I only enjoy deep conversation

[vlf445]

This site has helped me get over a lot of my social phobias, and I find approaching people and starting a conversation rather easy now. But the thing is, I always find the conversation stale. Even with friends, family, or my girlfriend, I have trouble getting immersed in the conversation. I can keep it going if necessary, but that's all I'm really doing, is keeping it alive. While I do this I'm usually just inside my head observing the world around me.

I've posted something similar to this before, about not enjoying conversation very much. But I found that when it comes to deeper conversation I can go for hours. Talking about the wonders of the expansive universe, or the mystery of the human condition and differences in human perception of the world is straight up fun. But it seems like the only conversation that I lose myself in. Other times I'm just keeping the thing afloat so the other person doesn't have to feel awkward while I'm completely silent. I'd be fine with the silence, in fact, I like it, but it seems others can't enjoy it.

A lot of thoughts have been swirling around my head as to why this is.

First I thought maybe I'm a very selfish person and just don't care enough about what other people have to say. This bothers me, and I try caring more, but I can't seem to force it to happen.

Or maybe my conversational skills aren't very good? I've found that when I tell a story I completely shorten it up to a few sentences and ruin any potential effect (comedic or whatever) it could have had. I think I do this because deep down I know i hate it when people tell long useless stories so I shorten mine up because I don't think theyll really listen if i don't.

Maybe im more socially anxious than Im aware?

I don't know, i just thought I would post this and see what others thought. I'm sick of caring less and less about conversation because, although i love time to myself A LOT, I eventually get lonely.

Thanks for reading....that was a long b!tchy post, I know. Just had to vent it.

 

[slaog]

I'm similar. I've come to understand that most communication is not done with words but by body language etc ie it's not what you say but how you say it. I think maybe I've seen things too logically in the past and maybe you do too??


I think finding things boring basically means you yourself are a boring person in some way. I came to that conclusion about myself but its changed as I have developed myself. Change the way you see things and those things will change.

 

[Sophomakhos]

A lot of it has to do with your social circle. I'm a graduate student myself and I often find that conversation with non-intellectual people can sometimes go stale. Not necessarily, but it does happen. If I were to try to have a serious relationship with a girl who wasn't at all intellectual, then I would get bored after a short while, and so would she. It wouldn't be one person's fault or the other - it's just a simple difference of personality. The key then is to find girls who do interest you in conversation. And you can be pretty sure that if she interests you, then there's a damn good chance that you'll interest her. There's a certain beauty to intellectual compatibility.

Go to certain locales like bookshops, or certain cafes, or even university bars, or just bars that happen to be near universities. There are all sorts of places like these where you're more likely to run into an intellectual woman.

 

[Elephant]

But I found that when it comes to deeper conversation I can go for hours. Talking about the wonders of the expansive universe, or the mystery of the human condition and differences in human perception of the world is straight up fun. But it seems like the only conversation that I lose myself in. Other times I'm just keeping the thing afloat so the other person doesn't have to feel awkward while I'm completely silent. I'd be fine with the silence, in fact, I like it, but it seems others can't enjoy it.

I don't know, i just thought I would post this and see what others thought. I'm sick of caring less and less about conversation because, although i love time to myself A LOT, I eventually get lonely.

I would have to say that I agree with the part that I quoted. I used to only talk to people that I could have deep conversations or at least conversations about my interests. The result: I only talked to a few people and my social skills were terrible. My advice is to try to keep things light and fun. Add humor when talking. Just try to enjoy the whole social experience instead of just focusing on the conversation.

 

[S.U.R.F.]

Its not what you say..its how you feel when you say it..

When it comes to women, deep conversations is pointless. It goes like this : you spend 10 hours talking about the mysteries of the universe with her, you don't get a hug. She meets random dude drunk, make out in 5 minutes, lol see what I mean? It has happened to me...

However, us (intellectual) guys can talk bout the mysteries of the universe for hours and we don't want to suck each other's ****. Get some smart guy friends lol, or an intellectual forum and vent your brain residue there.

 

[vlf445]

I think finding things boring basically means you yourself are a boring person in some way. I came to that conclusion about myself but its changed as I have developed myself. Change the way you see things and those things will change.

This is definitely my problem. I know I'm boring to be around because all I do is keep conversation afloat, I don't really bring anything to the situation. I try to work on this but can't seem to get anywhere because of my apathy towards what I'm seeing as "stale conversation".

Changing the way I see things is not easy. I hate to admit it but the only time I see everything in a positive light is after a psychedelic trip. Up to a few months after a good trip I see the world in a whole new light. I become self confident, playful, I stop caring what others think, and pleny of other positives. I basically become myself 100%. But in time the ego makes its way back into the scene, and I become the old me I've always been...