties is that, the girls i know, ive known for about 7 years of my life. (Since i go to an all-guys school, we have a sister school, so most of the girls i know go there. But they are all mostly friend material now, it sucks).

Now can someone give me advice on how to flirt? I relaly would like to know. It's like i need someone to jump start me on this. I Know that i must get out in order to get better but can someone atleast tell me the "musts" when it comes to flirting?

 

[Jay-X]

Originally posted by Brak86


Now can someone give me advice on how to flirt? I relaly would like to know. It's like i need someone to jump start me on this. I Know that i must get out in order to get better but can someone atleast tell me the "musts" when it comes to flirting?

if i were a wise dumb4ss, i'd probably tell you to

R T B
E H I
A E B
D L
E



but today i feel more kind than usual, so i'll tell you something


the key of everything is on kino, that basically is touching her

you cannot start by grabbing her 4ss (unless you are a bit bold), so you have to start a bit lightly

try to put your head on her shoulder, like you are sleeping on her

you can also say something like "hey, come with me let's go drinkin" and take her by the end or offer your arm to her with a really serious and stuck-up expression on your face

when you have done this kinda stuff, you could come to her from behind and put your arms on her hips saying something like "hey, mind if i flirt heavy with you?" as if you were a macho latino


there could be lots of other examples, but you'll find a lot in the bible