shocked
New Member
I've been trying to read the stuff in the bible, but I stopped when I started to have the impression that I was reading some sci-fi novel. I've been trying to apply what I learned from there in my real life, but then I felt like an 80 year old man with muscular dystrophy trying to play pro football--you can know all the theory about how to score a touchdown... but that's assuming you're able to run. Heck, that's assuming you're able to stand on your feet without falling over. Heck, that's assuming you even have legs in the first place.
I've been trying to change my life for years, but at this point nothing has ever worked.
Here's the deal... I'm 24 years old and I've never even been on a date. Not even one little date, ever. Not even as much as sharing a drink with a girl. The biggest physical contact I've ever had with a girl was shaking hands, and when it happened I was still having chills in my spine a month later. Oh, and that girl was my cousin.
It's a bit ironic since my parents, both of them, never had any friends in their lives. They were married in their 40s when they were both virgins. Kinda gives you an idea what kind of social guidance I've grown up with.
I'm about to begin my third year in Industrial Design at University, but I don't know if I'll get through this year. The past couple of years have been particularly atrocious for me, especially the shock of coming out of years and years of home schooling (I dropped out of regular high school because I was never able to fit in). In Industrial Design when we get together for team work I'm always so awkward that I have a tough time talking to others without putting my foot in my mouth. That was why I was a reject in kindergarten, why I was a reject in elementary school and why I was a reject in high school until I switched to distance education.
I'm not shy. That's not the problem. I'm just not able to talk! I don't know how to talk to people because it's something I've never done in my life. When I try to use a little humor I get those weird looks like "what, you think you're funny or something?" After a while, it gets tiring. I just want to be accepted by others, I just want to have a place to belong, I just want to be part of a group... but I've never been able to do even that.
Now here I am... I don't think there are any guys or gals in my class (and perhaps the entire university as it seems) that hadn't had at least 6 or 7 girlfriends/boyfriends. They talk about things like that like if it was perfectly normal stuff, which for me seems about as real as Star Wars. Just knowing that makes me feel like a complete outcast. That's why it's so hard for me to read the posts in the Bible... it's because the more I read them the more I feel like a reject!
It's even worse when I see guys and girls who are just friends kiss each other on the cheek to say hello or good-bye. For them it's just a daily routine... but for me it's something I've never came close to doing in my life. It's like someone who's worked at minimum wage all his life for 90 hours a week being forced to watch billionnaires count their cash or something.
I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say that I was just "naive"--I don't understand that. It's not like if I'm not trying to change myself... but when I'm around people my age it's like if I can't keep the pace. Everyone has so much more life experience than I do that it's not even funny. It's like if I don't know anything--I don't know how to talk, I don't know how to dress myself (I've been made fun of because it seems that I dress too formally)... heck, I don't know how to do anything.
I've tried everything to change myself... I subscribed to a dance class last year but I ended up only going to a few classes because I just became too embarassed after a while, I always felt that I was out of the group or something. When I walked in, I could just feel everyone looking at me, judging me... at the end, I couldn't take it anymore. I've even taken an acting class, but I had to quit after a while because just walking in the group soon made me feel like trying to swim in a lake of boiling lava with all those eyes glued on me or something.
So, how can I start if nothing has worked? At this point, getting a girlfriend is not even a priority even though I'm posting here... saying I want a girlfriend would be like someone who has never thrown a baseball in his life saying that he wants to win the Cy Young in a year. All I want at this point is... heck, just be able not to be the third wheel every single time I'm in a group. I just want to be able to talk to people without getting strange looks... I just want to be normal, dammit.
So... where can I start? Keep in mind that everything I've tried so far has failed.
Sorry, guys... I know this is a pretty long post. I'm just completely desperate, here... I don't know what to do. All I want is just to be a normal guy...
I've been trying to change my life for years, but at this point nothing has ever worked.
Here's the deal... I'm 24 years old and I've never even been on a date. Not even one little date, ever. Not even as much as sharing a drink with a girl. The biggest physical contact I've ever had with a girl was shaking hands, and when it happened I was still having chills in my spine a month later. Oh, and that girl was my cousin.
It's a bit ironic since my parents, both of them, never had any friends in their lives. They were married in their 40s when they were both virgins. Kinda gives you an idea what kind of social guidance I've grown up with.
I'm about to begin my third year in Industrial Design at University, but I don't know if I'll get through this year. The past couple of years have been particularly atrocious for me, especially the shock of coming out of years and years of home schooling (I dropped out of regular high school because I was never able to fit in). In Industrial Design when we get together for team work I'm always so awkward that I have a tough time talking to others without putting my foot in my mouth. That was why I was a reject in kindergarten, why I was a reject in elementary school and why I was a reject in high school until I switched to distance education.
I'm not shy. That's not the problem. I'm just not able to talk! I don't know how to talk to people because it's something I've never done in my life. When I try to use a little humor I get those weird looks like "what, you think you're funny or something?" After a while, it gets tiring. I just want to be accepted by others, I just want to have a place to belong, I just want to be part of a group... but I've never been able to do even that.
Now here I am... I don't think there are any guys or gals in my class (and perhaps the entire university as it seems) that hadn't had at least 6 or 7 girlfriends/boyfriends. They talk about things like that like if it was perfectly normal stuff, which for me seems about as real as Star Wars. Just knowing that makes me feel like a complete outcast. That's why it's so hard for me to read the posts in the Bible... it's because the more I read them the more I feel like a reject!
It's even worse when I see guys and girls who are just friends kiss each other on the cheek to say hello or good-bye. For them it's just a daily routine... but for me it's something I've never came close to doing in my life. It's like someone who's worked at minimum wage all his life for 90 hours a week being forced to watch billionnaires count their cash or something.
I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say that I was just "naive"--I don't understand that. It's not like if I'm not trying to change myself... but when I'm around people my age it's like if I can't keep the pace. Everyone has so much more life experience than I do that it's not even funny. It's like if I don't know anything--I don't know how to talk, I don't know how to dress myself (I've been made fun of because it seems that I dress too formally)... heck, I don't know how to do anything.
I've tried everything to change myself... I subscribed to a dance class last year but I ended up only going to a few classes because I just became too embarassed after a while, I always felt that I was out of the group or something. When I walked in, I could just feel everyone looking at me, judging me... at the end, I couldn't take it anymore. I've even taken an acting class, but I had to quit after a while because just walking in the group soon made me feel like trying to swim in a lake of boiling lava with all those eyes glued on me or something.
So, how can I start if nothing has worked? At this point, getting a girlfriend is not even a priority even though I'm posting here... saying I want a girlfriend would be like someone who has never thrown a baseball in his life saying that he wants to win the Cy Young in a year. All I want at this point is... heck, just be able not to be the third wheel every single time I'm in a group. I just want to be able to talk to people without getting strange looks... I just want to be normal, dammit.
So... where can I start? Keep in mind that everything I've tried so far has failed.
Sorry, guys... I know this is a pretty long post. I'm just completely desperate, here... I don't know what to do. All I want is just to be a normal guy...
