I played her too much - got dumped - because of this site everything i do is a trick

[Mr.Fantastic]

This thread is quite long, but in it I'm going to tell you about how i have taken the DJ principles and interpreted them wrong. I have over analysed, overthought and generally tried to play some kind of game every step of the way, I never know when to stop...and it has screwed me over. Here is whats been happening:

I have been seeing a girl for a little over a month now and just now she rang me and dumped me. This is the first time i've been dumped. It feels bad.

The problem was that she asked if we were exclusive. Now, me being me, just had to **** this one up. I have read so much on sites like this that you should keep a relationship light in the early stages and things like 'never give a woman a straight answer' etc. So she asked me 'are we exclusive or are you sleeping with someone else?' to this i said 'im not sleeping with anyone else, and i don't know if we are exclusive'. She pressed me for a straight answer but i woulnt give one, i just said 'i dunno' nonchalantly. She asked me if i wanted to sleep with anyone else and i said 'maybe'. I was trying to be as honest as possible.

Anyway, she goes home for a week and we have no communication, i guess i should have text her or something, but I have read stuff about 'dont text too much' etc, i figure i'll text or ring to arrange to meet up and other than that i don;t really see the point. So after a couple of days she says 'hey remember me?' I replied with 'of course i remember you, you are the girl that talks about elephants an awful lot! lol, hows home?' (we had a running joke about elephants, i thought it ****ey n funny) to which she replied 'is that the only reason you remember me??'

So I see her a few days later, we go out to a comedy club, have a few drinks. We go back to hers, but this time she says she is very tired (which i think was true) and she doesnt want to have sex. Then she tells me that I have really pissed her off. (Up to this point I didnt realise what I had done.)
She told me that it made her feel used that i didnt straight out say we were exclusive and when i said i didnt realise it was such a big deal and that i just wanted to keep things fun and light she said that it was like im just using her for sex and saying whatever to get in her pants.

tonight (just now) after i text her asking her out again she rung me and said it wasnt going to work, that we wanted different things. She said we were polar opposites and she said its a shame because im a really nice guy and she has a great laugh with me. I said 'will you see me again?' and she said 'yeah, as friends'. So i guess we call that LJBF eh?

The thing is, i didnt see it as using her, i really like her, i realise that she is not the perfect girl for me, and that i could never see marrying her, but i really do like her and i enjoy hanging out with her. I dont see this as using her, i dont see this as jerking her around, i was just being honest about my intentions. I know i have made many many mistakes here, but hey, its all a learning experience right?...first time i've been dumped, my first almost real relationship.

 

[Jay Jay]

sorry to hear that bro.

yeah, too much games ruins ****.

game can be goodl in the early stages to some extent but eventually, if you want more than sex ,you need to be more real.

live and learn eh.

jj

 

[reset]

Sorry man. I read your post and I hear, "all I was doing was being honest--up front--and she didn't like it."

If you were REALLY being honest, and did not want to commit, then you lost nothing. But if you wanted to commit, then yeah you could have given her the idea that you were CONSIDERING being exclusive. Like, you're conflicted... you really care for her but you don't want to limit your options, but you don't want to lose her, so many women want to be with you, however there's something special about her and you think you could really be happy with her, but you just need time... If she wanted you for herself, and thought you were LEANING in that direction, she would fight to keep you.

If she calles back, I would convey that. Let her earn you, but show her that yes she has a fighting chance to snag you. Just my two cents.

 

[Nighthawk]

Bet she comes crawling back.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

I hope she does come back nighthawk, I let her know that I want to keep seeing her, when she rung me I went silent for a while, then asked her if there was anything I could say, she said there wasn't. I asked her 'can I ring you tomorrow?' she said yeah.

Anyway, I rang her back about five minutes later and said 'Ok, so I was quiet there, I will talk to you now. I asked her to explain what she meant by 'wanting different things' and she said her life was pretty hectic at the moment and she wants something a little more permanent. She said that she is 'used to being looked after' (to which quite frankly I saw a bit of the rich princess comming out). She also referred to the fact that I am not a great conversationalist and she said that if she is ever tired and lacking energy there will be times where we will say nothing because I don't talk much! (i'll admit that im not the best talker - but i do make her laugh a lot and interest her). She then said that she was tired last night and I outdid myself by speaking a lot!(wtf?). I said 'but we have a good time, these things shouldnt matter, and it shouldnt matter that we are quite different people' she said that we do have a great time together, but still ended it. I think she could hear in my voice that I was quite emotional and down about it all. Surely that says that im interested in her?

She said she hasn't got the energy to interpret things that I say..(here i might have made a mistake but I didn't know what to say) I said 'verything I say is kind of a joke!' she said that the time she asked if we were being exclusive is not a time to joke. I think she is right there, but I just never know when to be serious.

Anyway, our parting shots were her saying 'you know where i am if you want to see me' (she works in a pub) and she said 'ill see you', in the general 'bye' sort of way, and I said yeah, hopefully, maybe.'

 

[Nighthawk]

She wants you back, but you need to start making more of an honest connection - and if you want to be exclusive, then use the opportunity to say you want to be exclusive, she's just worried you are banging other girls and wants to punish you by making a shyt-test about it.

