I obsess over my lack of experience and it needs to stop.

[sph21]

I don’t have confidence and people can see that. I don’t get encouragement from friends or family to achieve anything. It’s nonstop “you should have done better.” This has eroded my confidence with women. I used to approach every woman I found attractive but because I didn’t have a lot of confidence or a six pack I just got told I was too fat.

Pardon my grammar. English is not my first language.

Take baby steps. Or take one step at a time. Figure out what part of your life that you can change little by little right now and do it. This is how I was capable of overcoming my shyness in my 20s.

In my 20s, I was so shy to even talk to a stranger, especially girls. Knowing this, I challenged my self to talk to any stranger I could find anywhere. Sometimes, I asked my best friend to accompany me so that I can have more confidence while striking a conversation. I did it diligently, and eventually I don't need his help any more. Talking to a stranger is easy for me now because I have many experiences (whether it's good or bad).

The idea is to take control of what you can control right now. Focus on things that you can change and challenge your self to fix them one by one.

Confidence is attained by successfully accomplished bunch of little things.

“Getting a girl is not the success.”

Those words kept reminding me of what a real success is. I'm in my late 30 and I haven't gotten married yet. I live in Asia where the pressure to get a family is quite intense. Whenever I failed with a girl, those words gave me confidence and to focus on what I can do to be better next time with another girl. Failure is not something that we can avoid.

True acceptance of who you are is the first step towards greatness. You can't achieve greatness if you keep running away from the things that you know you have to do right now.

Only you can make your life better. Do not wait for luck or a girl or a magical situation just to change what you don't like about yourself. Do not be passive; be active instead. Men are builders. We don't wait for things to happen by themselves.

Here's my last piece of advice for you:

“The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise."
~ David Deida - The Way of the Superior Man

Be masculine & and challenge yourself to be better each day.

If you still don't know about being masculine is all about, Pook wrote some great posts on it. Look it up in DJ Bible.