Handle that by sticking to your priciples - 'hey missy, I decide when I am feeling serious enough to offer exclusivity, not you. I was still checking you out before moving to that phase.'

Keep us posted.

 

[SamRi72]

One thing Neil Strauss warns about in his book, The Game, which is a must-read, is to not become a robot. All the techniques in the world might get you some sex (much more than AFCs) but it will not lead to a warm relationship or anything long term. You need to put yourself into your game, AKA inner game. Find a passion other than women and pursue it with your life. This has been my sticking point but I'm working on it.

Also, you aren't following your own code. Read Pook's Be a Man Post. Seriously, if you are in an organized relationship DO NOT ACT LIKE A PLAYER UNLESS YOU ARE AND HAVE BEEN ONE SINCE SHE MET YOU. If you believe it then she'll believe it, but if you see a technique that gives you too much guilt, just drop it like it's hot. Being yourself won't get people who lack natural game chicks, but being your best self will. You need a code to live by (any mixture of religious, governmental, and self-made) that you should never compromise and a passion. These will make you a stronger person and will help you on the path to mandom.

O and just a quick rule of thumb that you might want to follow: never beg. You might get what you want, but your power will be gone. If you are the kind who loves to be ruled by a woman, this advice isn't for you, but begging is never a good idea. Should she want you back, she'll come back. Otherwise, NEXT!

 

[Last Man Standing]

Man Up!!! You been with the hor for a month and you are distraught over her absence??? Get real!!!! Tell hors what they want to hear!!! Some hors don't want to FEEL like hors although they KNOW that they are hors!!! Hors are still women - but they go outside of their natures and try to create an artificial construct to legitimize their hordoms!!! "Exclusivity" means it's "OK" to open your legs and as long as I eat one dyck at a time then all is kosher!!!!! This is feminist Hor thinking and part of The Matrix!!!

If you desire to be a pimp then find a hor who unabashedly embraces her hordoms and leave these hors alone, who try to consciously legitimize their hordoms!!!

 

[The Shocker]

This is very similar to my situation...She says she just wants to be friends because she's not feeling it anymore or something. She wanted exclusivity and everything, I didn't really say much about it, but I think that she might have got the idea that I wasn't ready for a relationship, which she said she wanted.

Or she's just a *****, and found another guy.

 

[Krak]

Once you bang the chick, seriously, don't play games anymore. There is no point. If she wants more from you, she will bring it up and you give her a straight answer.

 

[Themanthatcan]

Just don't convey your chasing her.Tell her that she took how you were acting the wrong way, and if she feels that way, then whatever, that's fine. Then cut yourself off from her for a while and see what happens.

You won't seem so needy and she'll probably end up rethinking.

 

[loco2chon]

Women... Sometimes they act one way, two minutes later they act a different way. Who understands them? NO ONE! Don't even try to understand what she is feeling dude. If she doesn't want you then she'll lose you. You're the prize remember? Anyways I know its hard to move on the the next one sometimes, when you feel a 'special connection'. You don't feel this with the rest... Good Luck.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

thanks for the replys guys, i'll let you know id anything happens.

 

[Scought]

Please don't try to 'convince' a woman to date you.

She is trying to raise value by seeming disinterested, when she isn't.

Remember, actions....not words.
Words=not interested
Actions=Be the man and do something about this.

Reminding her of how much you have in common, the good times, memories, etc, is a form of trying to convince her you are great. She either feels it or she doesn't. Talking to her RATIONALLY about it will not work.

Stop trying to convince her.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

if im not trying to 'convince her' then what am i supposed to do?? it seems that the general consensus is to not call her and wait for her to call me, if she wants to.??? is this the way i should do it? I mean, you have all read how i rang her up 5 mins later and conveyed (badly) that I was still interested, how should i act from here on??

 

[Scought]

What do you need to do?

MOVE ON.

No amount of calling, persuading, convincing, reminding her is going to change a core attraction. She either makes up her own mind--which she seems to have at this point.

Meanwhile, you aren't waiting. You are out living your life, realizing she made a mistake, and you are out getting to know other women.

If she is interested, she will call. It truly is that simple. Don't placate to her by telling her how great the times were. That is fools good and if it works, is only temporary.

You said your piece. Now go out and do what you want to do.

 

[PentatonicScales]

it must have become over-game

 

[Vypros]

I honestly just read the title of your thread is all, but I think it's all I need to read.

This thread is an examply why I am constantly touting INNER GAME.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

You misread the situation entirely, and used information from this site wrongly too. The information from this site is not a rule of thumb, but a guide only and should be adpated depending on the girl and situation.

Your main mistake was when she asked if you wanted other girls and you said 'Maybe' - that tells her your not that keen on her.

So you were honest, and because of this you lost her.

You only have yourself to blame for this one.

BUT - if you want to fix things:

phone her and tell her you have some free time coming up soon and that you'd like to take her out. if she says as friends whatever then say yea. Build up some more rapport, show her a good time and explain that her conversation before about exculsivity took you by surprise and that you did like her, it was just a bit too soon and you wernt ready.

This WILL work unless she is already interested in another guy...and will get you digging out of the friends trap.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

Thanks for that PectoralisMajor, I think I will ring her and do just that, but others have suggested that she needs to ring me if she is interested. I think I need to give her a chance to do that, a little time for her to rethink things perhaps...?